Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about New Year

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Men discuss who as vstretil.
-Only twelve struck New year, - tells one, - as I hear knock at a door. I open, and there - the Snow Maiden. Well we with it also gave a heat!
-A I, - is connected another, - as always, couple of bubbles drained in and to the street went. I wake up - nearby the woman naked. Yes all such magnificent, white. Too cool time proveli.
-Well and what you such thoughtful? Yes everything I try to understand
-, on figs it on the head had a bucket and why it has a nose carrot?

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On a bus stop in New year there are three. One - in shoes, an easy coat and in a hat, another - in boots, a winter coat, and the third - in a sheepskin coat, standing valenoks. That in shoes, waves hands and foot taps nogami:
-Well and a frost! Degrees 40, truly...
-Forty not forty, - are said that in boots, - and 25 budet.
muzhik in tulupe:
-Yes will be to you, it is no more than 10 degrees!

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For New Year the father was Father Frost, and the little girl long did not decide to get a gift from a dirty father's sock.

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For New Year Russian salad show ate too much and incidentally sblevanut on the president's congratulation.

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For New year drank gin. Student's times when on a New Year's drinks table there was only a vodka, and from snack - only a fir-tree were for some reason remembered.

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On a children's playground is indignant zhenshchina:
-my child moved down from a hill and crashed into a fir-tree. What fool so does hills?
- So to a fir-tree of 200 meters! - is surprised prokhozhiy.
-Well and what? And if the child has snivels?

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On a fir-tree in Officers' Club the little boy drags for himself a bag. He drags it everywhere, touches chairs, people. The person on duty takes the boy by hand and speaks:
-it is bad, the boy. If you disturb all, Father Frost to you will not come!
-A as you think, who at me in a bag?

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On New Year's morning performance in children's sadu:
-Father Frost, thank you for a gift!
- Yes have nothing, granddaughters!
- Here and I so think, it simply mother ordered to thank you!

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On crossing of Festive and Oblomovsky streets Father Frost serving this area was to death showered with snowballs. As experts believe, the repartition of spheres of influence in gift business connected with emergence in Santa-Clausov's city began.

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The letter came to mail. Read: To Father Frost! Opened, and there napisano:
-Father Frost! Dima writes you. I live in the north. We have a winter, New year, but I cannot go outside because I have no warm fur coat, mittens, a hat and valenoks. The grandfather, sewed to me, please, a fur coat, mittens, a hat and valenki.
nu, workers of mail shed a few tears, collected who how many could, but for mittens was not enough. Decided to send without mittens. After a while again the letter to Ded of Morozu:
-Thanks, the grandfather, for a gift comes! But mittens to me did not reach, probably, by mail pulled out...

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Wrote the letter to Father Frost...
otdala to the husband...
ZhDU...

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Nachalneg presented on a chocolate bar and wished that new year was same sweet...
xxx: chocolate as it appeared, bitter...

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- Are not you ashamed to go under the best New Year's Eve in a cafe and not come back. I spent all night could not sleep!
- Do you think I batted?

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Week about New year, all prepare for a holiday, including det.sada. Children need fir-trees. Responsible for fir-trees dials number, but is mistaken in one figure, getting on girls on vyzovu:
-Alyo, hello! You have New Year trees?
Тёлки that is, everyones. Current than differ New Year's from not New Year's?
Well understand, New Year's - they … they such elegant, with spheres …
elegant it is still clear - will dress up, but with spheres … With spheres is already to you not тёлки.
- Well, well, well give without spheres. It is very necessary!
-A to you, I'm sorry, for what entertainments?
Da a holiday, znayete.
-A, корпоративный.
- Well, is possible and so to speak. Nurseries утренники.
- Well, in the morning at us even are cheaper! Understand
Sami, all the best … There will be to you the best, most!
Yes, yes! And povyshe.
-Naydyom to you snegurok. Desires of clients … .
-Vot thanks!
-A is necessary much?
Нуу, pieces seven-eight … Yolki-palki.
-Akha, well means from us a tyolka, from you, hm … palki.
-A you the merry fellow. With you it is quickly possible договориться.
- Well, we reliable kontora.
-Zamechatelno. At you with delivery, nadeyus.
-A that! In total in pure vide.
-Pishite the address …
well, successful holiday!

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Shortly before New year brought the grandson to the grandmother. The kid got tired from the trip, and him put to sleep. When he woke up in bad mood and began to whimper, the grandmother saida:
-If will not be capricious, Father Frost will present to you tower kran.
-Fine! - he was delighted. - Now at me them will be dva.
-Why two? - was surprised babushka.
- And I found the second at you under a bed.

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- Father Frost, artificial at you... Sober some...

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Some laws Rozhdestva:
1. Gifts share on two categories: what are not pleasant to you, and what you not poluchili.
2. Christmas is that time when a half of gifts does not reach by mail, and the others... Well, would not reach oni.
3 better. Christmas was a holiday of the world and good until someone thought up to give podarki.
4. Preparation, congratulation, objedeniye, nesvareniye.
5. Gifts should be bought at the last moment to avoid a crush among the people who decided to buy gifts in advance to avoid a crush.

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The new employee Svetlana very much was pleasant to Igor, and on New Year's Eve he appointed by her appointment. Before appointment Igor for excitement literally could not find any peace. Since morning he ran in a hairdressing salon where it was tonsured. Then captiously chose a new tie in department store. It polished boots to such smoothness that motes simply slid off them. During a lunch for excitement almost ate nothing and constantly glanced for hours. It seemed to it that time hangs too heavy. After a lunch it again went to a hairdressing salon - this time to have a shave. Long before appointment Igor a bullet rushed off on the market after flowers for Svetlana. Under hours came to an agreed place long before the appointed term. In a word, behaved, just as the child, but not as the adult, married person.

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New Year's congratulation from a military registration and enlistment office: "It is again suitable!"

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New Year's offer! Five New Year's automobile routes po
rossii and to near off road terrain.

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New Year's vacation from the point of view of Greenpeace members is that other, as a merrily and long funeral of the murdered fir-tree.

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New Year's tosty:
1. For Old god.
2. For New god.
3. The Serega though you also were that year as a goat, let's drink!
4. Yes you and itself behaved as a pig, but I will drink with pleasure!
5.... Yes anything, apply ice - quickly will pass. Well, calmed down? We drink for friendship!
6. For the ladies who are present here (Serege do not pour any more!).
7. I want a proiznesta tostopaloyeshchshomsoshchvpyypo....

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New Year's carnival. Vedushchiy:
-First place was won by a mask of "sucker" - the 3rd row the 8th mesto.
iz zala:
-Oh... and yazh ne igrav!

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New Year's cocktail "Did Not Understand" - undertakes an empty glass... in total.

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New Year's prikol.
prosnulsya at 19 o'clock in the morning... At once made a discovery of the century. And only in half an hour - opening of the second eyelid...

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New Year's toast: in the coming 2013 it would be desirable that not only there was a wish!.

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New Year's morning performance in a garden... Snegurochka:
- And now children we will call Father Frost! Well all together: Father Frost! Where you?
tishina...
snegurochka:
-Parents, we will help children! In total together! Father Frost! Where you??? Silence...
snegurochka:
-Well all together: "Father Frost!!! Where you??? "
IZ under fir-trees hoarse golosom:
-Oh, hu... in, me children! Oh x... in.

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New Year's morning performance at school. The military instructor dressed up Ded of Morozom.
-Hello, children!
DETI (separately):
- Hi, Father Frost!
- Is so indistinct, to set aside! Once again!

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3 New Year's desires of the pervert: to kill Father Frost, to burn a fir-tree, to bang the Snow Maiden.

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New Year's Eve. Street. Father Frost and Snow Maiden. Snegurochka:
-I was so tired. All have a holiday, and we...
DED Moroz:
-But same really holiday!, look (showing on the passing police car with flashers) - even militia force to go to a holiday with garlands.

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New Year's advertizing of cellular communication:.". and besides, all your wishes made this year automatically are transferred to the following!

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- As the New Year meet?
- As a gift ...
- It is like?
- Yes overnight lain under the tree ...

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New Year! New Year!!! NEW YEAR!!!
- in horror shouted a liver.

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New year! Children gathered on a holiday drive round dances round a fir-tree. Here FATHER FROST with snegurochkoy:
-Hello children comes, hello, that at us is not enough on a fir-tree children, sparks let's ask a fir-tree be lit time - two-three - the fir-tree gori.
ne burns. Children again try time - two-three - a fir-tree burn, does not burn. Here one of children gets cellular of a pocket dials number and speaks:
-Hear a pas! Send friends, let will understand, and that the fir-tree does not burn.

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New Year is a new hope to change the life to the best, anything for this purpose without doing.

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New year is a holiday not only people, but also toilet bowls. Instead of the bothered bums they will see many new faces...

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New year passed well if since morning on the street you are called "The dude from YouTube".

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New Year! And the sponsor of New Year - cosmetics "NEMIROV"!!! Men drink - women get prettier!!!

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New year. The television reporter asks one of tusuyushchikhsya:
-That you can tell about today's praazdnik?
- Yes went you...
reporter:
-I so in all city!! Jokes! Fun! Laughter!