Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about New Year

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Ladies and gentlemen, make New Year for the children unforgettable, invite to yourself Father Frost. Misters, do not deprive also yourself this evening in pleasure - invite to yourself and the Snow Maiden.

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Two actors earn additionally on New Year's Eve Fathers Frost. One asks drugogo:
-Listen, come to my family, congratulate them with prazdnikom.
- And why you cannot? Yes I too expensive take
-.

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Two bums after a New Year's holiday exchange vpechatleniyami:
-New year perfectly met! I leave the cellar, I look, on a landing a bottle from under vodka - gram 100 it is drunk not enough, in a tank glanced - caviar sandwich, only of once it is taken a bite. Drank, has a snack, down the street took a walk. And how are you?
- is bad, all holiday of the house stayed: some reptile put a skating rink on the hatch.

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Two child in a garden after New Goda:
- And me for New Year presented so radio-controlled machine on buttons, and still the gun such pools shoots, still a box of candies and there is a lot more that. And that presented to you?
- Air sharik.
- And all?
- Well not at all a blood cancer...

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Two snowmen note New god.
-Eh, the woman now...
- Snow...
- Well, you are a pervert!

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podrugi:
-That you presented two to the husband for New year?
- Blue norku.
- And it to you?
- Fishing tackles.

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razgovarivayut:
-That you love two girlfriends more, New year or sexual intercourse?
- New year!
-A why?
- It more often happens.

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The girl comes on a visit to celebration of New Year and with horror notices that all furniture is upholstered with the same matter from which it is sewed it platye.
-My God! - she speaks to the girlfriend, - it is necessary to stir without stopping all New Year's evening...
-A what for? of
-That anybody, by mistake, did not take me for a chair!

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Ded Marazm and pridurochka.

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Father Frost, already pretty, comes on next vyzovu:
-That you wanted, the lovely boy, as a gift?
rebenok, the word without telling, the Boy, for what beats Father Frost on morde.
-?
-A it for last year.

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Father Frost speaks small devochke:
- The Girl if you kiss me, I will give you konfetku.
-Father Frost and if you give me all bag of candies, I at you even will suck away.

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Father Frost speaks snow babe:
-You to me do not suck off any more!
-A cho?
- cho, all stomach carrot of an iskolol!

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Grandfather Moroz:
-Dear children! I came tearing along to you from far Lapland, tired out on the way of three deer, a sheepskin coat and shapku.
ya so I love children that to me even for it article wanted to sew!

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Grandfather Moroz:
-Hello, expensive detishechka! We with the Snow Maiden arrived to you from the North. For a start we planned competition of verses. You will read verses, and the one who will bring the first a corkscrew will win...

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Father Frost got drunk completely. Comes on utrennik.
-Z-hello, d-kids, ik. Now we with in - You will carry out in - cheerful morning performance! Ik! Only... children, to - whom it now not x - is enough for us? Ik!
snegu-urochki is not present. So let's it call: SNE-GU-ROCH-KA! SNE-GU-ROCH-KA!
He goes, ik. Then let's stuff up two fingers in a mouth and we will whistle, here TAK:
BE-E-E...

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- Father Frost, thanks for a gift which you to me prines.
- The Trifle, are not necessary blagodarnosti.
-I too so think, but mother ordered so to speak.

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- Father Frost, and the truth, what the Snow Maiden is going to get married?
- Is not present, a lie. It is impossible for it zahusband .
- And why?
- It from friction can thaw.

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Father Frost comes in children's sad:
-Who you are such? - having put out the head from under a bed his Father Frost frightened karapuz.
-asks, to you presents brought! Well, we had
- the Snow Maiden recently. Promised to treat with candies, and itself ate all cream of wheat!

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- Father Frost, I ask you, present to me the designer of "Lego", - shouts malchik.
-do not shout so, Father Frost will hear even whisper, - calms him mama.
-Yes, but the father was closed in the room, and could not hear.

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Father Frost distributes podarki:
nu, the boy, ask, what you want?
-Stereosistemu.
-C you rhyme. Our Tanya loudly cries, dropped to the small river... what?
-Myachik.
-correctly the boy, here to you a ball, and you speak - a stereosystem

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Father Frost actually - exists!
Ya on the street already met today 3 pieces...

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Father Frost brags of Santa-Klausu:
- And my Snow Maiden at competition won first place!
- I Congratulate. And what for competition? Ms.
- "Frigidity".

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Father Frost with the Snow Maiden approach to shkole.
- The Snow Maiden, you put on a bullet-proof vest?
- Of course! And you took the gas gun?
- Took...
-A electroshock?!
- Here forgot an electroshock...
- Well, I feel - again everything that we will earn, on restoration of virginity and will leave...

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- Why does Santa Claus walks around the apartment with a large bag?
- collect empty bottles.

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Ded Snegour and Morozochka!
- is hotter a New Year's congratulation for persons of nonconventional orientation.

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- Father, Father Frost! I want for New Year the big red fire truck!
- is good! Father Frost told and set fire to the apartment...

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- The grandfather, the grandfather, and Santa Claus exists?
- Is not present, the vnuchenka, is a fantasy! - Father Frost told and stroked the Snow Maiden on the head.

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Father Frost, leave! - children shouted hopping near a toilet.

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Father Frost! It is impossible for me sweet because I have a diabetes. Send me, please, box Polusladkogo.
podpis - Sasha, 9.

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Father Frost! I write you the letter - bring to me, please, under a fir-tree of a cold kefirchik!

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Father a frost, give a present! - the small child shouted, running for Ded Morozom.
dobry Father Frost threw off a bag with gifts from a shoulder... Also crushed the child on хр#н!

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Father Frost, you came to last NG to us with some drunk maid, washed up hands in compote, ate all food from dog bowls, and then with shout "And now in snowballs" began to throw stuffed cabbage! It was pleasant to me... come still. Petya 6 years.

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On December 31, 1999, 23chasa 45minut. Ha the screen of the TV appears the announcer and govopit:
-We interrupt TV program for a New Year's congratulation which for you was prepared by the president of Russia... (The small pause, listens to the earphone), and we learn a surname of the president after an advertizing pause

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On December 31, the son approaches mother in the evening and speaks:
-Give when there is a half of 12 we will cry: New year! New year!
- Why it?
-A let our neighbors think that to us New year came earlier.

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On December 31 remove all money from the clothes of colleagues left in shkafu.
kupite on them vodka and drink all in one rylo.
tak you correctly will meet year of the Blue Rat.

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December 31, 1999. Kremlin television station. 6th hour of continuous work. The director in frenzy tears on himself hair. The make-up artist is just rescued from the second attempt of suicide. The editor-in-chief fights about the panel in a despair attack. Logopedists here are deranged two hours. The press secretary cannot laugh any more...
... Moscow, Kremlin. After six-hour continuous attempts to write down a New Year's congratulation to Russians the president of the Russian Federation Yeltsin Boris Nikolaevich resigned...

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December 31, 2007. 23:50. New Year's address prezidenta.
putin: I will be short. I will not move forward for the third term. I was tired. I leave.............
eltsin: Russians! I have a rest. I come. Here such flourish turns out, ponimash. :)

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December 31. Calls rebenok:
-to Alya, fast? Come soon. Our father from mind soshel.
nadel a red dressing gown, valenoks and everything says that he is Father Frost!

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December 31. The man puts a stool and covers with a rope a chandelier. The door is suddenly opened and drunk Father Frost becomes hollow. Flops on a sofa, looks at the unfortunate man and asks:
-That you do it there?
- Yes life - a nightmare, I cannot more, bothered!!! Solved here.
DED Moroz speaks:
-Well?. Well time you all the same on a taburetochka, tell, perhaps, a rhyme...