Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about New Year

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December 31. Midnight. On the Dm screen. Medvedev with New Year's obrashcheniyem.
tekst the short: "Dear compatriots! There comes Year of the Dragon!
pozdravlyayu you!" The anthem, against the Kremlin towers - flow portret
putina.

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December 31. Russia. Deaf province. The ordinary average family tortured by financial crisis prepares for a meeting of New Year … Children decorate a Christmas tree, mother strives in kitchen. The father removes the gun from a wall, comes to a porch and few times shoots in the air. Comes into the house and it is loud objyavlyaet:
-Children, I just shot Father Frost, gifts - WILL not be!!!

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Ten days of New Year's holidays are such time which can be spent as want: or without any advantage, or with big harm.

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Ten reasons because of which you cannot play Santa Claus's role under Rozhdestvo.
10 any more. Blows off you draft at once as soon as open for you dver.
9. You ask somebody to take a bite for you ledenets.
8.... or pososat.
7. When someone throws sugar candy into your bag with gifts - You lose balance and padayete.
6. You do not need to put on a mask - You and so already nobody uznayot.
5. When you enter to somebody the house - You hardly remember, that to you here nado.
4. By the end of night your bag is still full podarkami.
3. You need to select diligently a suit which would not rub to you in pakhu.
2. Schoolmates with whom you began - died for a long time or do not recognize you - as, however, and you ikh.
1. You avoid to visit houses where there live your ex-wives.

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The childhood comes to an end when there is a wish that granted desires ne
ded Moroz, and the Snow Maiden.

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With utra:
- And Father Frost presented nothing dialogue me!
- Of course, we burned it yesterday...

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For the Russian man not to meet the main thing New year, and to endure it.

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For shootings of the Blue Spark on RTR there was zakupleno:
-Thousand bottles shampanskogo.
-Two thousand girlyand.
-Three thousand elok.
-One boxes of matches.

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Dmitry Medvedev gave an assignment to Russians to meet New year. Now though one its assignment exactly will be executed.

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About new year we not potrakhayemsya
;y: Faugh, as grubo
wizard on duty: oy
wizard on duty: sorri
wizard on duty: about one day when noisy December replaces hungover January my jade core will not disturb your cave of pleasures

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Dear children - participants of a yesterday's New Year's holiday! Those who received two and more gifts, I ask to return at least a bag, a fur coat and a beard. And please, release the Snow Maiden, you not so understood her...
VASh grandfather Moroz.

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- Darling what to present to you for New year? Oh, darling, well I do not even know
-...
- is good, I give you a year more on reflections.

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Dear colleagues!
B the New Year's congratulation dispatched on behalf of the CEO of our company the phrase "Happy New Year, pigs!" it is necessary to read without comma"

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- Darling, an April, take out a fir-tree!
-of Laaadno, show, what!

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Dear Father Frost! I very much, very much want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, you can present to me a puppy?
LESHA.
LEKHA! Your hnykanye and begging can work with your native, but this shit will not pass with me. You again will receive a sweater. Father Frost

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Dear Father Frost, I put milk and cookies for you and the Snow Maiden, and also carrots for your deer and hares under elku.
s love, Dasha.
dorogaya Dasha. From milk at me a diarrhea, and from carrots my deer perdit to me in a face when we from Snegurkaya go on sledge. You want to make to me pleasant? Leave a vodka bottle, but only not fake. Father Frost.

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Dear Father Frost why you come with gifts, only when we sleep? With love, Sveta.
milaya Sveta, you really so credulous and naive? I wish you good luck, despite of everything. This New Year I will specially pass your house. Father Frost.

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Dear Father Frost and the Snow Maiden, than you are engaged all other 364 days in a year? You with the Snow Maiden live on the North Pole and do toys? Your friend, Misha.
dorogoy Mischa, all toys are made in China. I have a one-room apartment in Podolsk in which we spend the most part of time with the Snow Maiden, make cheap pornographic movies. In free time I get drunk to unconsciousness, I pinch waitresses for bums and I lose money in a roulette. You wanted to know all truth. Father Frost.

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- Dear Father Frost! Present to me, please, for New year novogo
prezidenta, and two take away these to yourself in deer!

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- Dear Father Frost, make so that my parents again loved each other. And that did it somehow more various, and that it is possible to die from boredom...

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Dear Father Frost! I was good all year... Hm... Well almost all year... Hm... Well sometimes... Hm... Oh and all right! I will buy everything!

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Dear Father Frost! I want that all mudak died!
P.S.I gold ringlet...

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- I want darling for Christmas... fur coat...
-of Hozyayushk you mine! Now I will go a purchase beet and herring!

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Dear Santa!!! Everything that I want for Christmas is your list of girls who behaved badly...

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- Darling, soon Christmas! Whether not to go to us to look at something from bellows?
- Excellent idea! Only it is necessary to hurry, and that the zoo will be closed soon.

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Jewish Ded Zdraaaaastvuyte's Moroz:
-, kids … Buy presents!

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The man drunk goes by the bus. It has an urine incontience. Conductor speaks:
-Man, well this such?
- the Snow Maiden I, you do not see - I conceal.

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Hardly standing on the feet, Father Frost rings a door of the last apartment. On a threshold it the boy meets small malchik.
-Zzzdrastuy! You are Home Alone?
- Yes, dedushka.
-Well the Tat of a rasssskazha to me stishok.
- And I do not know rhymes, dedushka.
-Well sing pesenku.
-I not umeyu.
-Well svisssni.
-I am not able to whistle, dedushka.
-Well the boy, we burn down it so simply: two paltsets take (shows), thrust them into a mouth and...

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Fir-tree - a tree at which corpse children have fun in New Year.

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If from Father Frost's beard to pull out a hair and to tell: "Akhalay-makhalay", the Snow Maiden will grant any your desire.

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If New year on a nose, a fir-tree in the house, m@ndarina in the refrigerator, and pleasures not at all - means, approximately from 3 to 10 years ago you forgot to bring the child.

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If you have nothing to present to the child for New year - present to it the brother or the sister...

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If the truth that for New year all desires come true, that, judging by results of the expiring year, last year I on excite nazhelat to itself a fracture of the leg, the stinker wife and 5 years of a high security...

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If earlier Father Frost in a bag brought you gifts, now it often takes out in it your things.

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If woke up near the Snow Maiden in the morning - means, yesterday precisely there came New year!

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If you want that your child met New year of the house, - leave on a visit.

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If on January 10 to glance on YouTube, quite perhaps, you will manage to remember how you carried out a New Year's Eve since December 31 for January 9...

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There is at Russians a tradition on New Year's Eve to invite to itself home the drunk masked man with a beard...

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- Wife, today what number?
- 2 yanvarya.
- The Pancake, and that, the 1st was not...!!??