Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about March 8

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8 marta.
husband reads the newspaper in front of the TV, the wife scrubs posudu.
vdrug it remembers that today on March 8, and a gift not kupil.
husband (without distracting from reading): Leave
-, expensive, ware, today the eighth, you will finish washing tomorrow.

*****

On March 8 I have all as usual. To the wife - flowers. To the mother-in-law - candied roasted nuts in shokolade.
u it painful teeth.

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On March 8 the lieutenant Rzhevsky walks from Shurochkaya. Speak about that, about sem.
- The Lieutenant, and figure 8 does not speak to you about anything?
-of Shurochk, I have to recognize: you have feet the eight.

*****

8 Marta - almost only day when the woman agrees with everything that is told in her address.

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On March 8 - almost only day when the man understands - it is necessary to be monogamous...

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March 8: the drunk women soiled by chocolate walk down the street, bottles of perfume about the heads beat and stick with a question: "And you gave birth, blya?"

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8 Marta.
snova should be lied to the mother-in-law, about that I wish her.

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On March 8, morning. I get up, I go to a bathroom. Suddenly krik:
- And well blyat laid down back, I now will bring coffee!

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March 8. Morning. Husband:
- Good morning expensive! Fried eggs you will be?

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On March 8, morning. The husband - zhene:
-Darling of that you would like for March 8? Well, darling, I would like
Wife:
-something for my thin fingers, for my long neck, and for my pink ushek.
husband :
-Aha! Soap!

*****

On March 8 in flower shop the young man addresses to prodavtsu:
-Hello, and at you "to okh*et" roses is?
- Is, to you how many?
-A why they so are called? I do not know
-, speak, all girls from them delighted!
- is excellent! How many one costs?
- Thousand rubley.
-Okh*et!

*****

8 Marta Yanukovych sent Tymoshenko a bouquet of roses and zapisku:
"Flowers are counted in the presence of the international observers".

*****

8-March toast: In life of the man of the woman play huge role. But at kazhdono from us there are two women to whom we are especially obliged. So we will drink for Klara Tsetkin and Roza Lyuksenburg who thought up this remarkable holiday - the International Women's Day!

*****

- Mash, and Mash, what to present to you for March 8th?
poluchiv the answer, happy Vova rushed off in magazin.
-Give me, please, stockings with a setochka for hair...
- CAN GIVE STILL to YOU TROUSERS WITH the BOX FOR EGGS?!?!?!?!?!...

*****

- Darling, and after all tomorrow the 8th of March... I Will endure
-. And not such worried!

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- Darling, what you will present to me for St. Valentine's Day and on March 8?
-A if anything? Well then for February 23 you will receive nothing
-!
- Yes, truth?! Fuuuf, well thank God, agreed!

*****

- Darling, what you will present to me for March 8? That would you want
-A?
- Well, would be desirable for me something new, bright that at me still nikogda
ne was... Darling I knew
-, knew that you sometime itself will ask analnogo
seksa!!!

*****

Darling, what you will present to me for March 8? That would you want
-A?
- Well, would be desirable for me something new, bright that at me still never was... Darling I knew
-, knew that you sometime itself will ask anal sex!

*****

Many years suffered women of Russia that was on March 8 after February 23: it was necessary to give to these goats something more valuable, than socks, differently there was a risk and most to receive same hernyu. And then they thought up on February 14!

*****

The young man in shop chooses a gift for March 8th for darling. Long chooses, it is delayed, cannot decide on a choice in any way. The shop assistant decided to help it: The man, to you for the wife?
muzhchina: Not and.
prodavshchitsa: Clearly, then now we will pick up something more expensive.

*****

The husband climbed on the wife, that with vzdokhom:
-As always, five minutes?!
husband silently starts puffing. In five minutes Wife:
- And where a gift for March eighth?
husband , having looked for hours and continuing pykhtet:
-Here, began.

*****

The husband calls zhene:
-Darling the 8th of March tomorrow, we have a short working day therefore I will be late …

*****

The husband in kitchen washes the dishes and Darling in ours with you speaks zhene:
-to joint life there is one positive moment and one otritsatelnyy.
polozhitelny the moment is that with you is every day prazdnik.
otritsatelny the moment is that this holiday - on March 8.

*****

The husband addresses to zhene.
-you have no conscience at all. If you bring lovers though clean after them, do not leave traces. Whose is a tie lies here? - Darling, you that forgot? Same my gift for February 23! You tell me whose is lipstick on a floor rolls better? aa? - The darling, you that forgot? Same mine to you a gift for March 8th!

*****

The husband came to shop, all mixed and asks the shop assistant: "The girl, and you have stockings with a setochka for hair? "Shop assistant: "The man, and pants with a box for eggs to you, incidentally, are not necessary?"

*****

The husband decided to make a surprise to the wife on the Eighth marta:
-Darling this soup I baked.

*****

The man buys a gift to the wife for March 8. Chose a jacket, but without knowing the wife's size, asks the shop assistant to try on it on himself. That koketlivo:
-your wife of the same build, as well as I?
- Yes same cow!

*****

The man came to shop to buy a gift on the 8th marta.
prodavshchitsa it asks:
-to you for the wife or is dearer?

*****

The man would consult with drugom:
-That to present to the wife for March 8?
-A you as in last year, throw it for night of 8 sticks!
- Not, I will not pull already so much now!
- Well, give with men we will chip in together!

*****

Men! By March 8 sort at last a fir-tree! Half a year more will stand on its place a mimosa!

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Men! be not nervous. Relax. The eighth of March inevitably, as Putin's election, for example. Endured one, we will endure another.

*****

The man came to shop to buy a gift for March 8. His shop assistant asks:
-to you for the wife? Or is more expensive?

*****

Men, do not know what to present to the ladies for March 8? Present to them the new president.

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For March 8 Jackie Chan presented to the wife of a nunchaka with a gold chain.

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For March 8 to ugly girls of the man buy to themselves a vodka bottle.

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Supervision: On February 23 - everywhere drunk men, on March 8 - everywhere drunk men.

*****

On the eve of March 8 the man bargains on rynke.
-How much tulips? Hundred rubles for five shtuk.
- And you will give a discount to
-? I Will make
-. Hundred rubles for six pieces …

*****

- At last I received a suede coat of which dreamed long ago! The Husband for March eighth presented
-?
- Is not present, I shaved the mink fur coat!

*****

The national sign says: what was at the husband mood on February 23, such the wife will have it on March 8th.