Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about March 8

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Toast for March 8: for women, kebab and a baobab!

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Three girlfriends, having visited in the summer various sanatoria, at a meeting tell each other as have a rest. One of them speaks:
- The doctor of science got acquainted With me. He inquired 23 days about me, and for the 24th day has a talk in lyubvi.
- And with me, - another speaks, - the candidate of science got acquainted. He in the first day spoke in love, and the whole remained 23 days asked to tell nobody about etom.
-Da- And, it was not lucky you, girlfriends, - the third told. - From the first day the plumber got acquainted with me. We spent in total 23 days with it in love joys, and for the 24th day he looked out in a window and voskliknul:
-Here so the piece and here the sea is!

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I have an ideal wife. I with it never before swore. Erases, prepares, cleans.... always nearby, is always ready to help. Understands as nobody else. We live with it in perfect harmony. Oh! And that she gets up in a bed! I want to congratulate you since March 8, my favourite right hand!

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- How at you in collective it is accepted to celebrate holidays on February 23 and on March 8?
- the Chief told, what on February 23 note only those who did military service and who did not serve, let celebrate 8 marta.
- And what?
- are noted on F

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Ukraine. Early morning. Kukhnya.
husband with the wife drink kofe.
Wife (a gentle voice):
- Lovely, you did not forget, what soon on March 8?
husband (having choked on coffee):
- of Sho, OPYaYaYaT???!!!

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Morning on March 9th. In pivnyak on the amendment the man without ruki.
bratki comes are interested - what is the matter?
- Yes understand, the 8th got drunk, and in the morning I wake up and vizhu:
u me on a shoulder the terrible aunt, so I to herself a hand otgryz sleeps that not to awake her.

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Morning on March 8th. Wake up the husband with the wife. The wife, it is sweet potyagivayas:
-Ah, what fine dream dreamed me! As if you for March 8 presented me a ring with diamonds! What would it mean?
husband , kissing ee:
-Wait, you learn in the evening!
vecherom the wife comes home from work a bit earlier, made a romantic dinner … The husband comes and hands it beautifully decorated box, with a bow. That with impatience breaks off it and sees the book "Interpreter Snov".

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Morning. March 8. The husband - zhene:
-Darling of that you would like for March 8? Darling, I would like
Wife:
-Hy something for my thin fingers, for my long neck, and for my pink yshok.
myzh dymayet:
-Aha! SOAP!

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Morning on March 8. husband :
-Darling that you would like for March 8? Well, darling, I would like
Wife:
-something for my thin fingers, for my neck and for my rozovenky ushek.
husband :
-Aha, soap!

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The teacher causes in Vovochkiny's school papu.
-your son behaves badly: smokes, drinks beer, sticks to girls. In our lyceum it is inadmissible, decent children study here and teachers of the highest kategorii.
-work I Can I can make amends of the son somehow. Soon on March 8. I will bring something to you...
- of Vodka, condoms and cigarettes on all teacher's room!

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The teacher speaks:
-Children, soon a holiday - 8 Marta, compose any rhyme on it povodu.
Vovochka rises and raskazyvayet:
- The Eighth Marta close,
rasti rather, my willy!
uchitelnitsa:
-Vaughan!!! To the director, also you will tell, for what I expelled you!
prikhodit he to the director, so a pier and so, for the rhyme devoted 8 Mart Vygnali.
direktor listened to a rhyme and speaks:
- The Fool you, here what rhyme it is necessary sochinyat:
vosmoye Marta very close,
I heart fights as a deer,
He bring me, a willy,
B the international Women's Day!

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On February 14 - birthday of Saint Valentin, on March 8 - day of his death.

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On February 14 is a good occasion to remember each other last year's gifts for February 23rd and the 8th of March.

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On February 23 it should be noted so that everything stood... by March 8.

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- What would you like for March 8?
- Would be desirable an apple... the bitten... also it is desirable on back storone
novogo phone....

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Shpaloukladchitse Petrovna the management entrusted to lay a gold concrete cross tie on March 8 personally.

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To Ha Street hard frost. On the road the reddened man with an empty sledge runs and, without turning around, speaks:
-Anything, Serezhenka, we will be at home soon, the sonny!

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Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell... Cheerful time - Christmas Eve. Especially for Santa Claus: Mrs. Claus burned Christmas cookies, elves demand overtime and do not do a toy, and oleshka so got drunk during the lunchtime that broke sledge. Santa tears a beard from zlosti:
-Christmas Eve already outside, gifts are not ready, cookies in a bucket, and these horned alcoholics will not be got! And where the Small Angel gads? Sent the asshole behind a fir-tree three hours ago!!!
otkryvayetsya a door also becomes hollow Small Angel:
-Hear, the grandfather and where we will put a tree?
C of that time also went tradition to put on the top of a fir-tree of a small angel. And it is correct - elderly people should not be rude.

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And we for new year at office arranged races on chairs with castors... 4 circles, besides as are necessary, with Pitstopami, stopped in specially taken away under it put a place, refueled vodka, and one route further...
alex: Interestingly, as if to this invention the administration belonged?
nogood: Our director arrived the last :)

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And I for New Year will not watch a blue spark. It already became such blue, what it is impossible to look.

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- And let's call without whom any New year does not do? Give
-...
- Militia! Militia!

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- And you know how to distinguish the Snow Maiden from Father Frost? Look at
- Attentively at sheepskin coats. At whom buttons are clasped from left to right, and at whom - on the contrary.

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- And where did your Maiden? - Ask Santa Moroza.
- Yes she uttered so many compliments that she melted.

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- And now listen to the New Year's address of the president to the people!
prezident:
-That's all, children!

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Nevertheless as it is good that in New year to us the grandfather Moroz, but not the grandfather Lenin comes!

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Action: kill Father Frost and in Moscow will become 1 degree warmer! so, I will go I will catch 34 Father Frost...

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The announcement on a TV set: Watch the postnew Year's thriller "DEAD Moroz" on our channel!

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The grandmother asks juvenile vnuchku:
-That you would like, a vnuchenka, as a gift from Father Frost?
- Contraceptive tabletku.
-God with you, a vnuchenka! That you tell such!
- Well you, the grandmother, itself think: I already have four dolls, well where to me still the fifth?

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Five minutes to eleven in a hairdresser's chair of villages muzhchina.
kogda the hairdresser soaped to it the person, the client understood that the master already started meeting New GOD.
-you are drunk! I am afraid that you will cut me... - screamed kliyent.
- And you... you be not afraid... You only show me where you have a chin.

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Exchange. The auction before New year. From above windows on the hall - the room. Three brokers. Two rush, on three receivers in hands, shout: "Bring to two! take! Throw off ten and hand over! Four down!..." One, pensively looking in okno:
-Snow falls... Second pause... Sell
-!!!

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Bly. again the president after a New Year's congratulation forgot to eat a piece of paper, again everything will not work.

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Divorce proceedings. The judge - muzhu:
-Why you want to divorce? You understand
husband :
-, your honor, my spouse - the awful bore. Here on May holidays simply got me, goes and aches - when you take out a fir-tree when you take out a fir-tree...

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The budgetary option of a meeting of New Year in Moscow: to descend on meeting of the 24th, to leave a chamber on January 8-9. Day to have a rest and for work.

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In a bath Christmas gift sets in great demand are on sale: a glass of beer, a vodka bottle, a birch broom and the air ticket to Leningrad.

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In 2011: (1) whether revolution (2) sharks (3) there passes at the beginning of January through this country the flight trajectory Phobos soil

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In hotel under New god:
-Hey, somebody, help, in the 11th number the fire! A water bucket in the 11th number!
raspakhivayetsya a door next nomera:
- And in the 13th number - CHAMPAGNE!

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In hussar club there is a meeting of New year. Still till midnight hussars touched, the lieutenant sleeps-faced in vinaigrette, and only one colonel keeps standing. Hours beat twelve. The colonel, having collected the strength says:
-Misters, long-awaited New year came, at last! The lieutenant woken by a booming bass of the colonel raises the head and vosklitsayet:
-For the end? As it is cruel...

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In kindergarten tutors discuss the scenario New Year's utrennika.
-Children it is necessary to amuse somehow that all were dovolny.
- And let the Snow Maiden from a gas spray will sprinkle a little...
- Then better OMON we will call, let will wave with bludgeons... Give to
- At once terrorists that they blew up two hundred grams of a trotyl equivalent. Who will escape - will be precisely happy!

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On the eve of New year the CEO comes to managers into an office. On tables vodka, snack, everything smoke. The director speaks, vozmushchayas:
-I forbade to drink and smoke at work!!!
TUT rises one of the most sober sotrudnikov:
- The Chief, a pancake, and who ra - and - abotayet?!