Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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- Tell if one plus one is two, and two plus two will be four, how many there will be four plus four? It is unfair
-. You always answer easy questions, and I get the heaviest.

*****

- You absolutely dirty, - told the teacher to the pupil. - You look so as though two weeks did not wash. What would you tell if I came to school in such look?
-U me would be enough step not to pay to it attention! - the pupil answered.

*****

- You absolutely dirty, - told the teacher to the pupil. - You look so
kak-as if two weeks did not wash. What would you tell if I came to school v
takom a look?
-U me would be enough step not to pay to it attention! -
otvetil the pupil.

*****

The teacher at a mathematics lesson at Gogi:
-Gogi asks, and the sum of squares of a leg is equal to a chem?
- to a hypotenuse Square!
- A chem dokazhish? Mother I swear to
-!!!

*****

Among English school students held competition on the shortest sochineniye
na a subject: "God, queen, sex and a little bit secrets". the 1st place was taken by the pupil,
napisavshy following sochineniye:
-Oh, My God! - the queen exclaimed. - I am again pregnant! And again I do not know,
OT of whom!".

*****

There were two adolescents on the street, one - good, another - bad, and were spat the friend in the friend. Bad got to good 4 times, and good - 9 times... By there passed a passerby and, having seen them, began to edify adolescents what ugly to be spat. Then adolescents started being spat in the passerby. The bad adolescent got 7 times, and good - 12...
dobpo - it always wins...

*****

The son speaks mather:
-I more in school not poydu.
-Why?
- Yes well it, this school. Again Kuznetsov will beat the textbook on the head, Vasilyev will start aiming from a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Not poydu.
-Is not present, the sonny, you has to go to school, - mother speaks. - First, you already adult, forty years were executed, and secondly, you are principal.

*****

The son badly studies and eternally repeats that the teacher to it pridirayetsya.
nakonets the father with the son went to school. The father asks uchitelya:
-Why you carp at my son?
- I Carp? He knows nothing. Here, look. How many budet
trizhdy seven? You See
-, the father? It again begins.

*****

- Ta-a-ak … Distsiplinka limps. Who on a board h*y drew?!

*****

- Silence! - the teacher speaks. - That it was audible as a fly proletit.
vse at once become silent. In a minute Petya, having lost patience, shepotom
asks:
-Ivan Sharipovich and when you let out a fly?

*****

Teachers to the village of Zyuzyukino are required. The log hut, a dog and dva
kuvshina for milk of the lifting is allocated. Children at school - 8 people. To address v
selsovet. The preference is given to teachers of ethics and psychology,
italyanskogo of language, informatics, ethnography.

*****

Three guys, walked on the seashore, found a bottle. Discovered, and from nee
vyshel gin and speaks:
-Well, children, for my freedom I will grant your three desires. Ask, that hotite.
pervy: "I want to be ten times cleverer and more beautiful and better to look, chem
seychas." "It will be executed." - Tells gin. Rrr-r-r-raz, and the first guy became,
kak the school teacher - a suit, boots, a hairdress - all a class! The second: "And I hochu
byt ten times cleverer, more beautiful also am better to look than this first guy. "
" Will be executed." - tells gin. Rrr-r-r-raz, and the second turned in prekrasno
odetogo, the elegant man, though on reception to the English queen. Then tretiy
speaks: "And I want to be ten times cleverer and more beautiful and better to look, chem
etot the second!" "It will be executed." - tells gin. Rr-r-r-raz, and tretiy
prevratilsya in the woman.

*****

- I have an examination in geography tomorrow. Mothers, I volnuyus.
-Capital of Argentina?
-Buenos-Ayres.
-Capital of Portugal?
-Lisbon. Mothers, and give still!
- Capital of Argentina?
-Buenos-Ayres.
-Capital of Portugal?
-Lisbon.

*****

At Masha the first monthly and she in tears costs in a corridor. By passes Vova:
-That with you? Yes here I do not know
- that with me - blood goes... Well give
-A I will look... - da-a-a I of course not the expert, but in my opinion to you tore off eggs!

*****

- We have a Cleverest broadcast. And for a start we will define the cleverest teacher of week. Predstavtes.
- Andrey, the teacher fiziki.
-Anton, the teacher literatury.
-Sergey, this week left and now I work in banke.
-Sergey - the cleverest teach

*****

At the teacher sprashivayut:
-Call three reasons for which you love the work?
- June, July, August...

*****

The school teacher has not a work, but continuous games in pryatki.
sperva from him hide ucheniki.
kogda time comes to pay for the doctrine, parents uchenikov.
kogda to parents hide it will want to check to that their goofs learned, the teacher hides.

*****

English lesson. The teacher interrogates uchenikov:
-Ivanov, du yu Speke an English?
-FAQ?
- Sit down, 3.
Petrov, du yu Speke an English?
-FAQ?
- Sit down, 3
- Sidorov, du yu Speke an English?
- Yes, my teacherin, i'm good speak English.
-FAQ?!!

*****

Chemistry lesson. Himichka stirs caxap with sulfuric acid - opyt
izvectny. Silence. Only caxap crackles. Suddenly from back pyada:
-Shcha as e. no!
ximichka:
-Well, should not... THAT!?!?!?!!! And reaction went to this moment,
chepny a piece of coal vyperlo from banks...
ximichka:
-Divorced everyones here... predictors.

*****

The old teacher died and got to a hell. To it the Chief inspector of a hell and speaks:
-Sorry, please comes in a week, here the mistake left. You should be in rayu.
-Is not present, excuse, to me and here it is good, - the teacher answers. - After school the hell paradise seems to me.

*****

English lesson. The teacher interrogates uchenikov:
-Ivanov, du yu Speke an English?
-FAQ?
- Sit down, 3.
Petrov, du yu Speke an English?
-FAQ?
- Sit down, 3
Sidorov, du yu Speke an English?
- Yes, mu teache, i'm good speak EnglisH. - FAQ?!!

*****

English lesson in rural shkole.
uchitelnitsa: "Ivanov how there will be in English a door? "
ivanov:
uchitelnitsa "Dwear": "What eto da!"

*****

Lesson of English literature. The teacher set the composition on free temu.
khodit between ranks and looks about what who writes. The poor student Johnny sits na
posledney to a school desk, having gloomy stared in a ceiling, in a notebook - pusto.
-That you, Johnny? You do not know about what to write?
- Is not present, mem...
- Well, I will prompt to you. Write about God, about our queen, add nemnogo
seksa and mystery and everything will be OK!
- I Thank, mem, I and will make... The teacher checks compositions. In tetradi
dzhonni only one phrase: "Oh, My God, - the queen, - I opyat
beremenna exclaimed, and it is not known from whom!"

*****

Lesson geografii.
-Kamo, run in uchitelsky, bring us the Gruzii.
-globe A children now, tell me that such "wasps"?
-of Uuu. wasps is angry striped flies, the teacher!
- Is not present a deta, wasps is a stick round which ours rotates selo.
-Deti, and what such "Tibet"?
-Tibet is a cocksucking, only tebe, the teacher.

*****

Geography lesson there zhe:
-Kamo, run in uchitelsky, bring us the Gruzii.
-globe A children now, tell me that such "wasps"?
-of Uuu. wasps is angry striped flies, the teacher!
- Is not present a deta, wasps is a stick round which ours rotates selo.
-Deti, and what such "Tibet"?
-Tibet is mint, only tebe, the teacher.

*****

Geography lesson at school in the deaf sele:
-So sho, ditochka, a zapamyatayta: the cities of Warsaw, London, Paris, - Wuxi na
pravomu to Dnipr's birch, and the cities of Moscow, Gongkong, Tokyo, - on livomu
berezi...

*****

Lesson in Georgia. Uchitel:
-Children. Write down offers: "From great a wall left two chickens" .
zapisali? Now write down one more offers: "From great a wall vyshel
eshche one chickens". Wrote down? Then, Gogi, tell me, how many chickens left iz
stena?
-Three, uchitel.
-is wrong. Chetyre.
-Why four?
- Because one chickens left imperceptibly!

*****

History lesson in one of schools of New England. Uchitelnitsa:
-Why puritans left England and came to America? Uchenik:
-to have an opportunity freely to profess the belief, not opasayas
presledovany, and to force to it others.

*****

History lesson. Uchitelnitsa:
-Ivanov who took Izmail? ispuganno:
-I did not take
ivanov! My word upon it! Perhaps, it is Petrov?
uchitelnitsa indignantly tells about it conversation zavuchu.
zavuch it uspokaivayet:
-Well you so worry? Same children: will play and will give!
uchitelnitsa goes to the director and transfers conversation with the director of studies emu.
direktor attentively listened to her and suddenly asks:
- And what class it was?
- the 5th "B".
-Is not present, these will not give!

*****

Mathematics lesson at the Georgian school. Uchitel:
-Who knows, how many will be trizhd three? Petrov!
-Nine!
- of Sadys, two! Ivanov!
-Nine...
- of Sadys, two! Gogi!
-Sam, uchytel!
- Yes, gde so - sem-vosem...

*****

German lesson. The teacher speaks:
-Tell the pupil - the frog jumps on bolotu.
uchenik otvechayet:
-Der a frog of der pryg-pryg-pryg.

*****

Lesson at primitive school. Uchitel:
-Who will write the word hunting? There is a boy with a stone axe and a chisel i
izobrazhayet on the rock as primitive people hunt on mamonta.
-Well, sit down. And who will write the word happiness? There is a girl and izobrazhayet
bolshoy x **. The teacher attentively looks and speaks:
-it is wrong, the word happiness is written through 2 eggs!

*****

Lesson of Russian in Georgian shkole.
-Gogi, conjugate a verb of chickens in the present!
-Ya - chickens, you - chickens, it, it, they - kurits.
-Sadys 5! Vano, conjugate a verb of CHICKENS in past tense!
-Ya - a chicken, you - a chicken, it, it, they - tsyplenok.
-Sadys 4!
-A why 4?
- For accent!
-of Nicko, conjugate a verb of CHICKENS in future time!
-Ya - a shish kebab, you - a shish kebab, it, it, they - shashlyk.
-Sadys 2!
-A why 2?
- the Shish kebab is the future from a verb barashk, and the future from a verb of chickens - a chakhokhbila.

*****

Russian lesson at the Georgian school. Uchitel:
-Sikharulishvili, sort the offer on structure... Eee... Gogi and Vakhtang go v
banyu mytsya.
-Gogi who - is subject Vakhtang - appropriate, and to a bath - a pretext, uchitel.
-Neverno, the sonny! To wash - a pretext, and the bath is a pronoun!

*****

Russian lesson at the Georgian school. Teacher: - Deti, it it is impossible to understand,
eto should be remembered: FROM YOU KVASS - together is written separately, and.

*****

Russian lesson in Caucasian shkole:
-Deti, Russian - very difficult language! Naprimer, Nastya is a girl, and nenastya - bad weather!

*****

Russian lesson in one of the Caucasian schools. Uchitel:
-yazik the words "sol", "mol" and "bol" are written To Russian about a soft sign, and slova
"vilka" and "tarelka" - Baz a soft sign. Zapomnite it, det because panyat
eto - it is impossible!

*****

Russian lesson at the Ossetian school. Uchitel:
-Havash!
- Yes, teacher! How many you know
- childbirth in Russian?
-Four, teacher!
- of Hm... Strange... List!
- Feminine gender, masculine gender, neutral gender, #баный sort.

*****

Russian lesson, the teacher speaks:
-children, tell please what you know a name nouns on a letter "K" .
tyanut hands to steam of pupils and Vasechkin, and it dumayet:
-no, I will not ask it again any platitude will tell the Sledge hammer Lifts another uchenika:
-. The good fellow sit down and who else will tell, and some pupils,
A again last he lasts even more. No, she thinks, now will precisely tell: Again drugoy
uchenik:
-Design. The good fellow, and again pull hands and he ceased, thinks teacher:
-everything, will cease to go to my lessons, will begin to learn nothing, 2 bala
zarabotayet, probably it is necessary to ask: - well Vasichkin tell. It jumps and s
gotovnostyyu vypalivayet:
-Karrrlik voooot with takenny XEPOM!