Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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The lieutenant Rzhevsky speaks denshchiku:
-Vanka, skuchno.
-do not wish - whether with riddles to have a good time?
-Zagadyvay.
-Here to you riddle of seminarists. What the general between a choir and an Eros?
- That?
- That and another Greek slova.
i once on a ball Rzhevsky speaks:
-Misters, a riddle: what the general between a clitoris and the presbyter?
- That?
- Oh, and I will also not remember. Whether eb@tsya, whether like to sing in Greek.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky speaks to Natasha's father of Rostovoy:
-I your daughter of that... Well, this most... In sense very ha... I love - with!

*****

- The lieutenant Rzhevsky, you in the city only three days, but already Vami
pereprobovany all our women. How you managed it? Simply I approach
-Ya the lady and I speak:" Madam, allow Vam
vpendyurit".
- But after all can be hit on muzzles...

*****

Lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-of the Lord! Yesterday tasted amazing cake! Nazyvayetsya
petukhosran.
- There Can be a croissant?
-A, precisely! Kurossan!

*****

The lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-of the Lord, you heard news?! Ksenia Sobchak is pregnant! Whether
- You, lieutenant, child's father?
- Well you, misters! After a ball in a garden started fireworks,
ona strongly was frightened and incurred...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky walks with Natasha. Natasha:
- The Lieutenant, let's play. I will tell phrases, and you to finish them. Poruchik:
-Davayte.
n.: The lieutenant, take me for SI...
P.: For с#ську perhaps?
H.: Lieutenant you rude fellow! Behind a blue lentu.
p.: Pordon.
n.: The lieutenant, take me for zho...
P.: Now precisely, for zh*pu.
n.: Yes you lieutenant simply boor!
P.: Natasha, excuse I will not be any more. Give, ya
budu to begin, and you zakanchivat.
n.: Horosho.
p.: Natasha, take me for h%y both hand....

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky proposes marriage to Natasha of Rostovoy.
-Know, the lieutenant, I would marry you, but your member, on hearings, v
vozbuzhdennom a state is so huge that simply horror. I am afraid...
-I is absolutely vain, the madam! It after all at me in such sostoyanii
daleko not always...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky goes across Moscow on izvozshchike.
-Oh, look - an ass, - the Lieutenant izvozshchiku.
-Yes not an ass it shouts, and the young lady, - answers izvozshchik.
-Oh, look - an ass, - the Lieutenant izvozshchiku.
-Yes not an ass it again shouts, and the policeman, - answers izvozshchik.
-Well, - the Lieutenant speaks after a while, - boring the small town - already two versts passed all-taki
moskva, and odnoy
zhopy did not meet...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky is engaged with Natasha in business. Natasha asks in ekstaze:
-Oh, the lieutenant, you put on a condom with thorns?
- Is not present - with, simply a callosity - with!

*****

- Lieutenant Rzhevsky! You infected me with a gonorrhea!
- That you, madam. It simply Rzhevsky hepatitis.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky comes to the ensign of Zadovu:
-Well, the ensign, today again on women?
ZADOV:
-Of course on women, and that as?!! And that it is not pleasant to you, lepi
snezhnykh women and shoot how many you want. Well is not present at me on sklade
misheney, no!!!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky plays with a cornet Obolensky chess at this time of night. Kornet:
- The Lieutenant, I look at you quite cool kombinatsiya.
poruchik (is proud):
- to me sewed This combination by request, and at you, the cornet, a hole in pants and from it h
Natasha Rostov gives birth to the next child. The old hussars who gathered round it argue - whose it rebenok.
-If shouts when is born, mine means, - told known svoyey
skandalnostyyu Dubrovskiy.
-If is fixed at once, mine means, - told trusovatyy
obolenskiy.
-If starts beating handles and legs, mine means, - is proud proiznes
zabiyaka of Merzavtsev.
-Well, and mine you and so learn - told Rzhevskiy.
i here the long-awaited moment came. The head of the child seemed na
svet. "Aby-woman-@", - was heard from lips of the baby...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky plays Chatskogo.
-I not ezdun Here any more... Not ezdyuk... Not ezdets... Fie,
bl@d, forgot!!!

*****

- The lieutenant Rzhevsky, you play grand piano?
- Yes.
-A on a guitar?
- Yes, igrayu.
- And on a drum?
- Yes, and on barabane.
- And on a harp?
- Is not present. On a harp is not present: cards through strings slip.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky goes all pobityy.
-My God! The lieutenant, what with you?
-Ya quarreled with the colonel!
- So colonel old, sickly...
-U it in a hand was a poker!
-A at you?
-A I in a hand had a breast of the wife of the colonel. The most pleasant thing, I will report on you, but in a fight - a thing absolutely useless!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, the Prince Bolkonsky, Pierre Bezoukhov and Natasha Rostova go in the carriage across the Nevsky. The carriage jumps up na
bulyzhnike. Natasha, without having restrained: "bunch". Bolkonskiy:
-Forgive, misters, stale champagne - page. Go further. The carriage jumps up on a hummock. Natasha again: "bunch". Pyer:
-I Ask to izviit generous. A stale balyk-s.
nakonets, approach the building of officer meeting. Rzhevskiy:
-Misters. I ask to excuse me, but it is time for me to leave. However if this lady, - nodding on Natasha, - once again p@rnt,
skazhite that it I...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky in the company heard kalambur:
-Pushkin decided to play with ladies a hide- And-seek, ran out from the house and hid in a scaffold, in a moss. Ladies look for Pushkin and krichat:
"Pushkin!!! Where vy-y-y!!! "
A it to them in otvet:
" In a moss of ya-ya-ya!!!" .
rzhevskomu very much it was pleasant, and once, as usual, having got drunk, it objyavlyaet:
-Misters! I ask attention! Fine kalamburchik-with! Gogol played at hide- And-seek with ladies. Hid, his ladies ishchut:
" Gogol, where you!!! "
A it to them otvechayet:
" H%y to your mother!"

*****

Lieutenant Rzhevsky and company. A booze, estestvenno.
-Misters, let's bath horses in champagne!
- Well you, the lieutenant, such expenses, money did not pay three months us!
- Eh, you. Then give at least a cat beer we will pour!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and cornet Obolensky sit at the Parisian small restaurant. speaks:
-Know a cornet, the lieutenant as I want to climb on a scene to get on this white grand piano and to do in nego.
-That you, the cornet, here not Russia, they will not understand, cattle!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with a cornet came to Natasha on a visit. Natasha Predlozhila
im to play the screw. Having taken coffee, Natasha suddenly pensively saida:
-Ah, misters, everything say to me that I small. As if I wanted vyrosti
takoy big that one foot to stand in Moscow, and another V
sankt-St. Petersburg...
- Well... And I then would lodge in Bology. It just in the middle,
- told as always tactful kornet.
rzhevsky splashed the card on a table and told, pomorshchivshis:
-Is not necessary, a cornet. I happened there. A real hole, I will report on you - page.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky bought expensive boots and polished them to gloss. On a ball, dancing with ladies,
rzhevsky looks at reflection in boots and shocks them with statements tipa:
- And at you today shorts in goroshek.
tantsuya with Natasha the lieutenant tries to turn the same focus, but faints. It userdno
otkachivayut. Having recovered, Rzhevsky first of all looks at feet and oblegchenno:
-Faugh, and I thought - at me boots burst.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky lies in a bed with Natasha of Rostovoy.
-you, Natasha, just like the heating battery, - does a compliment the lieutenant of Rzhevskiy.
-That, such warm?
- Well, such ridge …

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, mechtatelno:
-Misters, heard such beautiful female name recently - Condoleezza. Kak
dumayete, what it means?
polkovnik, bagroveya:
- The Lieutenant to be silent!!! Here soldiers!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and young cornet have a good time with ladies. Rzhevsky gets drunk and falls a muzzle in salad. His friend, meanwhile, trying to smooth an embarrassment, tells damam:
-you know, and the lieutenant after all is not so rough as it is at times it seems. There were we somehow near Akhaltsykh, karbonariyev the local were caught. Around - amazing vicinities, gardens, vineyards. We look, and our smart guy on a glade sits and whether know florets in a pattern displays as ikebanu.
rzhevsky I raise a face from salata:
-Yes, yes as to an iban, will not seem a little...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky edifies Obolensky's cornet that it is possible to give best of all for dinner pleasantly to surprise invited damu:
- And when, a cornet, a pig on a table will give, I recommend to you to thrust as special ornament previously into each ear on a parsley bunch, and into a snout fresh apple!
KORNET:
-Pardon, the lieutenant, it in such look and does not recognize me!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova walk in parke.
- The Lieutenant, you love novels? - asks Natasha.
-Very much I love, especially with introduction!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova went in wedding puteshestviye.
khozyayka hotel at which they stayed, asks ikh:
-In which hour you to wake, young people?
-B two, four and six!

*****

Lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova. The lieutenant (panting):
-Natasha, well as, you terminated?
through of 20 minutes, zadykhayas:
-Natasha, you terminated?!
EShchE in 20 minutes, zlobno:
-Natasha, well you terminated or not?!
-N-nda, - Natasha thoughtfully told, turning the last page of the second volume of "War and peace", - nevertheless it loved me, the prince Andrey...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova dance a waltz. The lieutenant of Rzhevskiy:
-Sorry, Natasha, I will depart for a minute. In 5 minutes all wet comes back. Natasha:
-That, rain?! Rzhevskiy:
-Is not present, a wind.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky - Natasha Rostovoy:
-Natasha, whether you love romance novels?
- is indisputable!
-A I with a porno, - confusedly admits the lieutenant.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky with Natasha Rostova after a ball come to it domoy.
utrom Natasha speaks:
- And know, the lieutenant - with, your striker Mikhalych such rascal!, but Vy
nastoyashchy mischievous person and shalunishka!
-Natash, you too anything, and better than my Mikhalycha!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky disliked women... Was not in time...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky gets into a mansion Growth at night. Tr@khayet someone, sees that it not Natasha. Gets into other dark room, tr@khat someone there, gets accustomed, sees - again not Natasha. Gets into the following room, and the same history repeats there. Proshlyavshis so half-nights, it, at last, runs out in the central hall and oret:
-Natasha!!! I zatr@khatsya already to look for you!!!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky has dinner with Natasha Rostova. Natasha suddenly speaks:
- The Lieutenant, your ardent look burns serdtse.
na that Rzhevskiy:
- The Silly woman, take out a breast from soup.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky addresses to the denshchiku:
-Sidor, something I podistoshchitsya on jokes, remind me something veselenkoye.
-your nobleness, I do not know jokes - with, and here to ask a riddle mogu.
- And well?
- Than differs the Cherub from the hairdresser?
-I than?
-U of the first a her of a pereda, and at the second - szadi.
na next to a ball the lieutenant decided to flash before damami:
-Misters, guess a riddle: than the priest differs from the barber?
-I than, lieutenant? Precisely now I will not remember
-Ya, but at someone from them a her not on a place!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky released Shurochka Azarova from the French captivity. And ona:
-you to me released, the lieutenant, and I am ready to give you everything that you want. Than I can thank you?
- S-pustyak-s!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky opens dver:
-for Madam, you are so beautiful in this toilet!
- Boor! Close a door!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky before a ball asks A.S. Pushkin for it a small rhyme. Having a little thought Pushkin gives out kalambur:
-You g@ndon and he g@ndon, and I am a viscount de Bragelon. On a ball Rzhevsky objyavlyaet:
-Misters, now I will tell you a verse which I just composed! Round it the crowd gathers. Rzhevsky tries to remember a pun, but at it leaves nothing. Rzhevskiy:
-Misters, the verse I do not remember, but sense such: I am Dartanyan, and all of you - p@rasa!

*****

- The lieutenant-with Rzhevsky, at you on a shoulder - with a fly - with!
-A we it h%yak-with!