Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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The lieutenant Rzhevsky, languidly looking in a ceiling and biting off a tip at a cigar to share tomno
vospominaniyami:
-Billey Joel, Billey Clinton, Billey Gates, Billey Zane and. yes. everything, all were beaten...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky in tourist kontore.
-I Want to go to the resort, to correct, so to speak, the health which reeled v
neustannykh works. What will advise - with? What form of service you prefer
-A? Half board or polnyy
pansion? - asks prikazchik.
poruchik zadumyvayetsya.
-Perhaps that the first. A half of young ladies of board I, well,
obsluzhu-with according to the first category. And the whole board - dismiss - with! Vse-taki
otdykhat I go...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky heard a riddle about ogurets.
prikhodit in the highest obshchestvo:
-Misters, I have a riddle: "Without windows and doors - it is full zh@ of $? cucumbers and as you think that it. It appears - pumpkin!"

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky heard kalambur:
"In the sea there is a clipper, on a clipper - the skipper,
U of the skipper - a gonorrhea. "To
prikhodit in cultural obshchestvo:
-Misters, listen klambur: "On the river there is a barge, and at all team, imagine, - syphilis, it is universal", and in verses sounds excellently.

*****

- Lieutenant Rzhevsky! You would like to become a child again?
- Would like, but with today's member!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky went on silent Tsvetochnaya Street. Suddenly to it the chamber-pot fell on the head. Poruchchik
said:
-Trimater@ebit your vosmib/yatsky shestip% $дищу with obob/yadevshy пи$#апроушиной u
perekos0yob@nym on х#@ eba-scrap, and... dirty swore.

*****

Lieutenant Rzhevsky electronic epokhi:
-Lieutenant, you where?
- On #-бал.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevskogo asked, whether the ginseng root from sexual bessiliya.
-helps Helps if to take a root more thickly and to bind more strong.

*****

The lieutenant on a secular reception talks to the lady. Suddenly rises and, apologizing, leaves in firewood. All comes back mokryy.
-That, a rain? - asks dama.
-Is not present, a wind!

*****

- Lieutenant! Tell why all women are lovesick on you?
Really, misters! How it is possible?!... they on me become wet …

*****

- The lieutenant, and tell: about what most often eggs fight?
- About sedlo.
-Oh and is not present - about the FRYING PAN!
- Frying pan? On eggs? Amusing with!

*****

- The lieutenant, how many at you children?
- Yes... pieces six or pyat.
-About! You so love children?
- Is not present, but process …

*****

- The lieutenant, I heard, what you marry the countess Ligovskaya, but you know, what with her all Tambov sleeps?.
- of Fi, Tambov, was I there, twenty thousand men, are no more.

*****

- The lieutenant, you heard - Natasha died from cancer!
- Poor thing! It was its favourite pose...

*****

The lieutenant brought together hussars round himself and speaks
-Everything, the Lord, will be enough бл#дить, I marry Natasha of Rostovoy.
-As the lieutenant, but she is married Bezukhovym.
-of AAAA to Pter, and so who constantly snores it in the neighboring room when I bang her. And that all manual bear yes manual bear...

*****

- The lieutenant, - Natasha Rostova asks on a ball, - whether the hussar on a horse on full to her skak can jump?
- Yes it to us, hussars, нех#й to ssat!
hatasha of Rostov from such words falls in obmorok.
-Oh, sorry, madam, нех#й to do, I wanted

*****

- The lieutenant, - Natasha Rostova asks on a ball, whether the hussar on a horse on full to her skak
can jump?
Da it to us, hussars, нех#й to ssat, - Natasha Rostova from such slov
padayet in a faint,
- oh, sorry, madam, нех#й to do, I wante

*****

The lieutenant asks Natasha Rostova on balu:
-Natasha why you have on a glove a cut?
- That men could kiss to me a hand...
-A, - the lieutenant told, - now it is clear to me for what a section u
menya on an overcoat.

*****

- The lieutenant, it at you or fell down glass?, - Natasha asks,
ukazyvaya on a ring of Poruchika.
- At first glass, and fell down then, - without having understood a question, otvechayet
rzhevsky.

*****

- The lieutenant why you so strange hold a saxophone? I want to terminate
-Ya on a lyrical note!

*****

The lieutenant dances with Natasha. Poruchik:
-Natasha, WHAT neck at you!
Natasha (coquettishly):
-A me all body takoye.
tot in horror otskakivayet:
-So it is necessary to WASH, Natasha!

*****

The lieutenant at theater plays Podkolesin. As always he zabyl
rol, and the prompter to him podskazyvayet.
-to Marry perhaps, - whispers sufler.
-to MARRY PERHAPS, - repeats Rzhevskiy.
-Yes money is not present, - whispers sufler.
-YES MONEY is NOT PRESENT, - repeats Poruchik.
-Slowly get up, - prompts sufler.
-BUT SOMETHING SLOWLY RISES..., - speaks Rzhev.

*****

- Lieutenant you telepathist?
- Of course!!! Time, two, three, four, five I begin the telepathist!!!

*****

- The lieutenant, whether you are able to play a piano? I do not know
-, did not try - with!

*****

The lieutenant took seat in sledge and told yamshchiku:
-Touch!
yamshchik touched and said:
-WOW!

*****

- The lieutenant, you claim that Assol was not devstvenitsey.
-Forgive the sir, and why then sails all scarlet.

*****

- The lieutenant, and you would like to become a swan and to float in this pond?
- Here still, hunting to wet an ass …

*****

- Lieutenant! To me a little to grow thin and I will become neotrazimoy.
-Is not necessary, madam. The man not a dog, on a bone does not rush.

*****

- The lieutenant, you are the honorary member of society of fans Rzhev. And whether you got sometime to its annals?
- Was few times, missed.

*****

The lieutenant asked to replace the unwell actor. (P) zhevskiya long dodged but agreed. Emu
saidi, to you (c) uflyor will prompt everything and everything will be good. Performance. Premiere. Rzhev in an image of the old man steps on the stage, sits down on a chair and looks on suflyora.
(c) (in a whisper) - It is old stal.
(R) - it is old stal.
(c) - to marry not hochu.
(R) - to marry not hochu.
(c) - rises and slowly leaves. (in the text)
(P) - and rises slowly...

*****

The lieutenant asked to play Othello. He refuses, but emu
dali a crib on which to tell a role. Prispo-
sobit this piece of paper on inside of a jacket and went on stsenu.
-Desdemona! Infection, bough, swine! - looks at a piece of paper, -
molchish, a pause, very ha three times.

*****

The lieutenant asked to play Chatsky. Last scene. The lieutenant vykrikivayet:
-To Moscow I any more not ezdun! Fie! To Moscow I any more not ezdyuk! B... d! To Moscow I any more not ezdets! Carriage to me, carriage!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky on a ball all persuade to tell how it went in Afriku:
-That misters, well, will of Vasha-sss... There are I, so on the jungle, lianas everywhere, monkeys, whether
znayete, jump to and fro, in hands at me the gun, understand, without it it is dangerous. And so,
idu I also go... Long went, and here towards to me a lion! Misters, I obosr@lsya...
- Well is clear, the lieutenant, of course, a lion, same it is so terrible, you one, at you are only one gun...
- Well, misters, you did not understand me, I now obosr@lsya...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky was transferred to other part, and he asks officers as to make advances to local ladies as it is possible for their тра$ать.
Ему say that this business thin. To get acquainted it is necessary to approach the lady and at first to tell something sharp, then - slippery, then - trite (women love it), and then it is possible and predstavitsya.
podkhodit the lieutenant Rzhevsky to the lady and speaks: "A pricker - soap - h%y! By the way, may I introduce myself, lieutenant Rzhevsky!"

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky was invited to a children's holiday. At first all looked at it cautiously, but the lieutenant behaved faultlessly, sighed, gasped and be touched, and at the end even volunteered to read to guests the poem own sochineniya.
-About what your verses? - asked hozyayka.
-Fantastic heroes, a saying and it is a little commotion - with... Grant
-, it that is necessary. Children, all here! Now mesye
rzhevsky will read you the poem!
vstav in a picture pose, the lieutenant prodeklariroval:
na the yard trava.
na to a grass drova.
na firewood of Malvina
ebet Buratino!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky was invited to an invited dinner, however, knowing it as rowdy, warned that without focuses, differently will drive out and more never called. All right. That, as always, got drunk, hung the head on a table, dozes. Suddenly sharply throws up the head, stuchit
kulakom on a table and krichit:
-Misters what will be if eggs to put on a frying pan?
EGO are enough and throw out. And it krichit:
-Misters, will be fried eggs!
VOKRUG:
-Lieutenant, bravo, what joke, you sweetheart, charm! Its
sazhayut at a table, he again hung the head, and in a minute blow on stolu:
-Misters, but nevertheless who will be solved on it?!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky was banished from the capital for immoral tricks to the distant district town. It comes there, comes to meet officers in officer sobraniye.
- And what, misters, how at you ladies here in the evening? Give - with?
- Yes, the lieutenant, give - page. Only they at us saw a lot of things, to them just like that will not drive. That to interest them, it is necessary to tell something sharp, then something slippery, then something indecent and only after that to get acquainted …
Ha the next day the lieutenant Rzhevsky noticed in park the charming lady with a doggie. The lieutenant Rzhevsky suits to ney:
-to Shiloh, washed, h%y! Allow to be presented - the lieutenant Rzhevsky!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky sprashivayut:
-Why ladies do not take offense at your platitudes?
-A at me the word never disperses from business.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky sprashivayut:
-Tell, the lieutenant how you approach with women? Their
-Ya е$#, and pulls together it!