Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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In university sortire:
iz right kabinki:
- And you session handed over conversation to Vas?
IZ tsentralnoy:
-Not - and, this goat the dean does not pass in any way... Left kabinki:
-Also I will not put
IZ!!!

*****

At examination mathematical analizu.
prepodavatel:
- And what you will do conversation if I ask you to count the sum of this row? I will be hung up by
student:
-Ya!
prepodavatel:
-is correct, he does not meet.

*****

Early in the morning the parents who arrived to visit the offspring, find the necessary address and zvonyat.
-Who there? - ask because of dveri.
-Sorry, please, be so kind as, tell, there lives a student Sidorov?
-A and, here! Put it at first on the sidewalk, and I now will put on and I will bring it...

*****

studenta:
-our dean burns down the story. Published on the site 1jj.ru the announcement. Type search to find live or dead, an award - liter of some alcoholic shit. And photo of our dean. The first comment from the dean: "So do not joke, ladies and gentlemen... I cost at least two liters".

*****

Interpretation otsenok:
otl - deceived the companion LEKTORA;
KHOR - wanted to deceive, razoblochili;
ud - it was possible dospeakssya;
neud - it was not succeeded to agree.

*****

- Children!!! help!!! me tomorrow examination! and I to it it is perfect ne
gotov...
- yes do not worry, everything will be normal...
- Well as is normal, I even did not open the book, knowledge zero!
- Da Lang, you will hand over somehow! What

*****

The rector of university, the director of high school and the director of special school for difficult vospituyemy children sit in the rainy evening in a tavern and drink beer behind a friendly chat. Remembered student's vremena.
rektor looked at the watch and speaks:
-Already late, children, the time domoy.
on pays me and leaves. In a couple of minutes vozvrashchayetsya:
-Well, it is necessary! Inspectors took away the rights from me. And it is fine, I will drink couple more of mugs!
through rises hour the director of high school, says goodbye and leaves. But also it in a few minutes vozvrashchayetsya:
- And the rights took away the inspector from me! Let's drink still on odnoy.
through a quarter of hour the director of a special school rises and leaves. Two others tensely expect that will occur. And it is exact! In a few minutes the director of a special school comes back. Its two friends grin, but it speaks:
-Is not present, no! It not that you think. Here your rights. I know how to talk to graduates of my school!

*****

The rector of university saw the estimate which brought to it dekan
fizfaka, and, having sighed, said:
-Why it is physics always demand such expensive equipment? Vot
naprimer mathematicians ask only money for paper, pencils and erasers. - And,
podumav, added. - And philosophers, those it is even better. Even erasers are not necessary to them.

*****

It was decided by the Ministry of Public Education to define where more vsego
skvernoslovyat... Well, equipment on the verge... Thought up hours such: the word matom
strelki move for one second, Well hung up them in MSU, MFTI yes i
pro did not forget MAI...
through come year to MSU - there 3 hours show, in MFTI - 2 hours, A
V MAI on a place of hours - a hole in a wall. Asked: "How so?". And in reply: "Yes u
nas and the propellers are enough!"

*****

God decided to check how students study in Chelyabinsk, and sent an angel. That comes back and speaks:
- The Beginning of a semester: honey and ped study, the Polytechnic University thumps. Middle of a semester: honey and ped study, the Polytechnic University thumps. Night before the first examination: ped and honey study, the Polytechnic University prays to God. BOG:
-Here also we will help them!

*****

Solved supreme audit in the Moscow higher education institutions ustroit.
za month before session - MSU - all study, MFTI - everything study, MAI - vse
pyyut...
ZA week before session - (same). In three days (same)
B night before examination - MSU - all sleep, MFTI - everything sleep, MAI - vse
molyatsya.

*****

Solved Ilya Muromets, Elena Premudraya and the Baba-yaga in Moskvu
podatsya appears, to enter the institutes. Well also arrived: Ilya in sports,
lenka in MSU, and the Baba-yaga in MIREA. Meet through some time.
zaveli a market about life studencheskuyu.
ilya: - I at us at institute the strongest!
elena: - Hm, you will think, strong. I here the cleverest!
BABA of Yaga: - Ha, you strong, you clever, and I but the most beautiful!

*****

Decided to hold competition between institutes regarding vospitannosti
studentov. One of stages was visit sortira.
vkhodit in a toilet the student of Institute of Culture. Descended in a booth, left, hand
pomyl, wiped them, was looked in a mirror, corrected a tie. Commission v
vostorge: 5 ballov.
vkhodit shaggy fiztekhovets; descended in a booth, there was also all. Komissiya
negoduyet:
-Well you though hands washed!
-A we on hands not ssy!

*****

Decided to conduct survey among students of different institutes - for how many those will hand over Chinese. Approaching to fiztekhovtsu:
-For how many Chinese you will hand over?
- Well, month for dva.
prikhodyat in MGU:
- For how many Chinese you will hand over?
- Well, somewhere for mesyats.
prikhodyat in MIFI:
- For how many Chinese you will hand over?
- the Textbook of methodics is?
- Is! Well now I will finish smoking
- and went to hand over...

*****

Parents docheri-studentke:
-Speak now! Where you were all night long?
- On lektsii.
-To four o'clock in the morning?
- Yes. The lecturer appeared the stutterer.

*****

(C) tudent died, gets to (H) to an ert to a hell. That asks it.
(Ch) - You to what hell will go, to idle time or to the student's.
(C)-B simple.
popadayet in prosto;y the
1st-y day: women, wine, drugs, suddenly comes the devil with a nail and
molotkom in the evening.
(C)-A it what for?
(Ch) - Well it se a hell, also drives in to it a nail into an ass. The
2nd-y day - too most.
3 йй - too most.
through comes week the student to hell and tells
(C) - Listen the devil, translate me in student's and the devil translates it.
1st-y day: it is even more beautiful than the woman, wine is even more tasty, drugs still bolshe; waits for
cherta with a nail in the evening, and the devil did not come. Well, the student thinks, in general it is good.
2nd-y day too most. The
3rd-y too most.
through half a year comes the devil with a bucket of nails and a hammer.
(C) - And che is a lot of nails?
(Ch) - Session the student, session.

*****

Plane, ladder, conductor. The moustached, hook-nosed person in chapayevskoy
burke drags a lamb, having charged on plechi.
-you where!? This is a ram!
-Vakh! Where ram?! It magarych! The ram in Moscow, at institute studies!

*****

The self-confident student tovarishchu:
-In some years people will speak to the, having looked at this building, gde
nakhoditsya at institute: "Here the student Ivanov studied!!! "
golos from educational chasti:
-If you will not pass examinations, people will already speak so na
sleduyushchey to week!

*****

- Swine you! To me spoiled all life! Spent all youth for you!
- the Daughter, the child, will be enough to talk to the diploma.

*****

- Swine! I gave you the best years of my life! Spent all youth for you! To me ruined all life!!!
-Masha, will be enough to talk to the diploma.

*****

The girl passes examination in drawing. Knows nothing. The teacher speaks:
-it is fine, a question on the three. With what drawing begins?
- Well, from sharpening of a pencil...
- Is not present, nepravilno.
-Well, from paper purchase...
- Is not present!
devushka continues to talk similar nonsense. The examiner does not maintain and krichit:
-From an axis!
devushka udivlyonno:
-Directly here?

*****

The girlfriend passes examination on el. to equipment. Question: what is the step tension. That is rumpled, is silent, the teacher not vyderzhivayet:
-you know Ivanov, well! Ivanova is tension arising.
- Remembered!!! This tension arising between feet when you undertake the naked end...

*****

The student zachet:
-Well, generally here such crap hands over, it goes to that figovena, glug, a bang,
bakh, then psh-sh-sh-sh there... And pi@dets...
ekzamenator (swinging the head)
- Yes - and- And...
beret also writes a record book: "Zaye@is".

*****

The student hands over session. Professor asks:
-Where is America?
student shows on karte.
- And where Russia?
student again pokazyvayet.
-So, - are told by professor. Rub balla.
-WHY? After all I know geography well!
- Is the first question there was on geography, and the second for anatomy...

*****

The student passes examination on sopromatu:
-This #уйну we insert into this #уйню, and this #уйню into this.... also this turns out #уйня.
Преподаватель takes a record book and writes: "ZAYE@IS"

*****

The student passes examination to professor. Answers all questions. Professor cannot fill up in any way. Speaks ey:
-Vot if you answer the last question, I put to you "excellent"
studentka:
-Zadavayte!
- Than differ the words "h@nya" from "pi@dets"
Very simply! Here if you three, and I one, it h@nya, and here if us three, and you one, is pi@dets!

*****

Students pass examination in German yazyku.
ekzamenator:
-Make the offer in German: the frog jumps on bolotu.
otvechayushchy student:
- The Ainu the moment! Der a frog on der's bog flop, der flop, der flop!

*****

Pass examination in a new technique at medical institute. Each student has to come into audience, thrust a hand into a bag and on oshchup to define what human body in a bag. And respectively after each examination there is a smart booze at profesorov.
sdayet the first group. The girl comes. govoryat
-a hand also determine Zasovuyte in a bag by it organ.
- The Spleen?
- is correct!!
through couple of days are handed over by the second group. Comes paren:
- The Liver?
-Pravilno.
i so reaches the last group in few weeks. Sausage comes devushka:
-!!
- the Girl what can be sausage at medical institute?!! Think well and tell still raz.
-I say to you that sausage!!!
- Well, dostavayte.
devushka gets from a bag kolbasu.
-Blin!!! Than we had a snack yesterday???

*****

Seminar in Agricultural Academy: Professor gives to students a task and speaks:
-Dear students, here to you the Bull and the Cow, and I went to drink coffee and when I return make so that the Bull inseminated korovu.
through 15 minutes Professor comes back and sees such picture: The bull lies the dead, Professor shocked asks at studentov:
-Dear students that happened? And they otvechayut:
-Yes so far we stacked the Cow on a back, the Bull died of laughing!!!

*****

The seminary, morning, gives classes hungover pop:
-Tell me, the adolescent, he speaks addressing to the seminarist, whether the soul from a body separates?
- Separates, the Holy Father! Prove
-, the adolescent!
- Here, for example, I go by your cell this morning and I hear: "Get up, Soul washing, podymaysya and shuruy the otsedova kitchen gardens", so means separates. Proved?
- Proved... but prepokhabno!

*****

The family from five students will rent the room. Or bed. Or a corner in a bed!

*****

Session. From audience the joyful student runs out.
tolpa: - Handed over?
studentka: - Handed over!
sledom looks out the tired teacher and mutters to itself under a nose:
HU, we will put, not it handed over, but I gave up...

*****

Session. Decided to conduct research as students of different higher education institutions prepare to ekzamenam.
podkhodt for the student Ped. Institute and sprashivayut:
-How many for you it is necessary time to learn Chinese and to pass on it examination?
- Well..... years three, probably....
podkhodt to the student of University and sprashivayut:
-How many for you is necessary time to learn Chinese and to pass on it examination?
- Well..... year.... But if to try, I can and for semestr.
podkhodt to the student of Technical COLLEGE and sprashivayut:
-How many for you it is necessary time to learn Chinese and to pass on it examination?
-A the textbook of methodics is?
- Is...
- Well then do not take a steam bath, now I will finish smoking and we will go to hand over!

*****

The granny sits in the tram and does not take eyes from the guy, on a breast at which two high school badges. The grandma sorted lyubopytstvo:
- The Sonny, and what it at you for badges such?
- It means that I graduated already from two institutes!
skrivilas old and progovorila:
-Yet really you such stupid, what could not teach you in one?

*****

The former student of Polytechnic University sits somehow, and nowadays - dukhovnoy
seminarii at lecture, and on a habit sleeps. Approaches to nemu
batyushka, and asks:
- And what there is Sil Bozhya, my son?
TOT wakes up, and with letu:
-God's Sil is equal to God's weight on God's acceleration!!

*****

The commission sits, accepts entrance examination of y parnya.
vse normally, he answered all questions and in kontse
odin the teacher asks:
- The Young man and why you chose ours uchebnoye
zavedeniye? To
- The Father, do not ask silly questions...

*****

The student sits in a subway and plays na
bayane...
pered it tablichka:
"Help the poor student on the Internet!".

*****

The teacher in the dining room sits at a prepodsky table and eats, students separately and here means the student sits down nearby and starts guzzling, champing, and the teacher Emu:
-Lebed to a pig not товарищ
Студент:
- Well I poletel
prepod sits all angry, thinks I will fill up at examination. Here examination means the student comes the teacher answers all questions, and to it and speaks:
-Pered with you two bags one with brains of the second with 1mln dollars. That возьмешь?
Студент:
-Деньг?
Препод:
-А I to Mozgi
student:
-C?me of that not hvatayet
prepod in full rage snatch out at him a record book something in it writes and throws out it. The student approaches a beret a record book looks is written the GOAT. The student approaches the teacher and speaks:
-Vy undersigned, and a mark forgot to give!!!

*****

Two students and the vulgar officer sit in a compartment (well it perdit,
NU what here to make). To students it is inconvenient, they leave v
koridor and address to standing there Rzhev: ''Sorry,
MY cultural students, and there the officer, excuse us, ves
vozdukh spoiled." Comes Rzhev into a compartment and shouts on ofitsera:
'' to Rise, a padla, to sit down, the goat, to get up, e@alay, to sit down, a goat! That it here x %*nyu such parted
TY, you that, do not see, chto
tut not some trite bl*d sit, and cultural students."