Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Two half-starved students sit and argue that such to make that money would be. Odin:
-Sushay can a pig we will take, we will fatten, then we will sell or sjedim.
-Yes you that! Dirt, a stench both td and tp.
-Well can anything, will get used?!

*****

3 teachers of a matan on a roof of Baumanka sit somehow. Sit are silent. Suddenly below there is a student. The first teacher speaks:
-we Argue, now he will get drunk? Two and well.... sporim.
prepod throws 100 dollars. Sudent catches, runs in a stall and nazhirayetsya.
sidyat teachers, there are 5 students. "- oh speaks. We argue now all of them in an insole will get drunk? the 1st and 3-IY
-Well the давай.
2nd - oh throws 500 dollars. Students select also run in a stall, got drunk as svinyi.
tut the third pepod speaks we argue now all Baumanka will get drunk and 2 weeks will not dry out. Those emu
-Yes never such will be where you will take so much money?????!!!!
trety took and was dumped from a roof.

*****

Two students in a hostel sit, thump, and is there is nothing. One speaks:
-Chuvstvuyesh, a shish kebab from where pulled?
- the Fool, remove a fly from a cigarette.

*****

Students sit and wait for one more studenta:
-For what we will drink? That Petrov handed over
- on pyat.
snova:
-For what we will drink? That Petrov handed over
- on pyat.
prikhodit Petrov and speaks:
-Handed over on 4-80. One bottle was broken.

*****

Students in a hostel sit, suppress pivko.
v the room rushes zapykhanny devakha:
-Oh, boys, I to you so hurried, so hurried that slightly a foot did not pooblomat!
Te lead round its muddy vzglyadom:
-Well, to break did not break, but bent thoroughly!

*****

Students in University sit, wait for the teacher on on the first lecture on vyshke.
v audience "the person of an Asian nationality" comes. Anybody on it attention not obratil.
a "face" speaks:
-Hello. I am your teacher. (the people began to smile). To prevent any hearings and half-words, at once I will tell - call me Ivan Petrovich Yakovlev; on a nationality I the CHUKCHI (a wild laughter in audience). But unlike you, I know the higher mathematics (death silence)...

*****

Three flies sit: thick, average and thin. The first speaks:
-I live in restaurant. I will fall in any plate, it at once zhe
otstavyat, I all and em.
vtoraya speaks:
-I live in the working dining room. I will fall in a plate, I a spoon am vycherpnut, that in a spoon I eat
vse, the rest - rabochiy.
- And I live in the student's dining room, - the third fly speaks, - I will fall v
tarelku, and students all the same will eat everything moreover and me will suck round.

*****

Three teachers of a matan on TTU roof sit. Goes student.
(1) - Want, will get drunk?
(2,3) - Well?
(1) throws 100 rubles from a roof. The student run to the bar. Go 10 studentov.
(2) - Want, will get drunk?
(1,3) - Well?
(2) throws 500 rubles from a roof. Students run in bar.
(3) - Want, all university will get drunk?
(1,2) - Oh well!
(3) - Not, well want?
(1,2) - Well!
(3) - Well! - also jumped off from a roof...

*****

Three students friends in street cafe after session delivery sit (in a corresponding state). Observe for entering/leaving inside, gradually pokhlebyvat beer. Here two visitors came, and in three minutes left three. The first of students was a physicist and said:
-Initial measurements were netochnymi.
vtoroy, being the biologist, manm explained tak:
-it is peculiar to breed. The third - the mathematician - stated the soobrazheniye:
-If one person comes into cafe, there will be empty.

*****

Strongly culture level in one of the Moscow technical training colleges grew. On kafedre
fizkultury the announcement with the word "TENNIS" hung without corrections tri
dnya!

*****

The nice student in a miniskirt passes examination. All spurs are densely packed under an elastic band of shorts. Ticket, first question. The spur is taken, the answer is written. The second question - is taken a spur, written otvet.
trety a question -... The teacher does not maintain, takes away spurs, takes away a record book and puts four balla.
- And why four?
- By order of ministerstva.
-??? It is rounded by
-By order of the ministry in case of a disputable assessment in advantage studenta.
-???
- Is rounded an average, we receive chetyre.
-???
- My God, well here is unclear?! For examination - two, for a striptease - five.

*****

- Tell, what your technique of writing of the diploma?
- Crtl C, Ctrl V!

*****

- How many genitals at the man you know?
-Dvenadtsat.
-?
- Well, ten fingers, language and actually of what you thought...
vecherom professor calls the drugu:
-Represent, Ivan Ivanovich, me today one student called already d

*****

- How many hours you spent for homework?
- of HOURS!!!???

*****

The attendant of a cult complains to professor fiziki:
- The Disgrace! I asked your student that such the divine force,
I he answered that it is the divine weight increased on bozhestvennoye
uskoreniye.
- The disgrace is valid. If divine weight to increase na
bozhestvennoye acceleration, force, divine in a square will turn out. Poetomu
ili the weight, or acceleration need to be taken the simple.

*****

- Listen how to call our teacher of algebra? Remember
-, the friend, all teachers are called "Sorry, and it is possible to ask you?" …

*****

With me in Odessa, at biology faculty the mass of foreigners studied!
He all could utter Laotian names, such as Engsavanka Papkhavong, but Pkh@y Siksidao pleased us! Black Bonifatsy Namdi lived near Chilean Mauricio Mac Pots, and the favourite we had Mudilo Armando of Zhoes!!! You Will tell
byvayet to it so privetlivo:
-as life, Mudila? - and he tells...

*****

The daughter student was going to get married. In the evening, on a family council and speaks
ottsu:
-future we know nothing mother About the son-in-law, would meet, talked to it as a real man...
DOCH organized a meeting, sit, talk: Test:
-What the pier plans for the future, was heard you by the student of the 3rd course?
ZYAT:
-First of all I will try to graduate from the institute, the C GOD'S HELP...
- Is laudable! Well, and to live where gather?
- I Will try to find a good living space the C GOD'S HELP...
- is good! And on what means are going to live?
- we Will find to ourselves highly paid work as the C GOD'S HELP...
Ha that also left. The wife at the husband: -
- Well, and how to you future son-in-law?
husband :
-Young, purposeful, but that in it especially was pleasant to me - MENYA
BOGOM considers!!!

*****

Three students from the different countries gathered, and discuss who as begins day!
amerikanets: "I wake up, I go to the refrigerator, I get two eggs, I fry and I go for study" .
yaponets: "I wake up, I go to the refrigerator, I get two eggs, I drink them and I go for study" .
russky: "I wake up, I go to the refrigerator, I scratch two eggs and I go for study".

*****

Soviet period … Offset in MGIMO. Professor to speaks:
-Dai vwodnuyu:
"The Soviet warship in territorial waters of Nigeria incidentally lined with a torpedo the Nigerian motor ship with three thousand passengers onboard. Everything pogibli.
pravitelstvo Nigeria the task to make a counter note to the government of Nigeria expresses a resolute protest to Sovetky's government of Soyuza.
vasha where you would justify actions of our military. It is clear to all?" All students wrote something. Professor checked works and speaks:
-Molodtsy! All offset, but on the future when make diplomatic notes, consider that the words "on x **" and "not eb **" are written separately, and the words "chernozhopy" and" the asshole" are written together.

*****

- Admit it-ka!
- Did you soglasiska ...
- Do not rush a minute!
- From netoropiski and hear ...

*****

Social advertizing. 2 grams of nicotine kill one horse. In 2 weeks of session thousands of students perish...

*****

Writing off from one source - plagiarism, from two - compilation, from three and more - the thesis.

*****

Sravnite:
moskovsky the State University (MSU) .
mordovsky the State University (MGU).
A if is not present a difference, why to pay more??

*****

The student and devyshka:
(C) - You Want I will take for a drive on the big car with the powerful motor?
(D) 8) ~ - YES!
(C) - Went, the bus goes...

*****

The student comes to examination, opens a portfolio, dostayet
bytylki vodka, puts on stol.
-Here to you three bottles, deliver to me tpi.
ppofessop, taking couple, bytylok:
-I will take two.

*****

The old grandma comes to institute, files documents, her allow to take examinations. But, of course, sprashivayut:
- And why to you it, granny?!
- Yes the grandfather my, old horse-radish, very much loves students!

*****

Old professor of astronomy rises by chair in a black tuxedo and white tapochkakh.
-Dear students, I will not give to you lecture. I came to say goodbye. In my observatory hours which went almost three hundred years stopped today. I am sure: there came the Doomsday!
studenty started giggling, zaulyulyukat. Shouts, cries: Buy Roleks!, Replace gears!, Insert the new battery and other
kogda noise abated, professor started talking snova:
- And now I will tell from what to you at once it will not become ridiculous. Hours which stopped at me in observatory - solar!

*****

Old professor hobbles down the street. Suddenly stops semerka
bmv, the glossy little man from where jumps out and krichit:
-Professor, darling, you remember me? I was your assistant on chair,
poka did not go to trade-union committee. Now in the Duma I manage committee on science. Zakhodite
v the office, a tea popyem.
professor hobbles further. Maybakh stops. Jumps out dorodnaya
tetka and krichit:
-Professor, darling, you remember me? I was your graduate student na
kafedre, did not marry our mayor yet. Now here locks in Evrope
kollektsioniruyu. Here the business card, come to me in a lodge on the Azure coast,
V of a casino we descend, wine popyem.
dovolny professor puffs down the street further. Rolls-Royce stops, the little man and krichit:
-Professor, darling, you me remember
vyskakivayet of plyugavenkiya, I was an associate professor on your chair,
poka did not begin to trade in oil. Come to me to Rublyovka, shashlychku
poyedim, a konyachka podzharim.
nakonets professor rows up to the house and, passing by a garbage can,
slyshit from some seedy type which is picked in yashchikakh:
-Professor, darling, as health, how are you doing?
- As? And you too worked at my chair?
BOMZH obizhenno:
-Why it worked, I and now there teach!

*****

Old professor late leaves institute, got into the car, got, looks, the girl costs, zamyorzla
-Devushka, you probably from school, sit down, podvezu
-0y, you would know, the uncle who I am a suchilishcha!!!

*****

Old professor asks at lecture a question to the studentam:
-How to slaughter an earth worm into the earth?
student:
-need to take it, to smear with an epoksidka and when the epoksidka dries, the worm will harden, he can be hammered into the earth as a nail!
Ha of the following lecture professor approaches the student, stretches it a bouquet tsvetov:
-It to you from my wife!
dostayet from a pocket chervonets:
- And it to you from me, thanks!

*****

Old professor:
-dreamed me Recently: I give lecture to students. I wake up. And chto
vy think?! Really I read Lycia!

*****

Old professor tells uchenikam:
-For years of the scientific activity I wrote more than 30 books... Oh yes you made
- very much!
-, after all, did not make Something. Here I remember, we went at the first year to collective farm. I called in one little girl on a mow there. But so at us anything also did not leave: it in hay failed all the time. Eh, to take all these devil's books yes to put it then under a bum!

*****

Old professor on ekzamene:
-So who considers, what knows a subject on 5 points?
podnyalo of a hand of steam of students. Professor: - give record books. And stavit
otlichno.
-Who considers, what knows a subject on four points?
podnyalo of a hand of people ten. Too collects record books, puts chetyre.
-Who considers, what on 3? Hand
podnyali - the same istoriya.
-Means, so - the others neud, come on peresdachu.
student:
- And when a repeating an examination?
professor:
-Nu-u-u, give now. So, who considers, what knows a subject on 5
ballov?...

*****

Student's noskov:
-you squeeze out extents of pollution, TECHYOT;
-you throw to a ceiling, lipnut;
-you undress a boot together with noskom;
-smell, but do not exist.

*****

There is in the bus a student, and the old woman sits next, and with pity speaks: "And that you thin such, tortured study? The excellent student, huh? "
-well, horoshist
-Well give I to you though I will give way, vnuchik
-Yes it is not necessary, the grandmother, spasibo.
-Well give I your plashchik poderzhu
-It not a plashchik, this is my friend, here he is an excellent student.

*****

There is a student, quite drunk, on the street - otlivayet.
mimo there passes a woman of age about 40 who is decently dressed
intelligentnaya. speaks:
-Young man... As it is not a shame to you... but, however - davayte
poznakomimsya!

*****

There were two adolescents on the street, one - good, another - bad and were spat the friend v
dpyga. Bad got to good 4 times, and good - 9 times...
MIMO there passed a passerby and, having seen them, began to edify adolescents that plevatsya
nekpasivo. Then adolescents started being spat in ppokhozhego.
plokhoy the adolescent got 7 times, and good - 12...
dobpo - it always wins...

*****

There are a dean, the rector, and the most spiteful teacher of the most spiteful chair on a roof of university and think, as if there are more than studentik in session otchislit.
dekan:
- And let's dump a beer small bottle! One student will find, will get drunk, bulked up, the fig will not learn, well we will fill up him and we will deduct!
REKTOR:
-Not, you take a little! And give a box of beer we will dump! The whole group will get drunk, bulked up, the fig will not learn, well we will fill up them and we will deduct!
prepodavatel:
-Not, take a little! And let me jump off! All institute zabukhat …