Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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The student kicks bulku:
drugoy the student asks:
-You that delayesh:
-is silent, for a corner we will come, together we will eat.

*****

The student writes the letter to the father: "Dear father, $пешу $ообщить to you that at меня
в$е well. I учу$ь it is normal. The truth not to $ов$ем it is easy for me. $ this
ucheboy, I not to mogudumat $овершенно about anything another. Пожалу$та, vyshli
mne $рочную telegram. I will be $частлив to receive from you ве$точку. Твой
$ын" the letter from daddy Soon came: "Sonny. I understand yours Neterpeniye.
netrudis too strongly, and that budeshsovsy Disabled. If
STANET it is absolutely heavy, write still, Ifnetrudno. I will always help tebe
sovetom. Father"

*****

- The student why you were not prepared for occupations?
- was not in time... Maid's
-, probably?
- Is not present that you!
- of Studeeent, you afflict me!

*****

The student earns additionally in household shop. Once some man asked hooks for climbers, whether but by all means gold tsveta.
takikh remained everything dva.
-want instead of gold silver or white?
pokupatel attentively looked at it and sprosil:
-you after all are not married yet, the young man?

*****

The student after a blockage ekzamena:
-Well, a formula, a bough, wait a moment! I remembered you!!!

*****

The student went for appointment to the girl. Money is not present. In a pocket three kopeks. Pass by restorana.
-Well, we will go to a tavern? Is not present? Well, went further! Pass by morozhennogo.
student again quickly speaks:
-Morozhennoye you want, is not present? Well, went further! The girl dumayet:
-Well now will ask, I will surely manage to tell - I want! Approach the machine gun with gazirovkoy.
-you are thirsty? I Want
-!
- That you shout, now I will buy!

*****

The student takes to himself to the hostel the girl from provided semyi.
ona clear business shocked by a situation, is afraid to touch to predmetam.
on sees it and speaks:
-All right, you be not afraid. Pass, sit down on krovat.
-On a bed??? Yes in it likely bugs!!!
- What bugs?! For a long time cockroaches ate them.

*****

The student invited the girl to appointment. Walk on the city and pass mimo
restorana. The girl speaks:
-Oh as smells delicious!
- was pleasant to You? You want, once again we will pass?

*****

The student invited the student in movie theater to the last session. Naturally tickets for the last row. He addresses to the middle of the movie to girl:
-Natasha, we already looked through almost all movie, and you me even still never potselovala.
-You, che, San?! I to you just sucked off!
- to me!?!?

*****

The student comes to occupations with lined glazom.
-That happened to you? - asks priyatel.
-Yes here was at a party at the girlfriend yesterday, danced lambada, and her deaf daddy enters here …

*****

The student comes to the commandant obshchagi:
-it is simply impossible to live In our room. Nightmare! =8 []
-A that such?
- Well, for example, mice heap! =8 ()
-He can be!
- Go, pokazhu.
prikhodyat to the room. The student takes grain crumbs, throws on a floor. There is a mouse, behind her the second, third, then - a little small fish, then - the fourth mysh.
komendant:
-Yes, a little bit mice were got. And what it for a small fish was?
student:
-So, about mice were convinced? Now let's deal with dampness!.

*****

The student comes to the hostel all beaten and with a shiner under glazom.
sosed on the room Vasya speaks emu:
-! You are the decent person, a horoshist. What you forced to fight because of the maiden in the bar?!
- Well... ddd. And from where you know?
- How not to learn? You have on a back a print of my boot!

*****

The student comes to pass examinations. Extended a question about okruzhnosti.
podkhodit to a board and draws by hand equal okruzhnost.
professor asks:
-Kak you so exactly draw a circle?
-Ya in army twisted two years the meat grinder.

*****

The student comes to a toilet, and there his fellow student costs on kolyanyakh and a point picks. That emu:
-Vasya, you that?
- Yes here, dropped a pancake, a jacket!
- Yes you that to carry it after that you will be?!
- Yes not, there in a pocket a package with a breakfast.

*****

The student comes to examination in English, buys the ticket and starts answering. The teacher listened, listened, and then and speaks:
- The Young man, you after all answer me on kitayskom.
student:
-Here, the pancake, that textbook took to see from the shelf in the dark yesterday not.

*****

The student comes to examination, approaches professor, efficiently opens a briefcase, gets three bottles of vodka, puts on stol.
-Here to you three bottles, deliver to me tri.
professor, quickly cleans two bottles with stola:
-to me and two will be enough, and an assessment, respectively...

*****

The student running along a corridor incidentally shoulders professor who is briskly talking to colleagues. Professor is enough the student for a sleeve and there begins it otchityvat:
-a Young man, you just roughly tore off our flight of thought. Just the greatest opening in the history of mankind could arise, perhaps trick you rejected mankind on millions years ago in development, you were deserted the Universe.... (and in such spirit it lectures it minutes fifteen) .
student absolutely destroyed, moves back, reddens, low, izvinyaetsya.
udovletvorenny professor turns to the colleagues and prodolzhayet:
-So nachy it I stopped? Ah yes! And so, I throw means her feet to itself on shoulders...

*****

The student was plucked and, having bent the head, leaves from zdaniya.
professor leans out of a window and shouts to it sverkhu:
-you handed over, here one sits much worse you!

*****

Student:
-Professor, what size has to be the term paper?
professor:
-As woman's dress: rather long to cover a subject, and in too time quite short to draw attention...!

*****

Student professoru:
-Hello, companion professor!
professor:
-Geese with geese, and women with women!
student:
-Well then I departed further.

*****

The student tries to ask for leave from lecture, well and anything the best to his mind does not come, except how to tell the truth. Generally, such dialog:
-Nikolay Petrovich, I can leave today?
-A that happened, Ivanov?
- Yes, there, the guy has a birthday!
-of Foo, Ivanov - at you is the guy?!

*****

The student on the fifth year tells mather:
-Today here examination sdayu.
-What? I do not know
- so far. Here I will come to institute, there children will tell.

*****

The student decided to flash knowledge of English. The roll comes into the dining room and speaks:
-Coffee and. Anything, what I in English?

*****

The student decided to earn additionally. Companions advised it to settle the night watchman or the janitor. It went to one place, there places are taken, went to another - the same. Came to a zoo, but there it was told, as the watchman and the janitor is and predlozhili:
- At us the monkey died recently. You could it zamenit.
-I do not know, whether I will be able, - doubts student.
- And you played sports?
-Zanimalsya.
-we have a Skin and will pay more, than to the watchman or the janitor. Well, the student agreed. Here, he sits in a cage, climbs, faces to visitors makes, on rings turns, visitors are happy. In the evening when visitors already became a little, he jumped off on a floor, but it is unsuccessful, and failed in the cage standing under that in which it was. Sees, on it the lion goes straight. Well, the student thinks: "In vain I agreed. Even for such money". And the lion approaches and speaks human golosom:
-Hi! You from what faculty?

*****

The student passes examination in geography. Answers badly. Professor:
-Da- And, the young man, now I see that you have in the head a desert!
- Perhaps, but in each desert, professor, is an oasis, tolko
glupye camels usually do not notice it...

*****

The student passes examination in history CPSU. It sprashivayut:
-Who such was Karl Marx?
-Karl Marx died! Let's honor his memory minute molchaniya.
komissiya rose. Pochtili.
- And who such was Lenin?
-Lenin died, but his business lives. Let's observe a minute of silence in memory of the great leader!
vstali. Honored. Professor whispers to members komissii:
-Put to him the three, and that now will force to sing International, and I know only the first couplet.

*****

The student passes examination. Prepodavatel:
- And now answer me: how to make abortion to a cow?
student in izumlenii:
-Mdaaaa, Semyon Nikolaich, well you were also stuck of course

*****

The student passes examination in physics. Hands over very badly. Professor tries to extend it, asks:
-Well tell at least at what temperature water boils?
- Professor, I do not know, at what temperature it boils, but I know that at 40 degrees it turns into vodka!

*****

- The student and why you are not ready today? Because of maids, probably!?
- Is not present that you professor!
- Ah as you afflict me, Petrov …

*****

The student sits passes examination in history. Suddenly it turns to the neigbour on a back school desk and sppashivayet:
- And in what year cancelled the serf right?
devushka occupied with the answer to the question briefly otvechayet:
-In 61-om.
papen turns away... Thinks of something... and in three minutes again turns to ney:
-Wait a moment, it as. In the 61st Gagarin departed to space...
- Well... Probably, in honor of it also cancelled.

*****

The student watches on TV a sensuality. From the neighboring room the grandmother asks:
-That you look, granddaughters?
- Fighter, grandmother!
-A who it so strongly groans?
- The Hero dies, the grandmother!!!

*****

The student gathers for examination, thinks: "Here I will pass examination - I will get drunk!". Then thinks: "And if I do not hand over - too I will get drunk, from a grief". Buys a vodka bottle - anyway to get drunk - hides in a pocket of a jacket and goes for examination. Pulls the ticket, worries, hands shiver, the ticket falls. The student tries to bend down behind him, and the bottle in a pocket disturbs. It puts it on stol.
prepod: - The cucumber is?
student: - Net.
prepod: - Then "four".

*****

- The student why you sleep during lecture?
-Ya I do not sleep, I slowly blink.

*****

The student asks:
-Professor, what size has to be the term paper?
professor:
-As dress of the beautiful woman: rather long to cover a subject, and in too time quite short to draw attention …

*****

The student asks at professora:
- The Teacher, in your life everything worked well, or you would like to change something?
- See these regiments with books? In total they were written by me... And when I was 16 years old, I got acquainted with the wonderful girl, and we went to a mow. But at us it turned out nothing, all of us time failed in hay. So, here, if to take ten these books and to put it then under buttocks...

*****

The student asks the old friend, rabochego:
-You know, who such Richard Wagner?
-NET.
-Eh you! At institute it is necessary to study... Following den:
-You know
Ha, who such Nicolaus Copernicus?
- Is not present...
- Eh you! At institute it is necessary to study … den:
-You know
Ha third, who such Francois Rabelais?
- Is not present...
- Eh you! At institute it is necessary to study …
- And you, you know, who such Andrey Baranov?
- Is not present...
- And so is a plumber who tr %% at your wife, so far you sit at the institute.

*****

The student faces audience where accept examination. Worries, worries, he is beaten by a nervous trembling. The record book, and - oh, horror suddenly drops out of his shivering hands! - someone from passing by touches it with a foot, and it departs directly under a door of examination audience, there, to the teacher. The student stiffens for fear and confusion, not in forces to utter words. Suddenly the record book in the same way, under a door, takes off back, and in it in the necessary column costs - offset. Following appears prepodavatel:
-Many jokers I saw on the century, but such original way to pass at me a test I did not meet yet...

*****

The student in the dining room sits down at a table by the teacher. That to it speaks:
-Geese with geese, and women with women!
student:
-Well, I departed and ukhodit.
prepod decided to fill up it at examination, but the student answered na
otlichno. The teacher sets question :
-you go on the road and see 2 bags: one intelligently, another s
zolotom. What you will take?
-C gold! I would take
-A with umom.
-to Whom that not hvatayet.
prepod writes in a record book of "trestle" also that, without having noticed, leaves. Na
sleduyushchy day studuyent comes back and speaks:
-Professor, you to me undersigned for a record book, and a mark forgot to give.

*****

The student studentu:
-you Know, our teacher talks to himself... Our
- too. But he does not realize it. He thinks that we listen to him.