Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Anecdotes about the son-in

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And I as home come, the mother-in-law at once from a threshold govoryu:
-Claudia Petrovna! I have no mind, money is not present, on the house I do nothing, and your daughter could marry much better! So far she hasty and painfully remembers
I that I in this list passed, I dobavlyayu:
- The Son-in-law Petrov ended the report! Allow to go to drink beer to friends to alcoholics?

*****

The lawyer cables the client: "Tonight during a dream your aunt died, having left you a big state. What to order: funeral or cremation?" In reply he received the telegram: "Order cremation, you should not risk".

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- As if I wanted to have the daughter! - one woman drugoy.
-speaks do not regret that you do not have her. Here my friend has six daughters, and you know, what it means for their father?
- That should support six rtov.
-Is not present, twelve. You

*****

There were at the mother-in-law three sons-in-law. Also she decided to check once how they respect her and love. Goes with senior the son-in-law for walk. Approach a pond. It goes to bathe and starts sinking. He jumps in water and rescues it. Na the next day he wakes up and sees near the house the Volga car with a note: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Goes with an average. Ta history. It sinks, he rescues. Na the next day the average son-in-law wakes up and sees near the house the Zhiguli car with a note to "The beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Goes with the younger. Starts sinking, an it thinks: "Time the senior got "Volga", to an average "Zhiguli", I turn out chtola "Zaporozhets"? Is not present I will not rescue it". Leaves and the mother-in-law drowned. Na the next day the younger son-in-law wakes up and sees near the house the Mercedes car with a note to "The beloved son-in-law from the father-in-law".

*****

There were at the mother-in-law three sons-in-law. She which loves it more decided to learn. They went somehow to the small river to have a rest. There is the senior son-in-law on the coast. The mother-in-law, having seen it, pryg to the river also shouts: "To tone! I sink!" The son-in-law jumped in water and rescued the mother-in-law, and the next morning found under the Zhiguli window with an inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Once again went to the river. There is an average son-in-law on the coast, the mother-in-law boom to water: "To tone! I sink!" The son-in-law rescued the mother-in-law and next morning saw under a window "Volga" with an inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Once again went to have a rest to the river. There is a younger son-in-law on the coast, the mother-in-law plyukh to water: "To tone! I sink! "
- " I need you!" - the younger son-in-law thought and passed mimo.
teshcha drowned. The next morning this son-in-law found under the Mercedes window with an inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the father-in-law!"

*****

In a drugstore the seller explains pokupatelyu:
-Is not present, do not persuade to buy arsenic is necessary the recipe, one photo of your mother-in-law has enough.

*****

In the company of friends the son-in-law speaks: Yesterday to the village went, started building the round house. It sprashivayut:
-What for?
ZYAT otvechayet:
-Yes the mother-in-law tortured that: can, there will be a corner for me.

*****

In a family the mother-in-law dies. In the room windows are tightly curtained off, the twilight and silence reigns. Relatives gathered, the headboard has a son-in-law. At some point the spot of sunlight gets through a crack in a curtain and falls on the person of the dying. The woman opens eyes, sighs and speaks:
-My God, it is good as!
- Mummy, do not distract, - the son-in-law speaks.

*****

You! Our cat in slippers pokakat!!!
- That?! Ah you are vile cattle! Shcha I will kill, on a horse-radish!!!
- Yes not in yours! In the mother's!
-A, well give it smetanka!

*****

- How your son-in-law, Mrs. Cheter? Everything would be good
-, but it is not able to play in karty.
-Forgive, but after all it is enormous plus!
- Is not present, it is rather minus: he is not able, but plays.

*****

Your mother-in-law and the tax inspector are in the house filled with a flame. You have an opportunity to rescue only one of them. That you vybepete:
1. To go poobedat.
2. To descend in kino.
3. To call the friend and to descend behind beer.

*****

Question in a crossword puzzle "A blood-sicking being, 4 letters". I offered two options: wife and mother-in-law. It appeared that there is still a tick …

*****

Vstrechayutsya two. zhaluyetsya:
-Well absolutely the mother-in-law got one!
VTOROY:
-A you to it what-nibud dirty trick uchinil.
-Yes already! Gave on its phone the announcement in the newspaper: "I render sex services. Cheap! "
- Well and how?!
- Renders, a pancake!!!

*****

- You became such kind! - the mother-in-law of the son-in-law praises - Even remembered that I spoke once about the readiness from to give five years of life for a small bottle of good champagne! Yes, here therefore I brought to
-even two bottles!

*****

- Help out me, Paul! Go, please, to the station and bring my mother-in-law, she has to arrive by the evening train from Dijon. Gain, from me hundred francs, - I devilishly zanyat.
- And suddenly it will not arrive?
- Then another matter! You will rece

*****

To Vytkn to himself an eye - let at the mother-in-law the curve son-in-law will be!

*****

- You as days off are going to carry out?
-I go with the son on the nature, we will start in air of a dragon! And you?
- Approximately also - the mother-in-law I will go to the airport to see off.

*****

The GAI officer stops the car. The driver is strongly frightened. Gaishnik:
-Everything is normal, the chief. Simply the first-aid kit is necessary?
Driver, oblegchenno:
-On back sitting, under teshchey.
-is not present Any here mother-in-law, only some heavy meshok.
-Just about, under it and look for.

*****

Giving. The son-in-law bjt the mother-in-law in a muzzle, on kidneys - the mother-in-law falls, a foot under dykh.
-Speak, suka.
-Forgive the sonny …
Wife looks out in okno:
-Well here and nicely, here and reconciled …

*****

- The girl, and the son-in-law is not necessary to your mother?
- Is not present, it still old not a dogryzla!

*****

- What do you do tomorrow?
- I Carry the mother-in-law on a cemetery! Oh, as yatebya I understand
-!!!
- Well, to the father-in-law on a grave.

*****

The wife rummages in book shkafu:
-Brian! - she shouts to the husband. A week ago I bought the book about longevity, and now I cannot find ee.
-in any way I threw out it. Very much your mother became interested in it.

*****

The woman sends telegrammu:
-I Wish a Happy New Year the daughter Tanya, the granddaughter Lena, the grandson Sashenka...
telegrafistka: - Would write well: "I congratulate all"...
- Now! And son-in-law!?

*****

At a table the husband, the wife and teshcha.
-Darling, seems to me our mother choked. Clap it!
husband (claps):
-of Bravo, We are very glad!

*****

Call veterinaru:
-Hi, Semenych! After a lunch my mother-in-law with a dog will approach you. So you give it any injection - that did not suffer and at once died... The doggie will find
veterinar:
-A a way home?

*****

Call to the director telekanala:
-Huge request! Switch off, please, a running line!
-A that such?
- the Mother-in-law thinks that this karaoke …

*****

The son-in-law speaks tyoshche:
-Know, mother, I want to buy you plitu.
-Electric or gas for a long time?
- From a marble crumb.

*****

The son-in-law comes to kitchen at night and sees a picture - the mother-in-law took off pants and Mother urinates in a pan with borshchom.
-, what you do?!! We eat it!
- Angry you! I will leave you...

*****

The son-in-law comes home from hospital and speaks teshche:
-spit to me on what you! - was frightened tyoshcha.
-spit I speak! The doctor registered snake poison to be pounded.

*****

The son-in-law cuts sausage, comes teshcha:
-Synochek, and me otrezh.
-Chto you, mother, I is so thin not to a smog

*****

The son-in-law teshche:
- When you will die, you also will wish in the next world to me smerti.
-Perhaps. And it is possible and net.
-Is not present!? For what reason?
-A suddenly there is good.

*****

The son-in-law reads the newspaper, the mother-in-law sits opposite and the sock knits. Boringly. The son-in-law decided to podkusit tyoshchu:
-Tyoshchenka, a sho such Dee Ri zhabl?
- This two eggs, a flying yaytso.
- And at me I do not fly... Why?
- Is lousy the propeller works.

*****

From the protocol: The fowling piece of V. I. Sidorov hanging three years on a wall unexpectedly shot. Mother-in-law Sidorova V. I. evaded from a shot, but was hit on a back a butt.

*****

The bedroom leaves the son-in-law from a big bodun and drunk gait goes to a bucket with cold water. The mother-in-law to nemu:
-Zyatyok, help to insert a thread into a needle...
ZYAT, the shivering hands knocking a mug about vedro:
-Mother, but not... but you could not will shut up, I here a mug cannot get to a bucket!!

*****

To the mother-in-law the son-in-law and speaks:
- The Mother-in-law came, pour hundred grams - You will receive twenty more baksov.
teshcha the Mother-in-law poured emu.
-, pour hundred more grams, you will receive twenty more baksov.
teshcha again poured sotku.
zyat again drank. And again the mother-in-law speaks:
-Give in an eye to you ladies, you will receive 300 baksov.
teshcha thought, bruise in a week will descend and 300 dollars prigoditsya.
zat in an eye to the mother-in-law gave and left. To pass five minutes and Alyo, mother calls dochka.
-? How are you? Kolya came? Gave you pension?...

*****

The 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. In total shocked! The father shouts: "I will kill him!".
ZHDUT of ITS arrival. At the house stops red Ferrari, it leaves the man:
-U me a family, I will not throw it. But also I will not leave your daughter. If she gives rise, will receive plant and $20 million and if to happen an abortion...
OTETS: - Then you will oversleep with it once again!

*****

- Mother! My husband offended me. I go to you!
- Is not present, the daughter, the evil has to be punished! I go to you!!!

*****

Mother speaks to the daughter before svadboy:
-Never it is necessary to reveal completely before the husband. Understand, in the woman the riddle, secret, some secret … has to
- For example? Well, for example, never completely be bared by
-before it, let something though slightly, but it will be hidden. It is the man raspalyaet.
through some time after a wedding the son-in-law calls teshche:
-Listen, mother, at you in a family with mentality at all it was normal?
- Yes, and what?
- of Anything, of course, only your daughter in a bed only in a cap lays down week.

*****

Mother is advised docheri:
-by You now the wife. A lot of things in your life will be in a different way. It is a pity that you do not know how to cook. These parasites like nourishingly and to eat well. But if you cannot make a lunch, has to teach it the husband. They trustful and naive...