Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Anecdotes about the son-in

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The mother-in-law died (very rich). The notary reads the will: "... and to the son-in-law whom I promised not to forget by drawing up the will, I say hello the warm..."

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Morning after the first day of a rural wedding. Mother of the bride sits near the furnace, on hands at it the wedding dress of the bride torn the day before in hands - a needle with a thread. Here the bedroom of newlyweds leaves the groom from a bodunishch and drunk gait Zyatek goes to a bucket with vodoy.
teshcha to nemu:
-, help to insert a thread into a needle, you vit, old became, I cannot get in any way...
ZYAT, the shivering hands knocking a mug about vedro:
-Mother, you in the right mind?! I here a mug cannot get to a bucket!!!

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Morning. The mother-in-law leaves the room and complains:
"All night long bit mosquitoes - woke up in the morning, an a pillow in blood."
ZYAT: "So after that tore them!"

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- What play requiem mother-in?
- the accordion ...

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What it is necessary to do when the mother-in-law was attacked by a tiger? Itself attacked, itself let and it is protected.

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- To awaken interest in music in the daughter, I bought it a violin. But alas, it to anything not privelo.
- The Same was and at me when I presented to the mother-in-law a suitcase...

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- I think, your driver needs to be dismissed, - the mother-in-law speaks to the son-in-law. - It already four times nearly killed menya.
-Well, why so to hurry. Let's give it one more chance.

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- I in the wood collected yesterday three buckets of mushrooms for teshchi.
- And suddenly they poisonous?
- That means "suddenly"?!

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- When I go on a visit to the mother-in-law, I drink very much malo.
-to You the wife does not resolve? It is familiar to me...
- is not present At all. Simply once I fine touched and it seemed to me that at me teshchi.
takogo horror I never before

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- I heard that your marriage looked very romantically. You after all had to kidnap the wife?
- Yes, so it and bylo.
- And her mother pursued you?
- Still as!
-I as, caught up?
- Caught up... Than all this ended with
-I?
- She lives toge

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I often wake up at night and, choking with tears, I utykatsya in podushku.
ya I cannot understand how our Lord allowed to be born to Hitler, Chikatile and my mother-in-law Svetlana Fiodorovna!

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- Hallo, it is fast? The mother-in-law got sick... How - do not treat?! And who treats? Thanks. Hallo, it is a serpentarium?

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- And that it is your wife and the mother-in-law snowmen are built? I told
-A to them to build to myself a snowman and to e*at to it mozgi.
- And that everyone the?
- So of one their two, a stsuk, does not maintain.

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- And that it is your wife and the mother-in-law snowmen are built? I told
-A to them to build to myself a snowman and eb@t to it mozgi.
- And that everyone the?
- So of one their two, a stsuk, does not maintain.

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- And what you here in a kastryulka had it? Hardly wiped!
- Teflon covering, Mother!!!

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- And to me after the wedding, mother-in-law once arrived ...
- You're a lucky man!
- Yes ... and no longer was leaving ...

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- A BR mother-in-law only once after the wedding priehala..
- Well, you're just lucky!
- And no longer was leaving ...

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- And my mother-in-law to smoke bposila.
-It why?
- Yes I ceased to give it money for cigarettes as understood that the drop of nicotine cannot kill such mare!

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- And I with myself always take the photo of the mother-in-law in a campaign...
- What for?
- Well as?! The thunder, lightnings, heavy rain, cold, mud, mosquitoes bite, and I look at a card and I think: My God, it is good as!

*****

- And your mother-in-law with whom works?
- the Veterinarian it, with a twenty-year experience, is engaged in castration krupnykh
zhivotnykh.
-That you such silent when it to you comes.

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And where your mother-in-law? In Minsk!
Aaaa good refrigerator!

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And here I presented to the mother-in-law on birthday a stiralka and the dryer!
- Likely, threw out a lot of money?
- Yes not, all dollars for 18!
- It that for the technician such?
- Basin and towel :)

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- And I with the mother-in-law was fantastically lucky, - one man drugomu.
-Really speaks? And where you dug out such treasure?
- Dug, buddy. Dug.

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Avtandil asks the father, whether there is a difference between words trouble and katastrofa.
- When from me stole the car, it was the trouble, but not accident. If my mother-in-law, and your grandmother, goes to Tbilisi, would get under the bus there and was lost... It is accident. But here trouble: it does not go to Tbilisi!

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The lawyer cables the client: "Tonight yours died teshcha.
chto to order: funeral, cremation or embalming?". The client otvetil:
"Order everything, I do not want to risk".

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The mechanic Zakolebalov and provodit
mirotvorcheskuyu an action was actively connected to the anti-talib coalition. As opposed to brutal talib laws,
zastavlyavshim of women to put on a burqa at an exit from the house, Zakolebalov v
mirotvorcheskikh the purposes demands from the mother-in-law and the wife that those carried parandzhu
prikhodya home.

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- Hallo! It is a drugstore? Now to you my mother-in-law with a dog will come, give it yadu.
-Well, and you are sure, what the dog one will find a way home?

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- Hallo, Kolyan! This is your neighbor! Thieves got into your apartment! Things take out!
- What?
- Mother-in-law's sofa, suitcase and fur coat!
- is silent!!! Do not frighten off!!!

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- Hallo, militia? I here strong did not get on with the mother-in-law - I do not know as to be!
-A is already enough cares for us. Reconcile - and everything put!
- Yes not about that now the speech! I think: to hide a body or with guilty to go?

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- Hallo! It is Fast?!
- Is not present! You were mistaken!
- A-a-a! Sorry, please!
- Yes anything! Happens!
- Is not present, the truth, excuse! Understand, my mother-in-law dies, the account goes literally for seconds, here I hurriedly, proba

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ARMENIAN RADIO:
- As will be in English my mother-in-law will not come for a dinner tonight?
- Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

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Basayev, Umarov, Hattab... Here who the real field commander - so is my mother-in-law when at dacha we plant potato.

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Two talk muzhika:
-I never at the mother-in-law drink, - speaks odin.
drugoy asks:
-That, does not pour?
- Yes not in it business. Once got drunk - the mother-in-law started forking. Such horror I still never tested!!!

*****

The heavyweight boxer stayed some years in prison for the heavy mutilation put to the mother-in-law. When it left, his friend asks:
-As you e?? Yes you understand
-, came home poddaty, and it started beating me. I went to deaf protection... And suddenly I look, it so well revealed!

*****

- Borya, what at you occurs? Your mother-in-law already the third time for this month poisoned with mushrooms!
- Oh, it everything its damned sclerosis: she prepares for me, and then forgets also itself tries!

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Marriage announcement: "I look for the partner in life for the mother-in-law. It: noisy, harmful,
naglaya. It: mean, ruthless. Call Ph. 333333 Sidorov I.I.".

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Marriage contracts would be much more popular if except property questions in them were considered also questions of behavior of the mother-in-law.

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Two men thump. - drugomu:
- The Mother-in-law ubil.
-you Lie one!!!
- Went pokazhu.
privodit to the yard. There the hillock and sticks out of it naked zadnitsa.
-That you left a bum? Yes it is convenient to
-to put the bicycle.

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There were at the mother-in-law three sons-in-law, she who as treats it decided to check. Arrived k
mladshemu. While set the table, took a bucket, went for water and with krikom
"Help" fell in a well. On shout the son-in-law came running, threw it a rope, vytashchil.
utrom the son-in-law wakes up - the mother-in-law is not present, brand new "Muscovite", na
lobovom glass a note is in the yard: "To the loving son-in-law from the loving mother-in-law!" Arrived to srednemu.
poshla behind water, fell in a well. The son-in-law came running, pulled out. Wakes up in the morning -
teshchi is not present, in the yard new "Zhiguli" - "To the loving son-in-law from the loving mother-in-law!" Arrived k
starshemu. Fell. The son-in-law came, looked, spitted out, went further to look TV.
UTROM wakes up - mothers-in-law, naturally, "Mercedes", na
lobovom glass a note is in the yard: "To the loving son-in-law from the loving father-in-law!"