Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Anecdotes about the son-in

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Soon Easter, and to us again will arrive the mother-in-law. We again will sit down to drink tea, and the mother-in-law again will put the Easter cake on a table. We will drink tea, and again we will not eat an Easter cake, and the mother-in-law again will take away it. So many years repeat, and became as if tradition. The mother-in-law does not change and an Easter cake all as new at all.

*****

- Listen, I with the mother-in-law was so lucky!
- Really? And where you dug out such treasure?
- Dug, buddy. Dug.

*****

Newlyweds gathered for a honeymoon to the mother-in-law to the village. Arrived and at once were closed in a bedroom. Day passed, the second, on the third the mother-in-law approaches to the door and begins stuchat.
husband :
-That such?
TESHCHA:
-Can eat to you to bring?
husband :
-My we eat love fruits! Well, well, only a peel from them in a window do not throw out
TESHCHA:
-, and geese choke!

*****

In the middle of the night the young wife calls the mame:
-Mother! I go crazy! Already two o'clock in the morning, and is not present the husband... It, probably, got lyubovnitsu.
mat calms doch:
-be not upset the Daughter! Maybe he was run over by a car.

*****

There is a granny on a market, the plate trades pomidorami.
bolshaya: "TOMATOES FROM CHERNOBYL". You approach pokupatel:
-Yes that?! He will be taken by anybody!
- Take, is small, take. For the mother-in-law take, for the son-in-law...

*****

The mother-in-law and zyatek obedayut.
zyatek eats fast supets, and the mother-in-law navarachivat a sound Ukrainian borsch with dumplings, ribs, sour cream and other pleasures. Here, as ill-luck would have it, the mother-in-law chokes with the next piece myasa.
teshcha (to the son-in-law): Clap
- …
ZYAT (claps):
-of Bravo mother …

*****

- What is a mother-in-law?
- Well ... this ... ... Her mother ...

*****

The father-in-law and the son-in-law work at one mine, but in different changes. See only when lift one, and lower another in a face. Somehow time, having overtaken in the elevator the father-in-law, the son-in-law twists a temple y finger. The father-in-law in reply twists both fingers of y of the temples. The son-in-law sharply sgibayetodnu pyky in an elbow, and another crosses the bent. The father-in-law extends one pyky, and another beats itself on it in a shoulder and shows on the back. One old miner speaks zyatyu:
-That you with the father-in-law will not find a common language in any way? I know it so many years - the man simply remarkable!

*****

The father-in-law asks newly made zyatya:
-Well as, zyatek, you our daughter? How you live? Yes everything is normal
-. We sleep on one feather-bed four together...
- As it four together?
- Is very simple. It lies and I think of the first husband, and - of the first wife...

*****

The mother-in-law potters about at the car in front of the house. The son-in-law from okna:
-Mothers where it you gathered?
-Na a cemetery, synok.
- And who home will drive then the car?

*****

The mother-in-law speaks zyatyu:
-As if I wanted that when I will die, me buried under Kremlin stenoy.
na the next day the son-in-law comes domoy:
-So, I agreed that tomorrow at 3 o'clock it was ready.

*****

The mother-in-law ordered to buy for her tea slabitelnyy:
-But that three ballerinas on the picture are obligatory on a box! The son-in-law in shop on regiments ransacked. No, a pancake with three and the mother-in-law nafig with the whims went! Took a box on which 2 baleriny.
doma teshcha:
-I told that laxative tea with three ballerinas, and here two!!!
- Mother, one ballerina already went to shit!

*****

The mother-in-law calls zyatya:
-Here to you 1000 rubles, bury me magnificently, with a monument!
muzhik reflected. Meets the friend: and tak.
-Not dreyf. I last month buried the, in 15r kept within!
-???!!!
- Yes dug on a belt and painted!

*****

- The mother-in-law has a new denture made, for one thousand dollars! Now polite became, with me to start arguments is afraid. The mother-in-law sticks to the son-in-law, the new Russian, with a request that after death her buried on Red Square. And absol

*****

Mother-in-law to the son-in-law: For what only my daughter you loves
-I?
ZYAT: To
Show?

*****

The mother-in-law potters about at the car in front of the house. The son-in-law from okna:
-Mothers where it you gathered?
- On a cemetery, synok.
- And who home will drive then the car?

*****

The mother-in-law in kitchen incidentally undertakes the bared wire. From blow current it jumps aside and overturns on herself a pan with water and it being necessary not to slip in a pool, catches for batareyu.
zyat rasstroyeno:
-Eh, mother, in the return all this sequences.

*****

The mother-in-law pensively tells the son-in-law about the pposhlom:
- When I was young - I was silly, naive and very ugly …
ZYAT:
-Mother, you perfectly remained.

*****

Mother-in-law (pensively):
- Eh to get to such corner of the globe where the untamed nature still remained...
ZYAT (venomously):
- N-n-ne stoit. Let though any corner of the p-p-nature remains nep-p-pugannym!

*****

The mother-in-law washes a window on the 16th floor, the son-in-law quietly observes. Suddenly tyoshcha
poskalzyvayetsya also breaks down. The son-in-law approaches a window, mother looks out down and phlegmatically zamechayet:
-Yes, flat cakes at you never well turned out...

*****

Mother-in-law: - Ungrateful, my daughter gave you the best years of the life!
ZYAT: - My God, really the worst still ahead?!.

*****

The mother-in-law addresses to zyatyu:
-That you in a kastryulka had it, hardly washed?
-A, eeeto? Teflon covering.

*****

The mother-in-law poisoned with mushrooms. Called the ambulance. There arrived doctors, examined it, took mushrooms on the analysis and ask zyatya:
- And why it you all in bruises?
- did not want mushrooms is.

*****

The mother-in-law receives the letter. Having read it comes to kitchen and my darling tells zyatyu:
-With a holiday you, zyatek! Something I will remember
- any holiday for today, mother …
- Yes here, cause … Urgently it is necessary to go.

*****

The mother-in-law arrived on a visit. Small joyfully it embraces granddaughters and speaks:
-Hurrah! the Grandmother arrived! At last the father will show focus! What
- focus, granddaughters?
-A he told that if you once again to us will arrive, it will climb on a wall!

*****

The mother-in-law comes to zyatyu:
-Here that, my dear zyatek: Do chto
khochesh, get out as you can, but I want,
chtoby buried me in the Kremlin wall!
Ha comes the next day zyat:
-Here that, the mother-in-law my dear: Do that you want, get out as you can, but pokhorony
segodnya at midday...

*****

The mother-in-law swallowed 50 kopeks. A trifle, and it is pleasant!

*****

The mother-in-law talks with zyatem.
-Good you are a man, children, the wife love, to me never the word across the bad will tell. Only explain to me please why all your fairy tales told for the night to children come to an end with the phrase: "Also they lived long and happily because his wife was an orphan."

*****

The mother-in-law decided to check, whether sons-in-law love her. There is the senior son-in-law on the river bank - and the mother-in-law rushes to the river with shout "Help! I sink! "The son-in-law it rescues
starshy. It comes home, and there is "Volga" with a note to "The beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". There is an average son-in-law on the river bank. The mother-in-law, clearly, again with shout rushes to the river the Average son-in-law rescues it - and the motorcycle with a note to "The beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law" .
idet the younger son-in-law on the river bank finds houses and, of course, sees - the mother-in-law sinks. "Presented to the senior the car, to an average - the motorcycle... - he thinks - And me that? Scooter, perhaps?" Also there was no it spasat.
a houses it already waited for "Mercedes" with a note: "To the beloved son-in-law from the father-in-law".

*****

The mother-in-law decided to make a surprise to the son-in-law, dressed up the Snow Maiden, and came home. The son-in-law thought that it is the wife is kidding (the mother-in-law is similar to it), too decided to make by her a surprise, dragged in a bedroom, and, almost without undressing, had. The father-in-law disguised as Father Frost comes into this moment sees such picture - the son-in-law in a bed with the mother-in-law (the wife learned!) - takes a staff, and from one blow kills her. The son-in-law gets accustomed - and this is the mother-in-law! Thanks
ofigevaya:
-, of course, Father Frost, but I you about it 20 more years nazad
prosil...

*****

The mother-in-law sits on a sofa. Over her head old massive watch hangs. When the mother-in-law gets up, hours padayut.
-Eternally they are late! - it is angry the son-in-law speaks.

*****

The mother-in-law asks zyatya:
-You saw the man who rescued me when I sank?
- Yes, it already came to apologize to me.

*****

Teshcha:
- The Sonny, something is bad to me, I will die to see by summer, I will spoil to you, young, holiday... No, it is necessary to fasten, it is necessary...
ZYAT:
-Mother, it is not necessary to change because of us the plans!

*****

The mother-in-law dies. At a bed the son-in-law sits. The mother-in-law looks after the fly creeping on a ceiling.
ZYAT: - Mother, do not distract!

*****

- Too it is quite good! - the son-in-law told, having thrown a stone into a dog and having got to the mother-in-law.

*****

At the groom sprashivayut:
- At visit of the house of the bride, what to you first of all rushed to eyes?
- her mother! Still the person is scratched!

*****

At the mother-in-law has to be only two zuba:
pervy - to open for the son-in-law beer,
A second - that was ill …

*****

The man died. Sits in a heavenly switchyard, waits for the fate. By passes the train with the plate "In the Hell". Does a short stop, and here in a window the mother-in-law opposite is shown. The man at first was taken aback, then mastered himself and speaks: "Mother! As I am glad you to see! You now on procedures?"

*****

The old Jew died. Opened its will, chitayut:
-to my Daughter, Sarochke, I leave 100 thousand dollars and the house. To my granddaughter, Rivochke, I leave 200 thousand dollars and giving. The son-in-law my Shmulik asked me to mention it in the will. I mention: Hi to you, Shmulik!