Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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Two meet. speaks:
-you do not know one where to get a cap of darkness?
- Why to you? To present
- to the Mother-in-law on birthday!

*****

Two friends after viewing of the movie 'Harry Potter-II' meet and start it discussing. One speaks:
-Me especially prikolnut that moment where the Phoenix rises from pepla.
-Yes, it is the valuable moment, I for anything will not carry now the mother-in-law to a crematorium.

*****

Two meet. zhaluyetsya:
-Well absolutely the mother-in-law got one!
VTOROY:
-A you to it any dirty trick uchinil.
-Yes already! Advertized on its phone in the newspaper: "I render sex services. Cheap! "
- Well and how?!
- Renders, the rascal!

*****

Two friends meet. One drugomu:
-is Sent to me beer popyem.
- At you the wife of the house … by
- Yes well and that, poydem.
prikhodyat they home. Meets them Wife.
-Zdravstvuyte, pass, please. Beer to buy you? To have a snack to prepare? Sit down, please, I already leave, I will not be to you meshat.
drug sits in nedoumenii:
-Hear, and that it it at you such? We a cat Barsik had
-A. It once nassat in the apartment, I to it made the prevention, the second time nassat, one more prevention made, the third time nassat, I to it to the god turned off. And so at the wife and the mother-in-law already on 2 preventions.

*****

Two meet druga:
-Hi! And che you such happy?
- saw off the Mother-in-law!
-A ugly face why the black??
- kissed the Train on pleasures!

*****

Two candidates for a post mera.
-How are you? meet - asks odin.
-Normally. And at you?
-A at me a rating by one and a half times fell!
- Yes well! And what happened?
- the Mother-in-law refused to go on elections!

*****

Two meet okhotnika:
-Well as?
- Yes here hedgehogs nastrelyal.
-???
-to the Wife on a collar, the mother-in-law on insoles.

*****

Two meet priyatelya:
-gathered to the mother-in-law three buckets of mushrooms Yesterday!!!
-A suddenly they poisonous?
- That means SUDDENLY????

*****

Two friends, one of them with two color televizorami.
-Why to you two meet?
- the Mother-in-law told that half-lives will give for the color TV!

*****

Vstrechayutsya two priyatelya.
-to induce the daughter to practise music, I presented it a violin. Alas. but it to anything not privelo.
- The Same and umenya was... Only I presented to the mother-in-law a suitcase.

*****

- Yesterday I quarreled with the husband and told, what I leave him to mather.
- And he?
-A he told that it is better, than it to us.

*****

- Yesterday the mother-in-law was buried, a shovel was hit three times on a forehead, all tried to rise

*****

Yesterday buried the mother-in-law... Tore two bayans.

*****

- It you sell a piano?
- Yes, but with one usloviyem.
-With what?
- of the Piano need to be taken out so that the wife, the daughter and the mother-in-law of it did not notice.

*****

- You became such kind! - the mother-in-law of the son-in-law-
DAZHE praises remembered that I spoke once about the readiness from-
dat five years of life for a small bottle of good champagne! Yes, here therefore I brought to
-even two bottles!

*****

The citizen Sidorov's gun hanging 10 years on a wall shot. But did not get -
teshcha got off with only three blows with a butt on a back.

*****

There is a son-in-law at night to kitchen and sees: the mother-in-law put a pan with a borsch i
spravlyaet small need there. The son-in-law krichit:
-That you do! We eat it! The mother-in-law, rising and pulling trusy:
-Angry you! I will leave you...

*****

The Russian girl married the Chinese, they went to live in Kitay.
7 of November the husband calls the teshche:
-Tessya, the seventh nayebl!!!
- Yes, though 25 - all the same with your children I will not sit...

*****

Gabrovets decided to get the house. When took an interest, what size dolzhen
byt the house which it intended to buy, otvetil:
-Rather big in order that at the wife did not remain free time na
prazdnye talk and infinite visits to the mother, and at the same time not takim
prostornym that the mother-in-law moved to it.

*****

The GAI officer stops the car. Driver:
-Inspector! Well I could not exceed speed!
- Why it?
-Ya I go to the mother-in-law!.

*****

The GAI officer stops the ordinary-looking car. The driver strongly ispugan.
gaishnik:
-Everything is normal, the chief. The cable is?
Driver, oblegchenno:
-On back sitting, under teshchey.
-is not present Any here mother-in-law, only some heavy meshok.
-Just about, under it and look for.

*****

The GAI officer stops the next car, and speaks Driveryu:
-Why your passazhirsha is not fastened by seat belts?
- Yes is the mother-in-law washing, darling! Do not worry, it today the quiet!

*****

Somewhere the house lit up. All extinguish. The owner and krichit:
-On me a water bucket resorts!
vyplesnuli on it a bucket, ran in to the burning house, through some time
vyskochil. Passes minutes 15, the man opyat:
-On me a water bucket!
snova ran to the house, after a while jumped out. Passed eshche
minut 15, at the house the roof already falls off, the man opyat:
-On me 10 buckets!
EMU speak supposedly where you will get, and things will not rescue, and sam
pogibnesh.
-What things! There my mother-in-law, and I overturn her.

*****

The general ordered to gather mushrooms, built a regiment a chain and Companion general combs okrestnosti.
golos from tsepi:
-, and we take pale toadstools? We Take
-!
- So they poisonous!
- Is told: we take, the mother-in-law all the same what to guzzle...

*****

Deaf-mutes got married. After a while to them came with proverkoy.
sidyat, drink tea, and here unexpectedly the wife gets a boob and puts it on stol.
husband jumps, runs, ebyot the mother-in-law, takes an umbrella, opens it, gets up pod
dush, runs up to the wife, gets **** and tycht them in her face. Osharashennyy
proveryayushchy asks at drugogo:
-Chyo for this such?!
- Is usual family conversation. It told-buy milk. And it to it v
otvet-what milk, ?# your mother, a rain goes, х#й to you but not milk.

*****

- Mr. Director! I would like to leave work early to attend the funeral of his teschi.
- I also ...

*****

The count speaks dvoretskomu:
-Tomorrow, James, comes my Alice's mother, and I ask you to chop off ours sobake
khvost. I want that anything in the house did not express pleasure concerning arrival of the mother-in-law.

*****

Even the best mother-in-law will become nastoyashchey.
dmo sooner or later

*****

Giving. The son-in-law hits the mother-in-law in the face, a foot on kidneys - the mother-in-law padayet.
-Speak, a bough! Forgive to
-, the sonny...
Wife looks out in okno:
-Well, here and nicely, here and reconciled...

*****

Giving. The mother-in-law shouts zyatyu:
- The Hose which you bought, full of holes in several places, I to them polivat
zamuchayus.
zyat in a lodge, silent golosom:
- And I to you still blunted a shovel, bent teeths on a rake, and elektroplitku
slomal.

*****

- You to these days off will go to giving?
-A as! I have a wife, children, the mother-in-law, a dog there...
-I at me too the mother-in-law - a dog!

*****

Two zyatya:
-my mother-in-law absolutely already hardly hodit.
- And at mine directly flying gait. Especially from an abrupt ladder!

*****

Two men throw out the aunt from the ninth floor. Below the crowd gathered. Someone iz
tolpy krichit:
-That you do? It live. One man in otvet:
-Is my mother-in-law. The same voice from crowd (with rage)
-U, a bough, it also resists!

*****

Two men razgovarivayut:
-You know, presented to the daughter a violin - thought in muzykalnuyu
shkolu will go, will learn to play. No, occurred nothing -
tak and the tool lies, becomes dusty!
-Aga! I have the same history: bought the mother-in-law a suitcase... Not,
nikuda did not leave!

*****

Two men watch the Weather forecast. Diktor:
-rainfall in the form of incessant heavy rain and a hail Is expected. Thunder-storm. Veter
shkvalisty, storm …
PERVYY:
-Oh, excellent pogoda.
vtoroy:
-You that, same almost natural disaster!
PERVYY:
-U me the mother-in-law for mushrooms left.

*****

The funeral procession moves, thus a coffin bear on boku.
prokhozhiy:
-Whom bury?
ZYAT:
-Tyoshchu.
prokhozhiy:
-A why coffin on one side? She always snores
ZYAT:
-On a back!

*****

- The girl, you have a card to "The beloved mother-in-law", with a wish - That you died!!! But that beautifully so, verses …

*****

- How are you doing?
- Yes here, with the wife possorilsya.
-That did not divide?
- Mother-in-law. I suggested to cut it on two equal parts, and the wife offered ostavit
ee at rest.

*****

- How are you doing?
- is good. Here sent the mother-in-law to cruise by motor ship "Chapayev". Not "Titanic", of course, but hope is...