Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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- Means, you saw how the criminal strangled your mother-in-law?
- Saw, mister sudya.
-Why you did not rush to the aid?
-Ya wanted, but saw that he will consult, and decided not to interfere.

*****

- Zyatyok, you could not bring me to mail?
-C pleasure, mother! Where to send you?

*****

The son-in-law comes back from the mother-in-law funeral. To it on the head falls from a roof sosulka.
-My God! This s%ka already in heavens!

*****

The son-in-law throws out the mother-in-law from a balcony, Mother, where you is bent through a handrail and krichit:
-!

*****

The son-in-law long argues with the mother-in-law. In the end exhausted it speaks:
-it is fine... Let will be on tvoyemu.
-Late! I already changed the mind.

*****

The son-in-law on doprose:
-Why the mother-in-law killed?
-Ya did not kill her!!!
- Whereas everything was?
- Well, its blood from a nose went, and I took a plait and a neck drew that blood did not go.

*****

The son-in-law on doprose:
-Why the mother-in-law killed?
-Ya did not kill her!!!
- Whereas everything was?
- Well, its blood from a nose went, and I took a plait and a neck drew that blood did not go.

*****

The son-in-law wanted to put a sepulchral monument to the mother-in-law. In bureau of funeral services on
asks:
- There is at you something solid, but cheap?
- Is one plate, but on it another is already cut imya.
-Anything, my mother-in-law was not able to read.

*****

The son-in-law for March 8 gives to the mother-in-law a cobra in a cage and an empty glass. That parts hands:
- The Cobra? In a year of the Snake - I understand. And why glass? Also I do not know
ZYAT:
-Ya. Be kind - splash to yourself a dose.

*****

The son-in-law shows to the mother-in-law under construction kvartiru:
-It is the hall, it is a bedroom. - Opens a door. - And it will be a balcony. Pass,
mamasha, pass.

*****

The son-in-law swore with the mother-in-law. It brought her to a balcony and spra-
shivat at the neighbor sleva:
-Vano, you that made with the mother-in-law? Its
-Ya zarezal.
asks at the neighbor sprava:
-Soso, and you that made with the mother-in-law? It utopil.
vot you see
-Ya, - it addresses to the mother-in-law, - and I you from-
puskayu!

*****

The son-in-law comes from hospital home and speaks teshche:
-Spit to me on a back!
- Oh that you. zyatek how it is possible?
- Spit, I speak to you!
TESHCHA sees. that the Son-in-law became angry, took and spat. And then asks:
-Why to you it, zyatek?
- to me the doctor advised to be pounded by snake poison.

*****

The son-in-law - tyoshche:
-Mummy, you want fried fish? I Want
-, but after all it is not present!
- Well so lie and do not piz@it!

*****

The son-in-law to the mother-in-law for obedom:
-Mother, do not want an additive?
- Of course, sonny!
- It is good that do not want.

*****

The son-in-law - tyoshche:
- The plate is necessary to you?
- Electric?
- Is not present, marble.

*****

The son-in-law - teshche:
-Learned, Mar Vann, learned! So excuse about wealth and longevity...

*****

The son-in-law teshche:
- When you will die, you also will wish in the next world to me smerti.
-Perhaps. And it is possible and net.
-Is not present!? For what reason?
-A suddenly there is good.

*****

The son-in-law with the mother-in-law the tea is drunk. The mother-in-law aloud razmyshlyaet:
-Here after all as life quickly flies - it seems not so long ago was born, and already and it is time to die soon...
ZYAT:
-Is time, oh, a time.

*****

The son-in-law saw the Mother-in-law in a window and the mother-in-law to the house tells tikho:
-Again her devils nesut.
zashla, and little Dima speaks:
-Tell, the grandmother as you to us dobiralas.
-Yes went to yourself potikhonku.
- And the folder told that devils bear you...

*****

There is a divorce proceedings. On the judge's question "Why you get divorced?" Muzh
otvechayet - It does not suit me. Mother-in-law: - Interestingly, suits all, and to it is not present!

*****

There is a divorce proceedings. At the wife sprashivayut:
-Why you want to get divorced from the husband?
- Well, you understand, we not really meet with it harakterami.
on a little to me gives attention. Works hard. Very much chasto
prikhodit home late. Well, and in general he is an IMPOTENT MAN!
husband , vskochiv:
-Is a lie! I have reference from policlinic!
TUT are not maintained teshcha:
-Yes by you understand! What for to us reference. To us Х#$ it is necessary!

*****

There is a Georgian with the wife on gorodu.
Wife asks:
- The Road! And what this emblem, with a snake and a bowl designates?
- It, daragy, your Mother drinks tea!

*****

There is on the road a man with the gun, in hands a small box. Meets druga.
drug:
-Hi! Where you go?
-K to the mother-in-law on birthday. The gift bought - sergi.
- And what for? of Hole
- in ears to make the gun!

*****

There is a cop down the street, looks, on the seventh floor the woman hangs, hardly keeps za
karniz, and the man from a window tries it svalit.
-Hey down, the citizen! You that do?
- Yes is my mother-in-law!
- Hardy, padla!

*****

There is a man all gryaznyy.
vstrechayet druga:
-You where was?
-B a mortuary on an identification. Mother-in-law train sbil.
- And why the dirty?
- kissed the Train!

*****

There is a man home, cheerful - at work raised. Looks - the diplomat with dollars on a garbage can rolls, he is enough - and run home. The wife opens a door, Plachet:
-darling, at us the grief - mother umerla.
muzhik is silent:
Waugh popyorlo! Waugh popyorlo!

*****

- There is a man with the wife, children and the mother-in-law on a beach and utykatsya in the plate with ukazannym
tekstom. Having read it, he looks at the mother-in-law and is silent bormochet:
-Well here also a penalty it is necessary to pay...

*****

There is a man (M) down the street. The enormous funeral procession and and vse
muzhiki looks, and ahead of a coffin conduct a goat. Lo and behold and behind a coffin the buddy (To) it znakomyy
idet. It to it. - I condole with m whom you see off To. - M.'s mother-in-law - from what umerla
to the old woman To. - yes the goat filled up it with M.'s horn - YES WELL! borrow me it na
zavtra though for day! To. - yes I am glad, but I cannot. You see behind men - eto
ochered.

*****

There is a man with the mother-in-law across Deribasovskaya. Stops it fotograf.
-do not wish to be photographed with the monkey?
- Get rid, I and so cannot look at it!

*****

There is somehow a man down the street and sees a funeral protses-
siya: the goat is attached to a coffin, and the goat is followed by one men. Muzhik
udivilsya, approached and asks:
-Whose dead man?
EMU show on the guy who walks near kozlom.
-Hey whom you bury?
-Teshchu.
-Lucky person! And a goat what for?
DA just it it and zabodal.
muzhik directly podskochil:
slushay, be the friend, borrow a goat for couple of days! With pleasure and look at
Ya, what turn behind it.

*****

There is a man down the street, towards a funeral procession. And the coffin is followed by crowd muzhikov.
ryadom runs sobachka.
muzhik asks one of shestvuyushchikh:
-Whom bury? Yes the mother-in-law I wash
-...
-A of what died? Yes my doggie bit
-! You WILL BORROW
- the DOG???
golos from tolpy:
-In turn!!!

*****

There is a man down the street with the gun. It sprashivayut:
-Where you go?
-K to the mother-in-law, on birthday. The gift bought, sergi.
- And the gun what for?
-A that in lobes of a hole to make.

*****

There is a man down the street. Looks, there is a funeral procession. Ahead bear a coffin,
srazu behind a coffin conduct a goat, and then - the person 30-40 muzhikov.
-Whom bury?
-Teshchu.
-A of a trestle that at you that is ahead, it that, the relative?
- Well, it is simple it the mother-in-law zabodal.
-About!. Borrow for day?
- Was late, the man. Look, behind a coffin what turn all right!

*****

There is a man down the street. Looks, there is a procession of the serious men bearing a coffin na
boku.
-Men, excuse whom bury?
-Teshchu.
-A why on one side? Yes on a back she painfully strongly snores
-...

*****

There is a funeral procession on all some strange - music is not present, death tishina
da and plus to everything the woman in a coffin on one side lies... Well also interested siye
strannoye action of the man passing by, he approaches and asks: "And whom mol
khoronim?". To it in reply, it is only very silent: "Mother-in-law".... The man, is enough taki
gromko: "And that all of you so silently speak." In reply, almost with hissing: "Tssss,
pridurok, you will wake..."

*****

There is sud:
-a Defendant of what your mother-in-law died?
- Poisoned gribami.
- And why seven knife wounds?
- did not want to eat.

*****

Go the daughter with the father from a crematorium and bear in a ballot box ashes deceased teshchi.
dochka speaks:
-Fathers, give this ballot box we will put on a piano and when I play,
EY will be pleasant - after all during lifetime she liked me to listen...
OTETS:
-Is not present, the daughter. We will fill up it in hourglasses, let, a bough,
eshche will work!

*****

There are a husband and the wife by a drugstore. The wife stops at a show-window on which the snake twisting vazochku.
-with Darling is represented explain to me, what is it?
- Your mother eats ice cream.

*****

From interview to owners cooperative public doma.
- And we began simply: I, wife, mother-in-law...