Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

579  580  581  582  583  584  585  586  587  588  589  590

Democracy as the mother-in-law - it seems, already and with experience, and all the same the silly woman.

*****

- Johnny why you wear boots three sizes smaller, than it is necessary?
- You see my wife ugly, inaccurate, besides badly prepares, syn
uchitsya is ugly, the mother-in-law grumbles incessantly. The only pleasure at me v
zhizni, when evenings

*****

For wealthy misters! The turnkey family is on sale. Beauty wife child and mother-in-law.

*****

- The doctor, my mother-in-law is familiar with Napoleon. Besides, she with it even overslept! Everything is clear to
-. Your mother-in-law nezdorova.
-I and knew! Take away it quicker in a mental hospital! That she still tells
-A about Napoleon?

*****

- Darling, comes mother tomorrow!
- Whose mother?
- our mother!
- Your mother!!!

*****

- Darling, where my book "How to live hundred years?"
-Ya burned it. Your mummy wanted to esteem...

*****

The husband, the wife, the father-in-law, the mother-in-law go by the car. The GAI officer, speaks:
-Companion driver, you the first who passed this site of the road without mistakes stops the car. Vam
premiya 500 rubles. Driver: - Here and well, I on them will buy the rights! GAI officer: - What,
VY also without the rights? Wife: - do not listen, companion GAI officer, what on a booze ne
skazhesh? GAI officer: - What, you also are drunk? The mother-in-law jumps out from the car, runs away i
krichit: - I said that to the stolen car far will not leave! The father-in-law wakes up na
zadnem a seat. Looks, all run, and loudly asks: - What, already a gra-
nitsa?

*****

He wanted to jump with joy, but on his shoulders the heavy coffin with the mother-in-law lay...

*****

If your wife began to agree in everything with you and even zayavila:
"Yes the road you were right", it means that they solved,
chto the mother-in-law will live at us and she already approaches.

*****

If you arrived from business trip, and the apartment is tidied purely up, children do homework, the wife prepares, the mother-in-law knits, and the dog sleeps peacefully on the place - they broke your computer!

*****

If the mother-in-law wished you happy journey, it is better not to leave the house.

*****

If you live with the mother-in-law in perfect harmony if she can seriously talk to you about policy, about fishing, about sport if in disputes with the wife always accepts your party if does not grumble when you drank - get accustomed attentively: can, this is the father-in-law?!...

*****

If since morning the wife with you is tender and gentle, smiles and the whole day lovely chirps something, the daughter instead of "hear, the pas" are told by "daddy", the mother-in-law uses foul language extremely frostily - do not hurry to be afflicted, everything will fall into place soon. After all not so it and often happens - the pay day.

*****

The wife was away and called muzhu:
-As our kitty?
- Died! What
- horror! Really you could not tell more delicately?
ONA supposedly sits on a roof. And then would tell that it fell i
razbilas. Clearly?
-Vpolne.
-Well, all right. And how my mother?
- Mother-in-law? Sits on a roof...

*****

The wife runs domoy:
-my mother brought down the bus! Darling you see
husband :
-, my lips were weather-beaten, and it is difficult for me to smile.

*****

The wife - muzhu:
-Darling, the other day has to arrive my mother...
- Perhaps we will be able to shelter it?
- Yes how many is possible! To Yutit your mother?!

*****

The wife muzhu:
-Darling, you understand my mother to us here for a while decided to arrive. It is advisable to shelter her...
husband :
-Well how many is possible for YuTIT YOUR MOTHER!

*****

The wife muzhu:
-my mother, after poisoning, already write out from bolnitsy.
husband about sebya:
"Yes, the toxicology evolved dramatically forward, methods, dostavshiyesya
ot the grandfather, do not work any more."

*****

The wife muzhu:
-Yes you hate all my relatives!
- of Anything similar, I very much even love them. Here confirmation - I love YOUR mother-in-law much more strongly, than the mother-in-law.

*****

The wife, without coming off a receiver, speaks to the husband,
kotory does not transfer to spirit tyoshchu:
- At my mother misfortune, her small wooden lodge burned down,
ona goes to live to nam.
husband the laptop is enough, quickly climbs on the site on real estate,
I shouts zhene:
-Even if does not leave, I already bought it new brick dom.
Wife goes to other room and speaks in telephone trubku:
-Know, mothers, you were right...

*****

The wife speaks by phone, then puts trubku.
husband (reading the newspaper):
- It who was?
- Yes mother. She, in my opinion, already half sumasshedshaya.
-Really was on the mend?

*****

The woman got terrible burns. Change kozhi.
kozhu the, naturally was required, the husband offered. And it went to the person kozha
s bums, as the most smooth. Here the wife, osmotrelas
v a mirror recovered, remained is happy, and speaks:
-I do not even know Darling, how you blagodarit.
-Do not mention it. I for everything was rewarded, kogda
uvidel as the mother-in-law kisses you on a cheek!

*****

There lives the family - the husband, the wife, well children and the mother-in-law there. Somehow time the man went to kitchen of a voditsa at night to enjoy. Turns on the light and sees as the mother-in-law sits on a plate and (sorry) urinates in a pan with borshchem. Man, so oshapasheno:
-Mother! That it you! We are is we will be!
TESHCHA, opravlyas and jumping off with plity:
-Angry you some! I will leave you.

*****

- Zhora, yesterday I saw that the house where there lives your mother-in-law, had a catafalque. You that, it is possible to congratulate?
- Oh, about what you! In this house three hundred apartments, are such lottery

*****

Terrible crowd behind a coffin. And ahead of a coffin it is proud there is a goat. Prokhozhiy
lyubopytstvuyet
-That it for a goat? He my mother-in-law butted
-A, here horonyu.
- The Man!!! Borrow a goat for day!!!! This crowd you see
-A? You think see off? No, stand in a queue!

*****

Behind each man who achieved success there is a happy wife and the surprised mother-in-law.

*****

The mother-in-law Nasreddina got sick. Relatives, stali
rassprashivat about its health gathered. It otvetil:
-Speak, she is still living. But if on that there is Allah's will, will die soon.

*****

- When the house lit up, I flew to the room and took out the mother-in-law on rukakh.
-Yes, in such circumstances easy to lose the head.

*****

Zadacha:
vasha the mother-in-law and the tax inspector are in the house filled with a flame. You have an opportunity to rescue only one of them... That you will choose: to go to have dinner or go to the cinema?

*****

The friend's man on a visit in a family of deaf-mutes dragged. Well, sit in kitchen, drink,
zakusyvayut. Suddenly the wife of the deaf-mute gets a boob and boom on a table. Glukhonemoy
vskochil, ran to the neighboring room, banged the mother-in-law, took an umbrella and rose under dush.
priyatel was stunned asks:
-It they that? And man to it otvechayet:
- And, anything. She speaks - descend behind milk. And he speaks - eb your mother in takoy
dozhd to go!

*****

The man home comes, and in a chair the mother-in-law sits and at feet doberman.
teshcha looks at the daughter's husband, the Son-in-law points a finger at it and speaks:
-!

*****

- Why fences at Tiffany's grave?
- order not to run away.

*****

Shooting stars. The son-in-law with the mother-in-law think zhelaniya.
zyat thought. And the mother-in-law was not in time.

*****

The call veterinaru:
-Now to you will come my mother-in-law with an old dog. So you give it an injection of any strongest to poison - that did not suffer and at once died... The doggie will find
veterinar:
-A a way home?

*****

Call. The head of the family opens a door. On a threshold - the mother-in-law. The husband, without entuziazma:
-Hello, mother. For a long time to us?
- Yes yet not nadoyem.
-That so, even to tea will not drink?

*****

Call to a door. The husband opens, on a threshold teshcha:
-Here to stay for a while priyekhala.
- And for a long time to us?
- Yes yet not nadoyem.
-Yes that you, mother, even to tea will not drink?

*****

Call on radio:
-Hello! My beloved mother-in-law, Lyubov Ivanovna, celebrates the anniversary today. Deliver it my favourite song Jumanji "the Bough Lyubov".

*****

Call on telefonu:
-Hallo! Your mother-in-law fell to the pool with crocodiles...
- Your crocodiles, you them also rescue!

*****

- Hello, it is glad you to see. I heard, at you died, accept mine soboleznovaniya.
-Not the wife, and teshcha.
-Well, it too is quite good.