Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Examination in physics. Professor from a bodunishch decided to fill up all students. The first student, his professor asks:
-Here comes you go by the bus, to you hot, what you will make? I Will open
- fortochku.
-Correctly. And now count the changes in aerodynamics of the bus caused by opening fortochki.
-Eee....
-Go, dva.
takim in a way brings down several more students. The Girl comes studentka.
-, present, you here eat in the bus, to you hot, what you will make?
-Ya? Well welcome a jacket snimu.
-Is not present, you did not understand, to you very much zharko.
-Well, then also a blouse snimu.
-Well, ABSOLUTELY hot! Of
-Well, a skirt snimu.
-But you are not afraid?
- Yes let me all bus vy %% t, but a window leaf I will not open!!!

*****

Examination at philological faculty. The girl buys the ticket, and pale, speaks:
-I do not know, it is possible to try still? Compassionate professor allows
starenky. She buys one more ticket - and again does not know any question. Professor, already beginning zlitsya:
- The Darling, such simple questions, tell honestly, what you did all semester?
devushka, krasneya:
-is honest, professor? If it is honest, all semester walked and with men tr %% alas.
professor, grustno:
-Well, then to you a question on a subject: why the word "П#здец" a masculine gender, and "Х#йня" - female?
devushka reflected on mgnoveniye:
-It very simply professor. Here look, for me 20 sticks are х#йня, and here for you, professor, it П#здец!

*****

Examination in chemistry. The student fills up examination and is already clear that the end.
KTO from the commission set for fun a question: Tell
-, please, a formula of the aerated water.
A the student maliciously in a voice:
- to you as, with syrup or without?

*****

Examination on ekonomike.
professor:
-Explain, please, social prerequisites of financial crisis 2008 goda.
student:
-Everything very simply. At some point banks and investors at the same time sent each other to a zh*pa. As a result all at the same time appeared in a zh*pa.

*****

Examination in economy. The student who honestly learned the abstract tells about A. Smith's theory. "You speak A. Smith, A. Smith everywhere... If tell how called Smith, I will deliver you "five" - the teacher says. The student is rumpled. "Well, I even will prompt to you: how called the first man?" - "The Value...

*****

Examination in economy. The student wrote off everything from others crib. And there everywhere reductions: instead of Adam Smith - A. Smith and she and answers: And. Smit.
professor:
- And how call it A. Smith?
studentka molchit.
professor starts prompting and sets directing question :
nu- At how called the first man?
studentka all Pokrasnev:
-Vasya...

*****

Examination at economic institute. Prepodavatel:
-How many will be twice two? Student:
-74. Prepodavatel:
-Explain! Student:
-40 - me, 30 - to you and 4 in cash desk.

*****

Examination in electrical equipment. Malicious teacher and nice studentka:
-Nus, what such step tension?
- By the own words?
- Please...
- Step tension is tension which arises between feet when you pass by the bared end.

*****

Examination on legal Fakultete.
professor:
-according to the legislation notarially certified copy of the document has the same force, as the original. May you give a situation when this norm does not work?
student:
- Well, for example, if I will try to acquire any goods in shop, having shown notarially certified copy of the hundred-dollar note.

*****

Ekzamenator:
-Where Tyumen is located?
student:
-Generally in Siberia.

*****

The examiner and student
-you Know? That you know
-Znayu.
-?
- Subject znayu.
-What subject?
-, Which sdayu.
- And what you hand over?
- Well it you carp!

*****

The examiner, studentke:
-to That is equal horsepower?
studentka:
-Horsepower is strength of one horse, weighing one kilogram and growth metr.
ekzamenator:
-Where it you such horse saw one?
studentka:
-cannot be seen it. It is in the world Board of Weights and Measures!

*****

Examiner:
- Surname, Name! If I will not hand over
studentka:
-, then Anna Karenina.

*****

Examinations at institute, nobody goes the first to the teacher, the audience door, the teacher opens: "Who will go the first I put one point above!" Shout from group of students: "Professor! Put THREE I go!"

*****

Examinations in medical school. Before the commission - the student... To
-Well - with, answer your ticket...
- Skeleton of the person... Here we see a skull, in it there were eyes, a brain,
PO to sides ears hung, there were lips, inside - yazyk.
- And below?
- is lower - cervical vertebras, were neck muscles here... Below - grudnaya
kletka. In it there were lungs... There was an abdominal cavity, gde
razmeshchalis interiors even below: stomach, liver, spleen...
-A is even lower?
-A here... here...
- Well, well!
-A was the member here!
- Well, say, was not, and happened is a female skeleton...

*****

Examinations. Prepod:
-Chto such parametrical amplifiers?
student:
-My it not prokhodili.
prepod:
-Pravilno! Give a record book.

*****

Economic higher education institution. There is an examination. studenta:
-Tell a voice, and you do not do a discount to birthday men?
prepodavatel, on full seryeze:
-Of course! I can throw off couple of points!

*****

Ekramen in construction institute.
professor asks at studentki:
-Why in houses landings?
- Ah, professor, why to ask such intimate questions...

*****

- Eh, young people, here if you sitting on the last ranks behaved also silently as those who sits in the middle of audience and plays cards, young people from the first rows, could sleep peacefully …

*****

Yushchenko: "But I promised before elections that simple Ukrainian student
budet to live not worse than the oligarch. Thanks to journalists that paid attention,
kak I keep the promises".

*****

I, am afraid to go on a physical yoke. Fizig, a bough, dangerous, at mya in a task the answer of azzkiya poluchilso 666,666, and at all 1000, so ring road I told sho at mya 666,666 it turned out it told that I solved a praln, told that a pier I will continue its business, blinked the eyes, and started giggling.

*****

- I to them repeat on twenty times one and too, and these idiots sit with glass eyes and I see that they do not understand anything and are not going to understand!
- Yes at me at work too most... You too teach
-?
- Is not present, I am a bartend

*****

- I suggest to enter lessons of sexual education at school.
- What for? of
-Well is necessary somehow children to entice into school!

*****

I thought earlier that the chronic fatigue at me is a consequence of environmental pollution, a lack of vitamins, high urovnya
kholesterina in blood, the noise published by neighbors, need to get up early for work in the mornings - is shorter, all than that forces us to ask to itself a question, whether life is worth in general it that to live it.

*****

- I am a student. At night I earn additionally, and I cannot fall asleep at lectures. Chto
mne to do? By
-Consider rams who together with you attend lectures.

*****

- I'll give you these, and even renting will ...

*****

1ya - Well and che how are you.?
2Ya - Not che is good... sednya in the subway a trophy flash card on 4 gigabytes отхватила
1я - Yes you cho.?
2Ya - Not cho, I sit the car - nearby the fellow costs, twists in hands fleshku.
tut the train sharply pulls up, the boy lets go a flash card, and it in mine dekolte.
1ya-A you cho?
2Ya Yes cho. not cho- The pier itself dropped, itself and dostavay.
on stood, was rumpled - "Yes leave to yourself!" a bullet from vagona.
1ya And you cho???
2Ya Yes not cho!!! - Now I have 4 gigabytes of a porno and course on economy)

*****

And I as home come, the mother-in-law at once from a threshold govoryu:
-Claudia Petrovna! I have no mind, money is not present, on the house I do nothing, and your daughter could marry much better! So far she hasty and painfully remembers
I that I in this list passed, I dobavlyayu:
- The Son-in-law Petrov ended the report! Allow to go to drink beer to friends to alcoholics?

*****

The lawyer cables the client: "Tonight during a dream your aunt died, having left you a big state. What to order: funeral or cremation?" In reply he received the telegram: "Order cremation, you should not risk".

*****

- As if I wanted to have the daughter! - one woman drugoy.
-speaks do not regret that you do not have her. Here my friend has six daughters, and you know, what it means for their father?
- That should support six rtov.
-Is not present, twelve. You

*****

There were at the mother-in-law three sons-in-law. Also she decided to check once how they respect her and love. Goes with senior the son-in-law for walk. Approach a pond. It goes to bathe and starts sinking. He jumps in water and rescues it. Na the next day he wakes up and sees near the house the Volga car with a note: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Goes with an average. Ta history. It sinks, he rescues. Na the next day the average son-in-law wakes up and sees near the house the Zhiguli car with a note to "The beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Goes with the younger. Starts sinking, an it thinks: "Time the senior got "Volga", to an average "Zhiguli", I turn out chtola "Zaporozhets"? Is not present I will not rescue it". Leaves and the mother-in-law drowned. Na the next day the younger son-in-law wakes up and sees near the house the Mercedes car with a note to "The beloved son-in-law from the father-in-law".

*****

There were at the mother-in-law three sons-in-law. She which loves it more decided to learn. They went somehow to the small river to have a rest. There is the senior son-in-law on the coast. The mother-in-law, having seen it, pryg to the river also shouts: "To tone! I sink!" The son-in-law jumped in water and rescued the mother-in-law, and the next morning found under the Zhiguli window with an inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Once again went to the river. There is an average son-in-law on the coast, the mother-in-law boom to water: "To tone! I sink!" The son-in-law rescued the mother-in-law and next morning saw under a window "Volga" with an inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law". Once again went to have a rest to the river. There is a younger son-in-law on the coast, the mother-in-law plyukh to water: "To tone! I sink! "
- " I need you!" - the younger son-in-law thought and passed mimo.
teshcha drowned. The next morning this son-in-law found under the Mercedes window with an inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the father-in-law!"

*****

In a drugstore the seller explains pokupatelyu:
-Is not present, do not persuade to buy arsenic is necessary the recipe, one photo of your mother-in-law has enough.

*****

In the company of friends the son-in-law speaks: Yesterday to the village went, started building the round house. It sprashivayut:
-What for?
ZYAT otvechayet:
-Yes the mother-in-law tortured that: can, there will be a corner for me.

*****

In a family the mother-in-law dies. In the room windows are tightly curtained off, the twilight and silence reigns. Relatives gathered, the headboard has a son-in-law. At some point the spot of sunlight gets through a crack in a curtain and falls on the person of the dying. The woman opens eyes, sighs and speaks:
-My God, it is good as!
- Mummy, do not distract, - the son-in-law speaks.

*****

You! Our cat in slippers pokakat!!!
- That?! Ah you are vile cattle! Shcha I will kill, on a horse-radish!!!
- Yes not in yours! In the mother's!
-A, well give it smetanka!

*****

- How your son-in-law, Mrs. Cheter? Everything would be good
-, but it is not able to play in karty.
-Forgive, but after all it is enormous plus!
- Is not present, it is rather minus: he is not able, but plays.

*****

Your mother-in-law and the tax inspector are in the house filled with a flame. You have an opportunity to rescue only one of them. That you vybepete:
1. To go poobedat.
2. To descend in kino.
3. To call the friend and to descend behind beer.

*****

Question in a crossword puzzle "A blood-sicking being, 4 letters". I offered two options: wife and mother-in-law. It appeared that there is still a tick …