Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Examination in veterinary academy. The student with a hangover can remember nothing, professor very much tries to extend it on troyku:
-All right, the last, very simple question. How many at a cow of boobs?
student wrinkles lob:
-I do not remember. But at the milkmaid - precisely two!.

*****

Examination in war, additional question studentu:
-Companion student! Imagine, what to your commander tore off explosion nogi.
vashi actions for delivery of health care? To Shoot down
-...

*****

Examination. Questions in tickets are raised as in tests, answers "Yes" and "No". The student sits and throws a coin, and writes down turned out rezkltat. Preodes thinks that he the first will pass examination and does not pay to it attention any more. Passes time. All already passed examinations. And the student still throws a coin. The teacher dodkhodit to the student and asks:
-Well, answered or not?
- Yes. - answered stkdent.
-That you then sit? I check
-A.

*****

Examination in HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION in matherals science. Before professor very lovely girl sits, but does not know absolutely anything. Professor of people not iron, feels sorry for him for the girl...
professor: - Well, now I ask the last question. If you answer - I put the three. This inkwell from what?
studentka: -....: (
P: - I give the help. The name of matheral similar to in what you are engaged with the guy on a shop in park...
C: - Oh, thanks, professor, I know is an ebonite!
P: - No... it is celluloid... :)

*****

Examination in higher education institution. The teacher asks studentov:
-question on "five". How my name is?
Bce molchat.
-question on "four". What we hand over?
Bce molchat.
-question on "three". What color textbook? The muffled Golos:
-Waugh brings down
C of back rows, a reptile!

*****

Examination in Civil Defence. The teacher long muchil
studenta and, at last, sets the last, decisive question :
-Will answer - the five and bring down on vacation, you will not answer - a dopsa!
question such: to the right of you nuclear explosion... Your actions?
- I Turn into radiation dust and I infect the opponent!

*****

Ekzamen:
-it is good, then the last question. Answer - I put the three, and on domam.
-Know, professor, I have other offer. You to me put the four right now, and I teach you to use the mobile phone and I help to remove from a credit card your salary for the last one and a half years.

*****

Examination in chemistry. The student does not know absolutely anything. But very much hochet
sdat. Wrote off the first and second questions, the problem to it was solved. The teacher -
muzhik skilled, truncated this business and at once to additional questions. The student - polneyshiy
nol at all points. The teacher gives it two test tubes, in both - what-to
zhidkost, and speaks: "Define, please, where alkali". The student took v
ruki these test tubes and in perplexity watches that on left, on pravuyu.
prokhodit about a minute, the student extends the right hand and speaks:
-In this forward!
- Two points!
student, immediately changing situation ruk:
-it would Seem, on the contrary!

*****

Examination at zooinstitute. The student with a hangover can remember nothing, the head hoots … The teacher examiner very much tries to extend him on troyak:
-All right, the last, very simple question. Strain only izvilinu.
skolko at a cow of boobs?
student wrinkles lob:
-I do not remember... At the milkmaid precisely two …

*****

Examination at zooinstitute...
student from a terrible bodunishch can remember nothing, professor very much tries to extend it on "three":
- is fine, the last question. How many at a cow of nipples?
student:
-I do not remember precisely, but at the milkmaid - it seems two...

*****

Examination at institute. The student knows nothing, and professor philanthropic popalsya.
-Well, answer at least the simplest question, designate any dielektrik.
molchaniye.
-Imagine: spring, you with the girl in the dark room, one …
- Ebonite, professor!
- is correct, the young man, but was presently celluloid.

*****

Examination in some subject. Professor sits. The girl approaches. Professor watches her records and speaks:
-you, expensive, know nothing - 2!
- Professor, and is possible 3? Then give
-! (Does gesture hitting with a fist of one hand on a palm another)
- Sorry, but I not in shape, etc. - was frightened the girl... also left audience, having received 2. Another approaches. Ppofessor:
-you, the darling, know nothing, - he speaks, having examined her records. - To you two balls!
- Professor, and somehow 3 is possible? Then give
-! (Does gesture hitting with a fist of one hand on a palm another)
- Professor, I not in shape, at me... - reddens devushka.
- Then 2! - professor swings the head, and the girl leaves. The guy approaches. Professor watches his records and speaks:
-it is bad, old man, two balls to you!
- Professor, and is possible 3? Then give
-! (Does gesture hitting with a fist of one hand on a palm another).
paren immediately takes out a half-liter bottle from a bag and puts it professoru.
ppofessor:
-Correctly, the young man! Go three, and explain that to two bl*dyam that it (Does gesture hitting with a fist of one hand on a palm another) from it (Does gesture hitting with a palm of one hand on a fist another) strongly differs!

*****

Examination in alcoholic beverage technical school. Before the teacher the battery stakanov.
zakhodit the student. Prepodavatel:
-would Pull - - the ticket. The student takes a glass, drinks and speaks:
-Port. The teacher tries and otvechayet:
-it is Nep-p-p-pravilno. P-p-poprobuyte still. The student takes still a glass, tries, thinks and speaks:
-RiIfng. The teacher too probuyet:
-it is Nep-p-pravilno. The student, klyancha:
-Well I learn - silt, I have all room in a hostel abstracts ustavlena.
-Well, you are pleasant to me. I give you the last chance. Pulls out a glass because of chair and gives to the student. That gets up courage and drinks off stakan.
paru minutes tries to recover the breath, then with tears in the eyes speaks:
-Well we did not pass national creativity yet!

*****

Examination on the 1st course (the teacher sits a back to audience):
Bce blow off from spurs... The teacher turns around, looks v
auditoriyu - all pretend that write...
ekzamen on the 2nd kypce:
Bce blow off from spurs... The teacher turns around - all blow off so
shpor, the teacher coughs - all pretend...
. .
ekzamen on the 5th kypce:
Bce blow off from spurs... The teacher turns around - all blow off so
shpor, the student on the first school desk coughs, the teacher turns spinoy
k audiences...

*****

Examination in medinstitute.
posredi costs audience the tank filled with muddy water in which parts of a body float. Task of students: to thrust a hand into the tank, to grope body, to tell everything about it, then to pull out - if it about what they told, is received by five...
pervy the student, having thrust ruku:
- The Foot, the number of bones is so much, muscles there is so much, typical a disease such …
komisiiya:
-is good, vytaskivayte.
student extends from the tank body it is valid a foot - the student receives pyat.
sleduyushchy, having thrust ruku:
-Heart, well and gives a full deal on heart. he really pulls out heart, receives pyat.
sleduyushchaya the student enters (c), thrusts hands and announces the commissions (k):
(c) - Sausage!
(k) - the Girl, call things by their proper names!
(c) - And I also speak, sausage!
(k) - You are sure?
(c) - Yes sausage, sausage!!!
(k) - Well, get. .
studentka the sausage stick takes a hand from the tank, in a hand really...
komissiya, in stupore:
-Than we had a snack yesterday?!!

*****

Examination at medical institute. Professor: What signs of pregnancy you know
-?
- E-e-e, thick stomach and thin legs!!!?
professor takes off trousers:
- Well as, stomach thick?
- Thick...
-A thin legs?
- Thin... Here is how I will give rise to
-- come to a repeating an examination!

*****

Examination at medical institute. Examiner: - And now, the girl, what you can tell about a male genital?
-Ya the right, I do not know... It seemed to me that it is such bone of centimeters in 25 dlinoy.
-Well... Well, that is a bone - to you really seemed, and for the rest it was simply lucky!

*****

Examination. The teacher studentam:
-I have three questions: one - on the five, the second - on the four and the third na
tpoyku.
ha the five: Than tension is measured?
Ha four: Tension is measured by the voltmeter or the ampermeter?
Ha three: But whether the voltmeter measures tension?

*****

Examination in chemistry. The student "falls on - full". Professor somehow to help the pretty girl, tries is associative to bring her on correct otvet.
-Substance about which it is told at you in the ticket, on sounding reminds action with which you sometimes are engaged with the darling in podjezde.
-Really in EBANIT???
- Well, the darling - CELLULOID!

*****

Examination. The teacher long tormented the student and at last sets the last, decisive question :
-Will answer - perfectly, and bring down from here, you will not answer - a repeating an examination! On the right on a board nuclear explosion … What you will do?
- I Turn into radioactive dust and I infect the opponent!

*****

Examination. The teacher answering studentu:
-That it you wink at me? I Signal
student:
-that my knowledge on an outcome.

*****

Examination. Professor speaks studentu:
-Choose bilet.
student exposes on a table konyak.
professor:
-About! Cognac is horosho.
student:
-Cognac it is "excellent".

*****

Examination. Professor asks the student a question behind a question. That molchit.
-Well last question: "Who peddled old stuff? "
student are shaken plechami.
-by Columbus! - the teacher shouts with irritation. - Columbus!
student rises and starts leaving. Prepodavatel:
-Where it you go?
-A I thought you the following called.

*****

Examination:
professor: Tell why animals lick the genitals?
student: Because they can do it, professor.

*****

Ekzamen:
professor: Tell why animals lick the genitals?
student: Because they can do it, professor.

*****

Examination in selskokhozyaystvennom:
-you the director of state farm. And you have again a crop failure. You will put forward the Kakiyeobjektivny reasons in the justification?
- Well, bad weather conditions.
-A something freshen up?
- Well, forgot to put.

*****

Examination in agricultural institute:
-you are a director of state farm, and you have again a crop failure. What objective the reasons you will present to the justification?
- Well, bad weather conditions... Something is newer than
-A?
- Well, forgot to put...

*****

Examination in agricultural academy. The student with a hangover can remember nothing, professor very much tries to extend it on "three":
- is fine, the last, very simple question. How many at a cow of boobs? The student wrinkles lob.
-I do not remember. At the milkmaid - precisely two.

*****

Whether examination in selkhozinstitute.
-Can be done abortion to a cow? - asks a question professor.
student, with ukhmylkoy:
-Well, professor, you, probably abruptly got!

*****

Examination at construction institute. Professor asks at studentki:
-Why in houses landings?
- Ah, professor, why to ask such intimate questions...

*****

Examination. The student long and persistently tried to answer something under the ticket, but did it so slowly and muffledly, and, above all not on a subject, so got by the boring voice of all examiners that the senior examiner writes it in a record book: "Goat", closes and gives. The student is enough a record book and vybegayet.
through some time rushes back with slovami:
-Professor, you forgot to give me a mark, you only undersigned.

*****

Examination, the student filled up all questions, the teacher to it in nazidaniye:
-Here companion student, present that you found two bags - one intelligently, and another with money. You what would take?
- Of course with money! See
-! And I on your place would take a bag intelligently...
- is correct, each beret what is not enough for it!

*****

Examination, the student falls irrevocably. Behind a door there is a crowd and thinks, it to help out
kak. At last the guy and krichit:
-Ivanova rushes into audience, your son was born!
NU the teacher it, naturally, congratulates, gives a mark, undersigns...

*****

Examination in theatrical higher education institution... Examiner:
- the Young man, you are a three-year-old girl... Presented you a new toy. Represent reaction...
molodoy of people, is dumbfounded:
- of Yob your mother! Well, h%ya to itself!.

*****

Examination in technical school. Comes prepodavatel:
- The First question - on the five! How my name is?
studenty fit silently, nobody znayet.
-Well. Then the second question, on the four: what subject we hand over?
snova molchaniye.
-Ta-a-k. Now a question on a troyechka. What color textbook?
opyat silence. Suddenly the voice of the desperate student with back party:
-Well, brings down, a goat! Brings down!!!

*****

Examination in universitete.
professor:
-Chto quicker - a sound or light?
student:
-Svet.
-Otlichno, and why?
When I turn on radio, at first there is light, and then already звук.
-!!!
vkhodit second student. Professor asks the same question .
Ответ:
-Звук.
-Обоснуйте!
-Когда I turn on the TV, at first there is a sound, and then картинка.
-!!!
professor reflected: "Either students silly, or difficult questions". There is the third student. Professor:
-Vy stand on the mountain. On the opposite mountain - a gun. From it shoot. What will you record at first - a flame or a roar of a shot?
-pointed, flame!
professor with oblegcheniyem:
-I as it can be explained?
Eyes much more ahead of ears!

*****

Examination at university. Professor asks: Show
- to me as the echo works. Well are not silent!!!
TUT from a back school desk shout:
- to be silent...... to olchat... to lchat...... to at...... t...... soft sign...... soft sign...

*****

Examination at university. Subject of last semester: "Sound and light" .
zakhodit first student. Professor asks:
-That quicker - a sound or light?
student otvechayet:
-is excellent Svet.
-, and why?
- When I turn on radio, at first there is light, and then already a sound!
-Vaughan!
B audience enters the second student. Professor sets the same question .
otvet:
-Zvuk.
-Prove!
- When I turn on the TV, at first there is a sound, and potom
kartinka.
-!!!
professor reflected: "Or students very much silly, or I ask ochen
slozhnye questions?" There is the third student.
professor asks:
-you stand on the mountain. On the opposite mountain costs a down. From nee
strelyayut. What will you record at first - a flame from a trunk or grokhot
vystrela?
- Of course, a flame from a trunk!
professor with relief asks:
- And how it can be explained?
student reflected for a second and otvechayet:
-Eyes much more ahead of ears!

*****

Examination on fizike:
prepod:chto such alternating current?
studentka (after a stormy night): This tension which arises between feet when you undertake the bared end...