Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Anecdotes about the son-in

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- Whether it is possible to have a rest on one permit all family?
- Is possible, if the permit to give to the mother-in-law.

*****

The young family has supper with the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law - zyatyu:
-Zyatek, whether you will cut off to me a sausage slice?
ZYAT - teshche:
-is So thin I will not be able to cut off!

*****

The young man speaks to the mame:
-Mother, today to me three girls on a visit will come, and I am going to marry one of them. And you try to guess on what Exactly.
posle of that as girls left, it asks at mamy:
-Well and how you think, on whom?
- Matter of course on that that sat in seredine.
-Now that's something like it! And how you guessed?
- Yes so, intuition: it already now irritates me.

*****

My wife played on me in the person an ordinary a dirty trick, and in the person of the mother - one more. (From explanatory)

*****

The husband speaks to the wife who came back with raboty:
-To us today from nursing home came... You, of course, something gave
-I to them?!
- Well, of course, your mother...

*****

husband :
-What the mother-in-law comes?
Wife:
-I Hope, you mean numbers?

*****

The man meets the friend, all in bruises and scratches. It it asks:
-You from where it?
- Mother-in-law horonil.
- And that all beaten?
- Yes kicked strongly …

*****

The man does a hole for a curtain. Puncher. Noise, roar, dust...
B the room comes the mother-in-law and asks:
-That, the sonny, a curtain hang up? povorachivayetsya:
-Well abuse
muzhik you shout, old?! The child sleeps!!

*****

The man was late for work. The chief asks:
-Well and than you was engaged still?
- saw the Mother-in-law off on the train...
-A of that the person in soot?.
-A. I for pleasure kissed the engine!

*****

The man shows to the friend hunting trophies on stenakh.
- And it that for horror?
- Is the head tyoshchi.
- And chyo she smiles?
- Thought that I photograph!

*****

The man buys the ticket at the railway station: - You to Uryupinsk have a ticket?
- Is. The lateral, top shelf the toilet has
-A?
- Is!?
-A before me Gipsy tickets bought a camp, with them in the car it is possible? It
is possible, only there also demobilization go.
Give, that!
kupil, home comes, the wife from kitchen runs out and asks:
Darling, you bought the ticket to mother? You will not believe
-, the last snatched.

*****

The man with a yellow tired face asks in shop elektrotovarov:
-to me the gift with value for teshchi.
-is necessary I Can to offer an axe, a soldering iron, the electric iron, a power saw, a set...

*****

At the station the son-in-law sees off teshchu.
teshcha - zyatyu:
-Tell darling, how many remained to my train?
ZYAT, looking on chasy:
-One hour twenty two minutes fifty two seconds.

*****

On birthday of the son-in-law the mother-in-law gives it two ties. To humour the "beloved" mother-in-law he right there puts on one of them. The mother-in-law with deep offense in golose:
-It than another was not pleasant to you?

*****

On commemoration of the mother-in-law the son-in-law whispers all the time: "Yes there will be an earth to you down and there will be an earth to you down and there will be an earth to you down!" .
drug interesuyetsya:
-That you are so killed - You hated it? If you knew
- what it had an allergy to down!

*****

- About! And we cut already wedding cake!
- As cut?! The mother-in-law had to jump out of it!...

*****

About the mother-in-law: The son-in-law buried the mother-in-law, leaves from a cemetery in grief and here to it on the head the bird's shit falls. The son-in-law, having raised eyes to nebu:
-Mother, you already there?

*****

Sent the mother-in-law to cruise by Chapayev motor ship. Not "Titanic", of course - but nevertheless …

*****

- Fathers and that the grandmother so jumps on a kitchen garden?
-to Whom grandmother, and to whom and mother-in-law. And in general, stop talking, give still cartridges better.

*****

- The father, and the grandmother will precisely go by this train?
- You would fray less and quicker turned off to a rail...

*****

- The daddy, I can swim in the sea now? - small Kristina.
-By no means, the child asks. Waves too bolshiye.
-But the grandmother kupayetsya.
- The Grandmother is insured.

*****

The mother-in-law approaches the son-in-law and speaks:
- The Road zyatek, I for you have two novosti; one bad, another horoshaya.
-Mother, that you are still live and healthy, I and so see - tell already good news.

*****

Got married, so the guy with the girl, and he with her does not sleep. Well, she in tears goes to mother, tells it everything … Mother you call the son-in-law and speaks:
-That, the sonny, my daughter do not tr*khat?
A it speaks:
-Yes I stenyayus, I am not able, here if you to me, mummy, showed, I nauchilsya.
nu, laid down, tr*khnutsya, all as is necessary … it asks:
-Yes you everything cool do
MAT, che you feign ignorance?
A that otvechayet:
- And I argued with friends that I will not touch the wife, so far the mother-in-law not to a tr*khn.

*****

The elderly woman calls in pozharnuyu:
-Hallo, fire, help, urgently, in the apartment the fire, the address such!!!
- Oh, Claudia Petrovna! Your Zyatyok on a wire! Still prefer "to die,
chtoby not to see my ugly face"?!...

*****

The mother-in-law died at the man. Well, clearly, funeral and other. Relatives say goodbye. Approach and in turn kiss it on a forehead. And zyatek too approached and nestled to it the head and so that cannot come off. One his friend to it speaks:
-Listen, you at life hated it, and now here pretend...
-U me from a budunishch a head breaks up, and it such cold, such cold....

*****

The mother-in-law zyatya:
-Some you, young, teaches all business and anxious now. Here I was at your age cheerful and ringing, as a tambourine!
- Well, why was? You and now are similar to it, everything mutter and mutter …

*****

Funeral procession coffin bear on boku.
drug to the son-in-law: whom we bury?
ZYAT: tyoshchu.
drug: and why coffin on one side?
ZYAT: yes when it on a back you lay down - she snores!

*****

Funeral of the 90-year-old woman. At a coffin deceased the man let
70 bitterly sobs. One of participants of a funeral asks druguyu:
-It, probably, the son deceased so is killed?
- Is not present, it is it zyat.
-It, what so strongly loved it?
- Is not present, opposite. It he cries from a great grief - it was necessary to it zhdat
etogo the moment of long 50 years.

*****

Funeral. The passerby asks at muzhika:
-Whom bury?
- Mother-in-law...
- From what died?
- poisoned with Mushrooms...
-A che all in bruises?
- Yes is did not want …

*****

The man home, from a threshold resorts: "The wife, I in a lottery won one million!" Wife sad. Husband: "I won the whole one million!!!" The wife in slezy.
on: - You that, silly woman? Same MILLION!!! It: - You know, my mother umerla.
husband runs in a bathroom, the head under the crane, and in front of the mirror: - Well poperlo, well poperlo!

*****

There comes the wife's mother. The man has a mood at once on zero, and his wife fusses, a holiday table lays. And here, all family sits at a table, eat. Here the mother-in-law choked, has a fit of coughing, and having recovered the breath speaks:
-Oh, you forgive me, something the food not in that throat poshla.
ofigevshy zyat:
-Is not present, you only look at it! Not only that she at us will live the whole month, so she also in two throats will eat around us?

*****

Comes the man home means and the Mother-in-law speaks teshche:
-, drive behind beer...
- Here still, that I, you, for beer? Yes never...
- Magaz is close, only on the first floor will go down with tretyego.
ya to you I give one thousand, beer will buy, your delivery!
TESHCHYA thought, well money not superfluous will be, well and poshla.
zyat beer drank, again to teshche:
- The Mother-in-law, drive behind vodka...
- Here still, that I, you, behind vodka? Yes never...
magaz is close, only on the first floor will go down from the third. I give you one thousand, vodka will buy, your delivery!
NU the mother-in-law again thinks, money not superfluous and descended... Still vodka without having drunk up
muzhik calls the mother-in-law and speaks:
-Give I to you tapochkom a polba I will burst!
- the Mother-in-law again indignantly starts che that shouting, but her exclamations uspokaivayutsya
kogda the son-in-law offers 2 thousand...
NU means, burst, the mother-in-law escaped on kitchen to count money, and is suddenly ringing... A tube a beret, a there the wife sprashivaet:
-You pension gave
muzhik to mother? the man otvechaet:
-Yes here, I give slowly.

*****

The mother-in-law to the son-in-law comes. In the doorway of it the Grandmother who brought you meets vnuk.
-?
- Anybody, I prishla.
- And the father told: "Again bears the mother-in-law of lines!".

*****

I come in the evening home. The mother-in-law sits in a chair and irons the rotveylera.
uvidev me, points a finger at me and the SON-IN-LAW speaks sobake:
-!!!

*****

And zheny:
-Listen to conversation of the husband, what we will present to my mother on birthday this time? That did we give
-A last time? Last time we presented
- to it stul.
-Well and now we will bring to it electricity.

*****

Conversation of the mother-in-law with zyatem:
- When I was young, I was such silly!
- the Mother-in-law, you well remained!

*****

The mother-in-law who from its zyaty more decided to learn her lyubit.
idet the first son-in-law, and the mother-in-law sinks and appeals about pomoshchi.
pervy the son-in-law runs up and he helps out ee.
prikhodit home, and there Volga costs and the inscription to "The beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law" of .
Ha goes the next day the second son-in-law, and the mother-in-law again in the small river sinks,
ON runs up and rescues ee.
prikhodit home - the new motorcycle costs also an inscription to "The beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law" .
idet for the third day the third son-in-law, the mother-in-law sinks and shouts of the help looks, and the son-in-law dumayet:
"to the First presented VOLGA, to the second the motorcycle,
A me that - the bicycle? Let to itself sinks." The mother-in-law utonula.
prikhodit home the third son-in-law,
A there - brand new Mercedes and a note - "To the beloved son-in-law from the father-in-law".

*****

The man at the TV stays at home, throws a peanut and catches rtom.
tut it the wife calls, he distracts and the peanut flies to it in an ear, having got stuck on most nemogu.
Wife speaks
-Davay we will push through to you a peanut through an ear, it will appear in a nostril, so we it and vytashchim.
-Ty that, the silly woman? How in general such it is possible?
prikhodit the daughter with the guy on help. The guy offers
-Davayte, I to you will thrust a finger into one nostril, I will clamp another, and you will strongly blow, a peanut and vyletit.
tak and made from a problem izbavilis.
sidyat the husband with the wife, and the wife speaks
-Kakoy the clever guy at our Anechka, it will become interesting by whom it when grows? I do not know whom it will become, but judging by that than his finger smells, our son-in-law precisely =)

*****

- How many the mother-in-law has to have teeth?
-DVA.
-???
-One - to open for the son-in-law beer, and the second - well the second is simple that was ill.