Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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The Israeli in a vegetable marrow passes a shot glass for ryumkoy.
eto the rabbi saw, podoshel:
-Try to drown the problems, dear?
- Yes, to Reba and how you learned?
- Yes is visible... Believe, it not pomozhet.
-Yes, is valid, this stinker the mother-in-law and is close to a beach does not wish to approach!

*****

The inspector of GAI stops "Zhiguli" and severely asks Driverya:
-Than you explain excess of speed on the road near sela
kolodeznogo?
-Tam lives my mother-in-law.

*****

The inspector of GAI stops rushing "Volga":
- the Driver why back lamps do not burn?
Driver jumps out from the car and starts running with emotion vokru
gnee, throwing up vopli.
-do not worry, such trifle... You tell to
-a trifle, huh? Well, and where a hook-on van, gde
sara, the mother-in-law and my children!

*****

Mother baked pies and they burned slightly a little. The father pokovyryal pie a nail, knocked with pie about a table, slightly the table did not break. Looked at the photo of the mother-in-law on a wall, and called dochku:
- The Little Red Riding Hood, here mother of pies baked, go, visit the grandmother.

*****

To the wise Tsar Solomon two disheveled aunts came and brought yunoshu.
-He marries my daughter! - cries out odna.
-Is not present, on mine! - shouts vtoraya.
tsar thought and speaks:
-Bring a saw. Let's saw it in half and everyone a half. Agree?!
pervaya baba:
-Agrees, about the Wisest of the Wisest!
vtoraya the aunt (having thought): Yes why innocent soul to ruin
-!!!
TUT the Tsar Solomon vskrichal:
-He marries the daughter of the first woman! Here my decision!
vtoraya baba:
-So, it just wanted it to saw?!
- Here, here, it is also the real MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!

*****

To the man friends came. The owner only a hand a move-
nul - the wife with the mother-in-law at once the table is laid, binge is put, gostyam
klanyayutsya, cigarettes podayut.
-As to you it worked well?
- to Sege I somehow, eat pancakes. The cat climbed on a table and pulled together odin
blin. I to it made the prevention. It pulled together the second. I to it -
vtoroye the prevention. It - the third. I - the third preduprezhde-
ny. It - for the fourth, I it for a tail - and in a window. And at us two-
nadtsaty etazh.
-Yes and here a cat?
- As and? The wife has two preventions. And at the mother-in-law - three.

*****

To us from Siberia every summer there comes the mother-in-law. The international scale, of course, but terrorism elements obviously are present at these events.

*****

Every Saturday on a visit to the son-in-law there comes the mother-in-law. It brings with herself rolls with poppy, and they drink tea. The mother-in-law drinks green, and the son-in-law - black.

*****

Every Saturday the son-in-law waits on a visit for the mother-in-law. It comes, brings the rolls loved by the son-in-law with poppy and they drink chay.
zyat drinks black, and the mother-in-law zelenyy.
zatem when the mother-in-law leaves, the son-in-law puts the remains of the tea in a warm place that it gained characteristic green color which is loved so teshcha.
a by the mother-in-law every Friday sifts coal powder from an old gas mask to clear it of cockroaches and bakes rolls with poppy which so are pleasant to the son-in-law.

*****

What a pity that there is no such safe type of loan, kak
"the credit on the security of the mother-in-law"...

*****

Somehow to one of parts decorated with the Order of the Red Banner arrived to service for prokhozhdeniya
dalneyshey services starly... It was presented to the chief - the captain (To), it seems kak
podruzhilis. And once invites To to himself young - to have a look at a family i
pokvasit. Came to the house... Only came - from the room the wife and the mother-in-law To,
snimayut from comers boots and overcoats run out, put on feet to them slippers and run na
kukhnyu... At starleya it is fine, went to kitchen... And there... Both vodka and cognac, have a snack -
more, both mushrooms and potato hot - well all... Starlya absolutely To: - Wife and teshcha
svobodny! Well they were picked up and carried away somewhere... And men of subjects vremenem
vypili, have a snack and sit tall tales tell... The guest did not sustain and asks:
-Listen and how you the wife with the mother-in-law managed so to drill? Here at me in any way ne
poluchayetsya... Neither you to "zdrasta", nor you dinner hot... Share, and?
ulybnulsya K, and speaks:
-Well, listen. There was at us a doggie earlier - beautiful such, kind, I ee
lyubil very much... But it was moved to spoil in the house. Time - I warned her, the second -
Ya still warned her, and on - the third shot down! And so - at the wife - odno
preduprezhdeniye, and at the mother-in-law - two...

*****

- What news? - Carel of the priyatelya.
-asks I do not know, - that answers - When I left the house, teshcha
eshche slept.

*****

The cannibal ate the mother-in-law, because an ulcer place - in a stomach.

*****

The carabineer asks Driverya:
-Tell how there was an accident?
- Is very simple. My mother-in-law demanded that I turned on-
pravo, and the wife - on the left. I tried to satisfy both: strashno
ne I love quarrels in a family.

*****

To me with the wife every weekend there comes the mother-in-law from Siberia … The international scale here, of course, is not present - but the terrorism fact after all is present!.

*****

When God ordered to construct Noa a big ark and to take on it all kinds of people, Nov had only one small problem - where to take two mothers-in-law...

*****

When to my mother-in-law the black cat crosses the road, he, as a rule, instantly dies...

*****

- You whom will congratulate for March 8?
- Sister, daughter, mother-in-law... zyatya.
- And son-in-law and?
- Son-in-law and. I told: son-in-law mother-in-law.

*****

The staff of forge shop warmly congratulates the puncher Butsko K.N. with tyazheloy
utratoy - death of the mother-in-law Odarka Petrovna.

*****

- Kolyan and that your mother-in-law of a dog walks without muzzle? Yes on its ugly face of figs that you will pick up
-...

*****

Brevity - the sister of talent, mildness - his wife, and self-interest - his mother-in-law.

*****

- Who is the mother-in-law?
- her mother ...

*****

- Who is the mother-in-law?
- Directed domestic scenes.

*****

The man bought the car, goes home. Bach the car died out, he opened a cowl,
smotrel-looked does not know in what business. The Friend stopped another mashinu:
-help... That climbed-climbed, it seems everything is all right and asks:
- And the secret any is?
- Well it seems... Well I do not know
-... The man stopped another mashinu.
-Help the friend... That climbed, candles cleaned, to and fro - not zavoditsya:
- And the secret is?
- Well... Stopped the third car. To and fro not zavoditsya:
- And the secret is?
- Well I bang the mother-in-law, well and here the car?!

*****

- Bought the mother-in-law the permit in Ispaniyu.
- And in what company?
- the Company is called "Tourist".
- So they are speculators! Will bring to the airport and brosyat.
-I know.

*****

The young man on a sofa lies, suddenly the room is entered by the mother-in-law s
metloy.
-Mummies, you to be tidied up? Or were going to do some flying?

*****

The mother-in-law lies on the deathbed, invites the son-in-law and speaks:
-Here to you ten thousand. To me it is unimportant with whom and as you bu-
dt to agree, how many it will cost but that me on-
khoronili on Red Square!
ZYAT took money and left. After a while priyez-
zhat and - at once to teshche:
-do not ask with whom I agreed, what works mne
eto costed, but told that tomorrow by 12 o'clock was.

*****

Forest road. The car goes. In the car the husband, the wife and the mother-in-law. Suddenly on the road vykhodit
muzhik with the machine gun also stops the car. Speaks zhene:
-Get out, razdevaysya.
-Yes as it is possible, here the husband, mother! Give
-, give, and I will shoot that. The wife got out, undressed, the man banged her i
speaks muzhu:
-Sosi.
-Yes as it is possible, here the wife, the mother-in-law! Suck
-, and I will shoot that. The husband sucked away, and the man shitted on a cowl and speaks teshche:
-ESH.
-Is not present, I shit am I will not be! You eat
-, and I will shoot that. The mother-in-law ate shit, the man left, the car went further. Vse
molchat. After a while the wife speaks:
- And you know, he that it seems also did not ebat me, only **** on thighs moved. through
nekotoroye the husband speaks:
- And you know time, I at it it seems also did not suck, only lips gave smacking kiss. Through nekotoroye
time the mother-in-law speaks:
- And you know, I that also did not eat shit, only a kartoshechka chose!

*****

Only one hemorrhoids could find the Achilles' heel in the mother-in-law!

*****

- That it is better: mother-in-law or beer?
- is good both that, and another on a table cold.

*****

The curious passerby is attached to a funeral procession and asks the man bearing grob.
-Whom bury? Why a coffin sideways hold
-Teshchu.
-A? When on a back it we overturn
-A, she starts snoring.

*****

Cannibal wedding, the father-in-law - to the groom (to the young husband, unnecessary to emphasize) "Well kak
tebe the mother-in-law?" "Yes anything, so-so woman!" "Well go I there left a foot to you!"

*****

The young family has supper with the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law - zyatyu:
-Zyatek, whether you will cut off to me a sausage slice?
ZYAT - teshche:
-is So thin I will not be able to cut off!

*****

The little boy asks at papy:
- The Father and why my grandmother zigzags runs?
PAPA otvechayet:
-to Whom grandmother, and to whom mother-in-law! And well, the sonny, give a holder!!!

*****

The kid wakes up in the middle of the night with shout and slezami:
-Mama-a-a!!!
MAT runs up, irons, uspokaivayet:
-That with you, the sonny?
- to me the mother-in-law prisni - and - la - and - s!!!

*****

Mother, give I to you a parachute I will lay!

*****

- Mother I in despair! I had an impression that this man will not be taken barehanded!
- do not worry, the daughter, but you will take naked feet...

*****

- You the mother-in-law have Mamed?
- Shock! Correctly Mamed made
-, I will arrive - too I will burn the.

*****

8 Marta, the son-in-law decided to make pleasant to women - the wife and the mother-in-law. He started cleaning.... Washes a toilet bowl, tries, puffs, approaches teshcha:
-Mine-mine... I now will shit there!