Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

577  578  579  580  581  582  583  584  585  586  587  588

In apteke:
- The Young man, potassium cyanide is given only according to the recipe, one photo of your mother-in-law has enough!

*****

In apteke:
-Understand at last that I sold you strychnine, the recipe, but not the photo of your mother-in-law is necessary!

*****

In apteke:
-Condoms are?
- Is. How many to you?
-A Masha works today? Thanks
-NET.
-. I changed the mind.

*****

In studio of Original Design the client does zakaz:
-I Ask to make to me a toilet roll with a portrait in this photo. From two parties and on all length. Guarantee quality?
- do not worry! The portrait of your mother-in-law will be executed with the highest kachestvom.
- And how you guessed, what it is my mother-in-law?
-A it ordered laying with the image of the son-in-law in us yesterday. We recognized you according to the photo attached to its order.

*****

On a visit there arrived the mother-in-law, shortly, without changing a residence, it appeared at her on a visit.

*****

In the courtroom judge the boxer for beating of the woman. The boxer - the Master of Sports, sharp,
dergany the man. Sudya:
-Well here tell, the defendant, for what you beat the woman?
- What woman, same my mother-in-law!
-A unless mother-in-law not the woman? - the woman asks sudya.
-But, - becomes thoughtful bokser.
-Well, tell court, for what you her izbili.
-Well, it, I come, so home, there is on, it, on kitchen, sit I eat. The mother-in-law -
ZhU-zhu-zhu, zhu-zhu-zhu, and I sit I eat. The mother-in-law again - zhu-zhu-zhu, zhu-zhu-zhu - and here ona
otkrylas...

*****

In the apartment there lives the family: the husband, the wife, kids and the wife's mother - the beloved mother-in-law. Somehow there is a husband at night to kitchen that to drink waters, turns on the light, sees: the mother-in-law sits on a plate, lifted up a hem and
ZYAT in shoke:
-Mother urinates in a pan with a borsch … … that you do? We will eat it!
TESHCHA jumps off, recovers and speaks:
-Angry you! I will leave you.

*****

In the apartment phone call is distributed. The owner lifts a tube and slyshit:
-your mother-in-law fell to the pool with crocodiles!
- Your crocodiles, you them also rescue!

*****

In Committee for State Security there is a Communist Party meeting. Sekretar
partkoma makes the speech that now publicity, and calls kolle
gaktivno and more critically to submit for discussion sharp questions.
vdokhnovlenny the speech from a place rises young leytenant:
-Companions! Became painful already, I cannot be silent! Till what time the wife and teshcha
generala will use an official car for trips on shops?!
Ha the next day of the lieutenant summons general:
-to me very much your performance at meeting was pleasant yesterday. I see,
chto you are an uncompromising person, honest nature. You deserved povysheniye
po to service. We decided to send you to Uruguay, will be ours rezidentom.
-But at me the young wife here, eventually, I do not know tamoshnego
yazyka.
-By the way, about language, companion lieutenant... On a legend you budete
glukhonemym therefore we to you will cut out language still here.

*****

The enraged father rushes into the room of the son, grabs the boy breasts and begins tryasti.
-I you asked not to climb to my computer...!
B the room comes it tyoshcha.
-Leave the boy alone! - she barks at the son-in-law, is I tore out her i
vybrosila. Only mice in the house were not enough for me!

*****

In lesu:
-Something mushrooms absolutely are not present! Even toadstools!!
- On a horse-radish to you toadstools?!
- Yes wanted to treat the mother-in-law!

*****

Came to shop of electrogoods young chelovek:
-That you would like to buy from us? - asks prodavets.
-to me it is necessary to buy a gift for the mother-in-law!
- Here please the electric iron, here the electric stove, here elektricheskaya
kofevarka.
-Tell, and you on sale have no electric chair?

*****

In shop of electrogoods the man asks at prodavtsa:
-I look for a gift for the mother-in-law, what you can offer me?
-U us is electric irons, electric kettles, elektricheskiye
samovary, electric fans and etc.
- It everything not that... And whether there is no electric chair at you?

*****

Bring into the general prison cell novichka.
ego sprashivayut:
-What term of a distance?
-Eight let.
-For what?
- For first-aid treatment cheloveku.
-As it so?
- Yes sat we at a table, had supper, and at the mother-in-law blood a nose went. That to stop bleeding, I to it imposed a plait on a neck.

*****

In the Odessa city court there is a divorce proceedings. Husband: - My wife not ustraivayet
menya as woman. Mother-in-law: - You will think, the Prince of Denmark! Arranges all Odessa, and ego
-is not present!

*****

The weapon shop is run in by the furious man, eyes from orbits, foam from a mouth, and shouts prodavtsu:
- The Gun to me, quickly!
- Gun? Well. And for what to you?
- to shoot the mother-in-law, it got me already! Forgive to
-but if you want to shoot your mother-in-law, I would advise you povremenit.
-It still what for?
- You need to calm down because in such state you for certain will miss.

*****

- Why are you lately so much you drink?
- This I nasledstvennoe.
- In what sense?
- my mother-in-law died and left a legacy of five buckets of vodka.

*****

Recently Semyon began to treat the mother-in-law much better: often came with flowers, painted an ogradka.

*****

The son-in-law lies in the village on a zavalinka. Tam approaches teshcha:
- The gate broke, it is necessary to repair...
-It mine?! Me е$ет?!
ponyatno. The mother-in-law left. Through some time:
- There the fence was lop-sided, it is necessary to correct...
-It mine?! Me е$ет?!
ponyatno. Went to the notary, issued darstvennuyu.
- The Sonny, here in a window glass burst, it is necessary to replace...
-It mine?!. Your-your
-!
-It yours?! You е$ет?!

*****

In a family the mother-in-law dies. In the room windows are tightly curtained off, the twilight and tishina.
sobralis relatives reigns, the headboard has a son-in-law. At some point solnechnyy
zaychik gets through a crack in a curtain and falls on the person of the dying. Zhenshchina
otkryvayet eyes, sighs and speaks:
-My God, it is good as!
- Mummy, do not distract, - the son-in-law speaks.

*****

In such weather only to send the mother-in-law behind beer!

*****

In that my family broke up, both are guilty, and I consider that the fault is distributed equally: 50% - the wife, 50% - the mother-in-law.

*****

In tsirke:
- The Father, and why is the uncle puts the head in a mouth to a lion? Here when you will live
- together with the mother-in-law then not there still you will thrust it!

*****

- Vas! Our cat in slippers imposed!
- That?!!! Ah you, vile cattle!!! Now I will kill!
- Yes not in yours! In the mother's!
-A, well give it smetanka...

*****

- Vas and that it is your mother-in-law of a bull terrier without muzzle walks? You try something to pick up
-A on its mug!

*****

To attention of men! The association "Mikropribor" mastered release of the Lyubimaya
teshcha vacuum cleaners. The vacuum cleaner is equipped with the powerful turbo-propeller engine, folding wings i
myagkim a seat.

*****

Drove the mother-in-law in a serpentarium. She with amazement examined snakes, ate ice cream, something muttered there. Generally, diligently pretended that does not understand about what these creatures hiss there.

*****

The excited man runs in in apteku:
-my mother-in-law wants to poison with rat poison! Unfortunately, we have no
-from it protivoyadiya.
- At what antidote here? I need rat poison!

*****

The husband from hospital where visited the tyazhelobolny mother-in-law comes back. Awfully angry he speaks zhene:
-your mother is healthy as the horse, will already be discharged from hospital soon and will lodge at nas.
-I do not understand, - the wife speaks, - yesterday still the doctor said to me that mother umirayet.
-I do not know that he told you, but to me he advised to prepare for the worst.

*****

Question: What the general between the mother-in-law and beer?
otvet: Both that, and another is good, when cold, opened and on a table.

*****

Question: What is the mixed feeling?
otvet: It when the mother-in-law in your car falls in an abyss.

*****

Here listen the mother-in-law is the mother-in-law truly, and the son-in-law then who, the great martyr?

*****

- Earlier as was: the prince killed a dragon and married the princess! A
seychas...
- And now almost also. Dragons are not killed, however, they stanovyatsya
teshchami... Yes, you are right, it was much better earlier!

*****

All misunderstanding between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law arise because of nevnimaniya.
poprobuyte just once attentively to look at the mother-in-law through a sight.

*****

After all justice exists. To the neighbor who half a year did repair and daily awoke us very early with a puncher roar, upon termination of repair the mother-in-law moved. On the PERMANENT RESIDENCE!

*****

Met the mother-in-law with open damnations.

*****

Two deputies met. One asks:
-As is worked in the Duma?
- As in the wood! That the chief - an oak that the subordinate - a stub that ni
bumaga - a linden!
-A as you live?
- As in the fairy tale! Houses the mother-in-law - the Baba-yaga, the wife - the witch, the neigbour - Vasilisa
prekrasnaya, and her husband - Ivan the Fool, by the way it too the deputy!!!

*****

Friends met, razgovorilis:
-Speak, you have the commercial business now. Which? I am engaged in
-Ya in trade in subjects female tualeta.
-Well and how? Successfully?
- Quite. The wife still had some things. And the mother-in-law stays at home the already almost naked.

*****

Two afgantsev:
-meet Listen, something Vovana is not visible long ago?
-A it heroically was lost!
- How?
- With a linking of grenades rushed under the mother-in-law.