Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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The Chukchi on a visit came, sits at a table, tea drinks. There was a wish emu
pirozhok to eat, and to it govoryat:
-You drink, drink tea without tseremoniy.
on a hand drew aside back. Sits drinks, drinks, and then and speaks:
- And it is possible I one tseremonka I will eat?

*****

The Chukchi came to shop radiotovarov:
- The Audio system somehow I want, however!
NU, the seller also sold it the loudspeaker for radiotochki.
priyekhal the Chukchi to himself, called all relatives and friends, they took seat around and wait...
TUT the oldest Chukchi and speaks:
-Electricity is necessary, however!
vrubili in the socket... Went dym.
stary chukcha:
-Well here, now the conductor will smoke and will play.

*****

The Chukchi kept the appointment. Costs at an extreme yaranga of a settlement, holds the thermometer in hand. Looks at it and speaks:
-I Will wait to minus of forty. If it does not come everything, I leave home.

*****

The Chukchi to the friend to the Eskimo came. Sees on a floor lies shkura
belogo a bear with a razinuty mouth. You ask eskimosa:
-how many time shot at it?
-Desyat.
-A how many times got?
- odnogo.
- And of what it died?
- From laughter...

*****

Time in plagues to the Chukchi the geologist and udivlyaetsya:
-Chuchka, your canned food full of plagues came somehow, and you from hunger became unproductive as a mop!
A the Chukchi to it otvechayet:
-However, opened the newspaper - there Yeltsin, radio turned on - there Yeltsin, the TV turned on - there too Yeltsin. Now, however, I am afraid of some canned food to open!!!

*****

The delegation the Chukchi came to a selection committee of the Supreme Council of the USSR and zhaluyetsya:
-we do not want to be called as Chukchi: jokes, continuous about us, and ostroty
khodyat.
-it is good, uchtem.
na the next day in newspapers there was a resolution: "From now on vmesto
" the Chukchi" it is necessary to speak "the Jew - the reindeer breeder".

*****

The hang glider rider was gone. Ask the Chukchi, whether flew by on.
-Is not present, - the Chukchi speaks, - such did not fly by. The big eagle flew by. Vse
patrony shot until it let out the person from claws.

*****

Passes agricultural konferentsiya.
vstayet Frantsuz:
-We sow potato on May 15, and we reap the harvest 16 sentyabrya.
vstayet Anglichanin:
-We sow potato on April 15, and the harvest we reap 16 avgusta.
vstayet Chukcha:
-We sow potato on June 15, and we reap the harvest 16 iyunya.
ego sprashivayut:
-Every other day? And why so early?
- Very much wants to be eaten.

*****

Rabinovich decided to marry the Chukchi's daughter. His parents, of course, were upset, but there is nothing to do - went to look the bride. Came in plagues, saw big relatives. Sara, the groom's mother, tycht sideways his father, Moiseya:
-Oh, what terrible!
TUT rises the uncle of the bride and speaks:
-However I in a dowry give to the niece herd oleney.
otets brides speaks:
-I give a fur farm on cultivation norok.
ded:
-I give gold priisk.
tut Sar again Monya pushes Moisey in bok:
-, look, it is similar to a yaponochka!

*****

Two Chukchi talk. speaks:
- And I the jeep bought one!
- Yes well! ''Cherokee''?
- Is not present, narrow.

*****

geologov:
-Why you the photo of the mother-in-law with yourself take conversation? Itself judge
-, in the field - mosquitoes, a rain, cold... I will look at
-A at it - My God, it is good as!

*****

The call in Kremle.
-is distributed to you the secretary general is necessary? - You ask chukcha.
-that, the patient? - is interested trubka.
-Yes, - the Chukchi, - the patient and very much, very old agrees.

*****

Difference between Chukchi and chocks that Chukchi of cold smoking, and chocks - hot.

*****

The Chukchi of a message solved somehow the analytical transfer on ORT. But does not know as it to call. "The name is necessary, however" - he addressed to TV men. "As you called, and will be" - they in own way understood the Chukchi.

*****

The Chukchi the geologist stat.
ego sprashivayut:
- The Chukchi, why to you solved it?
- However when the geologist I become, the wife himself eb@t I will be!

*****

Decided to check who how many can starve. Put to different rooms of Russian, African and the Chukchi. Put to each room by phone and saidi:
"Want to eat - call." In three days the Russian called. In a week the African called. And from the Chukchi is not here and there is no call. Week, another... To check
reshili. Open a door, see: the Chukchi in front of phone sits and speaks: "Phone, phone, the Chukchi wants to eat!"

*****

Solved on Chukotka passports everything to give out, well and essno, to photograph all nado.
komandiruyut one photographer, he removed-removed, showed-printed, this business bothered him. He saw enough of them, all as like as two peas. He spat, began to remove the empty camera. One Chukchi vozmutilsya:
"Not my photo, however printed the same photos, and suddenly!"
fotograf: "Well as not yours? YOURS!!! Your ugly face!!!"
chukcha: "Well, my ugly face. Not my jersey!!"

*****

Chukchi decided to go shooting. Come to the meteorologist, ask: - You, clever devices have a meteorologist. What, however, tomorrow weather will be. Chukchi want on hunting idti.
meteorolog:
-without "fiery" water not oboytis.
chukchi bring it vodka Here. It to them naugad:
-Go, men, on hunting. Good weather budet.
chukchi left. The Meteoloroga jammed conscience. And suddenly, thinks, snowstorm. People because of me will be lost. Ran to the shaman. speaks:
-Here to you, the shaman, fire-water, money, only tell what tomorrow weather budet.
shaman:
-Good will be pogoda.
meteorolog:
-From where you know? I have any devices, and I definitely cannot skazat.
shaman:
-see, two Chukchi went shooting

*****

Chukchi to Putin solved hunting to arrange, and at the same time and to look what he is a hunter. Chose the best gun, cleaned it, greased. And chtoby
putinu to give special pleasure, caught three boars, according to the plate tied to everyone - Gusinsky, Berezovsky, Abramovich, and in the wood back otpustili.
idet Putin on the wood, suddenly from bushes Gusinsky runs out and runs away that there are forces. Putin threw up the gun. Women - napoval.
-Oh, Putin the fast hunter, however, - told chukchi.
idet Putin further, suddenly sees - far, far Berezovsky stoit.
pritselilsya Putin slowly. Women - filled up Berezovskogo.
-Oh, Putin the accurate hunter, however, - told chukchi.
tut, absolutely close, because of a birch Abramovich vykhodit.
napravil Putin on it the gun, but did not begin to shoot, and got into a pocket, got a handful of acorns and threw them Abramovichu.
-Oh, Putin the cunning hunter, however, the young animal does not kill at once,
A allows to gain weight, - Chukchi told.

*****

The son was born at the Chukchi. Brought it in a registry office registrirovat.
- The Surname?
-Yukagir.
-Name, middle name?
-Mitrofan Stepanovich.
-Nationality? Listen to
-Kitayets.
-, you are a Chukchi, your wife - the Chukchi. What he is Chinese?
- Is my third child. And in the newspaper it is written that everyone tretiy
rebenok which is born in the world, - the Chinese!

*****

The Russian speaks chukche:
-Tell:
-LUK.
-"onions" to You on a forehead stuk.
chukcha solved otomstit:
-Tell:
-Chesnok
-"garlic" to You a shovel on a back - on!

*****

The plane has accident in the tundra. Gets out pilot:
-People! People...
IZ-for a bush Aga gets out chukcha.
-! As in the tundra, so people, and as in Moscow, so Chukchi!

*****

The Chukchi handed over the test for AIDS. Follows result. The doctor speaks:
-So far result negative, but you come through 3 mesyatsa.
vozvrashchayetsya the Chukchi in plagues, sad. It sprashivayut:
-Well as?
- Filled up the test, in 3 months a repeating an examination.

*****

Sekretarsha:
-Mister director, just the letter from our branch in Sahara. Write that they have a catastrophic situation with drinking vodoy.
direktor:
-Yes well them, eternally they panic!
sekretarsha:
-Ya would not tell, see - the brand to an envelope is pinned by a paper clip?!

*****

The sergeant comes to barracks and instructs dnevalnomu-chukche:
-I an hour will have a sleep and if the general comes, you me razbudi.
through hour of
- The General came?
- Is not present, not prikhodila.
-Well, I will go still an hour I will lie down, if something happens, budi.
eshche in hour of
-Well, what?
- Nobody prikhodila.
-is good, I will go still I will have a sleep if that, itself ponimayesh.
v barracks the general comes. Chukcha:
-You general?
- Yes.
-A where you gad? The sergeant waits for you the third hour!

*****

The Russian at the station, opposite to his Chukchi sits. The Russian looks: chukcha
nadevayet gloves, something gets from a pocket, eats, removes perchatki.
russky zainteresovalsya:
-That it you, the Chukchi, gobbled up?
- of the Hamster, odnako.
- And why in gloves?
- Nasty, however.

*****

The Armenian family sits at a table. Father, Mother and daughter. And with them the Chukchi, in a suit from Versachi, a tie from Diopa.
(H) - Give out for me the doch.
(About) - E-e-e, daragoy, I tebe of course very much respect, but, understand, at us, in the people, such strict traditions, I ne can take the Chukchi in a family. Neighbors to laugh budut.
(H) - Ho I is not so simple, I with itself $100 000 ppivyoz.
(About) - Nat, excuse, but ne mogu.
(H) - $150 000 .
(O) - Nat, and ne pposi.
(H) - Well it is fine, $500 000 .
TUT suit mat:
(M) - Listen, Akop, and it well is very similar to the Japanese!

*****

The Chukchi on the bank of the Bering Strait sits and shouts towards America: "Niiiishchiye!!! Niiiiishchiye!!!"
podkhodit second also asks: "You that shout so? America, however, rich country!!!"
Aga rich … Bought Alaska, and for Chukotka of money was not enough!!! …

*****

The Chukchi sits ashore, catches fish. Suddenly emerges amerikanskaya
podvodnaya lodka:
-Hello! You did not see where the Soviet submarine floated?
chukcha specified paltsem.
- The Northwest! - ordered kapitan.
through half an hour the Companion emerges Soviet podlodka:
-, did not see where Americans floated?
- the Northwest, - were answered chukcha.
-Well by you, - the captain told, - will be enough to philosophize, point a finger!

*****

The Chukchi on an ocean coast sits. Suddenly the American submarine emerges, the person leans out from there and asks: Chukchi, du yu Speke English? The Chukchi answers: The EU, and to the h*la I pound?

*****

The Chukchi on the river bank sits and sings: "one million scarlet roses, red, yellow, green". Here geologists drove by the all-terrain vehicle and sprashivayut:
- The Chukchi, what you do?
- the Song poyu.
-is clear, what the song sing and what such "red, yellow, green"?
- Light show, however.

*****

The Chukchi on a tree sits, cuts under himself a bough. There passes chelovek.
-a Chukchi, you will fall!
- However, hardly!
porubil, chopped and upal.
vstal, the Sorcerer, however looked following cheloveku:
-!

*****

The Chukchi dumayet:
-What poor Russian sits: a cap - a polar fox, a fur coat - the polar fox, was run over by a car - too a polar fox.

*****

The Chukchi with the wife and the daughter in plague sits. Over plagues the helicopter flies by. The Chukchi speaks: "Again the big car flies, again bearded people will come, fire-water will drink, me will beat, / to the wife / you will beat, / to the daughter / you..... will be: expedition!"

*****

The Chukchi in a kayak sits, catches fish. Suddenly nearby the boat emerges not nasha
podvodnaya. Chukchi podumal
-However, spy!
postuchal in the boat. A certain person looked out of the hatch. Chukcha:
-However, du yu Speke English?
- Yes, of course!
chukcha, grustno:
- And figs I pound?

*****

The Chukchi sits and prigovarivayet:
-Was tired today the Chukchi, oh, was tired!
EGO sprashivayut:
-Why was tired?
- However, thought today. Very much ustal.
- And why was very tired?
- However, today the whole three times thought.

*****

The Chukchi on the river sits fish catches, and suddenly caught gold rybku.
ryba: "Release me, the Chukchi, I will grant any your 3 desires"
chukcha: "Any-any???? "
RYBA: "Yes, any. Only release"
chukcha: "And you can make, so that here now mammoths ran??? "
RYBA: "E, piece of cake!!! "
zemlya shivers, trees break - MAMMOTHS RUN...
mamonty ran, all uspokoilos.
chukcha: "Now that's something like it, never such saw!!! And still so you can??? "
zemlya shivers, trees break - RUN MAMOHTY.
MAMONTY ran, all uspokoilos.
chukcha: "YES!!! It something! "
RYBA: "Well give quicker, the third desire, the last! "
chukcha: "And, the DEVIL WITH THESE MAMMOTHS!. LET AGAIN RUN..."

*****

The Chukchi on the most northeast beregu
neobyatnoy Russia sits and the submarine with the American identification marks,
S it sprashivayut:
-catches rybu.
vsplyvayet Do you speak englich, sir? Chukchi grustno:
-Uyes, I do … But for whom it is necessary in this fucking country?.

*****

The Chukchi sits, reads Hegel. Resorts to it sosed.
-yours of a deer in an ice-hole fell!
chukcha thoughtfully looks at the neighbor and continues to read. through
neskolko minutes - again sosed.
-your another of a deer in an ice-hole fell!
chukcha looks at the neighbor even more thoughtfully and again goes deep v
gegelya. In a few minutes - again sosed.
-your all of a deer in an ice-hole fell!
- However, tendency...