Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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After war Stierlitz returned to Moscow. But also here it did not leave old habits: aimlessly drove about in the car, hazhivat in small restaurants, made the file on heads of party.

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After gray everyday life, gray M?ller and the gray Berlin sky, Stierlitz wanted only one: red wine and woman red.

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The last. From a window a barrel. Stierlitz approached a window. The barrel did not disappear.

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Foully toilet boards crackled... Still Stierlitz was never so close to a failure.

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Foresight often helped Stierlitz. Once M?ller decided suit it a road accident. M?ller's car was faulty, and he carried it to service. Masters demanded for repair 350 marok.
-Da Stierlitz for all the life on does not nashpionit so many, - M?ller solved and refused the invention. M?ller did not know that in service Stierlitz's people worked.

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At a search at Stierlitz found three PPSh machine guns, a box of cartridges to them, a radio transmitter, a barrel of moonshine and the radio operator Cat... On a question where it took all this. Stierlitz unperturbably otvetil:
-Found on the street!

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- Admit frankly, Stierlitz, you probably would not refuse to sit on the bank of Volga with a rod somewhere? - from the hitritsy asked Myuller
-I cannot now to Russia, gruppenfyurer-Stierlitz sadly answered - at me party dues for some years are not paid.

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- Sit down, Stierlitz, no sense in standing when you can sit, - told Myuller.
-In an ass too, - Stierlitz answered.

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Stierlitz to M?ller comes and speaks:
-Know, the gruppenfyurer, has to admit to you. I am not Stierlitz. Me zovut
maksim Maksimovich of Isayev.
-still was lucky you, buddy. Vaughan Zhirinovsky, appears, voobshche
eydelstein.

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Having woken up after a rough party, Stierlitz remembered that told to M?ller a lot of the superfluous yesterday. Having decided everything to find out, it came to M?ller and sprosil:
-M?ller, admit, you guessed, what I am the Soviet agent?

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Having woken up in the morning on Saturday, Stierlitz podumal:
-As well yesterday with M?ller and Aysman in department sat. It seems i
vypili there is a lot of, and the head does not hurt moreover Saturday i
voskresenye ahead at all! For kadrom:
-He also did not suspect Kopelyan's
golos that Tuesday...

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Having woken up, Stierlitz remembered that yesterday on reception at M?ller he told the superfluous. Having decided to find out everything at once, it entered an office and sprosil:
-M?ller, you guessed, what I am the Russian agent?
- Is not present, - Myuller.
-Well admitted, thank God, - Stierlitz told and with quiet soul went home.

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Professor Pleyshner as always was absent-minded today and admired beauty of Switzerland. But flowers at a window too were beautiful, multi-colored. He could not but simply notice them and in time dumped from the failed appearance.

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Passing along a corridor, Stierlitz pushed a door kabineta
bormana. The door did not open. Stierlitz pushed more strongly. Door ne
otkrylas. Then Stierlitz ran up and Kopellana off-screen struck a door plechom.
dver not otkryvalas.
golos: "On itself, the blockhead! A door - on itself!"

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Passing along long corridors of a reykhskantselyariya, Stierlitz usually sang the song "The Country My Native Is Wide". Till 1943 Germans suffered it.

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Passing by a winter forest Stierlitz saw people with moving by means of wooden runners and sticks. "Skiers"... - Stierlitz guessed and himself praised: "Let's go Stierlitz, let's go son of a bitch..."

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Passing by movie theater, Stierlitz saw the poster of the new movie "End of the Resident" .
opyat a sensuality - the scout thought.

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Passing along a corridor, Stierlitz pushed a door of an office of Borman. The door did not open. Stierlitz pushed silnee.
dver did not open. Then Stierlitz ran up and struck at a door with a shoulder. The door does not open. Kopelyan's off-screen voice: "On itself, the blockhead! The door opens on itself!"

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Passing on Tsvetochnaya Street, Stierlitz saw sixty two irons placed in chessboard order. He understood at once that the secret address of the Soviet scout is failed.

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Directly in eyes to Stierlitz struck a bright beam fonarika.
-Watch, - Stierlitz thought.

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The bullet got to Stierlitz to the head. "Explosive", - having thought over, Stierlitz guessed.

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The radio operator Cat speaks to Stierlitz languid coquettish golosom:
-Stierlitz, come to me tonight: at me will be at home nobody...
"is strange, - Stierlitz thought, - if is at home nobody, - why then to come?"

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The radio operator Cat gave birth to the color child. Such the third Reich did not see yet. "It is sheer failure", - Stierlitz thought.

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The radio operator Cat got into the car and gave to gas. She did not know that Gas works on Abver.

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The new collection of jokes about Stierlitz is pleasing to the eye: the same jokes, but letters - MULTI-COLOURED!

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Once a year, in one of April nights Stierlitz secretly made the way on one of remote small streets of Berlin and went on it with a small log on a shoulder backwards-forward. On another community work days could not be held because of conspiracy reasons.

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The shot was distributed. On whistle of a wind in the head, Stierlitz understood that wound through.

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Broke up..., - Stierlitz thought, raising from the sidewalk a skull of professor Pleyshner.

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Reykhskantselyariya. There is a meeting of fascist bonzes. There is Stierlitz. While the audience was inclined over the card shown by a pas a table, Stierlitz quietly blew the nose in a curtain. Kopelyan's off-screen voice: "Stierlitz, of course, knew that so it is not accepted to do and therefore it is very dangerous. But he wanted very much there was a wish here, in the most fascist den though minute to stay by itself".

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Since Stierlitz by means of firm MMM made the voucher gold, pockets literally burned.

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Stierlitz was the very first new Russian: lived in a mansion, went na
mersedese and "protected" Pastor Shlaga.

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Appointment took place in cafe. On the contrary, through five little tables from Stierlitz,
sidela his wife and silently looked at the husband sad, languid eyes...
shtirlits whipped vodka a glass behind a glass, language pulled to the spouse faces,
pokazyval and playfully pinched waitresses. For so many years joint zhizni
on for the first time could get rid and feel by itself.

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Stierlitz sits in front of the computer, reads e-mail. M?ller comes, looked at the monitor screen: "encryption!" - M?ller Thought. "KOI-8", - in turn thought Stierlitz

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- Tell, in this house there lives Stierlitz?
- Yes, on the third floor. Its surname Bolzen.

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How many will be twice two? - M?ller asked. Stierlitz reflected. He, of course, knew, how many will be twice two, to him about it reported from the center recently, but he did not know, whether knows it M?ller. And if knows who told it. There can be Kaltebruner? Then negotiations with Dulles came to a standstill.

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- Too stryomno and palevno, - Stierlitz before zabrosky to the back of the enemy thought and since then always thought only in German.

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- Listen, Lavrenty! At tebya det are?
-Est.
-A at Shtyrlitsa - Nat! Nekhorosho!. It is necessary to make!

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- Hear, Kolyan, guess, about whom a riddle: One dude, Russian, a
po-German spurs as in the native language. Worked in Germany, and for eto
poluchal awards and ranks from Soviet pravitelstva.
vyderzhan, it is sports. The hut in the country, and for w

*****

Snow melted long ago. Stierlitz clearly heard a tree scratch about asphalt. Pastor Shlag on skis came back from Switzerland.