Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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Shtilrits how many will be twice two? - suddenly M?ller asked...
tekst of a kopelyan off-screen: Stierlitz reflected, he of course knew that twice two four, whether but he did not know Schellenberg knows about it...

*****

Stierlitz entered M?ller's office and saw it bezdykhanno
lezhashchim on polu.
-Poisoned, the poor creature, - he thought, lovingly stroking zasevshiy
v M?ller an axe.

*****

Stierlitz was included into restaurant and tried to take off a single-breasted coat. Frau
kitel did not act.

*****

Stierlitz shot at the blind. Blind fell as podkoshennaya.
podkoshennuyu Stierlitz shot the day before.

*****

Stierlitz came to light. The Ruzha was the secret agent polskoy
infanty.

*****

Stierlitz and M?ller walked across Berlin and saw zhenshchin.
"we Will remove?" - Stierlitz offered. "What for? - M?ller answered. -
pust hang".

*****

Stierlitz did not appear week at work. Sent on poiski
gestapovtsy found him at dacha who got drunk to loss of consciousness and lying-
shchego on a floor among bottles from under vodka. Nearby rolled shifrovka:
"the Task is performed successfully, it is possible to relax."

*****

Stierlitz approached to the door and quietly opened it. Svet
zazhegsya. It closed a door - light potukh.
shtirlits again opened a door - light was again switched on. Closed dver
-light potukh.
shtirlits the third time opened a door - light was switched on. Closed a door -
svet potukh.
- The Refrigerator! - Stierlitz guessed.

*****

- Stierlitz, you incidentally do not know the Soviet actor Tikhonov? - unexpectedly asked Myuller.
-Of course is not present, - Stierlitz did not become puzzled, but about himself thought that today was, more than ever, close to a failure.

*****

Stierlitz pushed a door. The door did not open. Stierlitz tolknul
silnee. The door did not even stir. Stierlitz kicked. With tem
zhe success. Stierlitz ran up and rushed on a door everything telom.
dver did not give in. "Is closed", - Stierlitz guessed.

*****

Stierlitz fell from the fourteenth floor. So widely raskidyvat
mozgami it was not necessary to it yet.

*****

Stierlitz went along a corridor. By there passed Cat. Two gestapovtsev
nIf behind it a suitcase. "In holiday", - Stierlitz guessed.

*****

Stierlitz went across Berlin and Stierlitz - the fool" saw on a wall an inscription ".
tolko he one understood that to it the rank of the Hero of the Soviet Union is given.

*****

Stierlitz went on the wood and ran on a bough. Boughs ran up with squeal. Squeal ran the first.

*****

Stierlitz went down the street and raised eyes. It were blue eyes of the pastor Shlaga.

*****

Stierlitz shyal on Red Square also saw hundred utyugov.
"Irons", - Stierlitz thought. "Weak zakos under a bundes," -
podumali irons.

*****

Stierlitz ran on Gestapo, in a budenovka, singing the anthem of the Soviet Union. This day it was very close to a failure.

*****

Stierlitz ran jumps. On the fringe of the forest musclemen lagged behind.

*****

Stierlitz idled. Chips were dirty and soiled his hands.

*****

Stierlitz was sure of the aim. Navernyak was protected as could, and Could the strong guy.

*****

Stierlitz beat backhand. Otmash beat off as could. And the healthy man Could.

*****

Stierlitz vigorously left restaurant, loudly rattling with cuff links about asphalt.

*****

Stierlitz, Borman and Hitler play in preferans.
shtirlits: "Stalingrad".
gitler: "How, again?!"

*****

Stierlitz struggled with melancholy. Melancholy knew more receptions, but Stierlitz was more hardy.

*****

Stierlitz walked in the woods waiting for communication. Because of a bush there was Cat, and communication took place.

*****

Stierlitz threw the gun into a pocket. A pocket evaded.

*****

- Stierlitz where we could meet earlier?
- Can be in Spain in the 36th?
- Is not present, Stierlitz, ranshe.
-Can be in China in the twentieth?
- Is not present, Stierlitz, still ranshe.
-Not znayu.
-Well you, Petka!
-Vasily Ivanovich!?

*****

Stierlitz cooked crayfish. Crayfish reddened. "Ours!" - Stierlitz was glad.

*****

Stierlitz and Vasily Ivanovich drive the car. Suddenly they are overtaken by the Gestapo car and pulls up. Gestapo men jump out, pull out Stierlitz from the car and start beating. Then lit a small lamp: "E, it not that!" The chief gave a boot to Stierlitz on the person, and they left. Stierlitz rose, took the wheel. Asks Ivanovicha:
-Vasily Number remembered? What
-Zapomnil.
-?
-Forty third.

*****

Stierlitz and Vasily Ivanovich were taken prisoner to Germans. They were thrown into a chamber. At first came for Chapayev and demanded to reveal military secret. Beat, beat, but he was silent. Then it was dragged back in a chamber. Stierlitz saw it and was terrified. And Vasily Ivanovich speaks:
-I asked: let's write down! And you - we will remember all the, we will remember.

*****

- Stierlitz how your real name?
shtirlits understood what to get out bespolezno.
-Tikhonov, - Stierlitz answered and right there the passer question :
- And yours set?
-Bronevoy.
-Here you, M?ller, also got!

*****

- Stierlitz! Why by your car a St.George's Ribbon?
- It in honor of our victory, a gruppenfyurer!
- is strange, - M?ller, - till May 9 still far thought.

*****

Stierlitz returned to the country house, locked doors, curtained off windows, got the USSR card from a hiding place, deployed it on a table and bent... Again uncontrollably tore Stierlitz home...

*****

- Stierlitz, I want you to surprise, - told Myuller.
-I all in vnimanii.
-to Cat, it appears, Russian pianistka.
-Really the Jew? - Stierlitz was surprised.

*****

- Stierlitz, you already saw my new chamber of tortures?
- Is not present, mister gruppenfyurer.
-Here it, - M?ller took out a bicycle chamber from the safe, - we insert it interrogated in a bum and we pump up...
- Well and how, many break up? - S

*****

... Stierlitz as driven faced an entrance to the favourite vegetable marrow "Elephant". The inscription hanging on institution doors said - "NOT FOR COLOR"...

*****

Stierlitz began to enjoy and more did not come back any more.

*****

Stierlitz entered M?ller's office and saw it lifelessly lying on polu.
"Poisoned, the poor creature", - Stierlitz thought, stroking the handle of the axe which is sticking out of M?ller's back.

*****

Stierlitz entered an office to M?ller. Was nobody. Stierlitz approached the safe and pulled at the handle. The safe did not open. Ubeduvshis that it one, Stierlitz got the gun and several times shot at the lock. Then pulled at the handle - the safe did not open. Then he got the grenade and put it under the safe. It was distributed vzryv; when the smoke dissipated Stierlitz again approached the safe and pulled at the handle. The safe not otkryvalsya.
"Da- And, is closed," - Stierlitz thought.