Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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Stierlitz very much loved a cold weapon. It was irreplaceable means for applying to the head, after wild nazi popek.

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Stierlitz loved a cold weapon. It was irreplaceable means for applying to the head after a booze.

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Stierlitz liked to listen to chamber music. But music did not get into a chamber.

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Stierlitz during an instant jumped out in a window. "MIG" roared and disappeared in clouds.

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- Stierlitz, whether I can rely on you, - asked KET.
-Eshchyo as! - Stierlitz exclaimed, throwing back a blanket.

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- Stierlitz, in my opinion we should come into this podjezd.
-By no means, M?ller. Us can pobit.
-Nonsenses here. At you persuasive ideya.
oni entered an entrance and in a minute on were strongly izbitye.
-As you managed to expect it, Stierlitz? G

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Stierlitz, in my opinion we should come into this podjezd.
-By no means, M?ller. Us can pobit.
-Nonsenses here. You have an obsession. They entered an entrance and in a minute on were strongly izbitye.
-As you managed to expect it, Stierlitz?
- is simple I yesterday here already came.

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Stierlitz and M?ller walked across Berlin and saw zhenshchin.
"we Will remove?" - offered Shtirlits.
"What for? - M?ller answered. - Let hang".

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- Stierlitz, and that it at you...
-M?ller, one more joke about coloring and you will have the real shiner under an eye!

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Stierlitz and M?ller shot in turn. The turn considerably thinned.

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Stierlitz, M?ller, Schellenberg and Holtoff played cards. In that vecher
shtirlits it was lost. But Stierlitz was able to do a good mine at bad igre.
posle how Stierlitz left the company, the mine worked...

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Stierlitz with M?ller go on ulitse.
m: - To us in this pereulok.
sh: - He it is necessary to go there, us pobyyut.
m there: - Stierlitz, at you predrassudki.
poshli. Come back - a live place net.
m: - Stierlitz, you have the gift of anticipation!
Sh: - Yes I there was yesterday …

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Stierlitz with M?ller liked to play for hours and hours in billiards. Hours from it often broke

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Stierlitz with M?ller leave from restorana.
shtirlits:
-Listen late at night, M?ller, let's remove girls?
MYULLER:
-heart, Soft at you, Stierlitz. Let till the morning will hang for a while.

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Stierlitz with M?ller send on the wood and saw two zhenshchin.
we "Will remove", - offered Shtirlits
"Yes, well them, let hang" - M?ller answered.

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Stierlitz put on a hat aslant. Aslant left home without hat.

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Stierlitz gave to drink a dog gasoline. The dog passed ten meters and upala.
"Gasoline came to an end" - Stierlitz guessed.

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Stierlitz naslyunyavit a pencil and removed on bumage:
-Hi, Oksana!
"Is not present, - the scout, - not so thought". It right there crumpled a piece of paper and sjel.
-Hi, Yulya!
"Again not that", - Stierlitz thought, eating the second bumazhku.
-Hi, Ira!
"the Devil, absolutely struck memory - as it called? - Stierlitz ate also this piece of paper - Well, at least, now I am full". You know
-, - Stierlitz coherent told, - we will not risk. Peredayte
moyey to the wife all in words. Tell supposedly I love it, I wait-nedozhdus
vstrechi with it, well, and so on...

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Stierlitz insisted on the - it turned out bitter and is smelly, but it was possible to drink.

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Stierlitz did not appear week at work. The Gestapo men sent to searches found him at dacha who got drunk to loss of consciousness and lying on a floor among bottles from under vodka. Nearby the encryption rolled: "The task is performed successfully, it is possible to relax."

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Stierlitz, at some o'clock, for the first time in life fell into a stupor, having seen in the completed questionnaire a question: "the resident - the nonresident"... Yes do not endure
- You so, Stierlitz! - M?ller calmed him. - It for
nalogovoy....

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Stierlitz liked to snore at night. But did not like to Snore Stierlitz.

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Stierlitz poured over a cat gasoline and set fire. A cat probezhala
desyat meters and upala.
"Gasoline came to an end," - Stierlitz guessed.

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- Stierlitz how you explain what we found fingerprints on Cat Vasha's bum?
-M?ller and as you explain how you found them?

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Stierlitz explained to the color-blind person Pleyshner color of "a danger pot" in a window of the second floor on Tsvetochnaya Street...

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Stierlitz regained self-control and soon with calm fell asleep.

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Stierlitz looked back on the parties and furtively pokovyryal in a nose. Ukradka burst and broke.

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Stierlitz, having a rest in sanatorium of KGB, met in M?ller's dining room. "How, partaygenossa, and you too?" - the Soviet scout with astonishment exclaimed. "Well, Stierlitz, - M?ller grinned - me here according to the permit from Wehrmacht directed".

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Stierlitz opened a door. The light was turned on. Stierlitz closed a door - light went out. Again opened - light vklyuchilsya.
- The Refrigerator thought Stierlitz.

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Stierlitz opened a door and Holtoffa in a bullet-proof vest and kacke.
Ha saw an amazed look of Stierlitz Holtoff otvetil:
-"Here, decided to drink at you cognac."

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Stierlitz opened the safe and pulled out M?ller's note. M?ller loudly shouted and resisted.

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Stierlitz went on a reykhskantselyariya with a rasstegnuty fly of which red pants leaned out. And nobody guessed that so he notes The First of May.

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- Stierlitz, what do you think of women?
-Ya I do not treat them, - the Soviet scout modestly answered.

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Stierlitz sent the report to the center in clear. In five minutes to it rushed esesovtsy.
-Since April first, - Stierlitz explained. SS-men knowingly began to smile. At this time in the Center laughed loudly to exhaustion.

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Stierlitz lagged behind life. Life at last sighed freely.

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Stierlitz regained consciousness in the room with a barred window. The head hooted, it was necessary to gather with myslyami.
-So... That was yesterday - I do not remember. Probably - beat on the head. Means if enter in the Soviet form - it is necessary to ask at once to Stalin. If in the Gestapo - at once to Borman and to declare that all remembered...
dver opened and the minister kultury.
-Yes entered … You touched yesterday, companion Tikhonov …

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Stierlitz regained consciousness early in the morning under a fence someone's zagorodny villy.
ego felt sick, the female bra was clamped in the left hand, the note scrap stuck out of the right -: "I allow to relax. Center"

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Stierlitz regained consciousness in a prison cell. He did not remember, what is the date today, and as it got here. The scout started thinking: "Where I? If I at Russians, then I am a colonel Isaev … And if I at fascists, I am a standartenfuehrer Stierlitz". Comes into a chamber militsioner:
-Well and you got drunk yesterday, companion Tikhonov!

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Stierlitz fell from a tree, but by miracle was hooked for cyk.
K to a weekend the miracle strongly swelled.