Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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The Soviet planes bombed Berlin. Bombed ruthlessly, but it is careful: each pilot understood - there Stierlitz.

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The Soviet soldiers in the 1945th caught in Berlin Shtirlitsa.
-Aha, got, an esesovsky muzzle!
- Yes you that, I am colonel Isaev!
- to be silent, the bitch German!
-Ya Russian scout. A machine gun butt on yaytsam.
-Bl and you che okhuyet
poluchayet!!!!
- Sorry, did not recognize, companion colonel.

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Stalin asks Zhukov: - And in what rank of Stierlitz at us? - Shturmbanfyurer, companion Stalin. - We think, it should be raised. - Well, companion Stalin, we will make a gruppenfyurer.

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Strange... It seems both the camouflage, and a raincoat camouflage, and even a muzzle is smeared with soot, and all the same all notice me... Stierlitz thought, walking on streets of Berlin.

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The plate on an entrance door of Shtirlitsa:
"the Entrance for Holtoff - only with the bottle!"

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Now, with a release of the color version of the movie "17 moments of spring", Stierlitz could find the house even more simply... On a red flag on a roof.

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Only having broken the fourteenth bottle about Holtoff's head, all this time sipping schnapps and nothing noticing Stierlitz understood that Holtoff under a cap at M?ller.

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Thirty nine irons stood on a window sill. "The appearance is failed", - Stierlitz understood. Three irons are not enough.

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Touch, - Stierlitz told the driver. The driver touched and Stierlitz went.

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At the house Stierlitz saw homeless sobaku.
-Durashk, - called her Shtirlits.
-you are a durashka. I from the center, - answered a dog.

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Stierlitz had one carefully kept dark appearance, but Borman found it and smoked.

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At Stierlitz the car broke. It left and Stierlitz began to dig in motore.
", you are the Russian scout," - M?ller passing by told. - "The German would give the car to car service".

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Having seen the officers shooting alternately, Stierlitz rasstroilsja.
wed Peremeshka was his agent.

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Having learned that Stierlitz was close to a failure, the Failure tied Gestapo.

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Having heard ominous hissing, Stierlitz let out all holder on a sound and thought: "The poor pastor, he did not learn to whistle".

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In the morning, as always, Stierlitz bent the. The, as always, did not bend! "Better you would not bend" in the evening, - Stierlitz thought, submitting the rebellious...

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The teacher meets children who get up and call the familii.
-Ivanov.
-Sidorov.
-Stierlitz!!!
uchitelnitsa:
-It still that such? Leave a class! Tomorrow you will come with the father! The teacher explains with
nazavtra all to the father who otvechayet:
-Understand, of Sam hesitates - Borman his surname.

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The teacher at the beginning of academic year meets pupils. asks
odnogo from nikh:
- And what is your surname, the boy?
-Shtirlits.
-You that, laugh over me? That tomorrow brought parents!
Ha comes the next day the boy's father. Teacher negoduyet:
-That this such? I ask your son as his surname, and he answers: "Stierlitz" .
otets, skonfuzhenno:
-Hesitates it. Bormana we.

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On February 23 Stierlitz put on the old, favourite budenovka, vzyal
v hands a red banner and, singing revolutionary songs, went k
reykhskantselyarii. In it day it was very close to a failure.

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Heil Hitler! - Stierlitz told, entering an office to Myulleru.
"Stierlitz, - M?ller with irritation answered, - if you do not throw eti
kinchevskiye a manner, I will write to "The Soviet culture"."

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What it you so turned pink, Stierlitz? M?ller asked. "In the resort had a rest? "
" Aga, in the resort, stsuko, on the alpine skiing!" Stierlitz thought. "With Pleyshner in the Alps rode..."

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Walking on the avenue, Stierlitz saw huge luzhu.
"And, on a horse-radish!", - he thought and safely shagshnut. The pool appeared completely.

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Switzerland, Bern. Stierlitz and the pastor Shlag sit in restorane.
pastor, having noticed that Stierlitz eats with hands, does the remark: "Gos-
podin Shtirlits, sausage should be taken a fork" .
golos off-screen: "Stierlitz, of course, knew that sausage nado
brat a fork, but he so wanted though a moment to stay samim
soboy".

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Schellenberg calls Stierlitz and asks:
-Stierlitz how you think, to May prazd-
nik war will be stretched? Till May holidays it will be stretched, even do
dnya Victories.

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Schellenberg gave to Stierlitz nawodku.
"A little, but in currency", - Stierlitz thought hiding in a reykhsmarka pocket.

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Schellenberg knew: Stierlitz - the agent of the Soviet investigation, but it hesitated with arrest as it grieved it to lose such executive and sensible employee.

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Schellenberg talked to M?ller. Stierlitz approached and stopped ryadom.
"That it he costs here?" - Shellenberg.
"And after all with irritation thought long ago," - Stierlitz thought.

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Stierlitz had dinner in the officer dining room. Suddenly one drunk officer cried: "I would hang all these Russians on roadside columns!" Vce significantly looked at Stierlitz...

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Stierlitz tells Rolf about What Myullepe:
-it bald? It at it such wide hair parting.

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Stierlitz, Borman and Hitler plays in ppef.
shtiplits:
-Stalingrad!
GITLEP:
-of Sho? Again?

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Stierlitz, having returned from holiday, All time complains to the Gestapo man of Rolfu:
-poured a rain …
-I nevertheless you perfectly sunbathed, Stierlitz!
- It not suntan, is a rust, Rolf …

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Stierlitz jumped in the car and shouted to M?ller: "Drive! "
chepez in salon began to smell some seconds fresh ;) moonshine.

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Stierlitz fed the German children furtively. From ukradki children swelled idokhl.

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Stierlitz dug in papers in M?ller's office. Suddenly M?ller ran in snatched out at Stierlitz some paper and vybezhal.
"Uf, carried by," - Shtiplits.
"You so would think carried by!" - M?ller thought.

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Stierlitz approached Aleksandrplatts and not to attract vnimaniya, crossed ee on-plastunski.

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Stierlitz came to restaurant to have dinner. Brought it the order. Chepez
neskolko minutes he calls up kelnera and shouts on nego:
-Kelner if it is a beefsteak, I am an idiot!
- Is a beefsteak, mister Stierlitz, - the waiter answered and, having a little thought, added: - It is the real beefsteak!

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Stierlitz thought. It was pleasant to it and he decided to think still time.

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Stierlitz was above the map of the world - it uncontrollably tore home.

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Stierlitz went on Krasnaya Square and saw hundred irons. "Irons", -
podumal Stierlitz. "Weak zakos under a bundes," - irons thought.