Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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Stierlitz arrived to Gestapo tipsy and put cheerfully under windows of an office of M?ller.

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Stierlitz arrived to Lausanne and got lost. Suddenly the person dropped out of a window of the third floor. Having peered into Pleyshner's corpse, Stierlitz understood that is on the flower street.

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Stierlitz bit a tip of "language". Only after that "language" laid out everything that knew.

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Stierlitz came to a meeting with coherent to the familiar bar and ordered 100 grams of vodka. - Vodka at us came to an end two days ago, - the bartender apologized. - Well, then 100 grams konyachka. - Konyachok at us came to an end yesterday, - the bartender disappointedly told. - Well, and beer is? - Stierlitz asked. - Alas, ended this morning, - the bartender told. "Means, coherent already here", - Stierlitz understood...

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Stierlitz came to a conclusion. But the Conclusion did not appear at home.

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Stierlitz came home, deafly closed all windows and doors, lowered svetomaskirovochny curtains, kindled a fireplace and started up water in a bathroom. Only after that it unlocked the safe, got a bottle of vodka and a plate of salad from there. He drank a bottle directly from a throat - the screw, and then thought a little and silently fell face down in salad. Kopelyan's voice for kadrom:
-Only once in a year, - on February 23 the colonel of investigation Maxim Maksimovich Isaev dared to remember that he is an officer of the Soviet Army …

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Stierlitz came home and flooded a fireplace. Began to smell zharenym.
- The Ambush, - Stierlitz thought.

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Stierlitz failed by nonsense. Then on a belt...

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Stierlitz saw Cat to an entrance. Cat saida:
-Let's meet tomorrow, at maternity hospital...
shtirlits raised eyes and was issued in a window - the freak really was at home.

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Stierlitz woke up around seven. "The good girl", - Stierlitz when to Seven left thought.

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Stierlitz woke up. Without opening eyes, he felt someone's prisutstviye.
-It is dry trees, - Shtirlits.
-Yes, it I thought, - the Dry trees thought.

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Stierlitz woke up and understood - to a victory there were 9 days, 4 hours, 45 minutes and 12 seconds.

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Stierlitz woke up in prison kamere.
on did not remember at all how here got, what is the date today and what power in the city. After long reflections he at last decided that if the Gestapo man will enter, it will be necessary to tell: "Heil Hitler, I is a standartenfuehrer the CC background Stierlitz" and if the Soviet soldier enters - it to be presented: "I am a colonel Isaev". The militiaman and speaks:
"Well enters this moment and you got drunk yesterday, companion Tikhonov".

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Stierlitz, passing on the lane noticed how the painter painted over abusive words on zabore.
-"Moderator" - Stierlitz thought.

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Stierlitz undressed and entered a bathtub. Ah, Anna told, and clasped it feet...

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Stierlitz placed the announcement in Berner Zeitung and Berner Rundshchau newspapers: "On Tsvetochnaya Street the Slavic case together with the apartment" .
golos Kopelyana for kadrom:
-Still urgently is on sale Stierlitz was never so close to career of the realtor.

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- Stierlitz! We opened you! You are the Russian spy!
And so it that! And I think - for what at me in a case a handheld transceiver, - right there was Stierlitz.

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Stierlitz told M?ller an obscene joke. M?ller's face reddened. "Perekrask", - Stierlitz guessed.

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Stierlitz told a trite joke and vognal
myullera in kpacky.
"Look, what sensitive", - podumal
shtirlits and closed a barrel.

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- Stierlitz to tell you a new joke about Stalin? - asked Myuller.
-But it is not dangerous? - Stierlitz asked and thought, whether he told that superfluous.

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Stierlitz decided to note on February 23. He got drunk in an insole, laid down the person in salad and fell asleep. Just now he felt the real Soviet officer.

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Stierlitz curtailed into the lane. Suddenly someone knocked him on the head something heavy. Having regained consciousness in half an hour, he carefully surveyed all nearby houses, but anything suspicious did not find. It "seemed", - Stierlitz thought.

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Stierlitz sat down on karachka. "Karachka" were filled up and went.

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Stierlitz got into the car and told KET:
-Touch!
KET touched and saida:
-Wow!

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Stierlitz sat down in bow-legs. The bow-legs were brought and went.

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Stierlitz sat down in a taxi and told the driver: "Touch!". The driver touched and told: "Wow!"

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Stierlitz sat in a chamber of Gestapo and painfully thought. The pianist Cat,
prikovannaya to a piano, pined in torture chambers, all coherent tied,
dobrodushny Pleyshner carelessly failed all appearances, Shlag washed hard cash v
shveytsarii... Having sighed, Stierlitz got "hundred part" and spoke: - Hallo, Eustace? U
menya problems with a suitcase. Organize to me two witnesses GAI officers. Plachu
reykhsmarkami!

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Stierlitz sat in cafe and saw "Ninzya" which flew in a window black figuru.
, - Shtirlits.
"you ninzya thought," - Dato Tutashkhiya thought.

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Stierlitz sat on the line of high-voltage transfers and pretended that reads the newspaper. The hanging-down parachute slings, neither the PPSh machine gun, nor the pineapple grenade on a belt did not give out in it the Soviet scout.

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Stierlitz sat in crowded cafe. Suddenly some drunk SS-man zakrichal:
-Russians - swine!
Bce with reproach was looked at this officer and podumali:
-As he could tell such at Stierlitz?

*****

Stierlitz sat on a magnetic drum and melancholically chewed a punched tape. "25 more meters remained..." - Stierlitz mechanically noted. It was tasteless and inconvenient to chew a punched tape, but Stierlitz had no other way to destroy the received information.

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Stierlitz sat in the car. And at this time in the bunker deeply underground Hitler delayed the end.

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Stierlitz sat at an open window and wrote otchet.
vozle it importunately the fly, Shtirlits
makhnul a hand buzzed, the fly took off for a window. "Sovsem
kak Pleyshner", - Stierlitz thought.

*****

Stierlitz sat at magnificent Berlin restaurant from blond Frau and drank twenty-year French cognac. Whether around fussed with trays about ten ofitsiantov.
golos for kadrom:
- The Only thought of Stierlitz at this moment there was "Everything I made for
lyubimoy the Homeland? Whether enough selflessly I fight with fashistskoy
gadinoy?."

*****

Stierlitz sat at a little table of restaurant. And Pastor Shlag reflected that gives out in the standartenfuehrer of the spy of amusing orientation: whether suntan after obviously regular visit of a sunbed, whether the made-up eyelashes, whether fashionable brown shadows?.

*****

Stierlitz sat, having buried a face in a plate with salad. On a table empty bottles rolled. In a corner on a sofa lay Siberian salmons. This day - on February 23 - he dared to be the real Soviet officer.

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- Stierlitz, tell, please...
- Please … - willingly responded Stierlitz, he was very polite scout.

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- Stierlitz, - M?ller told, - I have to you a party task...
-Ya non-party, - interrupted it with Shtirlits.
-Strange: in your file it is told that you the member of Natsional-sotsialisticheskoy
partii.
- And, you about this, - Stierlitz guessed.

*****

- Stierlitz, - M?ller, - You, hour, not the Jew told?
- Well and! Mother Russian, the father Russian, and I for some reason the Jew, - obidelsya
shtirlits also thought: Whether "I said too much that?"