Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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Myuller:
-As you think, Stierlitz, war to the May will last?
shtirlits:
-To May - for certain. I think, even to the Victory Day!

*****

M?ller went in a limousine with a speed of 60 km/h and read classified documents of Gestapo. Behind glass of a limousine Stierlitz with the camera ran and pretended that walks.

*****

M?ller went at a wheel of the limousine and saw on a roadside of the voting Stierlitz. After a while M?ller again saw the voting Stierlitz, then once again …
"Scoffs", - Shtirlits.
"Ring" thought, - M?ller thought.

*****

M?ller comes into an office of Shellenbergu:
- And you know, what your Stierlitz is once again awarded ordenom
"the Battle Red Flag"? I Know
-, konechno.
-So why will not arrest?
-A for what? It was honestly exposed.

*****

M?ller knew that Russians after will stir sugar in a cup with coffee or tea leave a spoon in a cup, and he decided to track Shtirlits in cafe. Stierlitz prevented sugar, pulled out a spoon and put it on a saucer, and put out the tongue at M?ller.

*****

M?ller knew that Russians, having stirred sugar, leave a spoon in a glass. Trying to expose Stierlitz, M?ller watched it in cafe. Stierlitz took a glass with tea, stirred sugar, took out a spoon, put it on a saucer and put out the tongue at M?ller.

*****

- M?ller - the cool man!
Not, Stierlitz more abruptly, - the little mouse von Schwarzloch, the tenth time told, sliding from the sleeping scout.

*****

- M?ller, you to me promised to get to me GU radio tube - 5C for mine peredatchika.
-Well you know Stierlitz, for me not zarzhaveet.
-Armored, - Stierlitz Thought.

*****

M?ller stops in a corridor of Shtirlitsa:
-Buddy Stierlitz, we have after all a solid office and in places obshchego
polzovaniya there is a toilet paper. If you do not stop dragging v
tualet the Izvestiya newspaper, I will be compelled to report on the channels v
tsentr that their resident wipes up a bum photos of the leader.

*****

M?ller played on Stierlitz a dirty trick. "Perfectly, - the Soviet scout exclaimed, - now all winter with fat we will be!"

*****

M?ller suspected that Borman - the Russian agent. Addressed to Stierlitz and that said:
-It is necessary to pull a rope before Borman's office when he falters, we learn who on.
tak and made. There is Borman, zapnulsya:
-Oh, blya!
MYULLER:
-Well, blow me down! of
shtirlits:
-is more silent, more silent, companions!

*****

M?ller approached Schellenberg and shouted to it at vsekh:
-That you died, the old gay! Da- And
- … They have too a democracy … - Stierlitz thought.

*****

M?ller somehow called Stierlitz in pivbar in hope to expose it on a mug piva.
odnako Stierlitz began to tell such interesting jokes about the Fuhrer that M?ller listened with delight and is casual заплатил.
Все the brilliant agent this Stierlitz, - M?ller thought, - what pure rabota.
bolshe M?ller did not call Stierlitz to drink beer if sluchaynovstrechat it in a pivbara, pretended that him does not recognize.

*****

M?ller suggested Stierlitz to work on nego.
-But I already work for Schellenberg, - Stierlitz told. - How to be with the service record?
-A if to bring the second? - offered Myuller.
-I Know your features, - Stierlitz disagreed. - You after all will send then the Gestapo man to check, how many at me labor knizhek.
-it is terrible to talk To you, Stierlitz, - M?ller admitted. - You read my mind.

*****

Myuller:
-Priznaytes Stierlitz what Volgi
s a rod did not refuse by
seychas to sit somewhere ashore?
shtirlits:
- I cannot now to Russia, a gruppenfyurer,
U me party dues for many years not of an uplachea!

*****

M?ller carries out a dictation on Russian. For himself decided that If
shtirlits will specially make mistakes - precisely Russian spy means. Read Pushkin's verse. Himmler - 3 mistakes, Borman - 10 mistakes, Stierlitz - is not present oshibok.
"Elementary" Shtirlits
thought "Got to the core" M?ller thought...

*****

M?ller talks to Schellenberg. Nearby costs Shtirlits.
-Again it sticks out here, - with irritation noticed Myuller.
-Long ago? - Stierlitz kept up the conversation.

*****

M?ller opened Stierlitz's appearance, but was hit on a muzzle and did not take others cigarettes any more.

*****

M?ller opened Stierlitz's appearance, but was hit on a muzzle and bolshe
ne took others cigarettes.

*****

M?ller sat in the office and read the newspaper. To it was evident objyavleniye:
"to the Pop group urgently the pianist of" .
"is required the pastor Became impudent", - M?ller thought.

*****

M?ller stays at home. Knock at a door. The man in a hare treukh with a red star and a handheld transceiver for spinoy.
-is on the threshold Camels go east, - told muzhik.
-Camels go to hell, and your colonel Isaev lives in the neighboring house.

*****

M?ller brought together subordinates and vozmushchayetsya:
-you are not Gestapoes, you church choir! Follow an example of Russians. Here at nikh
deystvitelno professionals work. Recently the poor creature of Shtirlits
iz of investigation got to them. You would see as these animals decorated it!

*****

M?ller asks:
-Stierlitz, from you distinctly bears a smoke... you again smoked in a hall of office of the Fuhrer?!
- That you, partaygenossa! I went to Moscow, a family povidat.
recently... Stierlitz answered and thought, - "But whether I said too much that?.".

*****

M?ller asked Stierlitz - whether the truth, what the radio operator Cat gave it evidences?
- Showed, but did not give - Stierlitz chilly answered.

*****

M?ller shot at Schellenberg a sigarette, lit and looked out in okno.
po to the street there was Stierlitz, conducting on a lead tiny, green with orange strips, six-legged sobachonku.
"it is strange, - M?ller thought, - it seemed to me that Schellenberg smokes only Kemel..."

*****

M?ller knocked Cat on the head. From ears, a nose and a mouth bryznula
krov. "Here something not so", - Stierlitz thought.

*****

M?ller went on the wood and "Filin" saw in a hollow two glaza.
, - Myuller.
"thought you are an eagle owl," - Stierlitz thought.

*****

M?ller went on the wood and "Woodpecker" heard stuk.
, - Myuller.
"thought you are a woodpecker," - Stierlitz thought, displacing a handheld transceiver.

*****

M?ller went on a reykhskantselyariya and saw Stierlitz facing a door of Gimmlera.
-"Stierlitz, what you do here?" - "The tram I wait for
-." Having passed a little more, M?ller turned back. Stierlitz was not. "Probably waited," - M?ller solved.

*****

M?ller went down the street. Suddenly to it time fell on the head kirpich.
"Here those," - Myuller.
"Here that two thought," - Stierlitz thought, throwing the second brick.

*****

Myuller:
-Stierlitz, you English spy!
-A facts? - being perplexed, murmured Shtirlits.
-you are FUCK, the British swine! - M?ller took offense.

*****

M?ller and Shtirlits.
-we caught Yesterday the Russian radio operator who exposed herself in time rodov.
-It, what "mummy" in Russian shouted?
- Is not present, it shouted "mutter", but added "eben"!

*****

M?ller: Stierlitz! On Ewa Braun's bum are found otpechatki
vashikh fingers! How you explain it?
shtirlits: Explain at first how you found them there?
myuller: I always regretted, Stierlitz that you work not for me.

*****

Myuller:
-Stierlitz, you why have not a snack? You that, Russian?
- We, Germans, the people economical, - got out Stierlitz.

*****

M?ller and Stierlitz sit in cafe. To Stierlitz bear chay.
If Stierlitz will not take out a spoon from a glass, it is possible to be sure that he is a Russian", - Myuller.
shtirlits accurately thinks stirred tea, took out a spoon from a glass, put it on a saucer and he showed to M?ller yazyk.
zatem began to sip tea, on a habit holding with a thumb a nonexistent spoon...

*****

M?ller and Stierlitz in sportzale.
-it is curious, from where you have a red undershirt?
- to me were presented by her mother by day of Red Army, - Stierlitz answered and thought, whether he blurted out superfluous.

*****

M?ller of Shtirlitsu:
-We in 1941 did not take Moscow because there were frosts -40 gradusov.
a now a heat of +40 degrees and to them all nipochem.
-You see M?ller: everything that 40 degrees - to Russian are good.

*****

M?ller of Shtirlitsu:
-you know, I have Stierlitz for you two news: one - plokhaya
i one - very bad. With what to begin?
- Well, perhaps, about the bad... The Russian radio operator everything told
-!
-A very bad news?
- Told not us, and your wife!

*****

M?ller Shtirlitsu:
- And now, Stierlitz, listen to me, without interrupting!
"Anything, still we will interrupt all of you, reptiles, till May 9!" - Stierlitz thought.