Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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Stierlitz went narrow small streets of Bern. Suddenly behind the bump about asphalt was heard. "Pleyshner", - without looking back, Stierlitz guessed.

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Stierlitz went on streets of Bern. He was met requirements by two shlyukhi.
"Whores"... - Shtirlits.
"Stierlitz" thought... - whores thought.

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Stierlitz went on streets of Bern. At the corner of the street there was a flock giggling, brightly dressed zhenshchin.
"Whores"... - contemptuously Shtirlits.
"Colonel Isaev" thought... - Yours faithfully whores thought.

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Stierlitz met requirements down the street evening New Year's Hanoya.
vdrug of him left drakon.
-Fortunately, - Shtirlits.
-By a dinner thought, - the dragon thought.

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Stierlitz went down the street. Suddenly sees - two plunder the passerby. Stierlitz rushed on revenue... The revenue had to be divided for three.

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Stierlitz went down the street and suddenly, to him in hands rotten egg fell. "MMM!" - Stierlitz thought.

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Stierlitz went down the street and raised eyes. It were blue eyes of the pastor Shlaga.

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Stierlitz went down the street and suddenly saw several men with dark skin, long beards, in turbans. "Pilots", - Stierlitz thought.

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Stierlitz went on Tsvetochnaya Street. Suddenly from the second floor of the house Pleyshner opposite fell out. Stierlitz accelerated the movement. But from the second floor of the following house Pleyshner fell out again. Stierlitz still struck. From a window of the third house Pleyshner again fell out... Stierlitz ran on Tsvetochnaya Street. And Pleyshnera all fell out and fell out.

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Stierlitz was beaten by a fever. The fever served in Gestapo.

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Stierlitz was left to the mercy of fate. An arbitrariness with squeal crept away in bushes.

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Stierlitz was called in the tax inspection of a reykhskantselyariya and sprosili:
-Stierlitz, on what means you built to yourself such magnificent country house?
- Won in the Russian roulette, - Stierlitz newosmutimo.
"After all answered Stierlitz is unperturbable, - the tax inspector sadly thought. -
vozmutim would break up for a long time..."

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Stierlitz was tormented a year by a lock. At last Stierlitz did not sustain and oiled a lock.

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Stierlitz was tormented all night long by hemorrhoids. Being confidential agentom
sd, von Gemorra had bad habit to bring the reports at night.

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Stierlitz was told that at him in Russia the son was born. Skupaya
muzhskaya the tear was rolled out from his eye. Stierlitz was not on Rodine
uzhe seven years.

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To Stierlitz was on everything to spit. And All knew about it.

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To Stierlitz on a village shoulder mukha.
-M?ller's People, - Stierlitz thought.

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To Stierlitz the note "Stierlitz came! You became a grandfather!". "Soon the demobilization" - guessed Stierlitz.

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To Stierlitz the encryption came: "Alex-Eustace. Coherent expects you in the bar "Elephant" today. The password - Eyjafjallaj?kull". Stierlitz understood is a failure.

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Stierlitz was told that at him in Russia the son was born. The avaricious man's tear was rolled out from his eye. Stierlitz was not in the homeland of already 15 years.

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Shchtirlits went to inspect plant of gas masks. Having glanced in kakuyuto a door, he saw the naked woman and the man who is putting on prezervativ.
-Conversion, - Shchtirlits thought.

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It is the end... - fatefully Stierlitz told, taking out a hand from under the KET.
skirt "Kanspiratsya, daragy", - gently whispered to Cat.

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Eustace-Aleksu:
-Pit you will be?

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Eustace Alex: "Urgently stop coloring. Otherwise M?ller will get to the core of me. When I lie, at me ears redden".

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- Little Johnny! Not biting his nails! And in general - get away from the corpse.

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- Vovochka, do not shake on the father: not for this purpose it was hung up!

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The doctor, at me with feet badly!
-C feet well, without feet badly. Following!

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- Hallo, it is fast? The mother-in-law got sick... How - do not treat?! And who treats? Thanks. Hallo, it is a serpentarium?

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Since today jokes reckon with participation of a bear as the political.

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ERROR: During your work in our company there was a mistake. Try to leave and get a job once again.

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Godzilla - a Japanese legend of the first visit of Chuck Norris to Tokyo.

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Ha of automatic telephone exchange:
- For cohabitation!

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Ha reception at stomatologa:
-Vovochka, the sonny, open a mouth, tell "A-a-a-a". Let the uncle will take out a finger.

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Ha plyazhe:
-Borenka, get out from water! Let at you handles legs will wither!

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Ha to a wall in student's stolovoy:
- Ate - give another!

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Ha examination in institute. Professional - Abituriyentu:
-Why you decided to come to our University.? To
- The Father, do not ask silly questions.

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Nark put hemp, half a year looked after it, watered, hilled. At last cut off, dried, hammered a jamb, got high and zadumalsya:
-Well why I am not Minister of Agriculture?

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The real woman in the life has to make three things: to destroy the house, to cut a tree and to give birth to the daughter!!!

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The chief angrily asks sekretarshu:
-Where dust from a surface of my table? I wrote down some phone numbers there.