Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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The granny at the station krichit:
- The Tyrant, the tyrant!
podkhodit porter and speaks:
-Grandma and not tyrant I, and nosilshchik.
- And (dissatisfied grimace and wave hand), all one potaskun...

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Grandmother: - Mishenka! Wash up a neck. Today we have guests. - And if they do not come, I and will go, how the fool, with the washed-up neck?!

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The grandmother for the night sings lullabies for the granddaughter. Hour sings, two sings, three, four... Was tired. Decided to have a rest. Here granddaughters the Grandmother opens eyes and asks:
-, it is possible I I will have a sleep now.

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The grandmother with a poor eyesight so loves cats that 3 days unsoldered milk the thrown-out cap.

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- The grandmother, and I am Russian or the Jew?
-A in what business, granddaughters?
- Yes in a garden gave new toys to us. Here I also think: to break or home to carry away.

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- Grandmother! How many kilometers to the neighboring village?
- of Usyu life five was. And then spyatsialist came in large numbers, measured-measured also nameryal seven. Here a tapericha because of them excess two kilometers we go.

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- Your so cheerful grandmother! All the time smiles!
- Yes to it a denture not of that size inserted it!

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Americans call Indian summer in the Indian summer. From here the conclusion - the good woman is a dead woman.

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Ball. Natasha Rostova approaches the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu.
- The Lieutenant! Da-with
-! Why you do not dance
-A? We in a bed will prove to be
-A - with!

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- The head, sugar is in the bank from under coffee on which it is written "salt". But now there it is not present.

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Drummer! Play the anthem of the Soviet Union!

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- The barin, I laid a bed - go to oppress!

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Basayev, Umarov, Hattab... Here who the real field commander - so is my mother-in-law when at dacha we plant potato.

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Basques gave the vote for "United Russia" and now it is compelled to lip-synch.

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- The father, I was raped!
- How, my daughter?!
- Yes not in the way, and something similar to a candle...

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- Father! You that will drink, wine or vodka?
-I beer, my son, and beer!...

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The pregnant woman comes to the astrologer that that made a horoscope it to future pebenku.
-Under what sign the child was conceived? - asks astrolog.
-under the sign of "It is FORBIDDEN to SMOKE"!

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The dogs running behind cars are souls of the dismissed GAI officers.

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Poor cat... Neither to drink, nor to smoke, to talk...

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The hare on the wood ran, suddenly stumbled as will plop down a muzzle in shit. Erased a paw, smelled and speaks:
-Oh, shit! It is good that did not come!

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The hedgehog on a lawn runs - trudges, neighs. Here towards zayats:
- The Hedgehog, you that - herbs were smoked?
- Well, the grass pisyu tickles...

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The dog on the desert runs. Long and nervously runs and thinks: "If I do not meet a tree, I opisatsya".

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Without five ten evenings. The blonde comes into the bar and sits down at a rack near the brunette who watches TV.

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Safe sex in American is a sex in a condom in the presence of the lawyer.

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Unsuccessfully trying to cut a piece of meat at restaurant, the visitor calls up ofitsianta:
-Withdraw roast!
- I cannot, the sir. You scratched it.

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The Belarusian election commission registered ten candidates for president and one president in candidates.

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Ladies' choice dance - ladies invite passive heteros.

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-, meow talk Georgian and Jewish koshki:
-Meow, huh?!

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Talk the husband with zhenoy.
-Darling you can tell me when you have an orgasm?
- But the road not to call me you about it for work!

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Friends, young and elderly talk: - Interestingly, what women the most devoted: blondes or brunettes? - Gray-haired!

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Two talk programmera:
- The Pancake, yesterday my wife called me, and the modem picked up the phone...
- Well and che?
- Yes was stirred an hour and a half...

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Free cheese is received by only the second mouse.

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Unprecedented advertizing campaign of the Sosa-Sola company - under every seventh stopper - vodka.

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Beshbarmakburgera - the Kazakh weeks in McDonald's!

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The businessman - psikhiatru:
- The Doctor, remember - last summer you advised: to distract from work it is necessary to have a good time with girls? Yes. So advise
- to
-as to me now to distract from girls and to return to work!

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Bill Gates removed the prostitute. In the morning she opens eyes and speaks: - Now I understand why you so called the firm...

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The biologist Nikolaev removed new breed of post pigeons. Clever birds fly precisely to the address specified on an envelope and there spoil.

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Thanks to iPhone I understood that I have ALWAYS dirty hands and fat ears.

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Thanks to last State Duma elections, now we know not only WHOM we will elect in presidents but also AS.