Anecdotes about the army

Read funny Anecdotes about the army

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- Soldier, where garrison cap?
-A you companion major it not eb... T
- The Soldier as you talk to the officer? On ustavu.
-I it washed
dolozhite TV. major!
-A me it not eb... t! I it told at once
-A to you!

*****

The soldier writes ottsu:
-In rigid fight lost a foot and I lie in hospital without uniform penny. Urgently there were fifty funtov.
- The Sonny! As it already the fourth foot which you lose, learn to move as the remained.

*****

The soldier suits to komandiru:
-to me in holiday it is necessary - the wife has to give rise...
komandir releases ego; in a week of soldiers vozvrashchayetsya.
-Well, Petrov who was born - the boy or the girl? We learn
-In nine months.

*****

The soldier approaches to ofitseru:
-Give me uvolnitelnuyu.
- And what for?
-I Will buy "diplomat".
-Why to the fool diplomat? You at least once with it saw me?

*****

The soldier approaches to starshine.
- The Companion the senior warrant officer, tell something quietly!!!
-Well is not present, something laskovoye.
-Well, is free.

*****

The soldier receives the letter from the house. When it opens an envelope,
IZ it drops out a blank sheet bumagi.
-Before the leaving in army quarreled with the bride. And from those por
my it is not talked, - the soldier explains to the surprised companions.

*****

The soldier receives the letter from the girlfriend. That writes that met another and asks to return it fotografiyu.
opechalenny the soldier collects all unnecessary photos of women at all platoon and Darling unfortunately sends them with zapiskoy:
"I cannot remember, who from them - You. Please, take away the photo and return the others".

*****

Soldier! If received the bad letter from the girl, do not despair, and wipe it the back and begin to read the good letter from other girl.

*****

Soldier! Remember: when you sleep - the opponent does not doze! Sleep more long and more often - exhaust the enemy sleeplessness!

*****

The soldier on a billeting at the Jew. In the room allocated for it on the shelf lezhal
bolshoy the piece of fat which it and vospolzovalsya.
prikhodit the owner, does not find fat and asks soldata:
-Where it? The Cat sjel.
evrey takes
-a cat on scales. The cat is powerful priblizitelno
ravnym to number of the missing sala.
-Well, fat est; and where a cat?

*****

The soldier sweats at the wheel the truck, handing over nazad.
pered a cowl the lieutenant colonel rushes about swinging hands:
-Davay! Unscrew! To the left! To the left! So! Hand over! Still! So! Vyranivay wheels! Now to the right! Still back! Still! Still! So! STO-O-OY! And now, the moron, get out and look where you came around.

*****

- praporshchiku:
-Give soldiers to me uvolnitelnuyu.
-What for?
-I Will buy "diplomat".
-Why to the fool "diplomat"? You at least once with it saw me?

*****

Soldiers are offered praporu:
-by Companion ensign, I suggest to destroy all papers more than 10-year, then in archive the Excellent idea will be released much mesta.
-! Carry out. But for reliability before destruction of papers do not forget to remove from them a photocopy.

*****

The soldier comes from army and gets a job. At it sprashivayut:
-That are able to do? This
-, I can dig...
-A still something can? This
-, I can not dig...
-Well, and still besides?
-A still I can hide so a shovel that h%y will find...

*****

The soldier told house about military operations in Afrike:
-Once ammunition, products and vodka came to an end. All terribly wanted pit.
- And water came to an end?
-Water was, but had no time for bathing!

*****

The soldier ran away from a battlefield. Hides in bushes and companion lieutenant will come across someone, too in military forme:
-Sorry...
-Ya not leytenant.
-Sorry, companion captain...
-Ya not kapitan.
-Sorry, companion major...
-Ya colonel!!!
-Really I so far escaped?!

*****

– The soldier I Look You very much umnyy.
-Who I am?
-Well not I.

*****

The soldier - soldatu:
-Colonels cannot run: in a peace time it causes laughter, A
V military - a panic.

*****

The soldier sleeps - the service idet.
soldat goes - service idet.
no offensively - the soldier runs, and the service idet.
no the annoying - at the soldier costs, and the service goes...

*****

The soldier asks praporshchika:
- And these are new footcloths?
-Well not new, but pure... Well not pure, but stirany... Well, I will replace
poshli.

*****

The soldier of a construction battalion sat down to smoke. Gets a pack of Belomora,
otkpyvaya, aloud chitayet:
-Ministry of Health warns: smoking harms to yours zdopovyyu.
zazheg, zatyanulsya:
-Here after all бл#ди, and on shovels such do not write!

*****

The soldier of a construction battalion takes a pack of "Belomor" and on syllables chitayet:
-Ministry of Health warns... - lit, it was tightened, poglyadel
mechtatelno afar and proiznes:
-Here reptiles, on shovels such is not written.

*****

Soldat:
-Any person such tea not pyet.
serzhant:
-I pyyu.
- And person?. Though one?

*****

Soldier's molitva:
upasi me God -
OT night trevog.
ot rise rannego.
ot shout dnevalnogo.
ot a horizontal bar vysokogo.
ot a battle march dalyokogo.
ot the doctor sanchasti.
ot occupations tactical, front, politicheskikh.
ot women beremennoy.
ot foremen-besa.
ot of sergeants zlyuchikh.
ot toilets smelly.

*****

The soldier was given out anti-tank ruzhye.
- And why to a butt the horseshoe is beaten? - awful return so it is careful, the sonny asks soldat.
-this silly woman! And the horseshoe is that you about it did not forget!

*****

To the soldier on zametku:
ne say to the ensign that the earth round! Will force to level!

*****

Soldiers bathe on one coast of the small river - generals on protivopolozhnom.
-Companion general! You topsy-turvy put on underpants, - cried odin
soldat. The general looked - indeed topsy-turvy. Surprised takoy
nablyudatelnostyyu the soldier, the general shouts emu:
-Companion soldier! And how you guessed? On buttons, or on tapes?
-Shit outside, - reached from that coast.

*****

Soldiers fly to Afghanistan. During flight the commander will see off instruktazh:
-In Afghanistan for the head of each killed enemy you will be poluchat
voznagrazhdeniye. At last the plane landed. The kom@nda "sounds Disperse!" and vse
razbegayutsya. After a while come back, bearing with themselves chelovecheskiye
golovy. They approach the commander and demand an award. The commander looks at them i
ele is audible shepchet:
-Children, you that, same still Tashkent.

*****

Soldaty:
-Mummy, let to spend the night! I will start up
-He: you to me will spoil the granddaughter...
-He we will touch it, the honest combative!
-Well, then come...
utpom zaryovannaya the granddaughter sees off soldat:
-That you to me spoiled the grandmother?!!

*****

Soldaty:
-Tovarishch the ensign, and it is possible we will go to the room for rest and we will watch TV?
PRAPOR:
-Of course!!! Go, look, only do not include.

*****

Soldiers peel potatoes and argue on burdens military sluzhby:
- At me the foreman, well, directly zver.
-It that, here I have a foreman, as baba.
-!?
-One dresses on mind...

*****

The message in novostyakh:
-in the capital of the autonomous Region of Kosovo happened Yesterday new large armed conflict. 10 American and 8 Russian servicemen were lost. Also one suffered Albanian boyets.
tak to it and nado.
pust is put in the affairs.

*****

The message on radio:
-Yesterday over the territory of the United States of America there passed the radioactive rain. To the commander of a rain the rank of the Hero of the Soviet Union was given.

*****

Police officers under the guise of clients came into a sauna, removed girls, paid services and in an hour under the guise of clients left a sauna.

*****

Staff of the Moscow militia received the instruction on dispersal gay парадов.
Пункт 1: To keep a back to a back.

*****

Staff of radio station of the BBC was pleasantly surprised that in Russia very long time ago on the second Sunday of August celebrates Day of the Air Force!

*****

Especially for border scientists crossed a sentry dog and krolika.
teper it not only catches up with the violator, but also punishes.

*****

The ensign sleeps. Suddenly - in the room rustle. It vskakivayet:
-Who here? Here anybody net.
-I do not ask
-who is not present here, I ask who is here!!!

*****

- Good night!
praporshchik passed by a bunk room in barracks and uslykhat voices and laughter. It put the head in a door and zaoral:
-I, apparently, told you "good night" and when I tell it, it means "STOP UP NE PIZDITE &БАЛЬНИКИ And!!!", clearly?! G