Anecdotes about the army

Read funny Anecdotes about the army

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- Companion ensign, to you the wife priyekhala.
-Not to "you", and to "you".
-K to us it came yesterday, and today to you.

*****

- Companion ensign - and you know how to interest the idiot?
-Is not present, and how?! Tomorrow I will tell
-.

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- Companion ensign, and you know how to interest the idiot?
-Is not present, and how? Tomorrow I will tell
-...

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Companion ensign, and you know as to interest the idiot?
-Is not present, and how? Tomorrow I will tell
-...

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- Companion ensign, and it is possible I TV I will watch? Look at
-, only do not include!

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- Companion ensign, stop the train! The Train cost
-, time, two!

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– Companion ensign - stop the tank!
-Tank stop!Time-two.

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– Companion ensign And if the parachute is not developed?
-You will come - new I will give.

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- Companion ensign, construct grafik.
-Gra-a-a-afik!!! Stro - about - about - about - oysya!

*****

- Companion ensign, I suggest to destroy all papers more than 10-year, then in archive the Excellent idea will be released much mesta.
-! Carry out. But for reliability before a unichnozheniye of papers do not forget to remove from them a photocopy.

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- Companion ensign, and than problems differ from difficulties? Here imagine
-. The enemy comes, and you by order of "to be dug round!", take an engineer shovel in hand and start digging an entrenchment in the stony earth. It is also your difficulties.

*****

- Companion ensign and how the internal combustion engine works?
-As, very simply and if to be more exact, x... knows it!

*****

- Companion ensign, resolve a question? The Trajectory of flight of a shell reminds
-Razreshayu.
-parabolu.
-So for sure.
- And if to put a gun on a side - it will be from round the corner possible to shoot?
-Is possible! But under the charter it

*****

- Companion ensign! Tell something...
-Smir-r-na!
-Well, something tender such, gentle...
-Well, is free...

*****

- Companion ensign, and will be able to conduct an astronomy lesson at school yunykh
astronavtov? Are not afraid of
-Smogu.
-I of questions of pupils? They are children clever and vjedlivye.
-Net.
posle uroka:
-Well, questions were?
-Only

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Companion ensign, and will be able to conduct an astronomy lesson at school yunykh
astronavtov? Are not afraid of
-Smogu.
-I of questions of pupils? They are children clever and vjedlivye.
-Net.
posle uroka:
-Well, questions were?
-Only one. Some clever man asked: "With what it is a time the Sun vokru
gzemli rotates? "
-I that you answered?
-Ya answered evasively: - "You went on h@y!"

*****

- Companion sergeant, it is possible?
-It "is possible" for @#$ to be taken!
-Oh, is guilty... Resolve? Well be taken by
-...

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- Companion sergeant, from our tank a caterpillar flied!
-be not greedy - let sparrows will peck...

*****

- Companion sergeant! And at us in a company - "blue"!
-Yes you that?! Write the official report!
-you Will kiss - I will write...

*****

- Companion soldier! Than you are engaged? I Carry out
-your order, companion major!
-Ya ordered nothing to you! I anything also do not do
-A!...

*****

- Companion soldier, why you go to the dining room with a rifle?
-Companion captain, I do not want to remain once again without compote!

*****

- Companion foreman, your order is executed! Yes I nothing prikazyval.
- And I anything also did not do
-.

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- Companion foreman, and crocodiles fly?
-That you sho, went?
-A companion major told that fly...
-. Well, fly. But only nizko-nizko.
- And companion major told that is high!
-A then so up - vzh-zhiy!

*****

- Companion foreman! Look that I was given out! Trousers only to knees, the shirt dangles, sleeves short, boots squelch, to look strashno.
-Everything is all right. The soldier has to inspire fear!

*****

- Companion foreman, and who such mammoths?
-It... elephants youths of premilitary age.

*****

- Companions fighters! - the general addresses to soldiers. - I hochu
to have crocodile sapogi.
at Night the special company is landed on the coast of Nile. Passes day,
second. News any. Passes month. News on-still
are not present. The ge

*****

Companions officers, collecting tomorrow at ten o'clock mornings. At whom an electronic clock - in one thousand.

*****

Companions soldiers, the song it is necessary to shout so that muscles on an ass shivered.

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- Companions soldiers! When write letters home, remember preservation of military secret and punishment for its disclosure! And that one wrote here that it will send to Germany, the second - that to Cuba, the third - that the commander the moron...

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Companions! respect the chief! After all you see before yourself only one moron, and he - the whole group!

*****

To three pentagonovsky generals charge pension. They are asked to call any physical parameter in figures which will be increased then by basic coefficient for obtaining the final size of pension. The first general was very high and called the growth. The second general was not high, but possessed very long hands and to him measured distance between the moved apart hands. The third general was ordinary and suggested to measure distance from the end of the member to eggs. Komissiya:
-you are sure, what it is suitable parameter?!
general:
-Is so exact. Uveren.
komissiya for persuasiveness asked again still few times, but the general always answered that he is absolutely sure. The commission started measurements, but here one of her members noticed wrong and voskliknul:
-Oh! And where eggs!?!
general:
-In Vietnam!

*****

Third world war. The commander of a rocket division reports on a handheld transceiver generalu:
-Companion general! As you also ordered, from the city did not remain anything. I report on letters: Nikolay, Ivan, Khariton, Ulyana, Yakov! I repeat: anything!

*****

Three generals - land forces, naval and military and air - sat somehow and discussed, whose soldiers otvazhnee.
sukhoputny the general, having seen the soldier passing by and ordered that to rise before approaching tankom.
-Is! - that told, and the tank turned it in lepeshku.
da, both other generals agreed, it was otvazhno.
morskoy the general, wishing not to lag behind, right there ordered to the warrant officer to catch flying yakor.
-Is! - the warrant officer told and dead left with an anchor under vodu.
da, both other generals agreed, it was otvazhno.
vozdushny the general then at the top of the voice ordered to one of pilots to catch sitting-down MIG-27.
-Yes you went on h%y!!! - answered it pilot.
i both other generals voskliknuli:
-This was really BRAVE!

*****

Three officers play at one of them houses cards. Only distributed, suddenly from the nursery the son of the owner and krichit:
-jumps out And the father has two aces!
delat nothing, distributed on the new. Again the son and krichit:
- And at the captain chervovy maryazh jumps out!
snova was repeated. Again the son and krichit:
- And at the lieutenant jumps out... Wait a moment
-! - the lieutenant Rzhevsky interrupts, and takes away the boy in detskuyu.
through a couple of minutes comes back, sits down to play further. Passes 5, 10,
15 minutes - the boy is not present. The owner of the apartment asks:
- The Lieutenant, you that, beat it?
-As is possible, I am an officer! That did you make
-A?
-Ya taught to drochit it

*****

Three soldiers sit in a guard house and play cards that on ustavu
karaulnoy services it is most strictly forbidden. The officer comes. Soldiers uspevayut
spryatat cards. Ofitser:
-played cards, swine?
-is not present In any way, your nobleness! The officer asks the first soldata:
-You who? Swear to
-Russkiy.
-on the Bible, what not igral.
-I Swear. The officer addresses to the second soldatu:
- And you who? Swear to
-Tatarin.
-on Korane.
-I Swear. At last, there came the turn tretyego.
- And you who? Swear to
-Evrey.
-, a Jewish muzzle, on Talmude.
-your nobleness! If he did not play, and he did not play with whom I togda
mog to play?

*****

–What it is most DIFFICULT to do in army?
-to Brush teeth!
-Why?
-Because in army EVERYTHING becomes through...

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Here one army joke is: "To an appeal slept well - the army protects us. It was called, slept a little - protected. Served - at all I do not sleep. I know who protects us..."

*****

Hard in the doctrine - go to army.

*****

- I have pains in an abdominal cavity, - complained to the doctor ryadovoy.
-Remember the young man, - the medical officer noticed to it, - v
bryushnoy cavities of pain happen at officers, at sergeants - in a stomach, A
U privates - in a belly.