Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

76  77  78  79  80  81  82  83  84  85  86  87

There is a biology lesson in shkole.
teacher: - Vovochka, is what part of a body of the person? (shows on the poster)
Vovochka: - Ass!
teacher: - There is no such word!!!
Vovochka is (indignant): - Well as it?! The ass is, and the word is not present?!

*****

There is a drawing lesson, the teacher to children shows a picture na
kotoroy pioneers and the veteran of war the Children sitting near kostra.
uchitelnitsa:
-who sits with pioneers near a fire are represented? Masha, otvet
You're welcome...
-Veteran of war...
-correctly Masha, sit down, five... Sound board
- And who sits near the veteran near a fire? Well here ty
Vovochka tell us...
-Eunuchs...

*****

There is a lesson of Russian yazyka.
-Children, write down the offer, - the teacher speaks - "Under stolom
skrebet the mouse" .
Vovochka delays impatience ruku.
-to You something unclear?
-Well, Marya Ivanovna, everything is clear. Only explain, who takoy
skr?

*****

There is a lesson at school. The teacher asks:
-Children, designate any sosud.
Vovochka:
-Chlen.
-But same not a vessel!
-is Sucked, still as sucked!

*****

Katenka at a lesson of mathematics complains Vovochke:
-Represent, flew, I do not know even from whom! I a gonorrhea picked up
-A, I do not know as to do!
uchitelnitsa noticed, what they razgovarivayut:
-Well, Vovochka, how many will be six eight?
-Forty eight, Mar Ivanovna.
-to me your problems!

*****

The form-master asks Vovochka why on
prishel in school in crumpled shtanishkakh.
-Last night we turned on the TV and heard: business of Lenina
zhivet! Then we switched off the TV and turned on radio. We snova
uslyshali: Lenin's business lives! After that we were already afraid vklyuchat
utyugr

*****

The room in the hostel. Parents decided to fuck. Tell Vovochk's Vovochke:
-, go look in a window, tell that on the street...
Vovochka went to oknu:
-Here Mischa by bicycle goes, here Masha in a sandbox pies lepit.
vot Tanya in the neighboring house looks out of the window. Probably, too roditeli
trakhayutsya

*****

– Where the stork disappears after brings the child?
-Back in trousers.

*****

The father Vovochki bought mini-plant on production of sausage,
I teaches it with it obrashchatsya:
-we thrust a ram Here, and we receive nine sticks kolbasy.
dve we give to the state, and seven we leave sebe.
do you reached? Vovochka?
-Neponyal. :-&
- Here we lay down a ram, and from here gets out nine sticks kolbasy.
dve we give to the state, and we leave seven sebe.
ty understood?!?!?
-Is not present, And there is such car only on the contrary? Da's
-! Vovochka is your mother! :)

*****

The father, mother and Vovochka in a bed (Vovochka in the middle) .
papa
pikhayet to Vovochk lie and speaks:
-Tell mother that the father invites her to drive on parovozike.
-Mother told, what not hochet.
-Tell mother that the father once again invites her to drive na
parovozike.
-Mother told that all the same not hochet.
cherez some time mother pushes Vovochka and speaks:
-Tell the father that I agree to drive with the father on parovozike.
- The Father told that it already left on a manual section car.

*****

Little Vovochka does not want to sleep. The father to sit down at his bed and nachinayet
rasskazyvat to him fairy tales. Tells hour, another. At last in komnate
votsaryaetsya silence. Mother silently slightly opens a door and asks:
-He fell asleep?
-Yes, mother, - whisper answers the son.

*****

Speak to little Vovochke: "Vovochka if you do not cease matom
rugatsya, your teeth will not grow.", on what Vovochka, pointing a finger v
molochny tooth answers: "And it is hundred, х$#, became?"

*****

- Mothers, and mothers it is possible I will put on a brassiere? It
is impossible!
Mothers, but me after all already 15 let.
-Otstan Vova - it is eternal you with the foolish nonsenses!

*****

Mother of Vovochke:
-Sit down and tell me any amusing istoriyu.
-I cannot sit down. The matter is that I just rassaid
odnu amusing story to the father.

*****

Mother shouts with balkona:
-Vovochka, where you? Answer
NET. She calls again and again, at last from bushes razdayetsya
nedovolny golos:
-Well, what? Than you are engaged in
- There?
-I bang Mashka! Watch
-, only do not smoke!

*****

Mar Ivanna, the uchitelka 1 "And", brought on urok
statuetku Venus and the beginning opros.
vasechkinu:
-Skazhi, Vasechkin, what to you bolshe
nravitsya in this figurine? The
-Figura.
-Molodets, Vasechkin, sit down, five!
petrovu:
-Petrov, and you?
-Grudi.
-Petrov, leave from a klassa.
vovochke:
-Vovochka, and you what to be pleasant? I
Leave, Mar Ivanna, I leave.

*****

Maria Ivanovna came to a class in a dress in glubokim
vyrezom once. On a neck it had a kulonchik in the form of silver samoletika.
Vovochka at all lessons looked at Maria Ivanovna. On one iz
peremen she called up him to sebe:
-That, Vovochka, samoletik mine is pleasant?
-Is not present, an airfield.

*****

Marya Ivanovna distributed questionnaires. Vovochka honestly napisal:
"the Father - the engineer, mother - the prostitute". Marya Ivanovna called v
shkolu the father Vovochki. "Everything is right," - the father told. Marya of Ivanovna
rasplakalas also ran to the principal. "Mothers everyones are necessary,
mamy everyones are important. "- The director quoted and wrote down Vovin
adres in a notebook.

*****

Vovochki's mother - uchitelyu:
-my Vovochka - the genius. It has so many brilliant ideas, not pravda
li?
-Yes, especially when business reaches chemistry lessons.

*****

Mat:
-it is Also my native son?! Such whimsical and intolerable boy!
Vovochka:
-You, mother, intolerable! Yes if I knew that at you takoy
kharakter, would never allow the father to marry you.

*****

Mother left in komandirovku.
otets gets up in the morning, is enough the little son, dresses him, pichkayet
zavtrakom and conducts in a garden, there do not accept, he runs in another,
potom still, still... Was tired, it was rolled up, sat down on a shop, and the little son stoit
ryadom, picks a nose, and speaks: "Slush, baht while you po
detsadam drag me, ours control transitional in the 5th class finish"

*****

- You where learned to swear so, Vova?
-It cannot learn, it is gift of the nature!

*****

(C) the ovochka suits to (P) to an apa and asks:
v - the Father and what the drunk means?
P - Here you see 2 trees behind a window, and so, if I was drunk, saw by
tam
4 dereva.
v - Well the father, 1 tree only there...

*****

The father tells Vovochke:
- When I was small, I never vral.
- When you started lying, the father?

*****

The father teaches the son to be observant and to be able delat
vyvody:
-Vovochka if mother brought meat from a market, cabbage, potato,
sveklu - that at us will be for lunch?
-Borsch!
-is correct! If mother took
-A a rag, a bucket with water - that we will have?
-Not znayu.
-Will be in the apartment cleaning. Study from all surrounding delat
vyvody, Here to you a notebook, observe everything and write down in a notebook, and ya
uyezzhayu in komandirovku.
cherez some days come the father from business trip, beret
tetrad the son and read. "Mother cooked a borsch, baked blinyr" Dalee:
"Mother came from work with the uncle Grisha, fed me, drank oni
s the uncle Grisha of wine and were closed in the room. There mother and the uncle of Grisha
snyali panties - means, will be kakatr"

*****

- The father, I want that you bought me real avtomat.
- The Machine gun? You that, are a little not in yourself?
-B to itself, father. Buy me the real machine gun! Do not tell to
-nonsenses, or I now razozlyus.
togda Vova start knocking feet and

*****

Masha approaches Vovochka and asks:
- And the truth say, what y you such long? At
-On, look (throws out on a table).
-: - O. And me вые&^%^%?
- too to remove Razdevaysya.
- And a brassiere?
-As you wish. I to a mare so vpendyurit yesterday, she a collar hind legs removed
chto!

*****

After viewing of the partiotichesky movie the teacher asks children,
komu who was pleasant. One feat of the soldier, the friend - as sanitarka
ranenego rescued. And Vovochka speaks:
- And most of all was pleasant to me narkoman.
-What such addict. There was not narkomanov.
-Was, he was tightened all the time and spoke,
"the plan, good at you, companion Zhukov"

*****

Brings (At) chitelniyets on a lesson two flasks. In one water, spirt.
uchitelnitsa takes a worm in another and thrusts into water, to a worm of anything,
potom thrusts into alcohol, the worm podrygatsya and umer.
(At) - Children what you can draw conclusions?
DETI krichat:
-Alcohol is a POISON! Alcohol it is bad
-!
(B) the ovochka holds pyky.
(At) - Well Vovochka, what conclusion you can make?
(B) - Drink alcohol and you will have no worms!

*****

Vovochka home comes, and houses - all naked go. Vovochka k
pape and asks:
- The Father, what it at you such approaches?
-Nonsense, Vovochka
- And at mother that such?
-Nonsense, Vovochka
- And at Lena - that?
-nonsense, Vovochka
Vovochka thought, also a song pridumal:
a at the father nonsense on castors,
A at mother nonsense all in volosika,
A at Lena nonsense belobrysy,
A at Vova nonsense - still bald thought.

*****

Vovochka comes to the first klass.
- And you are able to consider? - is interested uchitelnitsa.
v: - One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...
teacher: - And further you know?
B:-... eight, nine, ten, jack, lady, king, ace...

*****

The teacher comes to Vovochka home and complains ottsu:
-your son drew a fly on a school desk, so I tried to kill - ruku
otbila :-( .
OTETS:
-nonsense he here a crocodile in a bathroom drew recently Ento,
tak I through the drawn door jumped out.

*****

Vovochka wakes up as that at night and hears some unclear sounds,
podkralsya to a bedroom of parents, a they made love there, and hears as papa
prigovarivayet:
-I want the son, I want the son....
Vovochka-legged opens a door and pushes rech:
- And me a budenovka, felt-tip pens and the bicycle.

*****

Take place in school at a lesson of singing of composers. Caused uchitelnitsa
vovochku.
-What you know composers? Vovochk's
A did not learn. Costs and looks at the companion. That took the book,
stuknul on parte.
-Bach, - told Vovochka.
-Correctly, - told uchitelnitsa.
drug pulled out from a notebook listok.
-Liszt, - told Vovochka.
-Well, still, - Chlennikov asks uchitelnitsa.
-, - tells Vovochka.
a the teacher emu:
-Not Chlennikov, but Hrennikov, and you, Petrov, clean the help.

*****

Five-year-old Vova meets mother at doors and it is joyful soobshchayet:
-Mummy, and I exchanged your new wig for a kitten.

*****

Analysis of school compositions. Composition of Vovochki:
"Winter. Around white snow. River. Froze. On the river wolves -
EB. sya. "
uchitelnitsa:
-Vova, well is inconvenient...
VOVA:
-Of course is inconvenient - paws part.

*****

Vovochka (In) talks to Tanechky (T) in shkole:
v: What Tanechka sad such?
T: Yes here, the father from business trip arrived yesterday - daily allowance did not bring: (
B: It that, my mother from rest arrived yesterday - monthly did not bring...

*****

From conversation malchishek:
- At me a nose of the father, mother's eye, - declares odin.
- And I have the grandfather's forehead, the uncle's ears, - told drugoy.
- And I have the brother's trousers, - Vovochka bragged.

*****

All family sits at a table. Have dinner. Mother Vovochka speaks synu:
-, give a bone to the father, you are not a dog.