Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

124  125  126  127  128  129  130  131  132  133  134  135

To the hairdresser the blonde came, asked it to cut, but saida:
-do not remove from the head of earphones Only at all, and I umru.
parikmakher cut that as could bypassed a handle of earphones, but then decided to cut and under it. Removed earphones from the blonde, and that umerla.
emu it became interesting that there was, he put on them and slyshit:
"the Breath... exhalation... breath... exhalation..."

*****

The blonde approaches an entrance. On a door of an entrance there is an on-door speakerphone. The girl gathers kvartiru.
paren answers: Yes?
devushka: You houses?
paren: No, plya! At dacha!
devushka: And when you will arrive home?
paren: The day after tomorrow!
devushka: Well, so long!

*****

To the traumatologist the blonde with the bandaged hand and nogoy:
-comes That happened to you?
-Ya turned on the vacuum cleaner, and it hit me with current in ruku.
- And with a foot that?
-Ya too hit it...

*****

How call the blonde and a half a brain?
-Gifted.

*****

As soon as the pretty blonde in a short skirt entered the bus, all men right there turned on it the views. The girl wanted to sit down, but at this time the bus sharply braked, and the girl, having lost balance and trying to grasp a sitting back, incidentally slapped a hand in a cheek of the sitting next young man. Having reddened with shame, she started apologizing, but the neighbor stopped her and, smiling, proiznes:
-He worry, the girl. That I thought, looking at you, I deserve stronger slap in the face.

*****

Somehow, after a storm, there was a ship-wreck... three survived: blonde, brunette and red. They got on the desert island. Decided to float to the next city to which 100 mil.
proplyli 25 miles - drowned ryzhaya
proplyli 50 miles - drowned bryunetka.
proplyv 75 miles, the blonde was tired and decided to float back.

*****

– What difference between the blonde And the computer?
-is enough to enter Information into the computer only one time.

*****

- What difference between the prostitute, the nymphomaniac and the blonde?
ppostitutka: "What, you did not terminate yet? "
nimfomanka: "As, you already terminated! "
blondinka: "Beige... I will paint a ceiling the beige!"

*****

- What difference between the blonde and hours?
-remind Hours us about the passing minutes, and with the blonde it is easy to forget about them!

*****

- What chronic defect of the speech at blondes?
-He are able to speak "no".

*****

End of December. There are two blondes on the wood a fir-tree. Hour go... the second... the third...
odnoy bothered, and tells ona:
-Everything, Mashk! Now we cut down the first fir-tree even if it is not dressed up!!!

*****

Ship-wreck, on the desert island the only escaped passenger - the astounding blonde (B) comes up. The third day in search of food, hungry it incidentally came to the coast, and the man (M) all dirty and overgrown sits there. Sits and guzzles a fried rabbit, and one more is fried on vertele.
b: - Hear, the man, give me the second krolika.
m: - Yes you went. I learned to catch them three months. Not dam.
b: - The man, give me a rabbit, and in replacements you will receive you did not have what three months!!!
M: - Wow!!!!! REALLY BROUGHT BEER?????????

*****

Well, ruined all casinos svy number 23.
podkhodit administrator:
-Tell how so, from where such vezeniye.
blondinka:
-Understand, I arrived to this city flight number 7, in hotel me lodged in number 7 when went to a casino to a taxi, long waited and the car stopped only 7ya, and here I decided, what it is a sign me.
administrator:
- And and here number 23?!!!!!!
blondinka (with astonishment):
-As, and unless 7 on 3 not 23!?

*****

The beautiful blonde wanted to perform on herself operation on increase in a breast. Well came to clinic, to it a vrachikha speaks:
-Well you lay down here on a wheelchair, and I will go I will be prepared for operation...
NU lies it 5 min., 10min, the man in a white dressing gown approaches and starts looking, leaves and comes back still with dvumya.
nachinayut to look, point a finger, touch, etc. Well it and speaks:
-I of course understand everything, but long to me still to lie? Who it knows
-A, we painters simply...

*****

The croupier speaks:
-Just dropped out number 23, it is not enough chances that will drop out opyat.
ona all the same puts and again wins. Puts again on the same 23rd number, the croupier speaks supposedly cannot be that dropped out again, she put.

*****

- Who composes jokes about blondes? Brunette's
-. In the lonely winter evenings.

*****

blondinok:
-Yes at us yesterday houses light disconnected a piece of dialogue - so I by candlelight took a bath …
-Glamurnenko.
-Yes well, a pancake, lie to yourself in the twilight as in a coffin moreover four candles on corners of a bathtub cost …
-Well, Gothic.

*****

The girl in the bus in a long skirt climbs, lifts up a foot and cannot get. Psmotrela on the left, to the right... There is nobody. Rastigunula behind a button, again climbs, in any way. On the parties again posmtoret... anybody. Rastignula the second, then third. Suddenly behind someone pushes it under a bum. The girl flies in the bus, behind her the Young man enters muzhik.
-I did not ask to touch you me for a bum...
-But I you too did not ask RASTEGIVAT to me the FLY!

*****

The blonde in the plane over Atlantic flies. And all flight tensely peers at a window. The concerned steward asks: - To you it is bad, Ms.? - Well, simply I cannot see these strips, well as them in any way?-??! - Oh, remembered, meridians! I yesterday all day on the globe examined them! Prepared!

*****

It is better to be the colored blonde, than the natural silly woman!!!

*****

The kid sits at a window in certain transport sredstve:
-Mother! Look! Lake!
-Mother! Look! Cow!
-Mother! Look! Camomiles!
-Father! Look! Blonde!

*****

- Boys everything say that I - a pig. And it that?
-Alice, you are not a pig - You are a blonde, remember! And better write down.

*****

Minibus. Radio works, there is a children's quiz with geographical uklonom.
diktor raises a question: "What name of the city it is made of two particles: the first - without what the person cannot live, the second - that gives to people rest."
otvet "Zhitomir" .
blondinka in salone:
- And why not "Kherson"?...

*****

The car with the blonde at a wheel turned over in a clean floor. The guards who arrived on a scene nedoumevayut:
-As so managed you, the girl?
-Ya I go, I look - a fir-tree! I turn sharply, and there - again a fir-tree! Again I turn - again it! Absolutely already sharply I turn not to crash, and here... turned over... Where you a fir-tree saw
-A???
-Yes here it!
-Girl, same air freshener!!!

*****

The militiaman lectures blonde:
-you stopped the car directly at the crosswalk. It is forbidden pravilami.
-Well and what? I after all opened doors that people could pass freely.

*****

– What four blondes With one stool can do? they it overturn
- And sit down.

*****

Whether four blondes can sit down on one stool?
Yes, if it is turned.

*****

- Maybe we will talk? - the guy of the girl-blondinke
-Oh, offers is not present. I was so tired, we will better dance.

*****

- How it is possible to learn, whether the blonde works at office?
-On a bed in the storeroom and to smiles from an ear to an ear on faces of bosses.

*****

The very young blonde (virgin) at will of destiny got to a brothel. A bandit ruff gave it some instructions and ordered to wait for the client. In a few minutes the door of number opens and the dirty hairy man with headdresses on all body and komanduyet:
-Hi, a crumb enters! And well become a cancer!
blondinka stared and sprosila:
- And it is possible a swan?

*****

- Why on the monitor of the computer behind which the blonde worked, traces from a ball pen are visible?
-Because it corrects all errors the handle.

*****

The husband - zhene-blondinke:
-You became a lot of time and money to spend on parikmakherskuyu.
- And what to do? Many say that at me with the head not as it should be.

*****

The husband plays with the little daughter. After a while the daughter pushes away him and gives out: - Well everything will be enough, my head bolit.
husband sat down, looked at the wife and asks:
-you to it since the childhood perhaps teach?

*****

The husband asks zhenu-blonde:
-Why you stopped by by car in the pool?
-Wanted it vymyt.
- And how you thought from there to leave?
-Probably, would lower water.

*****

The man works on a site about the at home. The neighboring house leaves his neigbour blonde, opens the mailbox, looks there, slams and runs away back to the house. A little later the neigbour runs out again, looks in a mailbox and again runs away back. When everything repeats for the third time, the man not vyderzhivayet:
-What is the matter? Something happened? It is exact
-that something happened. My foolish computer reports all the time: "You've got mail".

*****

The man sits and drinks in very dark bar. It bends to the large blonde on the next chair and speaks:
-Want to hear a ridiculous joke about blondes? The blonde otvechayet:
-You should horoshenechko think before telling me such jokes. I am a blonde, 188 cm of growth, 94 kg of weight, professionally are engaged in a thriathlon and body building. My neigbour - too the blonde, 185 cm, 97 kg - the professional fighter in wrestling, and her neigbour - the blonde, 190 cm, 103 kg - the professional in the Thai boxing. As, you will tell a joke? The man thought second and said:
-If I have to explain its three times - then is not present.

*****

The man stands in a queue in cash desk in a supermarket. Suddenly sees that from the next turn to it the astounding blonde waves a hand. High, figuristy, generally, dream of the poet. The man in an emphasis does not remember where he got acquainted with this beauty, and starts remembering feverishly. The beauty approaches it, and the man tries to inquire at her hints, under what circumstances they vstrechalis.
"I, of course, can be mistaken, but it seems to me that you are the father of one of my children", she answers. The man ochumevat and tries to think when last time he was incorrect to the wife. At last the guess flashes at it in golove.
"you... You that invited stripper on my bachelor party whom I banged on a billiard table while your girlfriend quilted me a lash, and thrust then to me into a bum a bottle?
" Is not present, I only the mathematics teacher of your son..."

*****

The man rescued the sinking blonde.
-that you rescued me I is ready to grant three of your desires.
-A is possible one desire, but three times?

*****

– Why Men like to Carry With themselves in the car Of blondes?
-that it was possible to park in places for disabled people...