Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

204  205  206  207  208  209  210  211  212  213  214  215

Virtual lyubov.
lyubimaya! I was installed in you completely. You reformatted all my brains. In my random access memory there was nothing similar yet. My Windows are buggy. At the sight of you I increase clock frequency, and the screw increases in volume. Let's create with you a directory. But at first - a romantic dinner at the lit screens. You can cause the menu itself. Personally I prefer CD rum, but I promise not to reboot. And then we will go on your site 1jj.ru. Or on mine. We will open each other the files. I will enter and I will leave, I will enter and I will leave. Without any lags. Here you will see, you will like my driver. Also do not worry for the motherboard, I have antiviruses. The main thing - do not forget to remain in time. You need to think? It is good. When is ready, click two times, and I sure to appear. Only please, as seldom as possible use the saundkarta. Then we with you will have a full and mutual upgrade.

*****

The young man in love speaks girl:
-Know, I want to ask week something you and all I am not solved... Ask
-safely, - she speaks, - the Answer at me is ready already a month ago.

*****

The granddaughter asks babushku:
- And the stork brings children?
-Yes, dityatko.
- And who makes love to it?

*****

During family quarrel the wife shouts muzhu:
-it would be better if I married the devil! It is impossible for
-. Marriages between close relatives are forbidden.

*****

During dance the gentleman gently presses to himself the partner and shepchet:
-Ah, I feel as in paradise!
-Really? - she answers. - And I as in the bus.

*****

Vovochka enters a bedroom to parents and sees how mother on the father sidit:
- And what you do here? Yes it I massage against a thick stomach do
-to the father...
-will not help, the neigbour again inflates every Thursday its!

*****

Vovochk with the father was gone together to the sea. While Vovochka bathed, the father made love. Vovochka comes back and indifferently plays near them. The father terribly was confused and started justifying that he simply pumps up the aunt that it not ytonyla.
-Yes are known by me... Last year mother was pumped up too by different uncles. And when y of one of them the pump broke, it had to blow it...

*****

The lover from a case comes back. The wife shouts muzhu:
-Hide rather in business trip!

*****

The lover from a case comes back. The wife shouts muzhu:
-Hide rather in business trip!

*****

Near technical training college: - The girl, you from school?
-Still what!

*****

- Here 15 years you constantly in everything correct me! - is indignant husband .
-Fifteen and a half years, the road!

*****

- Here imagine, what you came back home and at you on a back lip pomada.
kak you will justify before the wife? I will tell
-Ya: "Darling you see, I turned aside as soon as could!"

*****

- All say, what so clever Bill Gates, and he idiot.
-Why?
-would Insert into Windows instead of hourglasses the making love couple from Hkhkhtetris - all would only rejoice when the computer brakes.

*****

The Wolf in the wood meets Red Shapochku:
-Well, the Cap, undress!
-That you, the Wolf, I still the girl and after that affairs always the head hurts me!

*****

Two meet in a bath chlena.
odin drugomu:
-How are you?
-Yes as, quietly, measuredly time two in a week. And how are you?
-Yes as, night, day - get up and work! Absolutely the owner zagonyal.
-Badly put, and you tried not to get up?
-Tried. Nearly ate!

*****

Two boxers - in heavy meet and easy vese.
tyazheloves speaks: "Yesterday I come from training a bit earlier and I find the wife with some type. To his B?r for an Adam's apple as I will give it from the left - it through a balcony and on ulitsu.
l-weight: "You will not believe - the same hogwash, well he (lover) gets up, and I to it a series - from below, sideways, with left, with right, and feel - on points I win...

*****

Two boxers - in heavy meet and easy vese.
tyazheloves speaks: "Yesterday I come from training a bit earlier and I find the wife with some type. To his B?r for an Adam's apple as I will give it from the left - it through a balcony and on ulitsu.
l-weight: "You will not believe - the same hogwash, well he (lover) gets up, and I to it a series - from below, sideways, with left, with right, and feel - on points I win...

*****

Two meet blondinki.
-I passed a test for pregnancy yesterday, - speaks pervaya.
-Well and how, questions were difficult? - another asks.

*****

Two girlfriends, one another asks:
-Mash, you that, the pregnant woman again meet?
-AGA.
-From whom?????
-Yes the ex-husband came to apologize that threw me one with two children.

*****

Two meet podrugi:
- And you would change the Robert sweet, soft for two of my ordinary lovers?
-Is not present!
-A on ten?
-Never! Well let's it try
- At least?!

*****

Two meet druga:
-I met the girl who promises to surround me with love, care and caress. What do you think of it?
-Ya I think how you will leave an environment...
anekdoty about love. Release No. 32
16.03.2011 11:07 of yumor
e-mail Printing of PDF

*****

The second law of Archimedes says:
"The Liquid Shipped in a Body in Seven Years Will Go to School"

*****

- Yesterday was at cinema and saw a surprising love scene!
-A as is called the movie? I do not know
- When turned on the light, it appeared that I sit a back to the screen...

*****

- You do not know, what it for a fright?
-Is mine Wife.
-Oh, forgive, I made nonsense!
-Is not present, it I made nonsense.

*****

- You, men, such rough! You need only sex! And we, to girls, need attention...
- Attention, now will be sex!

*****

- You will not believe: I am married twenty years, but on the former I love only one man!
-Was lucky your husband!
-What does it have to do with the husband? He does not even know it.

*****

- Why did you not save his wife when she was drowning?
- Yes, I did not realize that it sinks. Oral as usual.

*****

- You are happy in the family life?
-Oh, yes! We so strong love each other that already three times postponed divorce!

*****

The general comes back from maneuvers on a droshky. Pass by the lake. The general sees - someone bathes: the body white, magnificent, a long flowing hair … a droshky also orders to
ostanavlivayet denshchiku:
-Ivan, undress quicker, swim and ask, as about a trip with me to the city, restaurant and other...
denshchik undresses, rushes in water, floats … comes back, runs up to generalu:
-your excellency, about a trip to the city and restaurant they can - with, and about other, - in any way - with, they are pop pages.

*****

Dead of night. Call. The furious wife opens a door, in hands at it skalka.
vdryzg the drunk husband tries to embrace suprugu:
- And you bake everything expensive, everything bake...

*****

In the dead of night the wife hears how the drunk husband comes back home: opens a door, switches on light - and the roar of the broken glass is suddenly heard. The wife not vyderzhivayet:
-That at you there?
-Yes here, I accustom your damed small fishes not to bark at me

*****

The Hollywood directors are convicted of eyewash. There is a Moon in love scenes of melodramas it seems more because in it pumped silicone.

*****

- My God, Hans, you lost in cards of a coat?!
-I hours, love washing, and hours!
-My God the right...
-do not worry, expensive, you only present as I was lucky: coats and the watch has come to a standstill the most bigger two hundred brands, and

*****

My God, I ask you, give me:
mudrosti - to understand my man,
lyubvi - to forgive him,
terpeniya - to accept all his moods,
IBO if you will give me Strength - I WILL KILL HIM.

*****

The Georgian prays. Asks from god that he sent him the car, it is a lot of money, the young beautiful mistress. And nearby the torn-off hare strenuously asks that the supreme sent him a bottle vodki.
-Listen, - the Georgian did not sustain, - do not distract supreme such trifles, - on you on two and be cleaned.

*****

Walk the guy with the girl. By the man on loshadi:
-rushes N-n-u give, stray!
devushka turns to parnyu:
-Well, I asked you, do not speak to anybody...

*****

Yes not the maid I!. The priest I, the priest …
-Late, the father, relax …

*****

- How long have you know this girl?
- Yes so-so ... A couple of times.

*****

- Even I do not know, what gift to prepare for the wife by day of her birth that it was not too expensive and that at the same time her obradoval.
-Write her the anonymous love letter