Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

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The lady rings the marriage newspaper to give objyavleniye.
klerk:
-What your age?
DAMA (coquetting): House
-to me 30, on a visit 25, and in a bed 20!
klerk (gloomy): We Write
-, "in the sum - 75"...

*****

- You prevailed upon Dasha?
- Prevailed upon. Two-three changes, and she agreed.

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Two friends vypivayut:
- At me the wife - shlyukha.
drugoy:
-Why? You Present to
-, food from holiday, sent the telegram. I come, and it with lyubovnikom.
through some time it is very thoughtful dobavlyaet:
-Or perhaps and not the whore. Perhaps simply did not receive the telegram...

*****

Two travelers see in the jungle of Amazon as the local conducts to an abyss the woman with a stone on shee.
-Um, - one of travelers murmured, - it seems that at them here procedure of divorce is quite simplified.

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beseduyut:
-Moy the husband me does not love two girlfriends at all … All the time would cite as an example the mamu.
"Mother did not tell it, mother would not dress it …"
-Yes you simply do not carry away it sexually, think up something …
vecherom comes back the husband, the wife meets him in the black, fitting dress, black stockings, zazyvno smiles.
husband : - My God, something happened to mother?

*****

Two men talk between soboy:
-I learned recently that at my wife is lyubovnik.
-It still anything, I learned that mine has a husband.

*****

Two teenagers talk. Masha:
- Vova, and at you on me costs?
Vova, the intilegentny boy of years of fifteen, correcting ochki:
- You Know, I have Masha hyper sexuality at present, at me costs even on linoleum.

*****

The girl was invited for the first time by the boy on svidaniye.
vstretilis, undertook handles, took a walk in park, talked, went to the cinema, then in cafe - everything is lovely, grandly, as at lyudey.
on took her home, stand at an entrance - proshchayutsya.
ona kisses it on a cheek, it it too. At the girl of a shower sings: romanticism and first love. Suddenly the boy silently undoes a fly, takes the girl by hand and puts her hand to himself in trousers on HIM! The girl's
U ROUND eyes, a face, red with shame, in soul a storm of emotions! Thinks - ah he is a reptile, I to it with feelings such, and it CATTLE!
OHA speaks to it in 5 sec. of such stupor - "Know, know, what I will tell you?!! "
OH (quietly so) - "That? "
OHA - "Went you to the ASS!!!" it is developed and runs from it through the yard, in an entrance, on a ladder a whirlwind on the 5th floor, at a door is late keys to get, suddenly feels behind the back someone is, looks back - It costs (red all such). - "And you know
OH that I will tell you? "
OHA (shocked): "WHAT??? "-" The MEMBER release
OH!!! "
anekdoty about love. Release No. 33
05.05.2011 13:48 of yumor
e-mail Printing of PDF

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- The girl, you enter intimate relations for money?
- No!
- is excellent!!! And that I just with myself have no money...

*****

Girl, hello! It you wait for the prince on a white horse?
-Aha, I.....
-Well here... I here....
-Cool! Well, with a horse everything is clear, and the prince where?

*****

The girl in shop otkrytok:
- And what it at you there for a nice otkrytochka with bears, balls and florets?
-"My Favourite and Only".
-Aga! To me punch ten, please …

*****

The girl pensively speaks podruge:
-As if I wanted to be the movie star, about me then the whole world govoril.
-would Will be enough also that all street speaks about you.

*****

The girl before ikonoy:
-My God the omnipotent! You allowed the maiden Maria to conceive without sin - give me, guilty, to sin without conception!

*****

- The girl, resolve I you for a breast ushchipnu.
-Leave alone, the boor!
- The Girl, I will give 1000 rubles to you!
-Pshel of wons!
-Five thousand ladies!
-Is told - pshet, the moron!
- At well! Ten thousand - and once for a breast...

*****

- The girl, you now descend?
-Descend only with uma.
-Well then you leave?
-Leave only zahusband .
-Well you then do?
-I Get out! Oh, excuse
-, I did not know that you have a birthday today!.

*****

- Girl! You are sure
-A?
-Woman! You checked
-A? Whether
-A long skillfully? Whether
-Skillfully so long!
-A I somehow! On somehow I the husband have
-A!

*****

- Santa finally marry reshil.
- And as he?
- Ninety-three ...
- A bride?
- Vosemdesyat.
- And it is such a difference in age does not scare you?

*****

- Dima, and you love me? You want
-NET.
-A?
-Yes.
-A I on the contrary!

*****

- Dima, what there at you from Lenkaya?
-Yes so anything, we simply druzya.
-Is not present, Dima, with friends so do not arrive...

*****

In the long winter cold evenings it knitted to it long winter cold sweaters.

*****

To find happiness with the man, it is necessary to understand very much it and a little bit to love. To find happiness with the woman, it is necessary to love very much her and even not to try to understand.

*****

Before New Year remains 10 minut.
santa Claus, as usual, carries gifts. Jumped in a flue, put a gift under a fir-tree and jumped out back. And here the next house, Santa jumps in a flue and sees - the astounding naked girl sleeps on a bed. Santa dropped a bag, the jaw at it drooped, and itself thinks: "if to be engaged in sny love, I will not manage to carry gifts and if I am not engaged... (sees on himself below belts), in a flue I will not get through".

*****

- To what stage of pregnancy is safe to have sex?
- until the child starts to bite.

*****

- The doctor, - addresses the patient's wife to the surgeon who has to operate her husband, whether
-is though any hope?
-Everything depends on that, on what you hope...

*****

Darling I houses! (silence) of
-Ya came! (zero emotions)
-Yes, that for life such! The husband comes from work, tired, hungry, and him vstrechayut
tolko fragmentary slippers and a torn cat! …
KOT defiantly turns away and urinates on a slipper …
vecher was not set: (

*****

- Darling dreamed me that we make love in space. Da's
-? Fantasy! To think only - we make love!

*****

- Darling, you bought me for March 8 a gift?
-Of course, dorogaya.
- And it will be pleasant to me?
-If will not be pleasant, will give me, I dreamed of such spinning long ago.

*****

- You will not prompt darling, what it for a sheep with you on a photo?
-Sestra.
-Oh, such darling.

*****

Road! Dreamed me that I beremenna.
-to You to be checked …
-Ya was so madly happy! Da's
-… And at a psikhiator too …

*****

- The daughter, your this admirer swears if you do not marry him, he will commit suicide...
-Ah, mummy, to it everything told the same!
-But, maybe, though need to be rescued one nevertheless?

*****

A friend in need is a friend indeed, in the girlfriend - on vacation.

*****

- You are a fool, - the wife says to the husband, - and children your morons, and parents, and everything that you do, you do foolishly. In general, if the world competition of fools takes place, with
TY will occupy on it the second mesto.
-Why the s

*****

- Why the Jewish women so love prostitution? Well present to
-, you have something, you something sell it, and you again have it something.

*****

Three girls go to a compartment. One speaks:
-I like to strike with athletes. Quickly came running, quickly banged, quickly ubezhal.
vtoraya:
- And I - with military. Came to the account of times, into the account banged two, into the account three ushel.
tretya:
- And I like to strike with Indians. Children of the nature. Strike as zveri.
tut the train stopped. The Georgian with polki:
-May I introduce myself - the Master of Sports, the major Chingachguk falls!

*****

Three go to a compartment: he or she on the one hand and the Georgian with another. Darkened. They made love, groans, sighs.
ONA:
-If will be the son how we will call?
ON:
-Stasikom.
tut sharply brakes the train and they head over heels fly from the shelf directly on the Georgian. It podnimayetsya:
-E, daragy! On yours the wife., yours blanket., yours catch a cold. and (brushing away from a face) too take away the Stasik!

*****

It was 18, and to it 30. They were one. She knew that today he will make it. It bent over it, she started trembling all over. I am afraid of
-Ya - she told.
-Should not even be spoken - he answered.
... and then extracted it tooth.

*****

If the silly man and the silly woman meet - the large family turns out, and from the woman mother-geroinya; if the silly man and the clever woman - civil semya; the clever man and the silly woman - she becomes mother-odinochko;y in case of a meeting of the clever man and the clever woman - a little flirtation.

*****

If girl though where, it any more not the girl.

*****

If the husband gives flowers without the reason - means, the reason after all is.