Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

206  207  208  209  210  211  212  213  214  215  216  217

If the man ceased to watch himself, anything to you does not give, scatters socks everywhere and constantly that sticks out in front of the TV with a beer bottle, so you only with whom to it it is really good!

*****

If to think, the phrase a little ambiguously sounds: "I have with this girl some friction".

*****

- If you kiss me still at least once, I will become tvoyey.
-Thanks for the prevention for ever.

*****

If you divide with someone the money, you from it lose and if - that, on the contrary, you win love. Therefore ideal option - to share the love with who has money.

*****

There are three ways to zakadrit the girl. These are money.

*****

The wife awakes at midnight muzha:
-with Darling you hear, something creaks. It seems to me, this is a mouse... Well and what you want
-from me? That I greased it?

*****

The wife speaks to the husband who leaves from morya:
-Jean! Do not sit down on sand! I hate when on teeth creaks.

*****

The wife speaks to the husband:
-Lovely, and we will be today...
husband :
-O expensive, I want to devour at first something.
Wife:
-Well what you after all animal!!

*****

The wife notices that the husband at the end of occupations by love always jumps out on a balcony, starts finding out, in what business. The husband will confess that was at the doctor, told that it has 8 children. The doctor advised not to finish inside.

*****

The wife has sex with the lover, the husband with children from walk vozarashchatsya unexpectedly, the wife quickly pushes the lover under a chair and goes to meet the husband. Meanwhile the lover possessing huge advantage drilled a hole in a chair and the member pulled out there. After a while on a village chair the daughter told oh a tack, and got up, the husband then the son then sat down, told: oh a tack also rose. The last the wife sat down and told: oh tack, carnations, carnations, carnations!

*****

The wife finds blessed in a bed with lyubovnitsey:
-Well, and what it does in our bed?!
husband (still plainly without having recovered, it is blissful):
-Miracles...

*****

The wife calls the husband.:
-You still houses? I very much ask you: do not pout! I understood everything, I am guilty, let's not to swear any more, and?. Oh... Oh... Good mine!. I too am glad that we reconciled! And very much tebya
proshu: you do not eat sausage sandwiches which I to you left. I hope, did not eat still?
ETO is good. And that I such angry on you was, such angry … You them at once emission in a musornik, all right?

*****

The wife speaks every day to me: "You live, in favorable circumstances!" I ask to report, this proverb, or the wife it invented
otkuda?

*****

The wife bought a little lottery biletov.
-If I win, - she told the husband, - that I will buy a new fur coat from a mink! If you will not win
-A? - sjekhidnichat husband .
- Then you will buy it to me!

*****

Wife: You love me with all the heart?
husband : Ugu.
Wife: You think, what I am the most beautiful woman on light?
husband : Well.
Wife: It seems to you, what my lips how rose-petals, eyes how transparent lakes, and hair how silk?
husband : Aha!
Wife: Oh, as beautifully you speak!

*****

The wife - to the husband: - How you think, maybe, to change us each other somehow to recover our dim family life?
-Is useless, I already tried...

*****

The wife muzhu:
-You, what animal would like to become in the following life?
-Well... Probably, dog... That is you want to change nothing
-?

*****

The wife explains to the husband why changed him with casual young chelovekom:
-He came such hudyushchy, dirty, torn off, hungry... Well, I allowed it to be washed, fed, gave to drink, gave your old shirt and a suit... And he also asks: "Tell, and you will not have still something, than the husband does not use?"

*****

The wife otvechayet:
-Find to yourself for a dream 21-year-old, and I will take care that at you were the cheap apartment, a cheap sofa and the black- And-white TV.

*****

The wife, got very sexy skirt, turns in front of the mirror and exasperates the husband вопросами:
- Well, tell, after all the truth, to me it so goes? I even looked younger! Yes? On how many I look now?
husband (gloomy):
-For hundred rubles an hour!

*****

The wife smartens up near a mirror, gathers somewhere. husband :
-You where?
-On jumps!
-Well, hurry up, and that your horse already two times called.

*****

The wife has a good time with the lover and hears that the husband returned. She took alarm i
krichit:
-Jump in a window!
-Yes you, what? Fifth floor!
-Jump!
TOT jumped - lies under windows, to rise not mozhet.
ona vyglyanula:
-Crawl away, crawl away!

*****

The wife asks muzha:
pochemu you do not carry a wedding ring?
-B such heat!?.

*****

The wife reads goroskop:
"Day in general very adverse, your relatives are expected by serious troubles at work... "
ONA in horror calls muzhu:
-Urgently come home!
-But, expensive, today we hand over the project, the chief will become angry... I tell
-A to you, come, then I will explain everything!
DAMA puts down a reciever and continues chteniye:
"... In a family the scandals, quarrels threatening with divorce and loss of trust to each other are possible... "
ONA closes a horoscope and dumayet:
" Now the husband will arrive, it is necessary to leave the house to avoid scandal" .
dama leaves the house, gets into the car and goes for gorod.
husband comes, the house is not present anybody, You call it on mobilu:
-that, decided to joke?! You understood, what made, the silly woman? I will be discharged from office! Everything, I have had enough! I file for divorce!
husband hangs up. The lady weepingly continues reading goroskopa:
"... Car accidents, loss of control at control of vehicles are possible..."
zachitavshis, it does not notice turn and breaks in an abyss. In flight dumayet:
"Well, it is necessary, everything came true!!!"

*****

The groom rings doors of the bride. The younger brother opens. Having seen the groom, Marinka calls sestru:
-! Yours "a titmouse in hands" came!

*****

Female druzhba:
Wife does not come to spend the night home, told in the morning that spent the night at podrugi.
husband rang round 10 best friends - all told that she not nochevala.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .
muzhskaya druzhba:
husband does not come home to spend the night, told in the morning that spent the night at druga.
Wife rings round 10 friends of the husband. 5 told that spent the night at it, 5 more told that it still at them.

*****

The female doctor cannot fall asleep - in it argue conscience and razum.
sovest: "It is impossible to sleep peacefully after fooled around! "
razum: "Watching it to what! If the husband is eternally occupied, for sex he does not have enough time - here and sacred will change. It is correct that changed... bayu-bayushki-bayu"...
sovest: "Change to change discord! To copulate with the patient - violation of medical ethics!
razum: "Yes, but remember Ivanova from the 25th policlinic. She regularly has sex with patients - all are happy, all it is good" .
sovest stops. The woman fails in a dream... and suddenly - conscience caustic shepotkom:
"Yes, but Ivanova - not the veterinarian".

*****

The woman stays with the girlfriend at dacha and notices that all beds under windows are set prickly kaktusami:
-Reasonably. It that - specially that these impudent men did not get into a window?
-Is not present that did not jump out...

*****

The woman loves ears, and ears love diamonds. / Tamara Kleiman - the writer /

*****

The woman with the baby on hands meets at gate of prison of the spouse who stayed term for huliganstvo.
-this is your child? - is surprised husband .
-Yes. But if you behaved decently, it could be and yours.

*****

The woman before a trip on rest to Turkey asks at muzha:
-Darling, that to you to bring?
-to me all the same. Now all treat.

*****

The woman buys a mink coat in shop. Her seller asks:
- And why you have such wet money?
zhenshchina vzdykhayet:
-Oh, you know, the husband so cried, so cried...

*****

The woman talks with muzhem.
- The Road I to the neigbour for one minute, and you do not forget to prevent a borsch in half an hour.

*****

The woman hides always more, than knows. / Valery Afonchenko/

*****

Once upon a time there was a beautiful and seductive girl Doshirak. All parted it in 5 minutes...

*****

Once upon a time there were husband yes wife. Here somehow he went to garage, and to the wife the lover came. And the responsible moment comes to sama the husband. Rings a door. Silence. Calls once again. Silence, and then man's golos:
-Hto there?
husband :
-Qie hto, hto govoryt?
Говорыть Kyiv, pyatnadtsyat godyn, ten hvylyn...

*****

Once upon a time there were husband yes wife. Here somehow he went to garage, and to the wife the lover came. And the responsible moment comes to sama the husband. Rings a door. Silence. Calls once again. Silence, and then man's golos:
-Hto there?
husband :
-Qie hto, hto govoryt?
Говорыть Kyiv, pyatnadtsyat godyn, ten hvylyn...

*****

The lock of an entrance door clicked, and the lover as stung, jumped from a bed. The husband undressed, laid down to the wife and actively started the matrimonial responsibilities. The wife with it was especially tender, and so they probalovatsya almost all night long. In the morning the wife got up, prepared coffee with milk and asks muzha:
-You what want sandwich, with honey or with jam?
-C honey, - are answered by the husband. And, having specified under a bed, dobavlyaet:
-Perhaps this monsieur will prefer with jam?

*****

- It is married? - the judge asked. The witness vzdokhnula.
-is not married, - the judge sekretaryu.
-dictated Are married? - the judge of other witness asked. The witness vzdokhnul.
-Is married, - the judge dictated.