Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

207  208  209  210  211  212  213  214  215  216  217  218

Two in bushes make love... It - but cannot pull out
sunul. What to do?
ONA speaks:
-Let's go a waltz! So it will not be noticeable...
poshli.
idut - and the grandma one at podjezda:
-Absolutely lost shame! A waltz go!
Ha that to it the second otvechayet:
-It still anything - here last week two guys an engine left...

*****

Make love the guy with devushkoy.
devushka:
-Darling, you only from pregnancy me beregi.
paren:
be-e-re-e-gi- And- And-s!!!

*****

One Jew comes into a brothel, and speaks:
-I want love on-evreyski.
bandersha speaks:
-I know love on-frantsuzki and other focuses... But love in Jewish? For the first time I hear!
potom one of girls speaks:
- And I znayu.
prishli they to the room, and the girl smushchayetsya:
-Know, I told lies to you. I do not know love in Jewish. But affairs at us in a brothel are bad and if you wish, you can have the same, but for poltseny.
evrey was delighted and speaks:
-So same and there is a love in Jewish!

*****

The lover lyubovnitse:
-calls Give vstretimsya.
-Davay.
- And where? Give
- At me doma.
- And the husband?
-A now is not present it, it on the Internet.

*****

- Know, what such "an amazing brassiere"? You it remove
and are surprised "And where, boobs!?"

*****

- You know when I the last time went to business trip, in a case the trap on a bear put. You represent, I come and at once I run to a case. I look - sits, the handsome!
-Who? Lover?
-Bear!

*****

- You know? I receive love letters in six different languages!
-Big business! I here pay the alimony in eight various currencies!

*****

- You know, recently to me sex less pleasure dostavlyaet.
- And you apply a position behind" more often.
-I that, is more than high?
-Well, no more, but it is not necessary to do a happy ugly face.

*****

Whether this unpleasant feeling when, looking at the age-mates is familiar to you, you dumayete:
-Really and I is so old I look? Is that so!
… Sitting in turn on reception to the new stomatologist, I paid attention to its diploma hanging on a wall in a reception. Suddenly I remembered that the beautiful tall boy with such name and a surname studied with me in one class somewhere years thirty nazad.
no as soon as I came into an office, I right there rejected thought of it is this growing bald gray-haired man with the person furrowed with wrinkles was too old to be mine odnoklassnikom.
tem not less after he performed inspection, I asked it, what school he zakonchil.
on called number of my school!
-B what year? - asked ya
-In the 1978th. And why you ask?
-you were in my class! - exclaimed YA.
ON stared at me and sprosil:
-Yes? And what you taught?

*****

Meet the man the woman, it is conducted easy razgovor:
muzhchina: - And you who by profession?
zhenshchina: - Teacher, and you?
muzhchina: - Vrach.
zhenshchina, it is interested: - Gynecologist?
muzhchina: - No... but I can look.

*****

- Also there is a wish and it is pricked, - the zoophile told, glancing at a hedgehog.

*****

Game "Love at First Sight". Vedushchiy:
-What girl choose?
molodoy of people, after long razdumiy:
-It is possible to consult to the wife?

*****

Game "Love at First Sight". Vedushchiy:
-What girl choose?
molodoy of people, after long razdumiy:
-It is possible to consult to the wife?

*****

There is a roll, all beautiful such, and after it three pies. She noticed it and curtailed into turn, they behind her. It curtailed even into one turn, and there the deadlock. One approaches it and speaks:
"You do not worry, these two with cottage cheese, one I with eggs!"

*****

There is a girl down the street and receives on a SMS mobile phone: "We congratulate! You won sex service. If your mobile phone with the vibrator, thrust it to yourself into a cat and we will call back to you soon."

*****

There is a woman on the wood, mushrooms are gathered - the man in an aqualung on skis in the middle of a glade sees costs right in the sun...
- The Man, you that you do?
-Yes here I ski!
-A you do not want to make love?
-Yes is quite good, but only in a hammock and standing!
-.......??!!?!? I Like difficulties to overcome
-...

*****

There is a Little Red Riding Hood on the wood. Towards to it Pinocchio. She tumbled down it on the earth, sat down on his face and krichit:
- Well, deceive me, deceive!

*****

I go on park, I watch 100 dollars lies! I think, well, it was lucky, found! I bend to lift. I feel... no, I earn!

*****

From unwritten fairy tales: Took away somehow at a mouse - a norushka, and from Vanka - to a vstank.

*****

From a song of words you will not throw out: "... The love turned to me the back..."

*****

Having felt love, pass to serial samples.

*****

- So, my future son-in-law, I with pleasure agree to shift a hand of my daughter from the pocket in yours …

*****

How to make impression on muzhchinu:
-undress and prepare to devour.

*****

Some orgy, all on couples, only one man separately whips itself a lash. It sprashivayut:
- You that, the masochist? In
- No, the sadist, I am engaged in an onanism.

*****

- What is the difference between a fairy and witch?
- Year of marriage

*****

- What you have reasons for divorce? The Wife called
-me durachkom.
-Under what circumstances?
-I Come home, and the wife - in a bed with the lover and speaks: "Study, the little fool as it is necessary to love the wife".

*****

- What best way to get rid of 70 kg of excess fat?
-to Divorce!

*****

- What a mess! Every year I have a child!
- Have you tried a couple of years not to meet with her husband?
- tried - does not help.

*****

The candidate comes domoy
-Skolko voices you gathered, - asks Wife
-tri
-admit, you have a mistress?

*****

Qualitative office table is simply obliged to maintain two...

*****

When the woman says that she has nothing to put on is means that everything ended novoye.
kogda the man says that he has nothing to put on is means that all pure ended.

*****

Whom I want, I do not know. Whom I know, I do not want...

*****

- To whom it is more pleasant during sex, the man or the woman?
- And when you scratch an ear a finger to whom it is more pleasant, to a finger or an ear!?

*****

Circle of lovers of a firm toy.

*****

- Who is better than a sex bomb?
- the Sex mine. It works not just like that, and under somebody.

*****

Resort znakomstvo.
v the first day the man stroked to the woman of pyky.
Bo the second day - lokotok.
v the third when the man dared to touch the woman for a shoulder, it is angry saida:
-you that think - I here for half a year arrived?

*****

The husband and the wife in a bed lie. Wife: To
-Expensive, take me...
-Sleep, native, we do not go anywhere.

*****

The lieutenant arrived to new part, affairs settled, goes down the street near part. Saw the girl nice - approached, got acquainted and took a bull for roga:
-I to you will come tonight, love we will work!
devushka in horror from such admirer does feet, resorts home (and the father - the general - the commander of part), eyes kruglye:
- The Father! Father! Here you have a new lieutenant, quirky such, - well and all appealed to the father. The father uspokaivayet:
-be not afraid, I will guard you - in a case spryachus.
blizhe by the night the general climbs in a case, the daughter - in a bed. The lieutenant with a platoon and komanduyet:
-Office on kitchen, office on a balcony, office to a door, office to a case is declared! - and itself to the daughter. In the morning, after departure of the lieutenant and a platoon, the daughter delighted to generalu:
- The Father! Father! What man this lieutenant!
-Hogwash it, daughter! And here what commander!

*****

Lecture at agricultural institute. Professor:
-One healthy manufacturing bull has to have in day to twelve copulation... A voice from the first ryada:
-Forgive to
zhensky, professor, how many? To dvenadtsati.
-Repeat
-, please, for the last row! A voice from the last ryada:
-Tell
muzhskoy, professor, is about copulation with one cow or with twelve?
-C twelve, of course... Thanks
-, repeat, please for the first row...