Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

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Adam to Bogy:
-My God comes, create to me similar, such that and it was possible to talk when it is boring and that was silent when it is necessary that erased, cleaned, prepared that was both the friend good and the mistress cool...
BOG thought and govopit:
-Hy that you will be helped by me, only give me the right foot, the left pyky, one eye, all hair, part of teeth...
-of Stop stop feet, My God, and you for an edge of anything poproshche is not present y?

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- Fathers! You too love a fantasy? You took
-C of that, the sonny?
-A when you turn on the TV at night, there so often speak: "Oh, I, I. Das ist fantastish!"

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The father of Karlo:
-I plane and I plane, and the wife saws everything and saws...

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Paradoksy:
-it is possible to fall in love with the Person after you know him well, and to stop loving - after you learn too horosho.
-Horns most quicker grow on lysine.
-Lyubov is a secret: you want it to keep - do not speak about it to anybody, even to the one than whom lyubish.
- The the slit on the woman's dress is higher, that easier for it to run from the man, but the more he wants to run behind it. And the cut on the woman's dress is deeper, the easier she breathes, but it is heavier - breathes muzhchina.
-Happiness - to have the beautiful wife, and a grief - to have such schastye.
-Lyubov - as a lunch: the woman at first gives cold, then is hotter... But man as child: wants to begin at once with the sweet. And if the woman it allows it, on
bystro will lose appetit.
- The more strongly heart flares, the more weakly cooks a kettle.

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The guy and the girl lived in the Puritan settlement, and the only thing mestom
for love appointments for them was local kladbishche.
one day she came back home and complained that at her on zadnitse
obrazovalis painful hems. Parents suspected neladnoye.
-But whether with the guy you were on a cemetery? - took an interest otets.
-Is not present, one, - answered doch.
-Well, then show the hems, - the father told - And well naklonis.
doch bent and the Liar lowered a little pantalony.
-! - the father was indignant - You sinned with that guy na
mogilnoy to a plate! Either it so, or your bum died in 1881!

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The guy and the girl lived in the Puritan settlement, and the only thing mestom
for love appointments for them was local kladbishche.
one day she came back home and complained that at her on zadnitse
obrazovalis painful hems. Parents suspected neladnoye.
-But whether with the guy you were on a cemetery? - took an interest otets.
-Is not present, one, - answered doch.
-Well, then show the hems, - the father told - And well naklonis.
doch bent and the Liar lowered a little pantalony.
-! - the father was indignant - You sinned with that guy na
mogilnoy to a plate! Either it so, or your bum died in 1881!

*****

The guy and the girl make love in mashine.
v glass knocks politseyskiy:
-That you do it here?
paren lowers glass and otvechayet:
-I Bang the podruzhku.
-Well, - the police officer speaks. - I sleduyushchiy.
paren:
-It am pleasant to me! I still never banged police officers...

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The guy with the girl come after appointment to it home. It gets keys, and the girl to it speaks:
-You know, I look as the man opens a door and I define, whether we approach each other... If it roughly sticks a key at a door - he is the rough lover and it not for me and if it drops keys and cannot find a keyhole, he is the inexperienced lover and it too not for me... And here is how you open a door, darling?
MUZHIK:
-Well, at first I will lick a keyhole...

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The guy with the girl come after appointment to it home. It gets keys, and the girl to it speaks:
-You know, I look as the man opens a door and I define, whether we approach each other... If it roughly sticks a key at a door - he is the rough lover and it not for me and if it drops keys and cannot find a keyhole, he is the inexperienced lover and it too not for me... And here is how you open a door, darling?
MUZHIK:
-Well, at first I will lick a keyhole...

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The guy meets the girl … Night of love … In the morning the guy finds a photo of the moustached man …
-Who it, the husband?
-Not boysya.
-Is not present, well who?
-Nobody pridet.
-Is not present, well who?
-Yes it I before operation.

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The guy left the girl, to him is lonely, well he also appeals to the wife of the friend to find to it the girlfriend. ONA:
- And you will love it?
-I Will be... To carry
-On hands?
-I Will be... Gifts to give
-?
-I Will be... Listen to
-, and I can to you I will approach?...

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The couple long and variously makes love. Suddenly in process it asks:
-darling excuse for an inappropriate question. I understand, what I at you not the first, but can be, at least the second?
-pointed, road. And from what it today's sequence suddenly interested you?

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First marriage night. The husband with the wife in a bed. 23.00 husband :
-Masha, it is possible?
3.00 of morning. husband :
-Masha, it is possible??
5.00 of morning. Husband: -
MASh, well is possible???
7 of morning. husband :
-Mash, well please, well it is possible????
Wife:
-is fine, SLAZ!

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Before svadboy:
on: Hurrah! At last!
ONA (Aloud, it is thoughtful): Everything can throw and leave to me?
ON: - Still that thought up, throw out this nonsense from the head!
ONA: - You love me?
ON: - Still!
ONA: - You sometime changed me?
ON: - Well, how such came to your mind?
ONA: - And on hands you will carry me?
ON: - Of course, you it deserved!
ONA: - You will beat me?
ON: - You that, went crazy?
ONA: - I can trust you?
… After a wedding - to read from below up:)

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- Write: "Cranial injury of the head... "
-Perhaps, the craniocereberal? - objected not in a measure clever ppaktikant.
- There are no brains at it, even there is nothing to check, - the doctor answered, - time on the date of the wife's birth with the

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On hearings, Armenians developed very effective AIDS vaccine transferring only sexually.

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The girlfriend - podruge:
-my lover every time brings me a bouquet of roses! You want you do not want, and feet to move apart to have!
-U you that, is not present a vase?!

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The guy to girl:
- The Girl approaches, it is possible to get acquainted with you?
-Katya.
-A is closer? Roll
-Two...

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The elderly man complains to the drugu:
-Well I cannot the second time in a night the man's mission in any way make. The first time still somehow, and the second - nikak.
-Well you after the first time breathe, have a rest, relax, dream up … Yes I and do
-, but anything it is impossible …
-Well you properly relax, emission all foreign thoughts from the head, think only of one …
-Well horosho.
pribezhal the man home, made love to the wife, then laid down on a back, relaxed, dismissed all excess thoughts, pomeditirovat, dreamed up - and as the newcomer … Once again with the wife … Then again relaxed, lay down, disconnected nervous system and for the third time with the wife …
utrom resorts for work, and the boss to it and speaks:
-You, of course the worker good, but after all I you uvolyu.
-now But for what?! After all 9:02 more … for two minutes was only late!
-A on Wednesday and on Thursday where was?!

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The guy got acquainted with the beautiful girl. That invited him to herself home. On a threshold meets them it mat.
paren:
-I am a suitor for the hand your daughter. I love it, it is beautiful as a picture, as a masterpiece hudozhnika.
mat:
-Hey, Michelangelo, will be enough to sleep, go to meet future son-in-law!

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- Let's go, we will make love!
-Oh, painfully is necessary!
-is sick, but it is necessary!

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- A sexual hormone - the strongest hallucinogen!
- Obosnuy.
- Before you the ordinary stinker, and it shows you a lovely and gentle being.

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- Help, force! Ran up, helped. (Option: - Do not shout, the silly woman, itself I will consult!)

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Concept about the ideal husband at all women very variously - one needs the billionaire, and it is quite enough other and modest millionaire

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The tailor persuades the rich man to pay for a new dress lyubovnitsy:
-If you looked as it on it lies, would pay, without bargaining!
-Hardly! I pay three times more to see how it lies without it!

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After night of love the girl asks the vozlyublennogo:
-Darling, we will get married? We Will phone with
-.

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After night of love.
ONA: - Darling, we will get married?
ON: - Let's phone.

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After 1000 and 1 nights the shah decided and married Shakherezada...
through - absolutely any - returns it days to the father, by the way - to the Vizier, with enormous compensation for concern...
PAPA in neponyatka - nearly four years of the fairy tale listened - and after the first Brach ache nights - farewell love?
ShAH, a little smushchyonno:
-you Understand, 1001 nights of fairy tales are already abruptly, but 1001 poses in a night - a complete outrage!

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- The last two years my husband almost does not look at me! If something happens to me, he will not even be able to identify my body!

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- Listen, you already half an hour hold a tube and are silent. Allow me pozvonit.
-do not disturb, please, I talk to the wife.

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Advised the Ukrainian to make love to the wife by the light of... Next day friends are interested as everything passed:
-Oh, yak garno, yak well, yak pleasantly, and to yak children pleasure!!!

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The laid-back person tells the drugu:
- At me the day before yesterday the car hijacked, and I do not care! Yesterday the wife left with the lover, and I do not care! And today to you on a visit I go. I come into a front door, and there five bugayev.
sprashivayut: - "You Serega?". I - "Well". They as started me beating...
- And you that?
-Well I not Serega! I do not care!

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The husband home resorts and krichit:
- The Wife, collect things rather. I won one million dollars in a lottery!!! What things to collect
-A, winter or summer?
-Collect everything and wind from here on a horse-radish!

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There comes a man from business trip home, wants to call at a door, and in hands flowers, gifts for the wife... well it is impossible to call in any way. Passes by sosedka:
-Horns, the neighbor, horns!

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Carlson to the mistress (she lives on the 9th floor) arrived and declines to the worst. It in any way not soglashayetsya.
karlson: "If the husband comes, will throw out me in a window I and I will depart. "
lyubovnitsa: "Well"
prokhodit time.
zvonok in dver.
karlson jumps in a window, and it is enough first under a hand knizhku.
husband : "What did you do? "
ONA: "I spent all evening in society..." - watches a cover - "... mister Dumas. "
husband : "And, so it he forgot on a chair the trousers with the propeller."

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The girl comes to shop otkrytok:
-Show, please, that nice otkrytochka with hearts and with an inscription "My one and only". It is pleasant to me, give, please, pieces eight.

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The girl comes to church in tears...
- The Father, raped me...
-How, my daughter?
-Yes not in the way, father, and something similar to a candle.

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The woman to the doctor comes, and speaks:
-my husband on me in general does not pay attention, a conjugal duty does not fulfill...
-Here to you poroshochek, excellent, precisely will help!
NU comes the wife home, cooks vareniki, strews with powder, calls the husband is, and itself, znachitets, undressed - and in a bed. WAITS... Here You rush into the room husband :
-... it... sometime saw how dogs have sex?
Ta in predvkushenii:
-Yes, darling!
-A of a cat? Da's
-!
-A VARENIKI???
-Is not present!
-SO go LOOK!!!

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The husband home from work comes and sees the wife with the district doctor in posteli:
- And what you do here?!
-Temperature meryaem.
husband gets the gun from shkafa:
-Well if on your thermometer there are no figures, you have only yourself to blame!