Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

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- Accused, explain to jurors why you killed the wife instead of killing her lover?
-Ya judged, your honor that it is much more reasonable to kill one woman once, than every week to kill on the new man...

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- You that, took offense?
-Is not present, I behind an axe.

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Objyavleniye:
the Young girl of 25 years from an intelligent family with two higher educations will get acquainted with the young man loving art, understanding Kant and Nietzsche's philosophy, discordant with the theory of Darwin and Enshteyna.
of P.S which found mistakes in the theory of relativity. Write quickly, and that there is a wish to strike very much!

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The announcement in gazete:
"Ladies and gentlemen! Make New Year for the children unforgettable, invite to yourself Father Frost! "
P.S. Misters, do not deprive also yourself this evening in pleasure - invite to yourself the Snow Maiden.

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The announcement in shop: "Buy in our shop a suit for the husband, and you free of charge receive a tie for the darling"

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Announcement: I will give good feet in a good charge.

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Announcement: Charming girls will come out to the house to solid, respectable men if those help them to make for tomorrow lessons of arithmetics, Russian, reading and drawing.

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Declaration of love on telefonu:
-Expensive! I cannot live more without you! I am ready to preserve you against all adversities of life... if you leave me, I will bypass in search of you all globe... I will cross the seas, the jungle and deserts...
I hot answer sobesednitsy:
-Oh, my love! Come now! I wait! I started undressing already!
-of Hypermarket... Only not today, - he muttered. - On the street a rain...

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Odessa. Two houses opposite. In the morning to balconies of the apartments there are two sosedki.
odna another speaks:
-Listen, Sonya, you that, got sick? You at two o'clock in the morning were left by the doctor!
-Ai, B?la, stop, it is opposite to listen: if you are left every morning by the colonel, I do not shout at all Deribasovskaya that war began!

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One highly experienced gentleman asks just marrying druga:
-Tell, your wife had any dowry?
-Is not present, not bylo.
-Besides, speak, it is quite independent?
-Yes, it pravda.
- Then to what, my friend, you made up the mind to such serious step?
-Why? Yes it is very simple - I love it!

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One man dpugomu:
-You is married 10 years, and to time did not change! Why?
-Well... The reason in two things...
-... probably, love and devotion?
-Is not present! Laziness and pornosayty 1jj.ru!

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One man at another asks:
-Wan, you speak married recently, you that?!
-Yes here, bothered to eat on eateries...
- And now?
-A is pleasant now!

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One man caught the wife with the lover, terribly was upset and going to be hung up. His buddy began it uteshat:
-Come on. Zhist does not come to an end!...
-of Daa! It is easy for you to speak! Here that YOU would make if catches the wife with the lover?
-of Nuu... I to it would knock out all his three gold teeth, and thrust his cap to it into a bum!!!

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One man caught the wife with the lover, terribly was upset and going to be hung up. His buddy began it uteshat:
-Come on. Zhist does not come to an end!...
-of Daa! It is easy for you to speak! Here that YOU would make if catches the wife with the lover?
-of Nuu... I to it would knock out all his three gold teeth, and thrust his cap to it into a bum!!!

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One man behind a glass of beer tells drugomu:
-I Come back suddenly from business trip. It was put in a case - it is empty, under a bed - it is empty … the wife that tells
-A?
-Yes I have no wife, - the apartment robbed.

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One friend drugomu:
-Listen, I it is simple out of itself. You know, what my wife uchudit? It, you understand, the love three together already wants!
-You do not worry. Well and well, that love three together? You judge quietly. Perhaps, it even will be interesting to you. Love three together, new feelings...
-So did not even include me in these three!

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One friend complains drugomu:
-Wuma I will not apply that to do to me! I so love Tamara, so I want s
ney to meet... And after all I am a person family, I have three families!

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One Sicilian speaks drugomu:
- And what, se?or Bertoluzzi was not surprised when you wooed his daughter?
-Still as! At it even the revolver dropped out of hands...

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One tourist, walking on the city, decided to share the vostorgami
s the friend - to write to it pismo.
zakhodit to the bench trading in various paper and asks prodavtsa:
-Please, me a sheet of paper...
-to you what?
-For pisma.
-What format?
-Usual to send in konverte.
-E, envelopes happen different...
-Well, give here for this envelope...
-A to you what color paper: white, pink, blue? Give
-beluyu.
- And to you simple or coated? To
-Me all the same, give the simple! You to whom were going to write
-A?
-What to you put?
-Well, as: for the business letter - one paper, for love - another,
S a rosette, for example... Give
-for the letter to the friend, without rosettes!
-A to you with a stamping, or, maybe, with watermarks?
-Neither with that, nor with another, simple paper!!! What
-A you will write with the handle? What
-I want, and I will be such, give any leaf, at last!!!
-Is not present, so it is impossible, for the bulk handle other paper, chem
for is necessary absolutely to the ball... The hell give
-to Sharikova...! What type of mail you are going to send to
-A the letter?
-???
ETOT dialogue interrupts a sound opened dveri.
v a magazinchik the man comes, bearing an armpit unitaz.
on puts a toilet bowl on a floor..., turns the back..., takes off trousers...
I says with zlostyyu:
-Here my toilet bowl, and here my ass!!! I rulon
tualetnoy can receive, at last, papers!!!!!

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One lady tells the gentleman about the first muzhe:
-I met him in 20, and left him in 23.
-Yes, I think that three hours quite enough.

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One woman drugoy:
-You represent, mine constantly changes me, and I so many time was faithful to it...

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One girlfriend speaks drugoy:
-Represent, the husband went yesterday and bought a water bed! Dorogushchaya.
-So same it is likely healthy, a water bed. Excites, and in general. There will be a love on vode.
-Listen, with activity of my husband it will be not love on water, and cruise across the Dead Sea.

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One girlfriend speaks drugoy:
-Represent, the husband went yesterday and bought a water bed! Dorogushchaya.
-So same it is likely healthy, a water bed. Excites, and in general. There will be a love on vode.
-Listen, with activity of my husband it will be not love on water, and cruise across the Dead Sea.

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One girlfriend complains drugoy:
-As I will hang up linen after washing to dry, always a rain namochit.
- And you use national signs, as I. You look in the morning to the husband under a blanket: if on the left - by a rain, and if to the right - that to good pogode.
- And if costs?
-Silly woman! Yes who on such holidays erases!

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Once the schoolgirl asked in the teacher polyglot Oleg Palamarchuk:
- whether Can friendship between the guy and the girl over time to develop into love?
- If at them is not present time for friendship, it can quickly develop into love.

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Single-track railroad. By mistake, the operator started up two trains towards each other. And they did not meet. It is visible, not destiny.

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One guy madly liked one girl. He approached it and made an avowal of sentiments. It in otvet:
-you have Mercedes??
-NET
-A 2-hetazhny twisted???
-NET
-Conversation zakonchen.
on comes to the father, tells it everything and asks for suggestions. Otets:
nuuu that I can tell... You will sell to Bentley, 3 Mercedeses will buy, but because of the woman to take down 2 floors, the sonny is a search!

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- Oh, what triplets at you... As you such exact copies made it?
husband , is angry: - To show a cliche to you?

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It - ey:
- Darling suck off to me!
- Of course, darling, everything that you will want!!
- About! OH!! Super!!! And what you want? For SUCH I will grant any your desire!
ONA:
- I want a kunna... sacks... A pancake, well though bang me, perhaps.

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He attempted upon her honor the advantage.

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ONA:
-You will love me when at me hair turn gray?
ON:
-Of course! And why is also not present? Eventually, I after all loved you when you had hair red, yellow, orange, blue, silvery and even green color!

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She so loves the husband that during sex with the lover represents not his place of the husband.

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ONA:
-Listen, darling, if I marry, I will lose rabotu.
on:
- Then it is necessary to hold our marriage in tayne.
- And if we have a child?
-Well, the child to us, of course, should open.

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It, since morning, with insult: - Darling, you that, forgot, what today day?
ON, being perplexed: - What?
ONA: - St. Valentine's Day!
ONA: - Remembered? Well, so where you will lead me today?
ON, with a type of the begun to see clearly genius: - In church!
ONA, with astonishment: - Why?
ON: - Let's deliver a candle to St. Valentine.

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They loved each other very strongly, lived long and happily and died in dress day from an orgasm: it since morning, and it - in the late afternoon.

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They got acquainted in the bar. He invited her, to himself, predlozhiv:
-You will not refuse to oversleep with me?
-of it never happened To me, - answered ona.
-You never slept with the man?
-Is not present, never refused.

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Treat sex with humour - did not rise, also baink have a laugh.

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Won back a wedding in the Ukrainian village. Newlyweds sleep in one room with the newlywed's brother. Here the brother of the newlywed speaks:
-of Slukhay, Petro, give me a varenik!
-That what to you still varenik in the middle of the night. Well give
-a varenik.
-That I have no varenik, sleep give.
-of Sho, you have no varenik?
-Is not present.
-A that you then there so loudly give smacking kiss?

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Very intelligent family. Late evening. the 17-year-old daughter student comes back home. In a hall she is met disturbed roditeli.
otets Elena Georgiyevna addresses to docheri:
-, desire to speak: where and why you so for a long time were late?
DOCH, having collected the will remains in a fist, objyasnyaet:
-Dear Georgy Alekseevich and Marina Dmitriyevna, I thumping also flew.