Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

210  211  212  213  214  215  216  217  218  219  220  221

The man woke the wife in the middle of the night and gives her a glass of water and two tablets aspirina.
Wife: You that it?
husband : Yes here, tablets to you from head boli.
Wife: But does not hurt me golova.
husband (taking off pants) AGAAAAAAA!!!

*****

The man in seksshope:
- Show me this kuklu.
- You're welcome.
- And date of production what?
- January 2005.
- the Capricorn? Does not approach...

*****

The man sits between two Yulyami and vzdykhayet:
- So there is a wish to sit down between two girls and to make a wish, and then to lay down between them and to execute it.

*****

- The man - as a bur: at first it sticks to the woman, and then is easily washed away.

*****

The man complains sosluzhivtsu:
-I home late come... Every day I come and I feel - again pozdno.
- And you come a bit earlier!
-Yes is useless! I already and came to the 5th mornings - all the same I am not in time!.

*****

- The man - will not prompt how to get to maternity hospital?
- It is necessary to strike, the girl, it is obligatory - in a different way it will not turn out.

*****

- Man, and how old are you?
- 80.
- Yes? And I would not give at once...
- Yes already is also not necessary to me...

*****

The man why you push the pregnant woman?
-A on you is not visible!
-A you that, wanted that in 30 minutes it was noticeable?

*****

We are very glad that you underwent our small testing. Now we precisely know that there is no more suitable man for our daughter! Welcome to our family!
moral: Long live to safe sex! (I always leave condoms in the car...)

*****

We sat, talked, drank tea with a pie... And, I already imagined as he will start me kissing to undress... But he only drank tea, gobbled up all pie and left!

*****

On fancy-dress the host approaches a ball absolutely naked girl, on which only black gloves and black shoes. Very surprised, it asks:
-Excuse for my immodesty, but I would like to learn whom you dressed up?
-Well of course, five peak!

*****

On certain islands in the Pacific Ocean landed: Germans, French, Americans, Jews and pysskikh
(all on 2 men and 1 woman). There come with ppovepkoy:
u Germans only two men. "Where lady?" - "Drowned - nikakogoporyadka" ;
U of French - one lady. "Where men?" - "I loved Jean, and Zhak
lyubil me. Jacques killed Jean, and I killed Jacques" with ;
U of Americans - all in norm and all are happy...
U of Jews - two men and two ladies. "From where the second?" - "Got" :)
U of Russians - all as is described. "How solve sexual problems? "
-"on even days of week she is my wife, his mistress, on nechetnym
naobopot, and on days off we beat her" - "For what?" - "As for what? - for бл#$ство!"

*****

On piknike:
-Well, darling, a grass not so crude. Simply you sat down na
kartofelny salad under mayonezom.

*****

On a beach there is a man with a pack. Saw two girls and solved to them podoyti:
-Girls! In preference or a point?
-A in preference it where?!

*****

For 15 years of matrimonial life I heard from muzha
" Where my socks nearly every morning??!!", though they always were in the same place!!))) I began to change their site-)) For example veiled them the screen of the TV which on
nepremenno included getting out of a bed. Hanged out on a mirror at which it cleaned zuby.
no since morning, in minutes 15-20 when he started putting on, "Where my socks?" - sounded again!!)))
… And then, I bought such lovely plastic basin with florets, folded couples 60 socks there and handed blessed with threat that if there will be an interest concerning location of socks, the basin will be smashed about his gently favourite head!!! Now I hear "Where a basin from time to time?!"))))))

*****

At a Scripture lesson the priest speaks detyam:
-Now I will tell you as there was the first person...
- The Father, - are told by Vovochka, - I would listen as there was the third person!

*****

Inscription on zabore:
"Katya + Mischa + Semyon + Yura + Dmitry Vasilyevich + companion Nikitin + the red plumber + Vitenk + telemaster Zhora + the swine Redulov + not to remember a name, long-haired such + the husband = LOVE!"

*****

Nadia winked at Vasya of 140 times, wrote 8 notes, 4 raza
priglashala on a disco, 23 times invited at cinema, 3 times invited home, to look that with the computer while parents are not present the house. 2 times I showed photos from an album "in a sauna". Vasya considers Nadia good drugom.
question 1: well unless it is possible to be such brake?
question 2: can, Nadia should refuse delicate hints?

*****

Do not grieve if you were left by Lyubov, she will be succeeded by Nadezhda. Nadezhda will leave - Vera will come, And Vera will leave - Zulfia will come.

*****

Not to love such beautiful the woman - a crime, and to love - punishment.

*****

Not the love of the evil - goats is too much...

*****

- Do not you want? Well, at least when I eat a banana ...

*****

Recently the tribe which men are capable to gather speed to 60 women an hour was found in the jungle of Amazon. Everything that our correspondent Elena Solovyyova managed to report it!

*****

The German scientists created anti-viagra - for quiet and thoughtful viewing of pornofilms.

*****

- The few girls know how to derive pleasure in cekce.
- Yes, some should drum literally.

*****

Non-standard situation: the wife comes back home and finds the husband with lyubovnitsey.
Wife the gun is enough from a wall, brings a barrel to a groin. The husband in fear begins prichitat:
- The Darling as you can...
-Call to me at least one reason which could stop me!
husband , after feverish second razdumiy:
-Same is not sports!
-Well then shake them to the right-to the left.

*****

Nothing paints the woman as a vodka bottle in the man's stomach...

*****

The new secretary of English did not know, but language perfectly knew...

*****

New Russians in the Bolshoi theater on the ballet. The wife - muzhu:
-All feelings - the love, passion, desire - are expressed in the ballet in dvizhenii.
-Well, do not tell! At me is recently the buddy NA
"the Swan lake" of the grandma paid, so the ballerina sang.

*****

- You that hung up a nose, old times?
-of Lines would pobrat them, these friends! You know what they played with me an idiotic joke: put ladies' shorts to me in karman.
- And what, your wife found them?
-Is not present, my mistress!
-Well, it no

*****

The porter brings things in number of just driven couple and plays for time in nadezhde
poluchit chayevye:
-Something else, the Sir? Perhaps, something is necessary for your spouse?
muzhchina: - The good fellow that reminded! Bring a post card.

*****

Night park in the city. There is a point-policeman and suddenly hears whisper in kustakh:
-Vanya, remove points, you to me will tear stockings!
postovoy listened and in a minute slyshit:
-Vanya, put better on glasses, you a bench lick …
IZ of reminiscence of the militia sergeant

*****

Night, the son comes into a bedroom of parents where they make love. SYN:
- The Father, it is possible I with you I will play?
roditeli in confusion agree and the son gets to the father on a back. After a while mother starts postanyvat and coiling quietly. The son silently speaks to the father on ukho:
- The Father, more carefully, and that I in this place from the uncle Kolya fall down all the time.

*****

Night, the son comes into a bedroom of parents where they make love. SYN:
- The Father, it is possible I with you I will play?
roditeli in confusion agree and the son gets to the father on a back. After a while mother starts postanyvat and coiling quietly. The son silently speaks to the father on ukho:
- The Father, more carefully, and that I in this place from the uncle Kolya fall down all the time.

*****

- Well, Lena, well you give!
is a question or a compliment?

*****

Well why when Petka photographs the wife, she at him as Sophia Loren turns out? And when you me.
-of Petk graduated from operator faculty of the VGIK. And I criminalistic examination at the Ministry of Internal Affairs.

*****

Well, tell, darling, honestly, what men speak at me behind the back?
-Cool buttocks!

*****

- Oh, I ask you, darling, it is not necessary here...
- Oh, I ask you, darling, it is not necessary...
- Oh, I ask you, darling, not...
- Oh, I ask you, the road...
- Oh, I ask you... - Oh, I ask
...
- O-O-O!!!

*****

Of what women after sex think looking in a ceiling: Lyubovnitsa:lyubit does not love?! Prostitutka:zaplatit will not pay?! Wife:pokrasit will not paint?!