Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

214  215  216  217  218  219  220  221  222  223  224  225

The student speaks podruge:
-My groom cannot on me naglyadetsya.
-Yes? At mine too weak sight.

*****

- Spouses decided to castrate a cat. The wife calls veterinaru:
-to Alya, hello! You castration do
-Zdravstvuyte.
-A? - Yes.
-is good, I will send the husband tomorrow.

*****

- Is there a love at first sight?
- At first glance, yes.

*****

The son studies in the 7th class. Invited the girl on a visit. His mother, feeling need to impart to the child, legibility since the childhood, arranged dismantling after its leaving: something it seems: "Where your taste?!. Feet curve!. Neither skin, nor ugly face!... And what you found in it?" Exhausted in the end, asks: "And why you after all chose it?"
SYN with pride: "Mother, well she is so similar to you!"

*****

- So you that, nevertheless threw the husband?
-A that needed to be done to me? You remember when I got acquainted with it, he said to me, what it in a bed as a royal eagle? But I am not an ornithologist, from where I knew that this devil's birdie make

*****

- So you that, nevertheless threw the husband?
-A that needed to be done to me? You remember when I got acquainted with it, he said to me, what it in a bed as a royal eagle? But I am not an ornithologist, from where I knew that this devil's birdie make

*****

- What is the perfect lover?
- Hybrid vibrator with the ATM.

*****

- What is the love? Now in Yandex I will look for
-.

*****

Phone call. The man picks up the phone. On that end provoda:
-Hallo! It you, darling?
-Ya. And who speaks?

*****

- Companion militiaman! My wife went out for a walk with a dog yesterday and still not vernulas.
-Describe it how looks?
-Well … the woman how the woman, in platye.
- And a dog as looks?
- The Fox terrier, 32 centimeters high, eyes brown, the righ

*****

Trays complains to the girlfriend of Emilii:
-This geek called me the whore!
-Horror! And what you made?
-Ya demanded that it was immediately swept out from my bedroom and took the friend with itself(himself).

*****

Three days and three nights Ivan Tsarevitch made laugh the tsarevna Nesmeyana...
A took offense then, rose, put on and left.

*****

Three weeks after a wedding. The young wife calls mother all in slezakh.
-Mothers, I simply do not know what to do! At us here such family scene was played! Horror!
-is quiet, the daughter, be not upset. In each family sometime there are first disputes, the conflicts. Calm down and bring yourself in poryadok.
-Well, mother. And with a corpse of that to do?

*****

You represent, this viper threw me! Well, anything, it still will come crawling to me!

*****

At the Armenian radio sprosili
-why at a chicken is not present grudi.
-because the rooster has no hand.

*****

- Why the Baba-yaga can have no children? - Not on that stick flew!

*****

Ancient Greeks had an ancient tradition - to carry the most beautiful girls on the island of the Minotaur. For now floated on the island, by the ship occurred such that on the arrival of the girl wine, continuation of a banquet and the Minotaur demanded. And the Minotaur hid in a far corner of the island and krichal:
- Here to you the Labyrinth, but not the blyadsky yard!!!

*****

- I have a wife - krysa.
-It on east horoscope?
-Is not present, upon …

*****

- You at the wife watch the monthly?
-??? My
-A always shows me …
-you that, probably, perverts some new?!
-Well, normal people: she is an accountant, I am an auditor.

*****

The man had an iguana, he with her played, fed, and then she for a finger snatched him. He took offense at it, then sees: and she so faithfully and sadly looks at it, is dragged za
nim on all house, in eyes looks: "Forgive a pier, the owner". Since morning he wakes up, and the iguana near him sits, looks sadly. He already was deeply moved. However the hand at it swelled up. It an iguana in an armful and to the doctor. There also it became clear that this species of iguanas is poisonous, only poison at them very weak therefore they at first bite, and then are stupidly dragged behind the victim, wait will die so far.

*****

I have a girlfriend - the conductor... It is horror! It is necessary all night long a bed raskachivat.
Only you stop - it rises and the toilet locks...

*****

At the woman who is well watching herself it is not necessary to watch forces and time the man any more.

*****

Ask the student: "What such love? "
-Lyubov, - he answers, is an illness which stacks people in postel.
-Allow, - the doctor speaks, - what it is an illness if nobody wants to be treated? The love is rabota.
-What it is work, - the engineer is surprised, - if the main member of production costs? The love is protsess.
-What it is process, - the lawyer gets into conversation, - when anybody with anybody has not legal proceedings. The love is iskusstvo.
-What this art, - the artist is indignant, - when all who feel like it are engaged in it! The love is nauka.
-What it is science, - professor asks, - when the student can be engaged in it, and I do not?

*****

Ask the student: "What such love? "
-Lyubov, - he answers, is an illness which stacks people in postel.
-Allow, - the doctor speaks, - what it is an illness if nobody wants to be treated? The love is rabota.
-What it is work, - the engineer is surprised, - if the main member of production costs? The love is protsess.
-What it is process, - the lawyer gets into conversation, - when anybody with anybody has not legal proceedings. The love is iskusstvo.
-What this art, - the artist is indignant, - when all who feel like it are engaged in it! The love is nauka.
-What it is science, - professor asks, - when the student can be engaged in it, and I do not?

*****

Ask the student: "What such love? "
-Lyubov, - he answers, is an illness which stacks people in postel.
-Allow, - the doctor speaks, - what it is an illness if nobody wants to be treated? The love is rabota.
-What it is work, - the engineer is surprised, - if the main member of production costs? The love is protsess.
-What it is process, - the lawyer gets into conversation, - when anybody with anybody has not legal proceedings. The love is iskusstvo.
-What this art, - the artist is indignant, - when all who feel like it are engaged in it! The love is nauka.
-What it is science, - professor asks, - when the student can be engaged in it, and I do not?

*****

- You have a wife where works?
-U me the wife stays at home, pies bakes. The whole day bakes. I come from work - bakes, I leave - bakes! And after all someone guzzles these pies! Personally I never tried...

*****

The chief dismisses the secretary. It to it at parting and speaks:
-Here I with two diplomas (shows on a breast), narrow specialization (shows on a waist) and a broad outlook (shows on hips) will very quickly find new good work, and here with your GENTLE DISPOSITION and all will leave you.

*****

- I will leave the husband. Since he became a deputy, it only also does that costs at a bed and tells me as it will be good.

*****

The muzhchinka will try to persuade the girl:
-Come, expensive, in the evening to me - houses will be nobody.
B the end of the ends - prevailed upon. It came in the evening to it home, and there - anybody.

*****

- I beg you, the daughter, do not marry this person!
-But, mummy, I for a while...

*****

The tired husband comes home late at night. The wife shouts at it: - Where was? - Darling well you at me the clear head, - the husband speaks - think up something.

*****

The tired husband comes home and would speak zhene:
-Who called, I am not present the house!
razdayetsya is ringing. The wife takes trubku:
- The Husband of the house! I asked
-?!
-do not become angry, darling, called not you.

*****

In the morning the man approaches a mirror, looks at himself: bald, teeth all curves, pimply, muzzle vile. Looks at the sleeping woman in the bed - the beauty! Then again - on itself in a mirror: feet curves, a paunch hangs. Thoughtfully says: "Da- And. Same as it is necessary to love money!"

*****

The fairy told spouses: "On the 25th anniversary of your wedding I want to present you romantic travel". And here the 50-year-old husband told: "And it is impossible to travel with zhenshchinoy
pomolozhe me for about 30 years". There are no problems, the fairy godmother told and waved the magic wand, and... the husband turned into the 80-year-old old man …
budte are careful in the desires, they can be executed …

*****

Phrases which men would like uslyshat:
-Forgive, I was wrong!
-do not worry, I will cope with all three: I have a black belt pokarate.
-Darling, you are sure, what drank already enough?
-Ya I talk very little?
-I Will go on figs!
-Ya decided to go houses goloy.
-from now on We with girlfriends prepared to you a small surprise. Girls, we undress!
-my sister wants to spend the night at us. You not against if she lays down with us? For a while on the street the house pobelit.
-That to me to make
-Ya such to make amends?
-K to parents I will go itself, and you descend with friends on a striptease so far...
-Unless you should not sit now with friends in a pothouse?
-so excites Me, when you drunk...
-is only necessary to me shameless Tonight, dissolute seks.
-Listen, I earn not bad. Why to you to work? Learn to play poker better.

*****

France. Paris. The man comes in apteku.
-Give me, please, black prezervativ.
- And why the black? Whether Understand
-, at my mistress the husband died...
-Oh, monsieur! As it is thin...

*****

Want to admire a mysterious smile of Mona Lisa, without visiting Louvre? Ask the wife where it put your salary...

*****

Khruschev's times. The man to himself comes back home and sees how some unknown guy makes love from it docheryyu.
-You that it do here?!
-As that? I perform Khrushchev's task - I lift a virgin soil corn.

*****

Khruschev's times. The man to himself comes back home and sees how some unknown guy makes love from it docheryyu.
-You that it do here?!
-As that? I perform Khrushchev's task - I lift a virgin soil corn.