Jokes about love

Read funny Jokes about love

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To kiss the wife - it is a pleasure... Others - absolutely another.

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To kiss the wife - it is a pleasure... Others - absolutely another.

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- For days on end you reproach me! You say that I do not love you! - the husband to the wife shouts. - And it after I for the last three years threw for the sake of you five mistresses!

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- What are you cut out of newspapers?
- This article about a husband to obtain a divorce from the fact that his wife was fumbled in his karmanam.
- And what did you do with it?
- put in your pocket.

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The skirt is shorter, the easier behind it to be dragged.

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- You than all night long were engaged on a mow with Vanka? - terribly mother at docheri.
-Mother questions, I do not know how it is called, but from now on it will be my hobby!

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That is necessary to make impression on zhenshchinu:
-speak to it komplimenty
-respect EE
-caress EE
-embrace EE
-protect EE
-spend for it dengi
-give to drink to her wine and feed in restoranakh
-buy by it that it hochet
-listen EE
-remain with ney
-support EE
-go for the sake of it on the world's end

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Shvartsnegger lies with the mistress. Call to a door. ONA:
-Husband!!!
-Where here y you emergency exit?
-Is not present! Then where you want
-that it y you was?

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- The chief raised to me a salary when learned that I gave to the son him imya.
- And to me too added, but that I did not give to the son his surname.

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These spouses live on love: he loves only it and it too.

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The young man approaches to nice girl:
- The Girl, it is possible you for a minute?
-A you will be in time in a minute? Whether
-Long skillfully?
-Skillfully, young man, long …

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The young man approaches to nice girl:
- The Girl, it is possible you for a minute?
-A you will be in time in a minute? Whether
-Long skillfully?
-Skillfully, young man, long …

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- I love your daughter. I cannot live without it! So you do
-here, at me in an office? The funeral bureau is on the neighboring street!

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- When I come back home at night, the wife does not speak words, only looks on chasy.
-to You still it is lucky! - the friend exclaims. - Washing looks at a calendar.

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- I presented to the wife the book "How to Save Money".
-I what result?
-Ya gave up smoking and grew thin for 10 kg.

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- I heard madam that your daughter went to Nice. You are not afraid of temptations which tempt the young girl in this resort?
-Is not present, I am absolutely quiet. The daughter wrote that already consists under the supervision of police...

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- I look, you women uvlekayetes.
- And what, considerably?
- Yes you peculiar zachekhlyat an umbrella.

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The % - Me is necessary such person who would perform all hard works on the house, hodil
po to my instructions, never objected and was always ready to do a favor me, -
poyasnila the hostess to the young man who came to be employed in usluzheniye.
- Then, of madam, is necessary to you the husband, but not the servant, - followed the answer.

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- And what your wife when you go to a pothouse does?
-Firewood kolet.
-in my opinion, it is wrong. You sit in heat and drink beer, and the wife on a frost firewood kolet.
-So, she does not love beer.

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The hotel administrator speaks kliyentu:
-If you do not prove to me that it is your wife, I will not be able to lodge you vmeste.
- And if you manage to prove that it is not my wife, I will be grateful to you to the death.

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- Hallo! This bureau of intimate services in phone?
Yes... I am ready to grant any your desire...
Люсь, I only wanted that you on the road from work bought a long loaf of white loaf.

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The English lord zhene:
-Darling if you learned to prepare, we would dismiss the cook and would save ten thousand pounds in
GOD.
-Excellent thought and if You learned though something to do with me in a bed, we would dismiss
Driverya and would save twenty thousand

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- Anka, why are you wearing a wedding ring on the wrong finger?
- I married the wrong man.

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- Follow an example of me! - mother speaks to the daughter. - I am married 20 years and I love all this time only one
muzhchinu! I Present to
-what will be scandal when the father learns

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The director of firm with zhenoy.
direktor:
- The Programmer whom I took few months ago for work,
prines to me 30 thousand dollars of the income talks! How many programs he wrote
Wife:
-I?
direktor:
-of Any!
Wife:
-???
direktor:
-is simple if from its reports on the done work to clean slovo
windows, excellent scripts for pornofilms turn out.

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Three girlfriends talk. One speaks:
- The Husband bought me the color TV and a stereo system. I stay at home, anywhere to go not nado.
- And the husband bought me the videorecorder. Included and have a good time. And that bought you? - ask at tretyey.
- And the husband bought nothing to me. Told that with me still it is possible both at cinema, and to go to theater.

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Future father-in-law zhenikhu:
-Well and on what you will support my daughter?
-Ya millioner.
-Well, well. Add to it that I bequeathed to it too million.
-I already took it into account at calculation as soon as learned.

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In office phone calls, Petrov lifts trubku.
-Hallo, - the voice of his wife is heard. - It you, road? You ate sandwich which I wrapped to you on
rabotu?
-Yes, darling. Sandwich was very much vkusnyy.
-Tasty? Well, then it is fine... And that I now noticed that I clean footwear fish paste.

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In magazine.
velika the price, and is no place to recede. Behind - the wife!

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In shop the seller recommends to buy entsiklopediyu:
-Buy, will not regret! Here all data which to you neobkhodimy.
-Dear, you do not know my wife are collected! From it I learn even that is not necessary for me at all...

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The police is run in by the person and speaks:
-I came to give up vlastyam.
- And what you made?
-Ya hit the wife...
-I killed her?
-That you! Even not potsarapal.
-Well, it is trifles. Can idti.
-for anything! It stands behind this door.

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In a bed spouses lie. The husband starts the wife squeezing, and in reply as obychno:
"the head hurts me, leave alone!" .
togda it gets from under a pillow a ring with diamond. ONA:
- And? What does it mean? What do I am a prostitute?. or little schoolgirl?. or passionate nurse?.

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In a family dispute who will follow the son in a kindergarten inflamed. husband :
-I presented a fur coat to you?
-Podaril.
-Well here also follow the son!
-A why not you??
-B than?! In socks and in a skin for shaving?!.

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- Vasya, watch what roses!
-Silly woman, it not roses, and hir … hirs … hres … Yes a her with them, let there will be roses.

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Having come back home at dawn from a friendly junket, the husband on tiptoe entered a bedroom, and, having sat down on edge of
posteli, began to take off boots. The wife opened eyes and with surprise looked on muzha:
-Why you so get up early today?
husband otvechayet:
-I should go to business trip on affairs firmy.
i today, having put on again 6otinki, leaves the house.

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- Possibly, there will be a storm at night, - speaks husband .
-If you return in time - will not be, - the wife answers.

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Evening. The husband comes home. On a table zapiska:
"Meat in the refrigerator, soup on a plate. You will bang - do not awake."

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During divorce proceedings the judge speaks:
- There was in your husband something attractive, time you married it?
-Was, was, but it is already spent to the last dollar.

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Vozvratyas from a field home, the husband saw the wife in beautiful new platye.
posle a dinner sprosil:
-So, the truth is said by people, what you spend all money to yourself for dresses and jewelry?
-Lie! Do not trust! It I do not trust
-, and here to the eyes poveril.
tut the wife as will knock a poker on stolu.
-So you to whom trust more, a parasite, to the eyes or the native wife?
-R-r-rodnoy... to the native wife