Jokes about men

Read funny Jokes about men

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The man in seks-shope:
-Show me in - he that kuklu.
-You're welcome.
- And a date of issue what?
-January, 2012 goda.
-Capricorn?! It, on a horoscope does not suit me...

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The man told - the man sdelal.
zhenshchina told - the man sdelal.
zhenshchina made - well here will tell...

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The man told, the man on a table a fist cut, the man catches the things from a window...

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Men, they as hens - twenty meters from the house and already nobody's.

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The man's tragedy is when the girl addresses to you on plyazhe:
-Darling, you could not pull in a stomach? You it just involved
A!

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The man's: "And that she took offense? I did not tell anything of that kind, to myself thought up" a strong resemblance bears to the female: "I do not know why it broke, I in general touched nothing, it".

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The man differs from the woman in that the man on a neck has a tie, and the woman has beads..., house, children and... the husband in a tie...

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The man who has a shave in the morning - loves nachalstvo.
muzhchina which has a shave in the evening - loves zhenshchin.
muzhchina which has a shave both in the morning, and in the evening - loves also those, and tekh.
muzhchina which has a shave more often - the masochist.

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The man impatiently waits for the woman in two cases: when she undresses to go with it to bed and when she puts on to go with it to theater.

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The man the first time jumps with a parachute. The wife and the son watch it at a jump. The man lands and lies, does not get up. Wife:
- The Sonny, descend look - whether the father breathes?
SYN, vozvrashchayas:
- The Father breathes, but about it it is impossible to breathe.

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The man - priyatelyu:
-I last week dispatched the announcement through the newspaper that I look for the companion of life. And here already received the whole bag pisem.
- And what in them?
-generally one offer: 'Take mine!'

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- The man, tell, why you against nonconventional sexual orientation? To Leave to
-20 million possible posterity in others ass?! Is not present, dismiss

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The man costs on the bridge and vomits. Terribly vomits. Other man and knowingly approaches it, having sympathetically patted shoulder, speaks:
-Well and it is correct, and that still to shit to suffer …

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The man saw in the car the crying woman being by the window and pointeresovalsya:
-That happened, madam? Why you cry?
-Ah, - sobbed the lady, - my husband left at a stop behind newspapers, and the train left without nego.
-Oh, I sympathize with you. Simply awfully to remain in the train without reading.

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Men as books: happen boring, happen interesting, and happens, money is hidden in them.

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Men as...
1. As Bananas - The they are more senior than the man, the they myagche.
2. Men how is the weather - them nothing izmenit.
3. Men as Laxative - They pull out all your shit naruzhu.
4. Men as Blenders - You by all means needs that, but you do not know precisely, zachem.
5. Men as Chocolate - Tasty, sweet and always settles on bedrakh.
6. Men as Advertising - And you do not trust uniform them slovu.
7. Men as Long-term bonds - it is necessary for Them taaaak a lot of time that from them there was a sense.

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In the wholesale market the young and nice shop assistant shouts following pokupatelyu:
- The Man, I showed not all to you and not everything gave!

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On the platform there is a man and looks after the leaving train. Another approaches it and asks sochuvstvenno:
-Was late?
-Is not present. Frightened off.

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At a wedding the groom decided that it is better to redeem for such money of the brother from prison, than the bride.

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The real gentleman - is the one who is able to play a bagpipe, but does not play.

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The real man has to grow up, put and build everything that under a hand will get. And among all this surely there will be a tree, the son and the house.

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Night. On the dark street there is a woman, behind it the man walks. The woman does not maintain, turns around and speaks:
- The Man, why you follow me? When you turned back
-, I asked myself the same question!

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Present women should not behave big work as a real man, but nevertheless they seldom manage to be gentlemen.

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One man speaks drugomu:
-we Will go on women, and?
-A that does not go?
-Well, you is a professional, and I - so, lyubitel.
-it is good, there are at me two maidens in mind, now to them and poydem.
- And they beautiful?
-Well, one beautiful, and another - so, on the fan.

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One man is interested at drugogo:
-Who at you is engaged in an interior?
-Wife.
-A who maintains purity in the house? Who prepares
-Wife.
-A and sets the table?
-Wife.
-A goes shopping?
-Wife.
-A brings everything home?
-Wife.
-A earns money?
-Wife.
-I you still sleep with this horse?

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One friend speaks drugomu:
-Speak, you already left the new girlfriend?
-Yes, could not get used to her nose kartoshkoy.
-Nuuu... the bulbous nose happens very much privlekatelnym.
-Happens, but at it French fries.

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One friend with pride speaks drugomu:
-I at last showed yesterday feeling of high responsibility before the family!
-It as?
- When on me terminated a toilet roll, I brought the new.

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Our tourist abroad staid in hotel cheap. A toilet, and that on a ladder. Naturally, takes a stomach. The man in a toilet runs - there is occupied. On other floor - and there it is occupied. On the street - and there paid. Comes back in melancholy to the number, suddenly sees - a flower in a pot. He shakes out a flower, unburdens the heart, and then a flower - into place. And in nirvane.
through month receives the letter from otelya:
-'Dear Mr. such. All staff of hotel such addresses to you. To you everything says goodbye in advance. Simply write to us where you made it.'

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The father learns syna:
-If you sometime, lying on the girl, will notice that her eyes feverishly shine, lips damp, and a breast hot, immediately slaz from it and run. It is malaria!

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Very rich 85-year-old man married 25-year model. They had a smart honeymoon on Caribbean Islands, but there the elderly newlywed had a heart attack, and it was taken away by "fast". When the young wife came to hospital to visit the husband, he speaks:
- The Darling, what to me happened, know, I already took care of your future. You will gain 250 000 dollars of a revenue. Plus the house in Paris, my lock near London and my "Rolls-Royce". You never in life should worry about dengakh.
molodaya:
-About lovely, please. do not speak so! You were so kind to me. If you die, I will go crazy! Well tell me, what I can make for you?!
husband hoarse golosom:
-For a start stop to press an oxygen hose!

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Very greedy guy after all found the girl who loves carnations.

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The guy girl:
-we Will go to me to the apartment?
-A from where at you the car and the apartment?
- The father bought the Car, and the apartment mother podarila.
- And you will acquaint me with the parents?
-Orphan I.

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The guy appeared with the girl together in kvartire.
-Is not present, Vadik, let's remain friends simply! - at once warns ona.
-Well, Lyusya, then fast drive in shop behind beer, and I will call girls so far.

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- Boys, I yesterday at the friend the car...
-Bought?
-Well... then, of course, it was necessary to buy.

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On winter was, there is on the intersection, a car nearby. Here in it behind accurately so having slightly touched another drives. The man who drove was frightened likely, and then the brake released and once again also legonechko. Here the driver leans out of the first car and shouts to the second: "Abuse you hesitate, disperse yes e6ni properly!"

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Statistically, the teddy bear appears in the girl's bed earlier, than the guy who presented it.

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The man Zolotuyu rybku:
-caught I Want, so zavodik small, the house and mashinu.
rybka:
-is fine, but choose - on credit or in lizing.
muzhik:
- Then you choose - on creamy or on vegetable?

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While the Russian army is going to do of boys of men, the Russian entertaining television does of boys of women, and, apparently, wins the second so far.

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- Listen, Vadik, you at us the athlete. Prompt any exercises that there to pump up a press, shoulders, hands...
-Kitchen garden.