Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Caucasians

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

287  288  289  290  291  292  293  294  295  296  297  298

- Whether the Georgian can depart to space?
-Is not present! Then all Georgians will die of pride, Armenians - with envy, and vse
dostanetsya to these opposite Azerbaijanians.

*****

- Can a pregnant man?
- on this problem are working in Armenia. While positive rezultatov
net.

*****

- What can be removed with a naked woman?
- Naked muzhchinu.
- What can be removed with a naked man?
- Naked gruzina.
- What can be removed with a naked Georgian?
- pounds of wool.

*****

Newlyweds went to the country. Put tent. Well, as darkened, oni
-in tent and to strike. On the most interesting place the crash razrezayemoy
palatki is distributed. Newlyweds are terribly frightened. In tent Izalenta est looks gruzin:
-?
-Is not present... The Georgian leaves. Newlyweds till the morning sew up tent, get into it and po
novoy. And on the most interesting place again the same situation. Gruzin:
-Hold an izalenta.

*****

The young man comes to the Georgian restaurant. Sat down at a little table, podbegayet
ofitsiant:
-it is necessary for Chego?
-to me something ostrenky and natsionalnogo.
-Kynzhyal in a zhep hochesh?

*****

The Georgian and the Russian pray in church. Russian: "My God, make so that ya
poluchil the thirteenth salary!" Georgian: "Gospoda, make so that I sold vse
apelsyny!" These entreaties proceed some time then gruzin
povorachivayetsya to Russian and asks: "Listen, how many there yours trynadtsatoy
zarplaty?" "Two hundred rubles" - the Russian answers. "Listen, here tebe dvesta of rubles,
I ne trevozh misters on trifles!"

*****

The man stops a Mercedes and speaks Driveryu:
-Want to earn $50? I Want
-. What it is necessary to do?
-you Drive up to theater, you see the smart woman. You ask menya
"Armen Sarkisovich, I am not necessary to you?", "Is not present, go home", "Then dayte
50 dollars" and you go domoy.
podjezzhayet, sees the smart woman, stops...
-Armen Sarkisovich, I is not necessary to you?
-Is not present, go domoy.
- Then give me 500 baksov.
-Molodets, the swine.

*****

The little man, ma - and - and - lenky such, from business trip comes back, sees - chuzhaya
odezhda, in a bed the wife luxuriates, from a bathroom noise of water and udovletvorennoye
murlykanye reaches. The little man was boiled, runs in a bathroom, sees zdorovennogo
kavkaztsa there and let's jump: "I... you... I will kill! No... I... you... toporom
zarublyu! No... I... you... I will kill!" That turns, "Listen, daragy, zachem
tak: I will kill, I will cut, I will kill... At tebya horns are? Well so butt menya."

*****

The car rushing with a high speed ostanovlena
politseyskim. Drives young devushka.
-Why you exceed speed? - serdito
asks the guard poryadka.
-Mister officer, - began to chirp the driver,
-I very badly operate car, therefore i
toroplus home that to crush nobody.

*****

Na the seller-kavkazets of a pharmaceutical booth gave my question of an expiration date of condoms amazingly laconic and, to
PO-mine, correct otvet:
-Adyn of time.

*****

On a market the Georgian trades in oranges. The nice blonde i
asks:
-How much oranges approaches?
-Ten rubles. The girl bared one shoulder, gruzin:
-Vosem of rubles! The girl bared the second shoulder, gruzin:
-Heels of rubles! The girl got the left breast, gruzin:
-Rubl! The girl bared both breasts... The Georgian pulled out a hand from a pocket of trousers, its
obter about halat:
-Desyat of rubles!

*****

On the bank of the lake the Georgian, the Armenian and the Azerbaijanian have a rest. Wine, shashlyki.
vdrug from the sky an UFO, and from it the humanoid. Leaves and speaks: u
nas on the planet PARADISE! Who will correctly answer my questions, that will go with mnoy.
gruzin: I perviya!
gumanoid: how many will be 5+5?
gruzin: desit!
gumanoid: the good fellow the Georgian, get into a plate!
gumanoid to the Azerbaijanian: how many will be 10+10?
azerbaydzhanets: fifteen!
gumanoid: the good fellow the Azerbaijanian, get into a plate!
gumanoid to the Armenian: 4,597,892 to increase on 2,894,560???
armyanin having thought: the macaw, the brother, mest Nat - and tell!!!!!!

*****

At an exhibition the Armenian cognac with three stars won first place in Paris, a
pyatizvezdochny did not get in prizery.
- At all Why so left? - asked Armenian vinodelov.
-Sami we are surprised! From one barrel poured.

*****

At the Georgian wedding one drugomu:
-On many a wedding I happened, but such the bride did not see yet - I will not understand in general - the woman it or muzhik.
-Hey, become silent in general, and that I to you will kill is mine doch.
-Forgive here, daragy. I did not know that you are the father of this krasavitsa.
-Pizdets to you - I am her mother.

*****

On a dictation two Georgians. To one another shepchet:
-Listen as it is correct to write: sratostat or stratosrat? Write
-dirizhopl - it will be more correct!

*****

On medical board in a military registration and enlistment office ask at prizyvnika-gruzina:
-You are a boy or the man?
-A as it?
-Well, the man sleeps with women, and the boy - no. Having a little thought, gruzin
otvechayet:
-Write - the boy. Unless with them you will fall asleep...

*****

At a stop there is a hairy man, the little girl approaches him, the Uncle, you the Papuan is all eyes and asks:
-?
-O! I and in a bottom the expert, I and in a pysa the expert!

*****

On a beach the Georgian stops about the sunbathing woman and begins prichitat:
-Ah! What teeth! My God, it is necessary, what teeth!
zhenshchina turns to the Georgian and asks udivlenno:
-Listen, from where you know, what I have good teeth? After all you dazhe
ne saw! Unless with bad teeth you will grow
-such wide bum?

*****

At a lesson the teacher asks:
-That most of all excites the person in the Armenian school?
-Body of the naked woman! - Arsenchik sitting on the first parte.
-from a class answers! Also bring the father!
Ha Arsenchik came the next day one and You sat down at the last partu.
-why did not bring the father? Why sat down at the last school desk?
asks uchitel.
- The Father told that if you are not excited by the naked woman,
TO you are a pederast, and it is necessary to steer clear of you.

*****

I am not in time from work in magazin.
kupi chicken by a dinner...
spustya some time to it comes SMS from the husband to phone: -
tseluyu... It shocked, 8let already passed passion in marriage,
A here such words. Writes it the answer: -
mily, very much I love you, etc. It: - I ask
DURA, a pancake, chicken whole to take or ham?

*****

One Armenian speaks to another:
Mena call Vano, and in Russian Vania! Exchange call
-A Akop, in Russian the Trench.

*****

One Georgian - a cult of personality. The Georgian's
DVA - mass terror. The Georgian's
TRI - it still was not enough for us.

*****

One Georgian visited Moscow and descended on the opera "Giselle". On arrival domoy
rasskazyvayet to fellows villager - "Zakhazhu in theater - I look: it is a lot of krasyvikh
lyustrov and many chairs. Sal I in kreslo - look: On a stsena there is vibegayut
mnogo-a lot of pashta goly zhenshchchin and one pasht of goliya of a mushchin. Padbezhal to one,
skhvatyl, smelled - ne Giselle. Padbezhal to another, skhvatyl, smelled - ne Zhizel.
padbezhal to thirds, skhvatyl, smelled - Vakh, here it, Giselle! Her Skhvatyl v
okhapku, ran in odyn a corner - svetlo, will notice! Pabezhal in another - svetlo,
zametyat! Vybezhal on a scene seredina, brosil it on a floor, fell nearby, and began to sob! I
TUT all hall as odyn the person shouted to it - the E-bis! E-bis!"

*****

One Georgian decided to earn additionally. It threw a board through mountain rough potok
i began to transfer tourists - ruble from a nose - from one coast to another. Aude-
nazhdy crowded big crowd, and he for acceleration took two under mice, a
tretyego mounted upon a neck. In the middle became it hot and neudobno.
- And, the devil with ny, with ruble, - he told and shook a neck.

*****

One Uzbek is a fool. Two Uzbeks are two fools. It is a lot of Uzbeks - eto
uzbekskaya part of Academy of Sciences...

*****

Once to the far mountain aul there lived an old man, and Beale at it krasavits
doch. And here he decided to give out e: e in marriage. Called Dzhigits and That from you who will get on this high the mountain so speaks to them such rech
-that any pebble ne
upadet from under his foot, will be caught there by a mountain ram, will bring it to my feet i
zarezhet it so that any drop of blood will not fall to my snow-white dressing gown, tak
vot, that from you and will become the husband of mine of beauties the daughter. And who will not make it, togo
ya I will kill. And there was the first Dzhigit. There was it courageous, dexterous, clever, but odin
malenky a grain of sand fell from under his foot - and the old man the father killed him. Then vyshel
vtoroy the Dzhigit, also was he too courageous, dexterous, clever, beautiful. It brought gornyy
baran to feet the old man the father and began to cut to it, a ram, in sense, a throat svoim
ostrym a dagger. But one small drop of blood fell to a snow-white dressing gown starik
otets - and the second Dzhigit fell, killed, near the first. And then left tretiy
dzhigit, and there was it the most proud, courageous, dexterous and beautiful. It brought a ram k
nogam the old man the father, surgically cut to it, to a ram, the throat without uniform kapli
krovi and joyfully was looked on the old man by the father. But also he was killed by the old man otets.
krasavits the daughter cried in uzhase:
-Paslushay, atets! After all the third Dzhigit made everything as you ordered! Why you ego
zarezal? Also the old man otets:
-For the company told it! So we will drink for a good and good company!

*****

One Georgian was expelled from the Union of artists. To it home came dru
gs sozhaleniyami:
-Givi, for what...? Road?! That you such drew...?
-Yes...! That...? A picture - "Motherhood" is called.-answers tot.
-Well and that...? Good subject... And that on it...?
-B to a picture - the nature. A rye field - immense. Lies in a rye young,
krasivaya, the nude woman and the boy sucks at it a breast...
-Well and that here the bad...?
-Considered that I big drew the boy...

*****

There was a Georgian at restaurant and here the trouble - Russian does not know. What to do? Nu
reshil to look as Russians in this situation arrive and on bumazhku
po-friendly to write down, and then, it appears, to repeat. Russkiy:
-Waiter! That will desire
-?
-Russian cabbage soup!
-Sorry, is not present today!
- Then eggs in a sorrel! The waiter submits, so to him the order. Well, gruzin:
-Afytsant! That will desire
-?
-of Si! I do not want
-!
-SSSYY!
-Not budu.
-Tagda eggs sorrels!

*****

The man aboard the plane is late. Runs out from the house, looks, at an entrance costs taksi.
otkryvayet a door, and the Georgian and the newspaper chitayet.
-In the airport drives! What
-Obed.
-a lunch, I aboard the plane am late, went rather! Yes you all the same the newspaper read
-Obed.
-! The Georgian lifts gazetu.
-Ti that, ne see, the girl has dinner!

*****

- How to define border, where Georgia, and where Armenia?
-Should be put the naked woman on border: the Georgian will approach in front, and armyanin
szadi.

*****

Stops ment:
-Here, men, the law appeared that Caucasians need to hand over a sperm bucket... Here to you a bucket,
vot lesochek, go and drochit...
NU, those went... in 20 minutes bring a bucket - and there everything on dne.
-Well is not present, children... here, look, paper with the press, the law, understand, such... go, continue...
I those went again. In two hours bring half-buckets, are already kneeling, ask to spare. But the cop is unshakable:
nado full vedro.
uzhe pripozat hardly live with full vedrom.
-This another matter at night. Go good luck...
uyezzhayut. The cop takes a bucket, approaches a ditch (and there it is already full of sperm), pours out, singing: "The favourite city can
spat is quiet".

*****

The Tbilisi GAI officer stops the car. Approaches it,
svorachivayet from a piece of paper kulechek a cone and prosovyvayet
Driveryu in okoshko:
- And well breathe!
Driver throws in kulechek 10 dollars. The GAI officer looks,
snova stretches: - And well still breathe!!
Driver throws 5 dollars. The GAI officer looks, bagroveet:
- And well breathe, as for the first time!

*****

Stop 3 GAI officers of the Georgian on Mercedes, and govoryat:
-Grant the rights! Georgian otvechayet:
-Vakh! What such it is right, here to you mobsters on a 10-ka and leave. But cops dotoshnye
popalis:
-show the Rights, speak, and that will be worse. Gruzin:
-Well zatsem a tsraza pokazyvayladno of a muzika, modzt on 100 - not, and? Menty:
-you offer the Bribe a reptile? Gruzin:
-Vakh! Vakh! Here tebe it is right, to you it is right and tebe it is right...

*****

The Georgian's GAI officer on Mercedes stopped, asked the rights and...
-So after all the rights at you not on the car, and aboard the plane!
-Vakh! Zachem sprashivaesh! What beat, such and a font!

*****

The Georgian at restaurant has a rest, drank, has a snack, suited to muzykantam:
-to Slyushay daragy chalavek sigray mene pesnyu about kata.
nu musicians nachali:
-Once upon a time there was, tra - that-that a black cat...
GRUZIN:
-of Eee, paste paste, ti mene about a kat pesnyu sigray... Give to
muzykanty about a cat with koshkoy.
gruzin:
-Vi slyushay, again ne that pesnya.
nu played another, the third everything does not approach, speak,
VY to us a tune napoyte.
gruzin:
-Kat menya ti pazavt...

*****

Givi went studies the abroad, writes the letter domoy:
"Mother I'm fine, I study perfectly, zdes
vse go by buses, and I go by a taxi! "
MAMA writes the answer: "Giv, we send money, buy avtobus
i go as all normal people, do not dishonor a family, the idiot!!!"

*****

Simply Georgian school. First class. Vano pulls puku:
-Uchitel, uchitel, it is possible I to a window for a padayd?
-Nat, Vano, is school, and you already balshy, wait peremena!
chepez some vpemya:
-Uchitel, uchitel, well is possible I for a while to a window for a padayd!
-Nat, Vano, you balshy already, be as the real man!
-Uchitel, uchitel, but is necessary to me, well for a while!
-Well, padayda, Vano, but ochen at once ukhada! Vano's
podoshel to oknu:
-Hey, det, det, and well ataydyte from the car!!!

*****

The Avar wakes up in the morning, pushes the wife sideways and govopit:
-to Zolottsa, make - yes to me a seagull? I will make
-He, from what it suddenly?
-A for beautiful eyes?
-He hochu.
- And for the whole teeth?

*****

- Panydelnyk: neighbour's malshishka me nakhamil, Shayian! Vtornek: I killed etogo
parshyivtsa! Sreda: Gonatsya by Sosedi for me ves Dan. Chetverk: I killed them!
pyatnisa: For me a gonyalsa ves the aul... Subota: Prishlos virezat ves aul! Vaskrysen