Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Chinese

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Session of the UN on disarmament. The delegate from CCCP:
- We decided to reduce unilaterally production atomnykh
bomb, and to direct the saved resources on production sinteticheskoy
reziny.
aplodismenty. The message of TASS through six mesyatsev:
-without wishing to suffer more continuous provocations from outside of Kitayskoy
respubliki, but being guided thus by humane reasons,
sovetsky the Union dropped a rubber bomb on China. Today,
poteri of the Chinese party make two million people. Bomba
prodolzhayet to jump."

*****

- Will cost how many the vodka bottle in 2000?
-Five yuans.

*****

Soviet-Chinese border. Chinese learned the Russian surnames and shout from okopa:
-Ivanov... (chpok)
-Petrov... (chpok) this mockery bothered ours: - podumali-podumali:
-Hey, Chinese! Who lost a rice sack?... Yes where you reptiles climb!?

*****

Message Inform of Bureau: On the peace plowing Soviet tractor attack from the Chinese
granitsy was made. More than three million Chinese took part in attack. Our peace tractor reflected attack of
tridtsatyyu volleys from a hundred-fifty-five-millimetric shaft and, having turned on the engine on the fourth speed,
vyshel on Earth orbit. Health of tractor operators good, all systems of a tractor function normally. Agriculture
marshal Ivanov in a note declared to the Chinese government that in case of repetition of similar
intsidentov we will be compelled to bring to the fields adjoining on China all the agricultural machinery in volume
chisle and mowing machines "Friendship" with vertical take off and landing.

*****

The message of TACC:
- Today, the armed gang from adjacent China attacked on mirnyy
sovetskiy
traktor. Tractor operators conduct oboronu.
na following den:
-Yesterday the armed Chinese gang attacked on peace sovetskiy
traktor. Machine operators courageously defend...
Ha following den:
- The day before yesterday the armed Chinese gang attacked on peace sovetskiy
traktor. Tractor operators conduct defense near Beijing...

*****

Message of TASS. "Today China without ob'yavleniye of war dropped an atomic bomb on the USSR. Losses - about 200 000
chelovek. In reply, following the peace-loving policy, the Soviet Union dropped a humane rubber bomb on China.
poteri from the Chinese party made 5 people." In a week. "Today losses of China make
okolo of millions of people. The humane rubber bomb STILL JUMPS! "
soobshcheniye of TASS: "Today in China on an ancient way start of the satellite was made. At ten thousand Chinese of
vyskochila hernia."

*****

The USSR declared war to China. Next day 600 million Chinese gave up in captivity, and the USSR signed unconditional
kapitulyatsiyu.

*****

The old man the Czech caught a goldfish. She suggested to release it in exchange for execution of three zhelaniy.
-my first desire, - the old man told, - that China attacked us. The second that China once again attacked us.
tretye - that China for the third time attacked us! Having learned about it, the angered old woman began to throw thunders and molnii.
-As you do not understand? - the old man told. - Thus Chinese six times will pass through them!

*****

The student passes examination in English. The teacher to it udivlenno:
- The Young man, you on Chinese answer me!
-of Lines, in the dark took yesterday not that textbook.

*****

Saturday, evening, author's running line, Dorenko:
segodnya... In China... 2 km of the Great Wall collapsed, apparently, at what Luzhkov here... HO!

*****

- What is Communism in Chinese?
- Soviet power plus the sterilization of the entire country.

*****

Tolstikov is appointed the ambassador to China. It descends from a plane ladder in Pekine:
-Well, kikes what blinked the eyes?

*****

The Ukrainian was called in KGB.
- Explain why regularly send you parcels from Israel? I hid
-during war evreya.
- And to you, to the Soviet Ukrainian, is not shameful to receive a parcel from these kikes? And you thought of the future?
-Yes, I hide the Chinese.

*****

Morning of the Englishman: gets up, looks that the wife sleeps, and quietly not to wake her, there is on kitchen,
otkryvayet a refrigerator, cooks to itself two eggs and goes to work. Morning of the Frenchman: gets up, the wife not of
vernulas from a party sees that, goes on kitchen, opens the refrigerator, fries to herself two eggs and goes to work. Morning of Russian:
vstayet from a bed, sees that the wife did not return from a night shift, goes on kitchen, opens the refrigerator, there
netu fig, scratches to itself two eggs and goes to work. Morning of the Chinese: gets up, sees that the wife left on courses on
besplodiyu, goes on kitchen, looks at that place where there had to be a refrigerator, scratches to itself that place where there have to be
byli two eggs and goes to work.

*****

Scientists counted that if all population of China will jump up on odin
metr up, Earth will descend from an orbit and will fall to the Sun.

*****

The Ukrainian lowers kitaytsa:
-you are rather stupid. Eat a peanut, but from it throw out a peel. We redeem a peel for kopeks, then
izvlekayem from it oil and we sell it to you. We take the used cud and we process them in condoms and too
prodayem VAM.
-Well, it still that, we do of the used condoms of a cud and we sell to you.

*****

- Of that Brezhnev most of all is afraid?
-That Chinese will learn to be at war as Jews, and Jews - to breed as Chinese.

*****

- Than are engaged in the Soviet embassy in Beijing?
-Study Griboyedov's biography.

*****

Chukchi declared war to Chinese, those long looked for their location on the card, found some unknown point and
reshili there to go. Come and see: there are three yurtas. Come and sprashivayut:
-you are Chukchi?
-Yes, we chukchi.
-It you to us declared war? So us one billion! Yes, in vain we declared
-. Where we will bury you?

*****

- Is China a member of the socialist bloc?
- Yes. Corresponding Member.

*****

And in general, main thing not a victory, but participation! - Hitler thoughtfully spoke, taking out from the safe a browning.

*****

Cars from Germany, especially for Russia. Numbers of a body and the engine are killed directly on the conveyor.

*****

We will easily explain Hitler's anti-Semitism to that he communicated with Blacks i
ayzerbaydzhantsami a little …

*****

Airport of Frankfurt, Germany. The liner of the company British Erueyz comes in the land. In view of poor visibility the pilot of
promakhivayetsya also asks the dispatcher guide his plane still raz.
dispetcher (with irritation): You, never were in Frankfurt (meaning the airport)?
pilot: Was in 1944. But I then did not sit down.

*****

Berlin. There is a crowd of pedestrians in the downtown at the intersection, waits for green light, and it does not join - slomalsya.
i that is interesting, to cars too krasnyy.
vot cost and wait: Germans - the people law-abiding. Suddenly in pure Russian: "Yes I in a mouth you e... the l" - also went to
krasny. Right there all crowd moved for nim.
russky passed through the road, looked at all, spitted out and declared: "Yes, bl... it is heavy to you without Fuhrer!"

*****

The Frenchman, the German and the Russian about the Wifekh.
frantsuz:
-my wife as a fallow deer talk. Same harmonous and gratsioznaya.
nemets:
- And my wife as cat. Same beautiful and laskovaya.
russkiy:
-Da- And … And mine is similar to some cattle …

*****

Students were sent to one of the American universities Russian, German i
angliysky. Everyone was given a personal task for a year. Through god
anglichanin brings 12 thick tetradey:
-Here, professor, the report for January, here for February, here for dekabr.
nemets brings 3 thick toma:
- These are laboratory researches, it is theoretical part, it vyvody.
russky does not bring anything. Professor:
-?!
-Professor, you know, I so was hurt yesterday by the head …

*****

In Germany conducted poll. The question "Whether and the Truth that in Germany All Russians" of 1% of the population asked the population was answered by "ja", 1% of "nein" and 98% answered "Went na!!!"

*****

In Germany conduct survey of the population. Ask russkogo:
-What country is pleasant to you? What
-Germaniya.
-learn language?
-Nemetskiy.
-Why? I Want
-ostatsya.
sprashivayut nemtsa:
-here What country is pleasant to you? What
-Germaniya.
-learn language?
-Russkiy.
-Why????
-I Want to remain here.

*****

In Germany at a wheel the foreigner in which blood the lethal dose of alcohol … is found three times is detained
VSYa Russia looks forward to the announcement of a nationality of the violator!

*****

In Germany at a geography lesson the teacher asks:
-Children, how far Africa?
KHANS pulls a hand and otvechayet:
-I think, nedaleko.
uchitel:
-Why?
KHANS:
-in firm works For my father the Black and it comes by the bicycle.

*****

News comes to the German General Staff that fascist Italy entered in voynu.
odin the general speaks: "To be necessary for us 10 divisions that to break it!"
"Mussolini will be at war on our party", - it explains drugoy.
"Worse - then we need 20 divisions that to rescue it".

*****

To the deaf aul bring the German tourists. They go there, are surprised - aryk, blya, a saxaul there, the aksakal... Suddenly
IZ-for bushes there is ishachya a muzzle and cries out heart-rendingly. Well, Germans shocked who where run, cry out well and like that...
provodnik calms them, asks:
-well che, a terrible animal?
-of a daaa...
- And we them е#ем!!!

*****

In a concentration camp the fascist speaks: "And well quickly all in a gas chamber!" Ukrainian of Petro
otvechayet: "Companion fascist sho tse, yesterdays a hazovy chamber, sekhodnya hazovaya
kamera, at menizh with her head to be ill."

*****

In a concentration camp the SS-man runs in one barrack: You have Moldavians?
-Netu.
bezhit in the second - is?
NET. Runs in the third: Moldavians are? It is answered - just moved in a gas chamber. It lomitsets in gas
kameru, there already a door is closed, he hardly manages to trip up. Shouts: Moldavians are?
TAM speak - is. He speaks - a bathtub a tile can lay out? They speak - not a question, 8 rubles for
metr kvadratnyy.
esesovets - is expensive, give on 5. Moldavians: take away a foot nafig!

*****

At the German school three first graders are threatened by leaving on the second god.
uchitel Max solved them proekzamenovat.
-, tell on letters the word "father" .
MAKS:
-P-a-p-A.
-Anita, tell on letters the word "mother" of
ANITA:
-M-a-m-a.
uchitel:
-finely. Ahmed, and now you tell on the letters "racial discrimination".

*****

At the German school at a geography lesson the teacher asks:
-Rebyata who will tell how far Africa?
Makc pulls a hand and otvechayet:
ya I think, at most in an hour ezdy.
uchitel:
-Why you so think?
-U of my father works at firm one Black and for work it comes by the bicycle.

*****

Included a cocksucking in the program of the Olympic Games. The American - 15 ways, the man vykhodit:
-by Normalno.
nemka - 20 ways, muzhik:
-Be hurt simply!
russkaya. The man only left at once fainted. In total shocked! Hardly pumped out ego:
-Well? - sprashivayut.
-4 ways, - the говорит:
1st-y - "Airplane": the tool in a mouth, eggs on width of the плеч.
2nd - oh - "Fantomas": the tool in a mouth, eggs for the головой.
3rd-y - "Grandmother's points": the tool in a mouth, eggs for ushami.
i again the man faints, and all holds apart, what 4th way? At last the man regained consciousness and speaks:
- The 4th way - "Fantomas flies on the airplane in grandmother's points".

*****

In connection with the stocks of skinheads against 3,14dorasov protection of buildings of all divisions of militia is strengthened.