Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Caucasians

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The plane crashed over Sahara. From all survived only dva
passazhira - Russian (R) and the Georgian (). They Oklematsya and began to look round...
vdrug is seen the jug sealed lies. Grabbed, opened - the genie i
speaks:
-Thanks, dear takes off that returned me freedom. I will help you. Only for gody
butcheniya I weakened and I will not be able to take out you from the desert, and I can give everyone tolko
po one thing - ask! At P reason grew dull and it speaks:
-I Want a gold bag! I Listen to
- And I obey! - the genie speaks and at P there is a gold bag. And
gspeaks:
- And mine, a pazhalsta, to a karzyn fresh, juicy fruktov.
-I Listen and I obey! - the genie speaks and disappears, and at appears bolshaya
korzina ripe, juicy fruit. There is nothing to do - it is necessary from the desert samim
vybiratsya. Let's go. Went the whole day - baked - decided a halt to arrange. R rukhnul
bez forces, and got two oranges from a basket - one orange put pered
soboy, and the second began to guzzle - tastefully so! - juice flows... R did not sustain and speaks:
-would Treat apelsinchikom... Г: - E-e-e! This apelsin costs a gold bag! R:
-huya to itself! Yes same robbery! Г: - Wai, daragy, why so abydno you gavarit?
pachimu robbery? An abayda market - where dishevle you will find weight?

*****

One Georgian on "rights" hands over. Voppos:
"Ti you go in mountains. On the right - the rock, a sleva - obpyv.
vpepedi - two woman: malady and old. Whom you will press? "
-Kanechno the old!
-is bad! The brake should be pressed! Nath to you is right, daragoy!

*****

North Caucasus. The patient stomatologu:
- And at you, the doctor, at most any zuba.
stomatolog:
-Well, you know our laws - blood za
krov, tooth for tooth.

*****

The Georgian on a sofa sits and is played with the chlenom:
-Ha-a-aorshchy my, haroshchy! Ba-a-alshoy balshy! Ka-a-akoy haroshchiya... Pa-a-abarol.
pa-a-a-abarol!

*****

The Georgian sits and eats lyagushku.
podkhodit drugoy:
-with Gogi, it that such?
-Ryba.
-Where took?
-Itself priskakal.
- And che such green?
-So young still!

*****

The girl sits at MAS, and nearby the Georgian for IBM. Suddenly the girl jumps up and speaks gruzinu:
-Tell MAC.
- Well mak.
- At me the MAS computer, and you are a blue maniac! La's La-la-la-la - la-la. Passed 5 more minutes. The girl speaks gruzinu:
- The Uncle, tell System 7.
-Well Systema sem.
- At me system seven, and you are a gay absolutely! La's La-la-la-la - la-la. Also the Georgian then devochke:
-Devachka told, tell Aybiem savmestymy komputer.
-Well IBM-compatible kompyyuter.
-In my mouth h@y ebat you. La's La-la-la-la - la-la.

*****

Two Georgians, kaldypyat:
-Vano, you shchto-nybud in zhenshchyna ponimaeshch sit?
-????!?! Kaneshna!:
-of Esla you lyubysh costing a zhenshchyna, - znachyt it "the standing zhenshchyna".
-of Esla you to a zhenshchyn lyubysh lying, - znachyt it "a palyazhytelny zhenshchyna".
-of Esla you to a zhenshchyn lyubysh "cancer", - znachyt it "rakavaya a zhenshchyna".
-So sho? If Bidzhe loves to a mine on a bag with raisin?...
Ya sho, - "izyumitelny a mushchshchina"?!...

*****

Two Georgians, kaldypyat:
-Vano sit? Sho Gogi's
-? You to exchange uvazhyat
-?
-of Kaneshno!?.
-Ya tibe too. So vikhodyt we with you Uvazhyaemy people!...

*****

The Georgian, the Jew and the Ukrainian are imprisoned. The parcel - salo.
dumayet comes to the Georgian: I will give to the Jew, and then him for it trakhnu.
- The Jew, you want fat?
evrey thinks: taaak, I will eat fat, and it me then...
-Not, is not necessary to me yours sala.
gruzin hokhlu:
- The Ukrainian, fat will be?
khokhol thinks: I will eat fat, and it me then for it.... However, syemshi
sala force in hands yes will add, perhaps otobyyus.
-is fine, give salo.
syel it and waits when the Georgian starts climbing. Approaches gruzin:
-Well, ate fat?
-Syel.
- And force in hands added?
-Popribavilas.
-Well then hold the Jew!

*****

Two Georgians in a snack bar sit. One calls ofitsianta:
-Three glasses bring, two glasses unesi.
tot bring three, from them two carries away. The second asks:
-Slyushay, why asked three, gave two? Only one was necessary to us?
-E, I simply ne know how will be "one glass, one glass, raz
stakana..."

*****

The Lezgian, the American sit and drink tea, russkaya.
russkaya:
-I told the husband that after a wedding I will not do anything on economy. So I did not see its one day,
vtoroy did not see day for the third day came and brought to me domorabotnitsu.
amerikanka:
-I too told the that after a wedding I will do nothing. So I did not see its one day, the second day not of
videla for the third day came with the robot which everything does on hozyaystvu.
lezginka:
ya to the MEGA too told that after a wedding I will do nothing. So I did not see its one day, the second day of
NE saw For the third day slightly began to see the right eye.

*****

Two fishermen sit - fish (R) the Georgian () Approaches. Г: I here such saw a rib,
strashny such. Р: Pike probably. Г: Nat ne felt. Zeleny such all. Р: Dyk
okun probably. Г: Nat ne sideways. Directly went. Р: So sazan probably. Г: Nichevo
ne skzat, only croaked two times and became ooze.

*****

The Georgian and the Ukrainian sit at a table in the dining room.
U.: - Hlopche, give me sil, be caress!
G.: (transfers) - Ne sil, and Saul, bilat nerussk!

*****

Slightly drunk gpyzin:
-Ponimaesh and: car I kupil, "Volga". I am right kypil.
a here is how to buy that goes by it umet???

*****

The Georgian and the Russian did military service. After the termination of service the Georgian priglasil
russkogo to itself on a visit. Ivan gathered and went. The Georgian friend met ego
gostepriimno on the Caucasian custom. On a table there was a cognac, the best wines and zakuski.
posle a lunch the Georgian led the friend on a cemetery to tell about svoyey
rodoslovnoy and to show graves of the predkov.
-Here my father. He lived 15 years. And here my elder brother - he lived 10 years. Brat
moyego father Givi of veins of 5 years... Listen to
-, katso! Something at you with arithmetics not as it should be. Yours could not otets
prozhit 15 years and grow up such handsome guy, as you...
-U us in Georgia if speak: "lived", mean that this person imel
krasivuyu the car, the house, giving, is a lot of money, the mistress... There arrived Ivan home and s
poroga declared mather:
-If I die, on a monument, mummy, surely write that I rodilsya
mertvym.

*****

- Listen, derevo you see? I want to be photographed-
speaks the Caucasian fotografu.
-Please. And how you wanted - on a tree, under it or near?
-For the derevy!
-??!
-A I will send a card to mother, she will look and skazhet:
"at Vakh-Vak

*****

- Slyushay, Givi! I yesterday font sebe bely-beliya boots, shtana bely-beliya,
bely-bely of a naska, bely-bely jacket, bely-bely rubashka, bely-beliy
galstuk, and even bely-bely nasavy scarf!. So buy
-still balshoy-balshy zeleny-zeleniye a cap - y

*****

- Slyushay, Givi, the son was born how called know?
-As?
- The First part of a name - a note, and the second - part of a body!
-Nat, I cannot guess!
-E-e, Xi Ugly face!

*****

- Slyushchay Hachik, you such a birdie know the small well that that so beautifully sings? Yes I know-know
-, the Nightingale nazyvtsya!
-Vakh-Vakh, precisely! There are I means by the field, I look this nightingale, to a tf!, my millet eats. To it

*****

The Georgian watches the time program (when it was)...
-B of Georgia are raised the prices of products...
- Ate and is I will be...
-B of Georgia are raised the prices of fuel...
-Went and I will go...
-is solar Everywhere - in Georgia rains...
-Here....!! That want - that and do!!

*****

The soldier suits to komandiru:
-to me in holiday it is necessary - the wife Rodit has to...
komandir releases ego; in a week of soldiers vozvrashchayetsya.
-Well, Magomedov who poditsya - the son or the daughter? We learn
-In nine months

*****

The Uzbek soldier on postu.
-Stand who goes? Gavara flogged...
-Flogged...
-of Prakhada …

*****

Performance of the Georgian theater about 1917
dzerzhinsky: "Vladymyr Ylych, Auroras went off with a bang! "
lenin: "VAKH VAKH VAKH revolution!"

*****

The teacher at a mathematics lesson at Gogi:
-Gogi asks, and the sum of squares of a leg is equal to a chem?
-to a hypotenuse Square!
-A chem dokazhish? Mother I swear to
-!

*****

Two Armenians on one bed, one another asks:
-Vano sleep, you sleep?
-Yes.
-A that it at exchange in a bottom then?
-A! Sorry, now vinu.
-I to you to wine! Sleep give!

*****

Two sleep in one bed gruzina:
-Gogi, ti spysh?
-Splyu.
-A that yours x. y does in washing zho. e?
-of Nychego, nychy, now vitashchu.
-I tebe to a vitashch!!!! Give Spa!!!

*****

Two quarrel gruzina:
-Givi, you are a donkey...
-Ya donkey?
-Yes, Givi, you are a donkey...
-Ya donkey?
-Is not present, Givi, you such nasty... You even not a donkey...
-That?! I am not a donkey?

*****

Two quarrel gruzina:
-You are a gay!
-It you are a gay!
-Ya you е$#л!
-A I you 100 times е$#л!
-A you eernyshko such small - millet is called know?!
-Well 8-O!
-Ya you two meshk е$#л!!!
-Ya tebya - chetyre a meshka е$#л!
-Yes I am your donkey е$#л! THAT DID YOU TELL
- And NU PAVTARY??! 8-E ~ ~ ~

*****

Two quarrel uzbeka:
-Mamed, you such nasty...
-Well and what?
-Yes I... I ebat your wife...
-Well and what?
-Yes I... I ebat your mother...
-Well and what?
-Yes I... I ebat your daughter...
-Well and what?
-Yes I... I ebat your father...
-Well and what?
-Yes I... I in yours Stein of a donkey ebat... - That - about! Mamed in anger vykhvatyvayet
kinzhal:
-gray or white?!
-of Bie-white! Mamed it is calmed hides kinzhal:
-It not terribly... White is a brother, and gray - mine!

*****

There is an Armenian on the road, the car broken about a tree nearby. Ostanavlivayetsya
drugoy the Armenian, gets out of the car, and asks:
-That happened?
-of Vi - vay-vay, I any more not the Armenian! Broke the car!
-Well, you will think, broke the car, new kupish.
-Wai - vay-vay, I any more not the Armenian! You see in the car the girl!
-Well, be not upset, new naydesh.
-Wai - vay-vay, I any more not the Armenian! You see that at it in a mouth!
-VAY-VAY-VAY, TY BOLSHE NOT the ARMENIAN!

*****

There is a naked Georgian in front of the mirror and looks at himself:
tritsepsy, bicepses. Then it was developed by a back, looks:
zhopa. It was developed back and speaks:
-to Lie, daragy and. These are the.

*****

The Black stands on a roadside, votes. "Gelding" stops, i
litso to the Caucasian nationality speaks: "Sadys, mobster,
podvezu". Black scaredly: "I with the black do not go!"

*****

There is a turn in buffet. Two intellectuals, behind them kavkazets.
-One coffee!
-I to me one coffee!
kavkazets:
-Odyn kofe!.
prodavets:
-Well here, though one competent, and after all not Russian...
kavkazets:
-... And odyn roll!

*****

There are boys, sunflower seeds havat,
podkhodit Maga:
-boys, now Rasoul pridet:
s whom from us it pervym
pozdorovayetsya, that is the sucker!
-Boys, all Salam!)

*****

The passionate southerner brings the girl to the room. Razdevayet.
-Gospada, what zhe you thin! You generally can go on takikh
spichkakh?
Ta otvechayet:
-I Can...
- Then go, go from here.

*****

Sudya-zhenshchina:
- The Defendant Gogi why you raped 30-year-old zhenshchinu
-It me was pleasant!
- The Defendant Gogi why you raped 16-year-old devushku
-It me was pleasant!
- The Defendant Gogi why all of you time laugh? Vee me too it are pleasant to
-!

*****

Judge the Georgian for murder of the neighbor. The judge speaks: well tell,
podsudimy as it proizoshlo.
gruzin speaks: Prikhazhyu I, znachyt, home. I look, the door is open. I see, my neighbor embraces to May the wife. I catch
ZA a dagger, but then I remember: I after all too embraced his wife! I look further: my neighbor undresses to May the wife! I am
khvatayus for a dagger, but then I remember: I after all too undressed his wife! I look further. My neighbor my wife brings down
NA a bed!! I grab a dagger, then I remember
NO: I after all too brought down his wife on a bed...
sudya (was tired): well, the defendant, for what you killed the neighbor?
gruzin (indignantly): I the member about his curtain did not wipe!!!

*****

Judge the Georgian for murder. Judge: - Accused, explain why on tele
poterpevshego SEVEN knife wounds? UAH: - I stand at an entrance, to a chishchshch a knife apelsin, its
kushayu, a crust I throw on a floor. Here the victim entered an entrance, paskalznutsya na
apelsinovy a crust and ran on my knife! And so SEM of times...

*****

- Segodnya, det, we will pass the words "MELANCHOLY". Ho ne that melancholy, kotoryy
khlep cut, and ne that melancholy which the house build, and that melancholy, which grust. I
NE that grust which in a lesa grows, and ne what grapes, and that grust,