Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Chinese

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- Who will order in war with China?
- The Last marshal in fight will lead us!

*****

The Chinese starprobe vehicle of Zemlya-Mars flies. The navigator is verified with the card, and po
pepegovopnoy to a tube shouts in an engine room:
- The Fireman, what firewood heat?
-Direct! Bog
-curves, we will turn!

*****

The plane over the desert flies. Suddenly - accident. Generally, only the Englishman, the Russian, the Black and the Chinese escaped. Go on
pustyne. Suddenly - wolves. They - to run. But wolves catch up. What to do? Reshili:
-we Will throw the Black. So far they will deal with it - ubezhim.
brosili. Run further - wolves again dogonyayut:
-Give the Chinese brosim.
-to Davay.
brosili. Run - again wolves. Russian suddenly because of a bosom gets the machine gun - bakh-bakh-bakh - all wolves shot down.
anglichanin emu:
-That you earlier?!
russky gets a bottle vodki:
- And that here on four to drink?

*****

The cop interrogates muzhika:
- The Surname?
ChYa?
-Name?
ChE?
MENT, looking in protokol:
chto? Whose Whose... Also we will write down
Tak - a nationality - the Chinese.

*****

- Monsieur Gorbachev, I said to you long ago that you overestimate danger of the German revanchism and underestimate
kitayskuyu danger, - Mitterrand told the workmate, pushing a wheelbarrow.

*****

- Whether it is possible, having constructed all Chinese in turn, to shoot down them from the machine gun?
-Only if the back will not breed at this time.

*****

On factory meeting branded the Chinese revisionists. One worker very deeply experienced all this. After
mitinga he goes from plant down the street and suddenly sees the Chinese. The worker resolutely approaches him, takes for grudki:
- At, a Jewish muzzle!

*****

On the Chinese artificial satellite (option - the submarine) the navigator to the fireman: "Throw curve firewood,
povorachivat we will be!"

*****

Our astronauts work at an orbit... Suddenly in a window стучится
кто, looked, fathers - the Chinese! Sprashivayut:
-You as got here?
-A is new Chinese technology, - speaks, - tovarisya on tovarisya,
tovarisya on tovarisya, and hello, tovaris!

*****

News Chinese zhizni:
v China the nuclear power plant dayushchaya
bolee hundred megawatts of the electric power in hour of
zaydya to the power plant building is put into operation, correspondents saw as two milliona
kitaytsev in silk shorts creep on an ebonite stick.

*****

Nightmare of Brezhnev: on Red Square Czechs sit and eat matzo with the Chinese sticks.

*****

Chinese discuss the plan of attack on CCCP:
- we will cross border small groups on 8 - 9 million people in kazhdoy.
- At the edges we will start up infantry, and in the center will go tanki.
- And why tanks in the center? That I to you the only tank on will saw
-in half?

*****

Bulgaria declared war of Kitayu.
prikhodit, so and speaks:
-Bulgaria declared the Chinese people to the governor to us voynu.
- And how many makes the population of Bulgaria?
-8 millionov.
- And in what they to hotel?
B 1983, China decided to deal seriously with an issue of control of birth rate in rural rayonakh.
kazhdy day, doctors explained on the TV how to use protivozachatochnymi
tabletkami and condoms. In a year, birth rate udvoilas
i the program was is declared by "the complete fiasco" .
posle careful investigation, found out the reasons provala.
79 percent of men accepted contraceptive sredstva
i 98 percent pulled condoms on fingers, - precisely so -
zayavili they, - as showed on a TV set

*****

Chukchi declared war to Chinese. Chinese were surprised, took off on investigation. Fly over Chukotka, see, there are all
tri plague. They landed and let's load the Chukchi: "It is weak to you to be at war with us, after all you only three plague, and us
milliard." Chukchi: "Here we also think where to bury you, however."

*****

Once the delegation of the Soviet arrived to Beijing on what conference there. And here they go on the city, zybat on
stoponam and suddenly see the house, and on it David's Star. "Really synagogue?!", - think. Came there, and there one
kitaytsy and the Jewish service with might and main goes. Those cost Hy, marvel at this business, and the Chinese Rabbi finished the affairs,
podkhodit to our Jews and asks supposedly that for kind people send it to them to a synagogue. Hy that to it gryat that
oni delegation of the Soviet Jews, and Chinese Rabbi to them and govopit:
-Fall pliyatno! Ho sto you not fall of a pokhoza on evleev....!?

*****

Once at the Chukchi the sixth child was born. Here the Chukchi also fills metriku:
natsionalnost the father - the Chukchi, mother's nationality - the Chukchi, the child's nationality - the Chinese. It is asked: "How
ZhE the Chinese, if you, parents - Chukchi?" "However, the Chukchi read the newspaper, and there is written that now the Chinese, every sixth on
zemle."

*****

The girlfriend told one woman how it was in China, and what Chinese tireless in love. Hy, and this lit up,
Took the permit, arrived to China. Got acquainted there in the first evening with the Chinese, he brought it into the room, laid down... The Chinese terminated
tolko, suddenly jumps on a floor, publishes an animal cry, rushes under a bed, jumps out with other
stopony and again on the woman. And on the new... Finishes, jumps on a floor, a cry, under a bed, from there and again... Three
paza, four, five, six... Ha the eighth time and the woman was got - too jumped from a bed, began to yell, rushed under
kpovat...
A there nine Chinese.

*****

The GAI officer of the man stopped and speaks:
-Will tell a joke about militia - otpushchu.
-Well - at as it is possible to tell jokes about our valorous militia - All right, will tell a joke about GAI - otpushchu.
-Well - at as it is possible to tell jokes about our valorous GAI.
- Well though tell any joke!
-is fine. Thought up in China as to fight against birth rate. Bring all to the big temple, put on a back and on
potolke show a porno. As soon as all reach standard, come with braids and mow. That there are
militsii on bludgeons more and that is less - to GAI officers on whistles. After a mowing matheral is sent to Japan where its
upakovyvayut and send to France, the French women use it to a full softening then the goods of
edet to Russia where each copy puts on in a gray form and are established at the intersection.

*****

Petka pribegayet:
-Vasily Ivanovich! The captured Chinese was caught! Started it torturing with cold. Distances - As you feel?
-of Holoso! Distances minus - As you feel?
-of Holoso! Distances minus 40!
-As you feel?
-of Holoso! At us in Yakutia to an esa to a bolsa happens!

*****

According to ITAR-TASS in China there was a demographic explosion. One terrorist organization did not assume
otvetstvennost.

*****

There went a girl to the South and writes the letter of mother: "Mother, at me everything is fine, I was completely given to Ping-Pong." Mother of
otvechayet: "Anything that the Chinese, the main thing that the person was good."

*****

The old Ukrainian caught a goldfish. The small fish also speaks to it human golosom:
-Release me, didu, I to you three desires ispolnyu.
-to Dobra, am bony chudovishcha.
-What your first desire? Shchob Inna's
-to China z viynoy pishli.
- And the second? Shchob's
-China then z viynoy on inn pishov.
- And the third? shchob Inna Znova to China pishli.
-Listen to
-A, the grandfather, and why to you all this is necessary?
-So mustache chrez Russians!

*****

Aliens of Russian, the German, and the Chinese caught. And govoryat:
-Who will call such number which we do not know - we will release, and we will let the others on forcemeat. Chinese: - 10000000000! We Know
inoplanetyane:
-, on forcemeat. Nemets:
-9999999999999999999999999! It we know
-I, on forcemeat. Russkiy:
-Dokhuya!
-Oh, as?! We do not know. It is free, only tell how many it? Russkiy:
- And you ask the switchman... Aliens to the switchman came and ask how many it dokhuya? Strelochnik:
-See rails, see across their piece of wood? See they features such are beaten? So go and consider them, and
kogda will be: "And well them nakh@y!" So it only half.

*****

After joint Soviet-Chinese flight take from the Chinese astronaut intervyyu:
-Tell please, whether there was onboard a friendly atmosphere and good mutual understanding?
-Oh yes I holoso ponimal Soviet tovalisa! Tell
-, and... Well and so on. Suddenly someone from journalists pays attention of a hand of the astronaut, and
question :
-is right there set Tell please and why you have all blue hands? There was some accident?
-Is not present, it is a lussky tovalisa me all vlemya on onions beat and shouted: "Not trozh at pine forests, a chock crude!".

*****

There comes the truck driver to a small town. Comes into the bar. asks:
- And where to me here to find the girl? To it the bartender and otvechayet:
-Girls are not present here, it is possible only the old Chinese Wong. Drove naturally refused, however in an hour approaches and how many to me this Chinese will cost
asks:
-A?
-10 dollarov.
-10 dollars to some old Chinese?
-Is not present. It to us with the brother, and after all Wong not blue and this business very much does not love that.

*****

There arrived somehow time the lecturer to China that to read lectures estestvenno.
sobralas audience, there was even a translator.
hachal to give our lecturer lecture. Reads... reads...
perevodchik takes at last mikrofon:
|-> "Xiao! "
lektor continues to chtat. Reads... reads... Reads. 8-<>
|-> "Xiao! "
lektor again continues to read 8-{ }. Long chitayet.nakonets zakonchil.
|-> "Xiao-An!"

*****

The man comes to an appointment and speaks: - The doctor, my hump grows. The doctor very long considered him,
obshchupyval, gets then to-au-au-olsty the dusty Talmud and starts it thumbing through...
-Ancient Chinese wisdom says: "If at you the hump grows - it is necessary to cut off the left egg"... To the surgeon!
muzhik went - cut off. In a month comes: The doctor, at me on the former grows a hump. The doctor again takes the
TO - about - about - olsty the Talmud and starts thumbing through long...
-Ancient Chinese wisdom says: "If to you cut off the left egg, and the hump still grows - it is necessary to cut off also
pravoye egg"... To the surgeon! The man went cut off. In a month again prikhodit:
- The Doctor! At me it all the same grows. The doctor again for the Talmud, long listal.
-Ancient Chinese wisdom says: "If to you cut off both eggs and it did not help, means eggs were at
chem here"...

*****

The Chinese representative to Chukchi came: "Let's be at war with you. You how many?" - "The person five hundred will be. And you?" -
"One billion." - "Tts-tts-tts, however, where we will bury you?"

*****

I will sell the Chinese set from eleven subjects - two mats and nine portraits of Mao of Tszeduna.
reshili the Wolf, the Hare and the Hamster to emigrate to China. Volk:
-I will be called the Brother Vuy there. Zayats:
- And me - the Brother Zuy. Homyak:
- Then I, probably, will not go...

*****

Simple arifmetika:
If, God forbid, to begin war with China, and to kill them one million a day,
TO in a year can kill only 365 million Chinese,
chto approximately makes 25% of all population of China, and practically ekvivalentno
ezhegodnoy birth rate of this country

*****

Two Chinese talk. One is asked drugogo:
-by You than yesterday the whole day was engaged?
-sowed rice in the Morning, during the lunchtime watered, in the evening a crop sobirali.
- And why so quickly?
-wants to be eaten!

*****

Chinese to Mars decided to fly, whether call in the Union and sprashivayut:
- There is a life on Mars? And to them in reply: - Want to eat - eat!

*****

Decided to conduct survey among students of different institutes - for how many those will hand over Chinese. Approaching
fiztekhovtsu:
-For how many Chinese you will hand over?
-Well, month for two. Come to MGU:
- For how many Chinese you will hand over?
-Well, somewhere in a month. Come to MIFI:
- For how many Chinese you will hand over?
- The Textbook of methodics is?
-Is! Well now I will finish smoking
- And went to hand over...

*****

Fresh novosti:
-This afternoon on border the Chinese troops perfidiously attacked the Russian tractor, to hostile actions of
traktor reacted carpet bombing on troops of the opponent, then was dug to the earth and disappeared.

*****

Today the first Chinese spaceship is started. Health of crew from 3 astronauts and 200 firemen of
normalnoye.

*****

Today from the Chinese territory peacefully plowing tractor was fired. The tractor made a reciprocal volley, as a result of
chego about 20 Chinese cities and villages were destroyed. In interview the chairman of collective farm, the general of
ivanov declared that if similar provocation will repeat, seeders winnowers and combines with vertical
vzletom and landing in the field will leave.

*****

Today from reliable sources it became known that the General Staff of China planned to cross the border of several
malenkimi groups, numbering 5 million Chinese everyone.

*****

Today to Earth orbit China put the military satellite. According to information received 4 million Chinese,
pri a throw got hernia.

*****

Today in the province of Shandu it is put in operation new powerful elektrostantsiya.
printsip actions: three million Chinese in silk pants creep on an ebonite core...