Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about the Kazakhs

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- And why Kazakhs have curve feet?
-So 300 years on the Russian neck we sit... Eye
-A why the narrow?
-is So a shame a little...

*****

- And I want, first, a mansion in Barvikha for the family, - told
russkiy.
-Secondly, a country house on the Bahamas for lyubovnitsy.
nu and bury on Red Square.

*****

Almaty, Al-Farabi, the GAI officer stops Bentley, excess of speed of
tryokhkratnoye, Bentley stops, slightly opened tightly tonirovannoye
steklo.
gaishnik under kozyrek:
- The Inspector Sarbasov, yours dokumenty.
iz Bentley leans out a hand with the five-thousandth note, the inspector hides its V
breast karman.
gaishnik:
-All good, try not to break any more...
IZ of a window appears the following note of the same dostoinstva.
- And, be attentive, in two quarters one more ekipazh.
snova the five-thousandth. The GAI officer peers into number mashiny:
-I work Tuesday/Thursday from 8th morning and here till 15:00, I am your number
zapomnil, these days can quietly go...
snova the note in five thousand. Gaishnik:
-Happiness, health to you, and other
snova the hand with kupyuroy.
inspektor some time costs clever children, progress in business that the dog on
konkursakh won confusion, then also
says:
-A now - verses prokashlivatsya!!!

*****

Almaty. Autumn cloudy day. On one of the central streets the black jeep flies (Toyota of tapes kruyzer100). Black
stekla and so on... GAI officers get in his way. Ringing whistle is distributed... Apparently on the jeep because on
etoy to the party to the road only it went. The jeep flies by still meters fifteen with the same speed, then sharply from
svistom stops (and in the left row as went)... From there, becoming one nude on an arch,
zdorovenny the shaven Kazakh with the mobile phone near an ear falls out... Without setting foot from the car on land, shouts in a mobile phone: "Yes
povremeni you, eb yours..." Shouts to cops:" Who whistled?!?!?!?!" Those ifigevshy stand and silently blink... He
opyat shouts: "Who, boughs, whistled, I ask!!!!" They are silent... He asks at gone outside from
raspolozhennogo a row HUNDRED, workers: "Who from goats whistled?" Those quietly so answer:" The brother, we are not shepherds. At
nas here work is also no time to watch to us them." It dissatisfied to sit down about the car with words: "Absolutely grew insolent!"
I gives on gases...

*****

- Almatynyn of a kyzdara Degen Kuzde zhapyrak siyakta altynday,
kysta-appak karday,
koktemde-siyakta rumble edemi...
-Is scarlet a zhazda she?
-of Zhazd bilmeymin - a zhazda of exchanges of Antaliyaga ketemyn

*****

The American, the Russian and the Kazakh were taken prisoner to aborigenam.
te speak: before your death our leader will grant three desires of everyone, S
that the third desire has to be connected by a condition with your funeral.

*****

The American tourist comes to Kazakhstan. In gostinitse:
-I very much plyokho to speak on Kazakh. Pozhalyusta speak slowly. You have more free places?
-Zhzhzhzhoooooo-oookkk!

*****

Basketbol
narodnaya Kazakh game. The name comes from three Kazakh verbs in imperative naklonenii:
bas - come, davi
ket - leave, otkhodi
bol - be, davay
poistine, the wise name! Quite laconic - the Concept of game is reflected in three words!
ukrainskiy
gorod Kharkov were based by Kazakhs. In the first day of their stay vsyu
mestnost filled up with snow and the elder of a sort exclaimed: About! Carat Cop!
yuzhnaya
amerika in general very advanced continent in respect of loan iz
kazakhskogo. Except Brazil and Ecuador, still a number of the countries conducts svoi
nazvaniya from the Kazakh roots. So, the large exporter of cherry (inhabitants SSHA
MOGUT to confirm) - the Republic of Chile actually and is called - as
shiyeli, it is simple during use the word was distorted. It is not excluded,
chto purposely. And precisely spiteful konkistadorami.
dalee -
urugvay, too for certain kostochkovy is not poor in fruit of family, potomu
i is called in honor of the well-known producer of apricots - Orikpaya.
prisutstviye
kazakhskikh of roots is even more specifically reflected in the name sosedney
strany - Argyntina. On sounding of this word it is possible to make odnoznachnyy
vyvod about in honor of what of the Kazakh childbirth it was called mestnost.
prichem with very big degree for suresti.
no it not vse.
izyskaniya yet proceed, and the following stage will capture also Central Ameriku.
tak, still it is necessary to investigate a historical role before the neizvestnogo
sal-batyr in honor of whom also the country of El Salvador is called and even stolitsa
etoy strany.
khotelos to hope that other researchers will make the feasible contribution to searches of traces of the Kazakh language on the globe.

*****

Uneasy 90th years. Zhiguli crashes into the back mersu.
vykhodyat from a gelding jockstraps somehow and start resting the old man that he got on very abrupt babki.
ded asks a mobile phone to call the grandson.
-A who your grandson?
- The Director ptitsefabriki.
-McCool, ma sagan.
through some time comes couple of trucks and "mask show" .
vnuk begins, stepping through prostrate on asphalt of reks, approaches the grandfather and speaks:
- Ata, how many time to tell you, I am not the director of poultry farm, I am a commander of special forces "Golden eagle".

*****

Beshbarmakburgera - the Kazakh weeks in McDonald's!

*****

Borat Sagdiyev decided to propose the candidate for a post of the Pope, UN Secretary General and NATO, the director of UNESCO, the president of UNICEF, World bank, the International federations of soccer, boxing and hockey, the Greenpeace and Interpol organizations. My country achieved outstanding success therefore there is full basis to hold all these posts at the same time

*****

Braziliya
na the business, the first old stuff was peddled not by Columbus, and.... Kazakhs. Having come to the South American continent, they are
natknulis on such set of tribes that right there christened a place of their greatest congestion - Birazel, that is,
braziliya. From Kazakh it is translated, as "the country where there are a lot of any people".

*****

- You are aware, what Bred Pitt the Kazakh?
-Why?
-Because handsome man!

*****

In Moscow two Kazakhs stop a taxi, the first looks in a cabin, and, having turned to the friend speaks:
-to Oy-bay, an ana taksisttin rozhasa terrible eken!
taksist asks: "Hey, children, to you that, my person is not pleasant?" The Kazakh in horror speaks vtoromu:
-Ol Kazaksha tusinedi!!!

*****

In the center of Moscow the new, unusual VIP-shop on sale mozgov.
After the official opening ceremony invited opened and guests began round of
PO to shop halls as potential buyers. The first show-window suits buyers of K
- on a usual support the brain,
co by average quantity izvilin.
pokupateli sprashivayut:
-How much is this brain is placed the average sizes?
IM otvechayut:
-5 thousand dollars of SShA.
- And whose is a brain?
-Is a brain russkogo.
- And why it is so expensive?
-So there are added brains of Lomonosov, Mendeleeva.
pokupateli with admiration pass dalshe.
podkhodyat to the following show-window. On the same usual support there is
chut more brain, already with a large number izvilin.
- And how much is this brain?
-of 10 thousand dollars of SShA.
- And whose is a brain?
-Is a brain evreya.
- And why it is so expensive?
-So there are added brains of Eynshteyna.
pokupateli with even big admiration go further.

*****

In Shymkent there is boxing match.
bokser before blow "Mya sheshen! Mya sheshen!" the second "Ai Sheshen! Ouch sheshen! "
zriteli" about sheshen!!! About sheshen!!!"

*****

The grandson with the grandfather sit watch a photo, where the grandfather young. Photo
Ha group lyudey.
- Atashka, and it who here in the middle costs, such unpleasant?
-Same Hitler, the awful person, a heap to the people killed, nevertheless it znayut.
- Ata, and what you nearby here with it cost it and a hand raised up? It I tell
-A: "No, ***, postoyta!!!!!"

*****

During a meeting in Washington Bush tells Nazarbayevu:
-Nursultan, we are ready to support in everything your country! In exchange for
vypolneniye of one my request - after the expiration of my powers I to become
khochu the president «Казахтелекома»&sh;Y!

*****

Voyna
41-y year. In the battlefield there is one German against the remains russkogo
polka. A regiment in an entrenchment, and the German behind bags with sand. Thinks that emu
delat.
vysovyvayetsya: - Ivan!
IZ of an entrenchment appears the head of Russian: - What? Shot. Russian padayet.
nemets again: - Petro! From an entrenchment there is one more head: - What? Shot. Petro more net.
kazakh sits in an entrenchment and, holding the head, begs: - Only not Sarybay, only not Sarybay!!

*****

Met on the road pedestrian Ilya Muromets and Alyosha Popovic on kone.
alesha asks Ilya: "Ilya, and that it at you in a bag, behind the back" .
ilya answers: "To here Alyosha caught two wolves" .
alesha speaks: "Show Ilya wolves" .
ilya pulled out wolves from a bag and shows Aleshe.
alesha: "What it is wolves Ilya! It after all Kazakhs" .
ilya: "Anything to itself Kazakhs! For half an hour a horse ate".

*****

Three met and began to find out - who whom would like to become and why?
ODIN speaks: "A lion - the king of beasts to govern all"
drugoy speaks: "A tiger to be quicker and most strongly"
A the Kazakh answers: "A snake that to do everything lying: to go, eat, drink..."

*****

Meet the Chinese and kazakh.
kitayets:
- And how many at you to the people?
KAZAKH:
-Well, Kazakhs seven million, and all in Kazakhstan - chetyrnadtsat.
kitayets:
-Is necessary, you, probably, each other know all by sight!

*****

Leaders of the countries of Central Asia meet. There begins the president of Uzbekistan: "The people of Uzbekistan live well. For
proshedshy year we achieved growth of economy by 10%, created many workplaces...", the Tajik leader continues:
"my people too perfectly lives, the number starving was reduced, also growth of economy is observed,
naseleniya number increased...", there came N. A. N-a's turn: "Well, I will tell nothing, at least, almost at each Kazakh of
V a country house on two Uzbek and the Tajik work."

*****

World War II voyna.
sidit the German sniper in an ambush. Screwed glushak, optics and periodically vykrikivayet:
-Ivan!!!
IZ of an entrenchment leans out Vanya:
-of That?
B answer "women". Vanya corpse. Petro's ;(
-!!!
-of Ayushki?
babakh. Petro for nim.
a in the next entrenchment sits the Kazakh and prichitayet:
-Only not Rumabai! Only not Rumabai!

*****

There were for fight two athletes, one Russian athlete, other Kazakh batyr. The batyr struck and drove Russian on
koleni in the earth. Struck the second time and drove the athlete on a belt. Struck the third time and drove it in the earth up to a breast. And
stali they one growth …

*****

2050. Measures for increase of birth rate in Kazakhstan brought the
rezultaty. The number of the population passed for 100 million. Most
rasprostranennymi names became Qing, Guo and Liao.

*****

Two Kazakhs arrived to Moscow, sat down in a taxi. Speaks to one another:" Myna taksistyn ugly face sy terrible eken!".
taksist is developed "To you we wash a face not to be pleasant?" They "And you that know Kazakh?"

*****

- Why Brad Pitt's house costs 3 million dollars, and the good house in
gornom the Giant - 5 million dollars?
-Because Brad Pitt's house is in 10000 km from Furmanov!!!

*****

Were on friendly terms Russian with the Kazakh. Decided Russian to give the Kazakh a gift and
podaril to it a pig. The Kazakh was delighted to a gift and asks:
-Than to feed her? That itself you eat
-A, and it davay.
vstrechayutsya in two weeks. Russian asks:
-Well how the pig lives?
-Sdokhla
-As?! And than you fed her? In the Morning tea I drink
-, to it I pour. I drink tea in the afternoon, to it I pour. And at night when
myaso is ready, the pig slept, it was a pity to awake.

*****

The Jew goes to hospital that not bolet.
russky goes to hospital that lechitsya.
kazakh goes to hospital to die...

*****

The Kazakh taxi driver across Astana goes. It is lucky the American. Pass by neboskreba.
taksist: here what tower in 5 years was built!
amerikanets: at us such for three build...
Ha is lucky the next day yapontsa.
-here what tower in three years built!
- At us such in a year build...
Ha is lucky the third day russkogo.
russky: oops! it cho for a tower such?!
kazakh: I do not know, yesterday it was not yet.

*****

The wife shows the textbook (session yesterday!!), remarkable it is perfect, the new, caused the mass of positive responses
V to the local press - independence, understand, even the word "airport" was translated into local language - "ouyezhay",
tak seems. Generally, the plane was invented here, in Kazakhstan. Well, to a subject... Authors of the textbook claim that Al-Farabi -
veliky the Kazakh scientist, was very educated person - he studied Aristotle, Euclide, Prometheus's works. (page
307 the Cossack of tili for the beginning Sh. and A. Bekhturova)

*****

Once upon a time there was in the aul a certain hooligan by the name of Zhapsarbay, is old mlad rest from it did not know, all beat, selected on
melochi, militia anybody I cannot against tell it because silishch at it was nemeryano. Real batyr.
stareyshiny gathered and decided to send it to the fights championship without rules. Hardly persuaded, collected money, equipped
gruppu of fans and left in the USA. Day of a match came...
tsely sector were occupied by fans from the aul. There is Zhapsarbay, the healthy Kazakh batyr. Against it present to the black's
malenkogo a stryuchka... The gong sounds, the Black runs up also a pin in turnip of Zhapsarbayu, that as a bag failed and
lezhit nichkom.
sudya begins the account... The Aulsky sector breaks from places and all stuck to a grid and shout:... Ouch Zhapsarbay, tursasha,
kotakpas, negrda sygyp zhibermeysyn oh, tursasha Jacques... Zhapsarbay slightly opens eyes and the Black of a kayd tells an aulchanam:
-Anaa?
aulchane:
-Hey, an artynda round gy, tursasha, negyp zhatyrsyn, tuyp zhatkan ayet siyakta. Zhapsarbay:
-Kazyr Black ketsyn, sosyn senderdyn amyndarda zhelkennen to shygara, sheshensygeynder.

*****

Took away the illiterate aulbaysky fellow in the Soviet army
sluzhit. In half a year the letter comes. Parents open and there on all
listok of letters Zh. Well parents illiterate were, were frightened and went to
aksakalu that it deciphered that it means. The aksakal turned
listok, thought and говорит:"Ж"-Это means "Жаксы",все at your son
хорошо". In total rodak on pleasures. The lamb was killed, that on all aul.
prokhodit half a year more. One more letter comes they open, and there
буква"О". Send again to the aksakal. That again sat thought and the grief at old men is sad so
:"О"-"Ольды"Умер your son ."Блин. Kuday tamak gave. Here
khop, in a month comes it the live healthy. Rodaki, type as it so TY
was written by "О"-Ольды зна?ит?"А the boy happy :"Вот you are mambeta! O-this
ZhE Отпуск!!!!!"

*****

Means Ahmet is on friendly terms with the Russian Vanya. Everything is good, friendship do not pour water. Invites Ahmet Wan to himself in
gosti means, does rich dastarkhan, and gives to Vanya as a gift a lamb. Asks Wan "As to feed him, what he is
kushayet?". Ahmet answers it "Let out in the field he is fed". In a week of Wan the borsch does for Ahmet, drink
nalivku, sing songs. Also gives Wan to the guest of a pig. Ahmet asks it "Than to feed this big-nosed?" Wan
emu answers "That itself eat that give it everything eats." In a year Ahmet to Vanya comes, that shows the presented
yagnenka which turned into a huge sheep. The fat tail droops, wool shines, a neck meter in a grasp. On the same day
zabili they also made this sheep super beshparmak. In a week arrived Wan to Ahmet and speaks "Well show my gift as
vyros, now a borshchik rich we will make." And here Ahmet brings out of a shed a skeleton on four legs,
obtyanuty skin, the patch withered, in dim eyes life hardly glimmers. Wan in horror is asked "by Ahmet yes as
tak, what to it happened, than you feed him? After all same not a pig and some crouton". Ahmet to it answers "to
NU you told that itself eat, and feed with that. Well here means, in the morning tea, during the lunchtime tea for now the dinner is made by
svinya fills up".

*****

Znachit
druzhit Ahmet with the Russian Vanya. Everything is good, friendship do not pour voda.
priglashayet Ahmet Wan to himself on a visit means, does rich dastarkhan,
I gives to Vanya as a gift a lamb. Asks Wan "As to feed him, chto
on eats?". Ahmet answers it "Let out in the field he is fed" .
through week of Wan does for Ahmet a borsch, drink fruit liqueur, sing songs. I
darit Wan to the guest of a pig. Ahmet asks it "Than kormit
etogo the big-nosed?" Wan answers it "That itself you eat that give it everything eats. "
through comes year Ahmet to Vanya, that shows the presented lamb,
kotory turned into a huge sheep. The fat tail droops, wool shines,
sheya meter in a grasp. On the same day they slaughtered this sheep and sdelali
supersky beshparmak. In a week arrived Wan to Ahmet and tells "Nu
pokazyvay as my gift grew, now a borshchik rich we will make." I
NUT Ahmet brings the skeleton on four legs fitted by skin out of a shed,
pyatochok withered, in dim eyes life hardly glimmers. Wan in uzhase
asks "Ahmet yes as so, what happened to it, than you ego
kormish? After all same not a pig and some crouton". Ahmet otvechayet
" Well you told it that itself eat, and feed with that. Well here means, utrom
chay, during the lunchtime tea for now the dinner is made a pig fills up".

*****

There is an American across Moscow, meets the Kazakh and the Russian. At those at oboykh
nogi curve. The American asks: why you have curve feet: The Kazakh of
otvechayet:
-of 300 years on a neck at Russian, on it krivye.
u asks the Russian: and at you?
russky otvechayet:
- The heavy however Kazakh got.

*****

There is a Kazakh by rail, to him is cheerful, a song sings as him cheerfully.
szadi * Sshchiiiya...* - the train, the Kazakh looked back and further goes a song sings kak
emu cheerfully. Behind again * Sshchiiiya...*
on goes further. The train catches up with it and smears on relsam.
through year the Kazakh is discharged from hospital, the relatives arrange a holiday gotovyat
plov, put a teapot, the teapot began to boil and Sshchiiiya...*
kazakh is enough a stick and on a teapot lupit.
rodnya - You that do it
kazakh - it is necessary to kill him the still small.

*****

There is Kolobok on the wood, and towards to it crowd of boortsogs. Kolobok swears about himself: "The devil, again on
narvalsya mambet!" :-)))))))))